Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters, spells, etc. belong to JK Rowling. I made nothing original in this story except for the plot. Oh, and the songs. I wrote those, as well.
Harry Potter and the Discontinuity Factor
Act 1, Scene 3
(enter Cho, clearly distressed, crying)
Cho: (between sobs) Harry I-don't-know-your-middle-name Potter…
Harry: It's James.
Cho: Harry James Potter, you have ten seconds to explain what happened to my boyfriend before I hex your bits off!
Harry: (frightened) Now hold on Cho, you have to understand… it was… (Cho begins to tap her foot, clearly looks angered) ITWASVOLDEMORT! Voldemort's… back, and HE killed Cedric-
Cho: (immediately) Oh, what a load of Hippogriff dung! You already killed Voldemort, so how could he come back? … YOU killed him, didn't you?!
Harry: What? That's ridicu- (Cho cuts him off)
Cho: Oh, don't even try to tell me otherwise! You knew that Cedric was stronger, smarter, hotter, and better than you'd ever be, so you portkeyed the two of you away. Then you killed him and made up this ludicrous story about Voldemort returning, thinking, "Oh, look at me, I'm the Boy-Who-Fucking-Lived, no one will question me, so nyah!" (makes faces) I'm on to you, Potter. You better watch out, wouldn't want anything to happen to you… (turns and walks away dramatically, but stops halfway) or your bits…
Harry: (yelling, angry, almost mockingly) Oh yeah! Well what does your precious Cedric have now? He's dead! What's he got over me now?
Cho: (menacingly) … he's still hotter than you. Moreso than you could ever be, even with magic. (exit Cho)
Harry: …(continually opens and closes his mouth, as if trying to think of a comeback, but failing miserably)… (enter Ron and Hermione)
Ron: Bloody hell, mate. This is pretty nasty. At this point, you're in an even worse position than you were with the Basilisk. So… In case you die, can I have your Firebolt? (Hermione hits Ron) Ow! What was that for?
Hermione: Now is NOT the time, Ronald. So, Harry, is it true? Is You-Know-Who back?
Harry: Well… (enter Draco)
Draco: Well, if it isn't I-Get-Everything-I-Want Potter. So how are you going to spend the blood money, hmm? Maybe you'll buy yourself another house, or some decent friends at least?
Harry: Shut up, Malfoy. I'm not in a good mood right now.
Draco: Oh no, Serial-Killer Potter is down in the dumps. Whaddaya gonna do, kill me too? Maybe rent my body out to all the women at Hogwarts so that they can all get a taste of Draco?
Harry: What, no, ew. Look, I didn't kill anyone, it was Voldemort, so-
Draco: Blah blah blah, I am super guilty. Anyways, I see now that you do have some darkness in you. So once you want to embrace your evil and join my quest for power, come see me. (turns and walks away dramatically)
Harry: Can I ever get a break around here? (sigh) (enter Luna)
Luna: (dreamily) Hello, Harry. Hello, Ron and Hermione.
Harry: (head hung in defeat) Hello, Luna. What are YOU doing here?
Hermione: Yeah, I thought this was a main characters-only scene. (curious)
Luna: Oh, not at all. Any character can get a cameo if they so desire it. So, Harry, I see you have some Mugwumps circling your head like vultures. These are the creatures that causing you so much distress. May I help you get rid of them?
Harry: (sigh) Sure, whatever. Work your magic. (Luna squeezes Harry's shoulder, Harry falls over, as if sleeping)
Luna: There, now you're ALL better.
Ron: Bloody hell! What did you do to him, Loony?!
Luna: Vulcan nerve pinch. I saw it on TV once. He'll be better in the morning, he just needs to sleep the shock of tonight off. (begins to leave)
Hermione: Wait, Luna! (Luna stops) What are Mugwumps?
Luna: I made them up. Just a way to get Harry to drop his guard. (points at Harry) He seems uncomfortable lying there. You may want to take him up to his room. (exits)
Ron: (to Hermione) I'll never understand that girl… (Ron and Hermione drag Harry offstage by his arms)
Scene 3 End
A/N: Happy New Year's Eve, y'all!
Enjoy, review, pick the story apart, tell me what's good, and so on and so forth.