Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters, spells, etc. belong to JK Rowling. I made nothing original in this story except for the plot. Oh, and the songs. I wrote those, as well.
Harry Potter and the Discontinuity Factor
Act 1, Scene 5
(enter Great Hall, where Ron, Hermione, Ginny, Draco, Cho, Luna, Fleur, Viktor, and extras are already sitting) (enter Harry)
Harry: (stretching) Ugh. Man, what a night. I feel as if I was knocked unconscious. And dragged through the gardens. (Ron and Hermione look at each other, Luna giggles) Worst night of my life. (Harry sits with the Gryffindors) (Harry looks over at Cho, who just glares at him)
Hermione: Don't worry about Cho, Harry. She's just really messed up about Cedric's death. Given some time, she'll get better, and won't want to kill you.
Ron: Yeah, and who needs her anyway? You could have any girl at school, so just set your sights on another girl and start snogging. (Ginny walks over from her seat and stands behind Harry)
Ginny: Yeah, Harry. Just remember, (puts her hands on Harry's shoulder, puts her head closer to his) I'm always willing to help you out. (giggle and a smirk)
Harry: (turns around with a surprised, slightly frightened look on his face) Um… O…k… Ginny. I'll… keep that in mind. (turns back around slowly) (Ginny goes back to her seat, keeps watching Harry)
Ron: Man, what is her deal? Always getting so close to Harry, constantly in his face, getting worried about the dangerous life-threatening things we do as children, it's baffling, really. (Hermione rolls her eyes)
Hermione: (now looking worried) Hey, Harry, do you want to, y'know… talk about what happened last night with You-Know-Who?
Harry: (stiffens, then loosens and sighs) Maybe later, but not now. It's too fresh, I'm gonna start crying or yelling, and I can't do that, because I'm tough. I'm the Boy-Who-Lived, for Rowling's sake, I'm supposed to be the strong role model.
Hermione: Well, alright, when you want to talk, remember that I'm here to listen. (pats Harry on the shoulder)
Harry: (smiling) Thanks Hermione. You're an awesome friend. (Ron clears his throat) Yes, you too, Ron. I'll be sure to let you know the story too. (Luna leaves her seat and approaches Harry) Oh, hello Luna.
Luna: (dreamily) Hello, Harry. I imagine you slept well after I ridded you of your Mugwumps.
Harry: Actually, yeah, I feel a lot better than I did before. Thanks, for whatever it was you did.
Luna: Oh no, the pleasure was all mine. Always willing to help my new friends. (big smile)
Harry: Yeah, it's great to have friends like you, Hermione, Ron, and Ginny. You're always there to help me out. (looks from one friend to another) Thanks, all of you. (Ginny returns)
Ginny: Hey, Hermione, Luna, can I talk to you two for a moment, (agitated) in private?
Hermione: Sure, Ginny, but what's this all about?
Ginny: (quickly and rudely) There's time for explanation later! Just come on! (both girls nod and leave with Ginny)
Harry: I wonder what that's all about?
Ron: Oh, you never know with women. They're always running off in groups to talk about the hot boys around school, or their obsessions with Edward Cullen and Twilight, or their periods, or other womanly things.
Harry: I wish I had never heard that. How do you know all this?
Ron: Duh, I live with stupid Ginny, and she can't keep her trap shut when she floos to her friends. The house echoes with her squeals. Ugh.
Harry: Now I'm glad I don't have siblings.
Ron: …do you think Hermione would talk about those kinds of things? Like Twilight?
Harry: No, I don't suppose she would. Probably not her preferred reading. Why?
Ron: (nervously) Oh… just no reason at all. It's not like when I try to talk to her I get empty-headed and end making an ass out of myself as usual, so I need something to actually talk to her about. Nope. Not at all.
Harry: (unconvinced) Uh huh. Well Ron, here's some important advice from one friend to another: always treat a woman like you treat your wand.
Ron: What do you mean by that, Harry?
Harry: (like a teacher) Always keep them strapped to your hip, and use them to do mundane tasks like cooking, cleaning, or disarming your enemies.
Ron: (wide-eyed) Wow, Harry. I'm glad you're such a good mate, giving me all this help.
Harry: No trouble at all, Ron. Well, we should probably get ready for potions class. You know how Snape is when we walk in late. And by late he means a single second after the class starts.
(exit Great Hall, enter bathroom, enter Ginny, Hermione, and Luna) (song, "Harry's Gonna Be My Man", begins)
(dialogue)
Ginny: (clearly angry) Alright, what the hell is up with you two? Don't you know that I am to be Harry's beloved? I don't need people like you getting in the way of my man, and my dream!
Hermione: (shocked) I have no idea what you mean, Ginny. I have NO intentions of wooing Harry.
Ginny: Oh knock of the innocent act, Hermione! We can all see how close you are to Harry.
Hermione: (defensive) It's because he's my best friend, not because I harbor feelings for Harry or think he's amazingly beautiful and brave and…(realizes what she said) uh oh…
Ginny: Aha! I knew it! You ARE trying to seduce him! Well, no way is that going to work!
Ginny: (singing)
You're trying to get in my way
So step back or there'll be hell to pay
This is my dream, my love, my life
I'm the one who's supposed to be his wife
You won't get in the way of my plan
And Harry's gonna be my man
Yeah, you won't get in the way of my plan
Harry's gonna be my man
Hermione: (singing)
Oh, give it up Ginny, he doesn't know you
And you don't know him the way that I do
I've always stood by him, through thick and thin
And through all of his struggles, where have you been?
You won't get in the way of my plan
And Harry's gonna be my man
Yeah, you won't get in the way of my plan
Harry's gonna be my man
Ginny: (singing)
Well, he's saved my life, he was so brave and kind
Why would he do that if I weren't in his mind?
I know he cares, though he may not know it now
And I'm gonna show him, some way, some how
Hermione: (singing)
Don't forget, he's saved my life too
So how can you be sure that was just for you
The Basilisk was a threat to the entire school
You think you're a princess, but you're just a fool
Both: (singing)
You won't get in the way of my plan
And Harry's gonna be my man
Yeah, you won't get in the way of my plan
Harry's gonna be my man
(dialogue)
Ginny: Okay, okay, I've heard enough already! I can't believe that you would get in the way of my one true love and I.
Luna: (dreamily) Well, you can't deny that Harry is a very attractive man. Or that he isn't dedicated or full of heart.
Hermione: (wide-eyed) LUNA?! I wouldn't have expected you of all people to be smitten with Harry!
Luna: How couldn't I be, really? I mean…
Luna: (singing)
Look at his luscious, mid-length black hair
It feels like the mane of a unicorn mare
His well-toned body, Adonis-like physique
There's no girl whose interest he doesn't pique
He's as soft as the underbelly of a kitten Sphinx
As strong and brave as the fiercest lynx
The perfect man for any straight girl to want
And even the lesbians would…
(dialogue)
Ginny: (interrupting Luna's verse) Alright, you two, enough of this! Understand this now; I will be winning Harry's heart, and there's nothing you can do about it.
Hermione: Oh really? Why don't we let Harry decide which one of us he wants, instead of just assigning yourself that position?
Both: (singing)
Harry's gonna pick me, so you better watch out
Once I open his eyes, there won't be any doubt
He'll be coming to me, and my dreams will come true
He knows he can do so much better than you
You won't get in the way of my plan
And Harry's gonna be my man
Yeah, you won't get in the way of my plan
Harry's gonna be my man
(dialogue)
Ginny: Fine! If it's a fight you want, it's a fight you'll get.
Luna: Just remember, Harry's still stuck on Cho, so all chances of getting through are zero.
Hermione: (ignoring Luna) You're on! (shakes hands with Ginny) You joining in too, Luna?
Luna: (shrugs) Sure, why not? This'll be the most fun I have all year, even moreso than this summer's Crumple-Horned Snorkack hunt. (shakes hands with Ginny and Hermione)
All: (singing)
And Harry's gonna be my man! (song end)
(song ends, enter Ron)
Ron: (nervously enters) Hey, Hermione, are you done with your… (shudders) girl talk? It's time to head to Potions class.
Hermione: Yes, Ronald, I'm ready to head out. Where's Harry?
Ron: He left without us, to save us a table with a decent cauldron.
Hermione: Alright then, I bid you, Ginny and Luna, adieu. (exit Hermione)
Ron: (looking around with awe) So THIS is the girl's bathroom… oooooh… aaaaaah. (reenter Hermione)
Hermione: RONALD! Potions, let's go.
Ron: Oh. Oh yeah! (runs off, exit Ron and Hermione)
Scene 5 End
A/N: We are now halfway done with Act 1. Hope all y'all are enjoying yourselves.
And seriously, I'd like some feedback. Otherwise, how do I know if this is any good. Maybe I should burn this, maybe I should get a cast together, but you gotta let me know. Please. That is all. Thank you.