Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters, spells, etc. belong to JK Rowling. I made nothing original in this story except for the plot. Oh, and the songs. I wrote those, as well.

Harry Potter and the Discontinuity Factor

Act 2, Scene 1

(enter dungeon chambers, with an unconscious Harry lying on the floor, in a haphazard manner) (after a period of inaction, Harry wakes up)

Harry: (rubs his head) Ow… what happened back there? Last thing I remember is a flashing light, being pushed into the Room of Requirement, and… Cho! (looks around wildly) Cho's gotta know what happened to me… Cho! Cho! (silence sets in) Wait a minute… there was a hex sent at me from behind… Cho was the only one behind me… and it was a rather feminine voice that cast the curse… was that Cho? Would she… would she do that to me? But why? (time passes) I guess my friends were right, she really has gone dark towards me. Argh, how could I not see this coming? I suppose… I just didn't want to believe it. (song, "Cho's No Good for Me", begins)

She was the most beautiful girl that I'd ever seen
Her long black hair seemed to call out to me
I've thought of her in so many of my dreams
I always thought that one day she'd come running to me
What the hell was I thinking?

She had this gaze that would make me melt inside
She always made me stare, no matter what I tried
But she was always in the arms of Cedric Diggory
I guess I should have known she'd never fall for me

I never wanted to look past the surface
Shame on me for this wasted time
I was blinded by her beauty and charms
But it seems now my eyes are open wide
And now I know, I know Cho's no good for me

My friends kept telling me to stay away from her
The girl is dangerous, and that I'd get what I deserve
But she was just too sweet, I thought I could capture her heart
But now she's captured me, and it seems a bit too tart

I never wanted to look past the surface
Shame on me for this wasted time
I was blinded by her beauty and charms
But it seems now my eyes are open wide
And now I know, I know Cho's no good for me

The whole thing was wrong, so why'd it feel so right?
She made me weak, and I fell for her lies
My friends were right, she's anything but divine
I guess she wins, she's made the fool of me this time

I never wanted to look past the surface
Shame on me for this wasted time
I was blinded by her beauty and charms
But it seems now my eyes are open wide
And now I know, I know Cho's no good for me

Draco and Cho: (from offstage, yelling) Quiet down there, prisoner!

Harry: (singing, more quietly this time)
Yes, it's decided, I see it all now
Time's better spent not chasing girls around
(speaking) Especially the ones that try to kill you. Not as hot or kinky as one would expect.

(song ends, Harry sighs)

Harry: Well, there's nothing I can do at this point. Hopefully, my friends will come looking for me. But how can they find where I am, if I don't even know where I am? (looks behind him, where a conveniently placed "Home Sweet Home: Malfoy Manor" sign is hanging from the dungeon walls) Home Sweet Home: Malfoy Manor. Well, even if they're a bunch of jerks, at least they have some style and class.

(exit dungeon, enter Dumbledore's office, where Dumbledore paces back and forth) (enter Hermione, Ron, Ginny, and Luna)

Dumbledore: (distraught) Thank goodness you've come!

Hermione: Why did you call us in here, Professor? Has something bad happened?

Dumbledore: Of course something bad has happened! Why else would I be missing Eastwick for this meeting? I mean, Kat's finally gaining her powers! Why would I miss that if it weren't important? Oh, the worst of all situations has taken place here today…

Ron: The castle is out of food? (hastily checks his pockets and finds a bag of Skittles, which he pulls out)

Ginny: Harry's put a restraining order on me?

Hermione: I don't have straight Outstanding-Plusses on my transcript?

Luna: Joss Whedon's Dollhouse has been cancelled like all of his other shows?

Dumbledore: (throws hands up in desperation) No, no, no; though Harry should probably get that restraining order. (Ginny becomes visibly displeased) Harry Potter has been kidnapped and taken from Hogwarts! (collective gasp)

Ron: But how? He's super powerful and gorgeous and beautiful and stuff. And there are like zero people willing to stand up to him, because he's the Boy-Who-Lived.

Luna: Well, there's only one person I can think of who could easily get Harry defenseless.

Dumbledore: And pantsless. Yes, it seems as if our very own Cho Chang, our Golden Boy's love interest, has joined the forces of evil, and taken Harry from Hogwarts.

Luna: I think I read this in a fanfiction once.

Dumbledore: Oh man, he's probably in a dungeon somewhere where it's all icky gross and covered in slime and dead bodies and-

Hermione: Headmaster! Now's not the time for worrying about his current situation, no matter how gross it may be. We need to go and find him, before something terrible happens to him.

Ron: Yeah, I mean, he could be in some dragon's den, or could be on an altar to be used as a sacrifice in some sort of ritual! As frightening as the possibilities are, he's our friend, and we can't leave him to die!

Dumbledore: That's the kind of spirit I expected from you kids! Now, let's go save us a Wizarding Savior. (everyone cheers)

Ginny: But where should we start looking? Does anyone know where the Changs live?

Ron: She wouldn't hide him there. She comes from a Muggle family, so they'd be sitting ducks. So it's got to be somewhere bigger, belonging to big wizarding family…

Dumbledore: My thoughts exactly, Mr. Weasley. Maybe you aren't as stupid as you look. (Ron looks pleased) Therefore I have deduced that Malfoy Manor is the most likely of places for Voldemort to keep Harry. Now, are you all ready to do a rescue mission? Of course not, you're just children, what am I thinking? Now… (points to the far side of the stage) Onward ho! (the adventurers begin walking in the pointing direction) (as they walk, a discussion occurs)

Ginny: Alright, let's go save my man!

Hermione: You mean MY man, Ginny.

Luna: What she means to say is that Harry is my man.

Dumbledore: Look, Harry's my man, end of discussion. (girls glare at Dumbledore menacingly) (characters should be offstage at this point)

Ron: Um, do you even have any idea where we're going, Dumbledore?

Dumbledore: Not at all. Onward ho!

Scene 1 End