Disclaimer: All Harry Potter characters, spells, etc. belong to JK Rowling. I made nothing original in this story except for the plot. Oh, and the songs. I wrote those, as well.

Harry Potter and the Discontinuity Factor

Act 2, Scene 3

(enter the outside of Malfoy Manor, with Dumbledore, Hermione, Ginny, Luna, Ron walking up)

Ron: (reading off a sheet of paper) After point-two miles, Malfoy Manor will be on your left. (looks up) Alright, here we are!

Hermione: (smug) So Dumbledore, what do you have to say?

Dumbledore: (begrudgingly) I guess Mapquest was a better idea than aimlessly wandering around Wizarding Britain. It just isn't as much fun this way, though. (grumble grumble)

Ginny: This is quite a magical power you have here. How does this Mapquest thing work?

Hermione: Mapquest is a modified location charm. Similar to how location charms are used to find people, this charm is used to find locations, as well as producing directions to your desired location.

Ginny: Hey, why didn't we just use a location charm on Harry? That would have made this all a lot quicker. You'd think that'd be the first thing on your mind what with your so-called infatuation with Harry, right? This shows you don't really love Harry like I do! HA! I've caught you now! What do you have to say about THAT, hm? Hm? HM? (gets all up in Hermione's face/grill)

Hermione: (incoherent stutters, trying to start a rebuttal sentence but failing gloriously)

Luna: (stepping in) Average location charms would've just led us here again, and we would've had to get directions from the Mapquest pixies anyway, Ginny. She was just skipping an unimportant step.

Hermione: (still occasionally stuttering) Yeah, that's it, Ginny… Wait, "Mapquest pixies"?

Luna: Oh sure, that charm attracts pixies who enter your brain through your ears and make you see the directions on the paper. They were catalogued in The Quibbler, issue 34. (both Hermione and Ginny stare at Luna with dumbfounded looks)

Ron: So how are we gonna get in, guys? This place must be heavily warded. We'll never be able to get in with magic. (during this time, Luna pulls out a flute)

Hermione: I suggest we split up and move around the outside of the manor, looking for a secret way in. (when Hermione is finished, Luna plays short solo) (everyone stares at Luna)

Luna: What? I'm just introducing the song. (insert instrumental song, "Super Spy Wizards and Witches")

(during song, we watch the endeavors of each person in finding a way in; every character is silent during this section)

(Super Spy Ron finds a back door, which he tries to break down. He kicks it a few times, harder each time, but it doesn't budge. Then he tries to ram it with his shoulder, but that also doesn't work. Finally, he takes a contemplative look, looks at the door curiously, then headbutts it, causing him to stumble backwards and grab his head in pain.) (exit Ron and back door)

(Super Spies Hermione and Ginny find a window on the second story section of the house, which they both point at. Both try jumping to it, in turns, but both seem to be too short to reach the window or its ledge. Then, Ginny gets an "I have an idea" look, and discusses pantomime with Hermione. Then, Ginny tries to climb onto Hermione's shoulders, but can't stay up/Hermione keeps dropping her. They keep trying this a few times, until they both fall over. They shrug to each other.) (exit Hermione, Ginny, and window)

(Super Spy Dumbledore is sitting at the front door, reading a newspaper. When Super Spies Ron, Ginny, and Hermione, who all look frustrated and angry, enter, Dumbledore looks up and laughs at them. Dumbledore gives them all a pat on the head or a hair ruffle, then leads them offstage) (exit four spies)

(Super Spy Luna walks onstage in front the front door and pulls out flute again. Super Spy Flute Solo ® ensues. After solo, a loud unlocking noise is heard, as is the door opening sound from Legend of Zelda. The other spies come onstage, all wearing confused looks, while Luna smiles on. Cautiously, Ron, turns the door handle, and the door opens easily. Finally, the group does a Charlie's Angels pose.) (End song)

Dumbledore: (entering the door) …alright, we're in! (all enter, scene change to Malfoy Manor common room) Now, be very, very quiet, we're hunting Harrys. (Spy Force Five sneaks across room, looking around cautiously)

Hermione: Man, I hope Harry is okay. Who knows what they might be doing to him…

Ginny: (angered) Oh, so you're the only one who cares about Harry, is that it? I don't want him hurt either, moreso than you want it.

Hermione: (surprised) Ginny! I'm looking out for him as a friend, okay? Why do you insist on making these confrontations with me over Harry? It's just stupid!

Dumbledore: Shut up, you two, or you'll blow our cover!

Ron: Hold on, everybody, do you guys hear something? (everyone stops)

Cho: (from offstage) You were right, this IS more fun. Crucio! (Voldemort screams in falsetto, as does Bellatrix)

Ginny: That's Cho! Could she be… torturing Harry?

Hermione: Well, we won't know until we investigate. Let's go see what's up… (all of them walk offstage, then almost walk back on stage, where the scene has become Voldemort's room, with a slightly open door separating the groups, with Voldemort and Bellatrix on the ground, Cho sitting in Voldemort's throne chair, and a frightened trio of Draco, Snape, and Moody hugging the wall)

Cho: Now, what to do with all this power? All the possibilities, all the available access to torture devices… Harry Potter, you will wish you'd never been born!

Voldemort: Why are you still on about the damned boy? You need to focus on something of grander magnitude, I mean look at all the power you have! And you're just going to waste it on some child?

Cho: When I want your opinion, Voldemort, I'll ask for it! Now shut up!

Voldemort: (sigh) Yes, my lady.

(in whispers)

Ginny: Oh my wizarding gods! Cho Chang is ruling over Voldemort? This is… improbable! Impossible, in fact!

Luna: The reign of the Dark Lord has ended, the reign of the Dark Lady begins.

Ron: Wizard needs food badly… (holds his stomach)

Hermione: Honestly, Ronald, can't you stop being hungry for ten minutes?

Ginny: Guys, not the time or place. We've got to get Harry out of here, away from harm! Do you hear Cho's scheming? (the quintet quietly leaves, but Ron accidentally hits the door, which goes unnoticed by all but Draco, who looks towards the door)

(enter the dungeons, where Harry is sitting, cradling his legs, looking out) (enter the quintet)

Hermione: Harry! Harry! Are you alright? (embraces Harry)

Harry: Hermione? Ron? Ginny, Luna, and Dumbledore, too? It's so good to see you again! But what are you doing here?

Dumbledore: We're saving your ass, what does it look like? Can't leave you to rot in this dump.

Ginny: C'mon Harry, let's go! We don't have a lot of time!

Harry: What, is Voldemort coming to finish the job? Because I'm not backing down at this point. (pulls out wand)

Luna: Voldemort's the least of your worries at this point. But we should explain it later, when we're out of here.

Harry: What are you talking about, Luna?

Ron: There's someone more powerful than Voldemort plotting against you right now. But like the others said, let's get the hell out of here! We've got to regroup with the other people from Hogwarts to form a defense.

Draco: (coming in from offstage, wand at the ready) I'm afraid I can't let you do that. You're all staying here, under the orders of the Dark Lady.

Scene 3 End