Hey, guys! Sorry it has been awhile, but here's a new chapter, and the longest one I've written so far. Read below to see how Tsunade gets her butt handed to her. I call it poetic justice.
**Standard disclaimer applies. Yippeeee...
Minato looked over at his young nephew in a combination of awe and irritation. Yesterday, he'd just beaten one of the Legendary Sannin in less than one minute. She'd let him have the first move and had then never gotten to her own. The whole thing had been no contest.
Naruto had used the Sexy Jutsu.
"Alright, little brat, I tell you what. I feel like being generous today, so I'm going to let you make the first move. Go ahead, pipsqueak. Let's see what's got the pervert over there--" she nodded towards Jiraiya, "--so bent out of shape."
The boy smiled innocently and said, "Suit yourself, old hag. Sexy Jutsu!"
POOF!
All of a sudden, instead of a13-year-old, a young (and VERY well-built) man with dark hair and dark eyes was standing in his place. Fully nude.
Tsunade flew back as the blood shot out of her nose and landed several yards away with a perverted grin all over her face. Naruto walked up to her and lightly tapped her on the top of her head with his fist. "Gotcha." And then he walked away without a backwards glance. No one said a word as he passed them to head back into town.
It took Tsunade a few hours to recover.
When they'd all found the kid after getting her back on her feet, he'd managed to gamble an expensive hotel suite out of a manager, as well as the rubber balls so that Obito could get the next step of Rasengan down. No one, least of all Rin--ahem--had mentioned the incident after that.
That night, both he and Jiraiya had tried to speak with his nephew regarding his ridiculous level of knowledge, but no luck; he and Obito were too busy jumping on the bed and singing, "I've Been Working on the Railroad" and "I'm a Little Teapot" for them to get a word in edge-wise. After the events of the day, it was really too much, and the two leaders had laughed and eventually joined in.
They were later charged for the bed. Apparently, it was not built to handle the weight of two grown men and two ramen-freak boys. Oops.
And that was only one of the amusing parts of the day. They'd also had a visitor.
There they all were, rubbing the backs of their heads in embarrassment as they eyed the now practically shattered bed frame (Kakashi and Rin just shook their heads and walked out of the room to get away from them, Obito slyly following along to get out of trouble), when a voice Minato had certainly never heard before announced its owner's presence.
"Wow, Naruto, you really do change everyone you come across...for better or worse," the person joked. (Well, somewhat joked. There was some truth to what he'd said, after all.)
As both Jiraiya and Naruto jumped three feet in the air (with a certain pervert letting out a very girly shriek), Minato spun around and had one of his three-pronged kunai in his hand as quick as lightning--being the Yellow Flash, and all--as he turned to face the intruder. The man with brown hair didn't seem to be anything special with his grey pants and light green shirt; nothing screamed "threat," but in spite of his civilian appearance, there was something about him that said this man was not at all ordinary.
Brown eyes stared back into his glacial blue ones and smiled. "Hi!"
"Ayu!" Naruto called out, but his excitement soon turned to confusion. "Uh, what are you doing here? In, um, real life and all?"
Real life? Huh? Where else would he be--in a video game? He reprimanded himself. I can figure out all that later! Concentrate, Minato! The guy with unbelievable powers and brought my nephew back from the dead, is standing right in front of us. Spacing out right now would be DUMB. "Ayu, huh. Well, what do you want?" His eyes narrowed in suspicion. Although, he looked more stupid than dangerous...
The man simply laughed. "Just wanted to ask Naruto how he's doing and meet the two he holds highest in his esteem. Well, aside from the perverted tendencies of this one, anyway," he added, pointing at the sannin with his thumb. With that, he sat on the collapsed bed as the others continued to stand and stare at him.
"Doing great, Ayu-san!" his nephew piped up with a slight warble in his voice. Heh, sounds like his voice is starting to change. At that thought, the Yellow Flash shuddered. That meant the youth was nearing puberty. And...he was the only family member around to give him The Talk. Just the thought was enough to make his face flame in embarrassment as he groaned out loud.
The trio turned to look at him. "Uh, Minato, you ok, man?" his old sensei asked with a small bead of sweat trailing down his face.
The jonin's eyes snapped to his old sensei. Oh. Right. Gotta stop spacing out like that. Bad idea. Bad, bad, bad......and yet I'm still doing it. Maybe the purple paint was affecting his brain or something. Wait a minute. He'd forgotten to wash it out. CRAP! No wonder people on the streets were staring at him! Crap, crap, crap! And there was always the chance that it wouldn't wash out, anyway--he'd never forget that itching powder incident.
"HEY! SENSEI! WAKE UP!" Ah, yes, there went his little mischief-maker of a nephew/student now.
...
Darn it, he'd spaced out again! "What, Naruto?" He did his best to make his voice sound bored instead of dazed and,um, scared (about the hair, of course).
"Introduce yourself to Ayu, old man!"
"OLD! I'll have you know I'm only 23!" That comment was enough to break him out of daydream-mode, as Kushina liked to call it.
The strange brunette chuckled. "No worries, Naruto. I already know all about him. Although, I have to admit that I find it very interesting to hear he has a nephew."
Said nephew paled so slightly that Minato almost didn't notice as the boy scratched the back of his head. "Yeah, small world, huh? Hehe..!"
Something was definitely going on, but what?
"So, I take it that means he doesn't know about your father yet?" Ayu added, a smile on his face and amusement in his voice. Minato felt like he was missing something important, very important.
Naruto gulped. "Uh, no, and I'd appreciate it if it stayed that way, please."
"Why? Don't you trust him?"
"That's not the point, you know," he replied, muttering.
The stranger hummed. "Well, like I said, it's up to you. And anyway, that's not what I came here to tell you--a piece of advice, if you will."
"Alright, what do you want with the little brat?" Jiraiya broke in suddenly. Poor guy was probably frustrated because he was almost certainly going to have to pay for the busted furniture, the "brat" had chased off the love of his life, and the entire conversation was keeping him from his research. On top of that, this weirdo had popped up out of nowhere. Most shinobi tended to get a wee bit testy when snuck up on.
But rather than be offended at the sage's tone, the man's brown eyes seemed to laugh. "Oh, nothing much. I just wanted to tell him that it'd be a good idea to take a look at a certain seal of his. That's all," he shrugged. But the way he'd mentioned whichever seal he was blabbering on about let Minato and his former teacher know that something suspicious was up.
Naruto's eyes widening almost imperceptively confirmed their thoughts. "What seal are you talking about, exactly?"
"THE seal," Ayu responded, eyes suddenly serious and no longer lit with laughter.
The younger blonde cursed and muttered that he thought they'd gotten rid of "It."
"Don't blame me for it coming back, Naruto. You ARE the one who placed a Restoration Seal on top of it, remember? Besides, it's just the seal itself; there is nothing behind it."
Seemingly reassured, the youth wiped the sweat off of his forehead. "Well, at least that's done and over with, then." The boy's eyes became sad as he amended his statement. "For now, anyway."
As Jiraiya just watched the two speaking in confusion, the jonin closed his eyes to concentrate. There were a few things he wanted to ask this mysterious man, but he needed to be careful with how he worded his questions; this required subtlety--
"WHO THE HECK ARE YOU AND HOW DO YOU KNOW NARUTO!" Never mind. Good work, Sensei, you idiot, Minato thought dryly. The man couldn't have kept his mouth shut for ten more seconds? Seriously...
But Ayu didn't seem the least bit offended. "My name, you already know. And Naruto met me a little over a month ago when he killed himself."
The men blinked. "Uh," the Yellow Flash began, "the kid's not dead."
With that, the boy himself laughed a little. "I told you already that this guy brought me back to life. What, did you think I meant it metaphorically or something?"
He stared in shock. "Of course we did! People don't just come back from the dead!"
"It's impossible!" the sage agreed.
"Wrong," Naruto replied emphatically. "I've seen it before and now have experienced it for myself. It's not impossible. Although, the one that I saw cost the old woman her life." He turned to the brunette. "So how'd you survive it?"
Ayu smiled. "Not telling, but Naruto...you really should refrain from running your mouth so much," he said. And then he disappeared the same way he had shown up--with no smoke, no sound, and no evidence that he had ever been there in the first place.
And these were the kinds of people his nephew liked to hang around.
That had all taken place yesterday, and he and his former master had still been reeling from the information overload even as everyone had pulled out their sleeping bags.
And now...now it was five in the morning and the Boy Wonder (in froggy pajamas, no less) had sat up, taken out his notebook, and was creating what looked like a new seal.
Kid hadn't been awake an hour and already he was working. And the lamp he'd turned on for light was doing a nice job of keeping Minato awake, too. Wonderful. It wasn't as though he'd already spent the entire night tossing and turning. Oh, no, he was perfectly rested. No problem.
He groaned. "What now, Naruto?"
"Hmm?" the blonde piped up in surprise. "Oh, this? Um, I just figured I'd add a seal to my body to store extra chakra. That way, when I run out, I can just access it and be ok. But I'm having a little trouble designing the thing and I've been working on it since last week."
Ah! A mystery! Minato (in his own set of froggy pajamas, ahem) hurried over to see and hummed. "I can see why it's giving you trouble. You'd think ones like this would be simple, but they actually require Level 10 knowledge. Seals are meant to store things; chakra's very different from a tangible object, after all."
"Huh? Tangi-what?"
The man blinked. "Tangible. It means that you can touch it. Intangible is the opposite; it's something you can't touch."
"Oh! Ok. Well, can you help me with this thing? I think I've gotten it mostly finished, but there's something wrong in the left quadrant; I just don't know how to fix it."
He looked over it and saw what his nephew meant. With seals of this nature, regardless of its shape, each line had to flow perfectly with all the others in order to work. But he couldn't just change all of them as he saw fit; every shape had a specific purpose, after all. And there was just one, tiny bit of it sticking out from the rest.
"I see...the Release Valve is in the right proportions, but it's not connected to the Stop Valve, so if you did put chakra in it, it'd send it right back out again. And you can't exactly flip either one around, either, since they also have to connect to the Containment section and Blood Seal. Hmm."
They worked on it for half an hour before a thought struck the older Namikaze. "Hey, add a second Containment Seal there and give yourself extra storage? You could add a second Release Valve on top of that and have a seal that holds twice the chakra."
Blonde eyebrows rose. "Whoa, you're right! It's perfect!" he yelled, waking everyone else--except Obito--up. Ignoring them, the young jonin carefully removed the newly-created seal, took off his pajama top, placed the paper on his shoulder, and ran chakra through it, closing his eyes and gritting his teeth in agony the entire time.
He thought it was strange that his nephew would place a paper version on himself rather than painting it on, but his confusion vanished when it started smoking. Naruto wasn't simply attaching it; he was burning it into his own skin. As Minato and the others in their pajamas (minus Obito) watched the teen sweat, the seal stopped smoking and glowed for a moment.
It was finished and its creator and now bearer collapsed back onto his sleeping bag panting heavily. "Ouch," he managed to croak before passing out.
It was 6:00 in the morning. They'd give him until 7:00 to wake up before tossing him in the tub. Minato really, really hoped he'd still be asleep; he wanted some payback after that whole paint incident. It'd taken him hours to get all the stuff out of his hair!
...and Kakashi still hadn't noticed his own multi-colored locks. That almost made the entire thing worthwhile.
But to his disappointment, Naruto woke up just 10 minutes later and managed to rouse Obito--by flinging him out of his sleeping bag--and immediately handed him one of the rubber training balls he'd won the day before.
"Here," he told the chunin, "this is what you want to do with it."
POP!
"Don't use the Shadow Clone Jutsu tomorrow; we'll continue that training after we get back, and I'd better remove that seal." Two minutes later, it was gone. "You've got till we reach the border to pop the rubber ball, since we don't want the enemy getting wise to whom we really are. Right?" he checked with his uncle.
"Right," Minato replied. "As soon as we've left the town, those who know how will use the...um..." Wow, it was so hard to get it out!
"The what, Sensei?" Rin asked, curious.
"...the Sexy Jutsu." His voice was small and clearly embarrassed. How humiliating to be subjected to that.
Naturally, Naruto and Obito laughed, as did Jiraiya. Until the sage actually tried it. Naruto had tried to teach everyone in the group the technique during the first few days of their trip, but only the legendary pervert had really shown much interest; the others would simply have temporary seals placed on them, curtesy of the three Seal Masters in their group. Whatever came from that would be their own faults. And how strange that some of his nephew's more interesting tendencies were rubbing off on him!
Except for certain attributes, such as hair and eye color, they were careful to keep most things regarding appearance the same. It would cause less confusion that way. But that's where the similarities ended. Obito got transformed into a girl with freckles and a permanent blush (Jiraiya's work, of course), Rin was actually allowed to stay a girl, but without her facial markings and with much longer hair and a more-pointed chin, and Kakashi...well, Naruto took care of that one, giving him buck teeth and fish lips but leaving the grey hair the same. Minato had never laughed so hard. Till he saw Jiraiya, that is.
The sage simply couldn't pull it off.
Every time he'd tried, he'd ended up with what looked to be a 60-year-old woman with bloodshot eyes, scraggly white hair, a giant nose with a couple of warts on top of it, wrinkles galore, and sagging breasts. Poor Jiraiya. He'd cried as soon as he'd looked in a mirror (compliments of the only true female in the group), moaning about life being unfair. Obito had pointed and laughed until tears leaked from his eyes, and even Kakashi had gone suspiciously red-faced from holding back chuckles.
But the laughter stopped one day from the border.
Iwa had crossed over into Hi no Kuni.
Jiraiya was minding his business, not bothering anyone at all, even the ladies bathing in the river just outside of the gambling town they'd stayed at--well, mostly, that is--when some Iwa jerks had decided to attack a group of patrolling shinobi from Konoha. And then the "minding my own business" mindset was out the window.
Thankfully, it was a nice and woodsy area, so there was plenty of cover to watch and sneak around in. The group hid behind a nearby set of bushes and trees about a dozen yards away the second they saw the fight, and then they realized their allies were outmatched and outnumbered with a strike force of 15 Iwa and 4 Konoha nins. Time to step in.
Naruto jumped in almost immediately after creating several dozen Shadow Clones and transforming them to look like nothing more than squirrels and sending them in to attack and pull them away from their allies. (Thankfully, the fighters were too busy to notice the sudden chakra spike.) Minato pulled out and readied some of his three-pronged kunai, Obito began gearing up for a fire jutsu, Kakashi pulled out a kyoketsu shoge from nowhere--darn thing looked wicked--and Rin stayed back, as all good medics were taught to do unless needed.
And he, Jiraiya, tried not to giggle as he realized that each person with a seal was still in a transformed state. They looked like a bunch of idiots pulling weapons from invisible stashes, since they didn't have the physical changes that the Sexy Jutsu gave. And with that thought, he got into action, forming his student's technique, the Rasengan, in the palm of his left hand and pulling out a few shuriken in his right. All that happened in the space of five seconds.
He nodded at Minato and the two of them waited along with the real Naruto for his clones to get closer.
3...
2...
1...
POP! While the rest of the group charged, the clones transformed back into their blondie states and the ones that didn't slam their fists into the enemies' faces grabbed ahold of their weapon hands and twisted.
It didn't hold the jonin-level ninjas for long, but that was ok. Minato's kunai hit one man in the chest, and the blonde flashed over, yanked it out, and slammed it back into the man's heart in less than an instant. Kakashi's weapon swung through the air at the end of its chain and the double-bladed object ripped and sliced everything it touched; the woman on the receiving end was far less appreciative of its effects, but Jiraiya's eyes went wide as he slammed Rasengan into the face of his opponent.
Blood splattered everywhere as the man's head exploded. Some of it hit the nearby Obito, whose Great Fireball Jutsu had just finished burning two enemies to a crisp, but the chunin didn't falter. Strong kid, the sage thought as he tossed his shuriken into one of Naruto's opponents arms.
But that was the most anyone got to do as Minato zipped through and removed the heads of those his nephew was restraining (all except one), since they were the only ones left alive by the time Obito's attack had barbecued his opponents.
The whole thing had taken less than a minute. He looked around and saw that Rin was leaning over one of the attacked Leaf ninjas with her hands glowing a soothing green. All things considered, it wasn't too bad; that ally had been the only one injured, even though the others were exhausted. After all, Konoha always had had higher quality shinobi than Iwa.
"Sensei," began the red-stained Uchiha, "I think I need to--" and with that, he lost his lunch. Nobody who had seen what landed on him blamed him. Nobody, that is, except Kakashi, the little twit.
"Wuss," he muttered below his breath, just loud enough for the two nearest to him, the Super Pervert and Rin, to hear.
The chunin's words weren't shocking; the boy had been a stuck-up snob ever since his father's death. No, that hadn't bothered Jiraiya at all. Rin's reaction, however, did. She stood up from finishing her healing, calmly walked up to the boy she'd had a crush on ever since meeting, grabbed his arm, and swung him into a nearby tree, leaving a fascinating Hatake-shaped indention. THAT had his jaws dropping, especially since she'd smiled the whole time.
Naruto and Minato whistled at the same time as they watched the grey-haired chunin fall to the ground unconscious. The elder Namikaze was the first to speak. "Been a little testy lately, huh."
Everyone knew why. Naruto's personal revelations--not that the teen had revealed anything regarding himself, of course--had clearly terrified the girl. And it was a well-known fact amongst those of Minato's team that when Rin got scared, Rin got pissed. Being the new kid, so to speak, the little nephew hadn't been aware of that.
Ah, but he was now! Fortunately, it wasn't directed at him, so he was safe for the moment.
Jiraiya turned to their single prisoner and reached into his bag for a special seal he liked to carry around sometimes. Just in case he had to perform an interrogation. He put it on the woman (who was really hot with her dark blue hair and grey eyes) just above her elbow and pushed a small amount of chakra into it. She stiffened before screaming.
He noticed when Obito and Rin looked away uncomfortably and especially when Naruto hung his head sadly. The blonde had probably done this before. His thoughts were confirmed when the teen spoke up.
"You don't have to do that, Jiraiya-sama. I can get the information without electrocuting her."
How'd the brat know it was electrocuting her? It's not as though sparks are flying out. Interesting... "Alright," he said, removing the seal for a moment, "what do you suggest?"
"I've got a couple of mind jutsu that will give me access to whatever memories she has. I think I'll choose the safer one, if you don't mind," he replied, much to everyone's shock.
"Wait a minute, wait a minute," Obito cut in, "I thought only the Yamanakas had techniques like that. How the heck did you learn a jutsu specific to their clan?"
"Good question, Naruto. How did you?" The boy's uncle seemed more than a little curious, a sign that he was getting irritated by all his nephew's suspicious abilities.
But the young Namikaze just sighed and said, "Look, I don't know much about the clan, but I do know that it's not a bloodline trait, which means that technically anyone can learn it. Is it that surprising to hear that someone did?"
Actually... "Yes. Yes, it is, since it's a very closely guarded secret."
"All I know is I blackmailed it out of a friend, ok? If you want to know how she got it, well, I'm sorry, but she's not exactly here anymore. Alright?" Minato's eyes narrowed as the blonde continued. "Let's just get this over with."
The woman had passed out as soon as Jiraiya had removed the seal and he had to wonder if it was better or worse for her that she was unconscious. Naruto placed his hand on her head and closed his eyes as his chakra spiked slightly for a moment. After about thirty seconds, he removed his hand and opened his eyes again.
"It was a Guerilla party. They were supposed to raid all the nearby farms, towns, villages, homes--whatever they came across--and kill every single person in their paths, even children."
Dead silence greeted that news. Even the Leaf ninjas they'd helped were quiet, although that could have been due to the fact that they'd passed out from exhaustion. Whichever.
"...Seriously, Naruto, what mind-reading techniques do you know?" Minato asked.
"The one that I just used examines memories gained over the last few days. Another one lets me view memories years old, but depending on how far it goes, it could leave the person as nothing but a vegetable."
"So, how'd you con that person into teaching you?" Jiraiya was hoping for a dramatic life-or-death match with an enemy nin to rescue the beautiful woman--and her twin sister--from the ultimate doom, and to show their appreciation, they'd taught him their techniques...among other things. It'd be perfect for his new book! Absolutely perfect!
But he was sorely disappointed.
"Hehehe, I saw her, um, making herself really happy and got her to promise that if I kept my mouth shut, she'd teach me some of her special jutsu."
Aw, darn! That's not nearly as interesting as--wait a minute...that would actually go pretty well in the book, too! I can see it now! A beautiful girl, struggling against the loneliness of life and the urges of her body-- The pervert's thoughts were interrupted by Obito's snickers.
"Wow! That's hilarious! How the heck did you get out of that one alive?"
"Ahem, I wrote it down in a scroll that would only open in the event of my death and gave it to...a friend to hold onto. Plus, I set her up with the guy she was interested in, so she actually ended up being in my debt."
A thousand perverted thoughts were running through the author's head as he pulled out his notebook, eager to get every last detail.
"Jiraiya-sensei, please put that away. We've got to send a message to the Third about this and need one of your toads."
"Huh? Oh, sure, Minato. But don't blame me if my next series is lacking in depth because you interrupted me."
Naruto snorted but didn't comment. Lately, he seemed to be taking Ayu's words about watching his mouth to heart. That reminded the self-proclaimed toad-charmer that he'd better tell Sarutobi about that little encounter as well as this one.
"Hey, Sensei! Hope you like the surprise! Be sure Inoichi treats her with extra love and attention. Iwa's beginning to stoop rather low. Anyway, got a couple of things to tell you. Ayu came to visit and mentioned something about a seal and junior blonde's father, though he didn't say the guy's name or anything. Oh, and it looks like the kid picked up some Yamanaka techniques somewhere along the way. Should I be looking into this? The whole thing's fishy."
--Jiraiya
P.S. Saw Tsunade. Sent her back to the village. When she gets there, ask her what she thought of Naruto's male version of Sexy Jutsu. You'll get a kick out of it, trust me!
With his message finished, he summoned a toad, had it swallow the surviving enemy, tied the scroll to its back, and sent it on its way with a POOF! It would arrive within a few hours, if all went well. Sarutobi kept a certain scroll and vial of blood in his office for that reason; it glowed whenever he had a message for his old teacher, and with a drop from the vial, he had instant mail.
But that all hinged on the Hokage not being distracted by, er, literature. Either way, the team would wait around until the Leaf ninjas were capable of looking after themselves again, probably for the rest of the day. In the meantime, Kakashi began to wake up.
Naruto sat next to the boy as he moaned about how much his head hurt. "You know, 'Kashi, if you shove that stick any further up your butt, it's gonna impale your brain. As it is, you're already spitting splinters."
Everything paused for about thirty seconds. Then...
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! OH, WOW, HE SO GOT YOU, ICE CUBE! OH YEAH! RIGHT ON, NARUTO! AWESO--"
One of the rescued ninjas had stood and slapped his hand over the Uchiha's mouth. "Listen, kid, I don't know who you are, but unless you want every enemy within a hundred miles breathing down our necks, I strongly suggest you shut up." With that, he removed his hand to watch those around him with his pupil-less, white eyes, typical of a Hyuuga.
Naruto turned to the now-awake man and said, "Hey, welcome back! How ya feeling?"
"Not too bad, considering." The jonin eyed the blonde boy for a moment. "You're the kid who made all those Shadow Clones, aren't you? What's your name?"
"Naruto Namikaze, at your service. Who are you?"
But the man's eyes had gone wide, very wide. "Namikaze? As in Minato Namikaze?"
The Yellow Flash himself (who had been standing behind the man the whole time) spoke next. "Yes. He's my nephew."
"Wow! Who would have guessed! Although, you two certainly do look alike. Huh. Well, anyway, I'm Hizashi Hyuuga, and I'm pleased to meet your acquaintance, Naruto and Minato Namikaze-samas." The man bowed to them both, albeit somewhat shakily. "And the others must be his well-known team, with Uchiha-san, Rin-san, and Hata--uh, sir, was your hair always those colors?"
Confused, the boy asked, "What colors?" From there, things went south; he glowered, they laughed, and then finally got the paint out. Too bad.
Hizashi continued introducing himself to their group after that. "And I assume that this is one of the Legendary Sannin, Master Jiraiya himself?"
The sage practically preened at that. "Yup, that's me!" The man bowed and thanked him and the others for all their help, since there was a good chance they would have been killed without it.
"Alright, already," Rin butted in as she handed the Hyuuga a soldier pill. "Here, this will help you regain your energy. I'm actually surprised you're up this fast, but our team has to get moving now. We're on a schedule, even if it is somewhat flexible."
After giving Obito a bit to clean himself off, compliments of a water jutsu, they left their allies behind (Jiraiya making sure to leave a strong toad just in case), got in formation with the sannin and older jonin in front and Naruto in the back, and continued onwards. But he was bothered by the entire incident. Shouldn't Orochimaru have been distracting the enemy enough to prevent this? Sure, it wasn't exactly a big battle, but the thought of catching one of the Legendary Sannin should have been enough bait to lure out every single spare man. Except, maybe they weren't the only ones using that battle as a distraction. It was disturbing, to say the least, and they only had three more guaranteed days to make it across the border.
He told his thoughts to the elder Namikaze to see his reaction. "Are you worried about your old teammate?"
"No, he can take care of himself just fine. All he'd have to do is summon Manda for a little snack." He shuddered. Never did like that giant garter snake, he muttered in his head. After all, saying it out loud could very well get him put on the creature's list of future snacks, and that would totally mess up his research.
"Hmmm...well, then we need to be especially on guard. And speaking of that," he turned around to face the rest of the group, "everyone needs to get in transformation." The man waited till everyone had obeyed, including himself. "Remember to stay in it unless specifically told not to. Based on the conflict we just got out of, it's likely that we'll encounter more enemy nins. Be very, very careful. There will be no backup for us if something goes wrong. That's why three chunin, two jonin--"
"And a partridge in a pear tree," his fellow jonin interrupted in his womanly form.
"--and one sannin," Minato continued with slightly clenched teeth, "taking this on. Now, is everyone ready?"
Yup. They were ready. Time to hit the road!...and since Obito tripped and fell flat on his face, they hit it rather literally. Just another day in the life of the outcast Uchiha. Sorry, Naruto, but I seriously doubt the kid's faking it. He truly IS as dumb as he seems.
"Hey, blonde kid!" he yelled to the youth in his cackling, granny-voice, "Got a couple questions I'd like to ask ya. Get over here."
"Yo. Whaddaya want?"
"Is there any way to improve their transformation seals to make them physical like your Sexy Jutsu?"
"Dunno. My technique is somewhat similar to the Shadow Clones, you know, and I created it by accident, anyway. I was working on the regular transformation and made a mistake in the hand seal. I put one finger in the wrong location and came up with this," he gestured towards himself. "It's not even a typical hand seal, so I wouldn't even know what to draw to represent it; I could probably do it, but it'd take months of research and practice that we don't have."
"So, the only way would be if they learned your jutsu itself. And we don't have the time for that, either."
Naruto nodded but said nothing.
"Ah well, it should be enough. No problems! No problems..." The teen jonin got back into formation and the group continued, hiding their chakra and practically crawling to the border. And what lay beyond? A living weapon. Yes, Jiraiya could definitely think of easier missions.
Naruto was not pleased. No, he was not pleased at all. The fox was dead, no doubt about it, so why was that stupid seal still on his stomach? Well, not the whole thing; it had been too sabotaged for it to have regenerated so quickly, but still, it shouldn't be there!
He'd searched for years to find out how to fix that stupid thing, but he'd only ever been able to slow it down by splicing a Chakra Absorption Seal with one that changed that chakra into healing energy; the results of that had given birth to his Regeneration Seal. Naruto had then grafted his hybrid into the thing that held the fox back so that it could hopefully gradually repair, or at least stop, the damage to it. It would have worked, too, except that Kyuubi wouldn't leave well enough alone. Guess I can't blame it for wanting its freedom, but no way was I going to let that beast out so easily.
But seriously, when he'd died, it should have disappeared. So why hadn't it? It made sense that it was finally repairing itself without the irritating demon to fight, but that was the only thing that he really understood. And even so, why hadn't he seen it while training? Ok, so he'd always kept his shirt on, so that could be explained, but that didn't make it any less annoying; the darn thing should NOT be there!
Then, he remembered what had happened to the Third when he'd fought Orochimaru. The old man had used the same sealing method and died, and yet, the seal had stayed on his skin, so...maybe it wasn't completely ridiculous.
He'd have to enter his mindscape to check and be sure that only the seal (and not the demon) was there, though. A little extra reassurance never hurt, after all. But that was something he needed to do when no one else was around.
Not happening on this mission, clearly.
Oh well. Time to pull a prank. Actually, it was time to activate a prank. He took out his notebook, turned to a page he hadn't let his father see, and pushed a small amount of chakra into the seal he'd drawn on it. The results were instantaneous.
Kakashi's underwear glowed a soft pink, and since he was just behind their two leaders, well...
"What are you laughing about?" the irritated genius snapped as he heard Obito snickering from behind him.
"Oh, nothing, nothing. Just saw something that...tickled me pink." How the boy managed to keep from bursting, Naruto didn't know, but his teammate turned back around and ignored him. He never noticed Rin's eyes become as round as saucers as she, too, saw the "light."
Things were like that for the rest of the day, with their cold and stiff companion being none the wiser. And thanks to Neji's father, his hair was no longer multi-colored. How disappointing. Now it didn't look nearly as awesome as it could've.
Darn it...
Ah, but that wasn't all he had up his sleeves. No, no. Master Pranksters simply did not stop after such a simple thing as that; their ambitions were far greater. As were their pranks.
But he had a good reason for them this time. No self-respecting ninja would be caught dead like that in enemy territory, so it added to their cover of being, well, incompetent travelers. And it would take the focus off certain aspects about themselves that they couldn't so easily change, such as the ways they carried themselves: warily, carefully, and smoothly; all signs of battle-hardened shinobi. However, the glowing underwear would surely grab their attention away from those little facts.
However, just as he was about to pull out another one of his previously-prepared seals, a puff of smoke on the side of the road caught his attention.
"Heya, Super Perv! Your toad's back."
Jiraiya turned around, an irritated expression on his face (probably from the nickname). He walked over to the creature and pulled out the message, his eyes going wide as he read it several times over. Minato walked over to him as his hands started shaking.
"This...can't be..." he muttered. "No, not...not him. He would never..."
"What's wrong, Sensei?"
He quietly handed the message to his former student who read over it and immediately paled. "Is this some kind of joke?" he demanded of the still-present toad, but it simply looked offended and croaked out an insult in its language before POOFing away. "Guess I'll take that as a no, then."
"Um," Naruto began, "what's up, guys?"
Without a word, Jiraiya took the letter from Minato and handed it to him to read. It was simple and to the point.
Nice to hear from you, Jiraiya-kun. In answer to your question, I know all about Naruto. He's not a threat to our village. Just pay his weird tendencies no mind. As for the little gift of yours, thanks. Ibiki and Inoichi are having a blast examining it. Got some recent news you're not going to like. Found a secret lab; can't access it till you and the others return, but it's probable that he's been experimenting on people there. Need to be sure before making a move. Also, Suna sends its regards; says it has located Sasori and is asking for a joint operation in taking him down. Naruto was personally requested for the assignment, so hurry up and hurry back. Show him this letter and then get back to the mission, you lazy bum. And Tsuna-chan's being a pain. Why do you think I gave her some time off in the first place?
Sarutobi
P.S. Yes, I'm pretty sure about Orochimaru. Tell no one except Minato and Naruto for now.
Ah. So that's what had their panties in a twist. Orochimaru. The very name made him sick to his stomach, to say the least. So much for the special ramen cup he'd been saving for dinner. Other than that, it wasn't something he'd lose sleep over. He shrugged and burned the paper with a small fire jutsu.
"This doesn't disturb or bother you at all?" Jiraiya demanded.
"Nope." Naruto didn't bother to explain. There was really no need to. He could see it in their eyes as the facts clicked; the strange knowledge regarding all of them that no one should have, his long talk with the Sandaime that night, and his immediate acceptance into the ranks all said that he had been the one to bring this to the Hokage's attention.
Perhaps he really should have faked a different reaction, because the sage exploded and grabbed and picked him up by his collar, making his backpack fall off and onto the dirt path.
"How dare you," he hissed as he pushed the blonde against a tree and held him there. "That was your plan all along, wasn't it? To gain the Hokage's trust and then make the village a laughingstock before taking it down, is that it? Well, if you think I'm going to let you get away with that, you've--"
"Shut it, Pervy Sage," the boy snapped back. "That monster murdered 59 innocent babies!" Shocked, Jiraiya dropped him and stepped back. "Yeah, that's right, BABIES. Not toddlers, not children, not teens or adults! BABIES! Out of 60 he experimented on, only ONE survived!" He could tell by looking in their eyes that they remembered the incident when one of their Genin teams had accidentally stumbled onto a small lab and almost gotten killed trying to open the door. And once a team of ANBU had gotten inside...there had only been that single survivor, and to that day, no one had any clue whom his parents were. Naruto knew all of this. Tenzou had eventually told him about his origins as they'd become friends; the whole time, the blonde had had to fight not to loose his lunch. Just like now.
"That's n-not true! He had nothing to do with any of that and you have no proof that he did! And you just got here, so what business is it of yours, anyway!" The toad man was shouting, his eyes glinting both dangerously and in fear that he spoke the truth.
"You would have me just ignore all that? You want me to pretend I don't know things about you and your teammates that make you uncomfortable? Did you know he's working on an immortality jutsu that will allow him to steal other people's bodies? Did you? Tell me you didn't have suspicions about the people around him just up and vanishing. Go ahead, TELL ME!"
Jiraiya looked down and closed his eyes. "It wasn't like that..." he muttered. Everyone else was wisely staying out of the argument, though their horrified expressions and whispers amongst themselves said enough for them. Naruto ignored his former/future sensei's words, because the future perv had already confessed the truth long ago.
"We'll never know how many people could've been saved if you had acted instead of forcing my hand. I've lost enough people to that snake, and I'll rip out his intestines before I lose another, so don't come crying to me about your poor teammate. Just be glad I'm not his executioner, because I wouldn't be the least bit merciful to that treacherous murderer."
Now the hermit had anything to say to that. All those around him were dead silent as they stared. And then Naruto remembered. They weren't supposed to tell the chunin about all that. Oops. But, hey, it was the sage who'd brought it up, not him, so he wouldn't be the one in trouble. Jiraiya realized it, too, apparently, as his face blanched. Double oops.
And then, after a few minutes, Minato spoke. "So, that's the whole reason why you came to Konoha. He killed someone close to you and you wanted revenge. That's all. Not for family or a better life. Just revenge." The disappointment and hurt practically dripped from his voice; it made the famous jonin look old and ragged--worn down long before his time.
Just the sight broke the teen's heart. Naruto couldn't let him think such things. "No. I thought he'd already been dealt with before I showed up. My coming to the village had nothing to do with revenge. Not that I wouldn't have killed him if given the chance, but that's one of my smaller goals."
His father's eyes seemed to light up with life again. "So, what are your goals? Better yet, what is your ultimate goal?"
"My ultimate goal? To finish what the First started. That, and to be the legacy that my father can truly be proud of in the years to come by protecting that which he held dear to him: Konoha. Now, let's all get going, ok? We kinda have a schedule to keep."
With that, they all continued on their way with him still staying behind the others (although, Jiraiya had decided to keep him company), but he--back in his transformation--whistled as he walked...and pulled out another scroll.
Obito now had a picture of a kitten glowing in purple on the back of his jacket. Why not? He'd been the one to put the seals on the clothes, after all. Besides, he was in the form of a girl. What harm could it do?
Jiraiya--in his ancient woman form--cackled under his breath as he saw both the Uchiha's jacket and Kakashi's underwear, which could only be seen glowing from behind. They spoke quietly back and forth so that the others could not hear them. Wouldn't want the boys getting wise to their newest decorations, after all.
"Geez, kid, what exactly ARE you?"
"Who, me? I'm a master assassin. Naruto Namikaze's the name! Remember it!" He wasn't lying. One of the reasons he was such an excellent negotiator, besides his somehow infectious attitude, was his infamous and yet unprovable reputation. Certain nations and individuals had learned the hard way to never even THINK of touching one of Naruto's precious people. Those who did were typically dead by sunrise with absolutely no evidence linking back to him. Only the fact that all the criminals had targeted his friends had pinpointed him as the assassin. His friend's rankings and bounties in the Bingo books had gone up just because of that (not that anyone was stupid enough to take advantage of it).
Eyebrows raised at that. "Really? I've never heard of you and I have quite the spy network." His voice wasn't particularly doubtful, but it was awfully darn curious...and still cackling. Like a cat. Like Tora. It made the blonde shudder in his mind.
He humphed out loud. "Yeah, well, I don't visit brothels, so there's half your network right there."
The wrinkles on his-slash-her face seemed to sag as his jaw dropped. "How the heck--never mind. What are your techniques?"
Naruto turned to his future/former sensei and gave him a cheeky grin (which he could pull off VERY well in his feminine form). "What, can't you guess? My physical transformation combined with my Shadow Clones make me one of the deadliest and most difficult to track assassins in the world. I'm just that good, old woman!"
"Old woman!" he yelled in outrage. Obito turned his head to look, and the sage immediately quieted down again. "I'll have you know that I'm a strong, virile male in the prime of my youth! And there's no way you're that good; I know of everyone at that level, and you, young man, I've never heard of."
"Ah, but I've heard of you...Granny. And since I can transform into any person or object that I want to and come out of it completely undetected, you'd better believe it! Here,watch this!" And with that, he created a Shadow Clone, transformed it into a bumblebee, and sent it towards Kakashi. It landed on the chunin's simple, brown jacket and started crawling up towards the boy's arm. Then...
"OWCH!"
"What's wrong, Kakashi-kun?"
"Some stupid bee stung me for no reason!" he told Rin, swatting at it as it flew away into the grass. Then, the irritated youth threw a kunai in its direction, releasing a very tiny puff of smoke that he didn't notice as he turned around and began following Minato again.
But Naruto smirked. "See? Got him without the Ice Cube even noticing. If he'd been an enemy, he'd be dead right now."
"...I see. Pretty ingenious, kid, not to mention scary. So, um, what other things can you do besides that?"
"Oh, uh, let me think." He put his chin on his hand as he thought about it. "Well, besides all those moves you saw me use in our little match and the seals that you've seen lately, there's the Rasengan, Shadow Shuriken Jutsu, a few variations of the Sexy Jutsu--"
"Whoa, wait, wait, wait. Did you just say you know a FEW variations of it?" The man was practically--no, scratch that--literally drooling.
"Uh...huh."
"..."
"..."
"Well?"
"Well, what?"
"Aren't you gonna show 'em to me?" he pleaded.
"Wasn't planning on it."
And with that, the author stopped, got down on his hands and knees, and literally began begging like a man needing water in a desert. It was really pitiful.
"ARG! Fine, I'll show you one, but not until much later. I don't want you passing out from blood loss, you old, perverted hag."
Jiraiya hung his head. "I guess you've got a point there," he sighed. "I'll wait to see it." And then he got serious. "Naruto, you've traveled all over the world before, haven't you?"
"More or less, I suppose." That much was definitely true, as he'd been sent on more than one diplomatic mission to other nations. Even with his brash and abrasive manner, he'd managed to set up more treaties and trade alliances than almost any other ambassador in Konoha's history. There was just something about the blonde that people couldn't help but like or, at the very least, highly respect. And that was only counting the men. The women were just a wee bit different.
"Well, I-I need to know. Have you ever visited the Hidden Rain Village?"
That brought his (or her, whichever) head up. "Amegakure? Why?" Had to be about--
"Because," he unknowingly interrupted the thirteen-year-old's thoughts, "I wanted to know how things are there--if you've ever met...a friend of mine."
Yup. That's what it was about, alright. Nagato. "I have visited there," (which was completely true) "but about the only thing I remember about it is seeing this guy with these weird eyes and this woman with blue hair who was constantly making stuff out of paper." (That part was only half true; he had met them, but not quite the way he'd described.)
But he knew enough of Nagato's history to bluff his way through this, no problem.
Jiraiya turned to him suddenly and grabbed him by the shoulders, causing everyone else to turn around and look. Naruto signaled to them to keep walking as the man holding him started rambling a thousand miles an hour. "You've seen them! How long ago was it? How were they doing? Are they happy? What awesome techniques did you see them use?"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Pervy Sage! One thing at a time! How long ago was it? Huh. Don't really know, but not too long; a couple of years, maybe? And they seemed ok, but the guy with the weird eyes didn't look too great. Don't really know why, but I get the impression something bad happened. And the only technique that I saw is that the girl made a giant bird to transport herself and the guy to another location."
The man was just staring at him. "A couple of years ago? Kid, that's not possible. They've been dead for at least that long. There's no way you could've seen them."
"Huh?" Of course, he knew what his sort-of sensei was talking about, but it would be just a liiiittle awkward explaining how.
"They were attacked and killed two and a half years ago. No one survived. Are you sure of what you're saying?"
Ah, so he was wanting to either test him or was just really hopeful that his students had survived. Fine. He'd go along with it. He began to explain as they started walking again. "Well, I hate to tell you this, but those two were alive, alright. Not gonna say they were in the best of shape, but they were definitely still breathing. Come to think of it, it did look like they'd been in a fight, and there was some old, wrinkly guy trying to run off without getting caught. Hmm...it's hard to remember." He shook his head, trying to make it look as real as he could. "If you give me a few minutes, I can probe my memories and see if maybe I can tell you more."
"W-what? Probe your memories? Is that one of those mental techniques you know?"
"Huh? Oh, those? No, not at all, although, I suppose it is similar, since it does the same thing. Except, it's my own mind, not someone else's, and no one taught it to me; I learned it a long time ago when I got thrown off a cliff."
Jiraiya choked. "Thrown off a cliff! And you survived? How'd that--"
"I'd reeeally rather not get into that, ok? Anyway, you wanna know or not?"
"...right." He turned to the group walking a good bit in front of them. "Hey, Minato!" The addressed man turned around. "We'll catch up with you in a bit! 'K?" The other jonin nodded as they continued onwards. "Alright, brat, you've got your few minutes."
He sighed. He'd wanted to be alone when he did this, but everything should be fine. Naruto had yet to sense anything worrying about his seal, so...why not? Plus, if he was going to tell anyone whom he really was, it'd be the toad sage. As perverted as the guy was, he also happened to be one of the most intelligent and wise. If told, he'd be smart and keep it to himself, and maybe he'd even end up helping out. And he might not find out, anyway. It was worth a shot.
He walked over to a tree and sat down, dropped the transformation, breathed deeply a few times to make sure he was calm, and closed his eyes...
When Naruto opened them again, he looked up to see he was standing in front of the fox's old cage, except that now it was empty. The bars were bent and looked as though a great force had tried to push its way through--which was exactly what had happened--and on the door was a slip of paper that looked like it had been practically shredded at one point. The word "Seal" was barely legible. Just above that was another piece of paper, and on it was the word "Restore." Out of the second seal flowed healing, green chakra, and everywhere it touched, the bars were straightening and the other seal was strengthening.
Ayu was right; it was gradually taking care of itself. Heck, the last time Naruto had seen it, half the bars were broken and the primary seal was barely more than a scrap of paper. Still, it wasn't like he really needed it now. There was nothing for it to hold back.
"Aaaaanyway," he said to no one in particular, "now that the scenic tour is over, I have a memory to find." And with that, he sloshed through the water, left the chamber and headed to the right. In the past (or future, whatever), once he'd realized what was happening with the demon and weakening seal, he'd gone there to take a walk through his memories to find out what had caused it. Since then, he had used that ability to help him remember all sorts of things, such as where he'd put his house keys. Very useful. He forgot them all the time.
The hallway was long, stretching farther than his eyes could see, and on one side was a door. The thing looked like it was made with a powerful, reinforced, black steel, and there was no doorknob of any sort; it didn't need one. Naruto placed his hand on the side and it opened hesitatingly with a squeak of its hinges. Ino had told him it was an indication of his stupidity. She was probably right.
When he walked in, he saw a large room with nothing in it except a long, wooden table with pictures and various objects strewn all over it. None of it was in any particular order--another sign of his lack of intelligence, he'd heard--but the former jinchuuriki typically knew where to look, anyway. He began rummaging through a pile on the far left corner of the table where he "kept" some of his most important moments. Every picture he touched brought a set of memories to his mind.
His and Hinata's first fight was among them.
"...can't believe you, Naruto! Neji almost wet his pants when Ibiki came to question him! And stop snickering! It's not funny!"
"Hehehe yes, it is!"
"Oh?" she demanded, "and just what makes it so funny?" Her hands were on her hips, clearly expecting nothing but nonsense to spew out of his mouth.
"Aw, come on! It was the perfect prank! It didn't hurt anyone. Plus, it gave Ibiki something to do, didn't it? Old man was getting bored out of his mind, and let me tell you that's not a good--"
"CAN IT! My cousin was terrified! And you, the one he calls one of his best friends, set him up for it! What were you thinking, stealing his underwear and putting it in Tsunade's desk in place of her sake like that? AND STOP LAUGHING!"
"C-can't...help...it!" he gasped out as he held his stomach and cracked up.
Hinata's eyes narrowed as she closed the gap between them. "You are going to apologize, do you hear me? Or you'll be sleeping on the couch for a month!"
His jaw dropped. That meant no, er, nice and comfy blankets. Yeah. Blankets. "Hinata, you can't be serious!" But she was. And then, he thought of how he might use this to his advantage. "What if I apologize within the next thirty minutes?" he asked in that low tone that always sent shivers down her spine.
She turned a deep red as she explained to him exactly what his reward would be.
Neji had his apology five minutes later.
Naruto chuckled as he placed the photo back down on the table. It was one of his favorite memories, in fact, because it showed Hinata's spirit so clearly. But it wasn't the one he was looking for, unfortunately.
His fingers touched another picture, and the images were far less pleasant.
"You're actually serious about this..."
"Yeah, I'm serious. I intend to kill you."
"Do you...no longer consider me your friend! Everything we did together as Team 7, was it all just meaningless to you!"
"...No. It was not meaningless. To me, you have become...my closest friend."
Naruto hurriedly put the picture back down. Just the memory of those words sent a chill down his spine, now that he knew exactly what Sasuke was trying to get. The Mangekyou Sharingan. And the only way to get it? To kill his best friend. Once he'd understood the implications years later, he'd been horrified and had puked his guts up for hours. And with the amount of ramen he had just finished eating, there was a lot to puke up.
With that, he moved onto the next one and found exactly what he was looking for. It was in this, his most important pile, not because of how much Nagato's words had impacted and changed his life, but because it was the first time he'd ever spoken to someone he could truly call "Father." The boy/man had only gone there to check his facts and make sure he didn't screw up anything he told Jiraiya. But seeing those memories again had both healed and given him the resolution needed to keep trying, no matter the consequences.
Because if he kept changing things, there was a chance that the people he knew and loved...
...might cease to exist forever.
And that was worse than death. But he'd been reminded that nothing worthwhile is without risk and sacrifice. Some things SHOULD be changed! So he picked up the photo and held it as words half-forgotten echoed in his mind and his very soul.
After all, they were the children of prophecy. It was their job to change things, no?
Jiraiya waited nervously for the blonde boy to wake up. For one thing, the rest of the group was getting further ahead. And for another, he was just plain impatient. If Nagato at least truly was still alive...! Not that he didn't hope the others were ok, as well, but it was him! He was sure of it. The prophesied one who could flip the nations around.
So he watched as emotions flowed over the boy's face like rain. First, there was a sense of surprise, then happiness, then something clearly perverted (and where the heck did THAT come from, anyway?), and after that, sadness. As the boy's face continued to change, something about that sadness stayed with the lecher. Sure, the kid had had a hard life, so that shouldn't have been a surprise.
But still. To imagine this happy-go-lucky blonde near tears...it sent a cold chill down his spine.
Just as he was considering slapping the kid to wake him up (3 minutes being a looooong time, and all), his favorite student's nephew opened his eyes.
"Heya, Perv!" were the first words out of his mouth. What a coincidence that they were also insulting.
"Well?" he insisted.
With a smile, the teen told his story. There had been a battle and he'd gotten there shortly after it ended; all across the field, bodies had been strewn, and the most shocking part? A good number of them seemed to be from Konoha. That had the lecher clenching his hand till his nails pierced his hand. Naruto had seen the girl and the guy with the weird eyes escape on a paper bird that she'd created, but they'd been carrying the body of an orange-haired teen with them. After that, he said he'd felt uncomfortable being there and decided to high-tail it to a safer location.
Along the way, he'd met a man who called himself Danzo. He, too, had a Hidden Leaf headband. "I got curious about the dude. I mean, everyone else from there had been killed; I wanted to know what had happened and all. But I got the feeling he wouldn't be too happy to answer me while he was awake, so..."
"You did your little mind jutsu on him, didn't you?" While Jiraiya was horrified at the events, he also couldn't help but be just a little bit impressed. And furious at the stupid old man he was strongly considering assassinating the next time he saw him.
The little sneak got a particular gleam in his eyes. "Yup! And guess what I found out."
"What?"
"Nuh-uh. You have to guess."
"...you've gotta be kidding me."
"Nope!"
"Geez, fine. Uh, he went there looking for someone to play Red Rover with him?"
"..."
"..."
"That's the best you could come up with?"
"OH FOR PETE'S SAKE JUST TELL ME ALREADY!"
"Well, aren't we snippy. Fine, then, spoilsport, I'll tell you. He was trying to ally with Hanzo--hey, Hanzo and Danzo! Never thought of that before!--and plotting against the Hokage. Basically, he would help the Salamander Man squash those three people and, in return, he would help Danzo in his goal to become the Hokage. Didn't work, obviously." Then, the devious thirteen-year-old snickered. "I doubt he even knows I got his mind in a jutsu, hehehe."
Jiraiya blinked. "And you didn't think to tell Sarutobi this while we were still in the village?"
"One thing at a time, Perv. I think he's got enough to deal with right now, don't you? Besides, if necessary, I'll just gather the evidence and quietly assassinate him myself after showing the proof to him. If nothing else, it'll save on the paperwork. Going through the legal system to execute a traitor is frickin' annoying."
"Uhhhhhh, I'm pretty sure that, as a Konoha jonin, you HAVE to go through the legal system. All shinobi sign a form swearing to abide...by...all the--why are you shaking your head, Naruto?"
"I signed a different form. I'm liable to one person, and one person ONLY. And he, the Hokage, specifically told me that all I had to do was check with him first. Legalities are not necessary."
"WHAT? But that's a privilege only ANBU members are supposed to have! Did you sign up for it and are just going on this mission as a jonin or what?"
The little bugger actually had the nerve to smirk. "Nope! You'll have to ask to see the contract when we get back, but it's basically like a new position he made just for me. And there was a good reason for it, too, believe me." After that, the white-haired sannin and the golden-haired child soldier made their way towards their comrades. The last part of what Naruto had said had sounded more than just a little dark, but there was no threat behind it, so it didn't make Jiraiya feel too tense.
That was good. He hated tense. Especially when there were no bathhouses around. Oh, how he missed the hot springs of Konoha! He needed to see the toads soon about Nagato, but only after he'd seen the boy's variations of the Sexy Jutsu. There was only so much stress he could take! He'd sobbed into his water--water! How insulting!--just last night as he thought of how long it'd been since he'd last enjoyed the company of a beautiful lady...even though he typically ended up in the hospital after such "company."
But since the kid refused to show him the variations he was dying to see, Jiraiya figured he'd just ask the shrimp some other questions he had on his mind. They had already caught up with the others, but the two of them still made sure to stay out of their hearing range as they talked.
"Who'd you lose?"
"Huh?"
"You said that you'd lost people to Orochimaru before. Who was it?"
Naruto sighed and looked down sadly. "One of them I saw as my brother. The other was like a grandfather to me. Neither one was blood-related, but that didn't matter to me."
"I see." The sannin paused. That brought to mind another question. He had a suspicion... "Who was the man you saw as your grandfather?"
"Hm? Oh, he was the leader of the village I was born in. He did a lot to take care of me when no one else would."
"Naruto, there's something I've been meaning to ask you. You said you were mistreated in your old village. Correct?"
"Yeah...why?"
Jiraiya's eyes narrowed. "Well, if he took care of you so well, then why couldn't he even control his own men who were supposed to be protecting you?"
He shrugged. "Dunno. He couldn't control everything that went on, though, and I think the guards were working for someone else--a traitor, I think. Besides, if I complained, it just got worse."
"But wait a minute," He pointed out, "you said that the leader checked up on you from time to time. How could the guards get away with that while he was watching? And if the people really did want you dead, then how did you survive killing that civilian who attacked you? Wouldn't they have jumped on any excuse available to have you executed?"
Naruto stopped dead in his tracks as his eyes blinked slowly. Jiraiya got the distinct impression that he'd never thought of it before. He was right. "Ummm, never thought of it like that before, and honestly, I don't know."
"Well, it sounds just a little too convenient to me. Makes me think it never actually happened." Jiraiya stated. For all this kid's abilities, he just ain't that brilliant.
"You...have a point. It doesn't make sense. Old Man would never have let them get away with stuff like that, and he would've known even if I hadn't told him."
The more the sage thought about it, the more certain he was. Someone had been torturing the blonde, alright, but not like Naruto was thinking. It might have been better if it were.
Understanding dawned on the boy's face. "Genjutsu," he whispered in shock. "It's always been my greatest weakness, and a kid not even old enough to start school wouldn't have any defense against it, wouldn't know not to trust everything his eyes saw, and wouldn't even know what genjutsu was, period. But still...what parts were real and what parts...weren't?" During the last part, his voice dropped so low that he might as well have not spoken at all. Even so, the lecher had no trouble reading his lips; he'd used the ability many times while capturing certain, ahem, scenes for his very graphic novel--which he was almost finished writing! Yay!
"Yes," he nodded, "that does bring up a ton of questions, doesn't it. But none of that matters; whether or not it happened in real life, it affected you just the same and probably damaged your mind a bit. Children that young who are subjected to things like that without being prepared for them can end up vegetables or severely crippled for life. You're lucky you weren't."
The young jonin nodded, face still shockingly pale. Maybe it hadn't made the kid's day, but it had helped him gain more of his trust. Plus, knowing that he hadn't killed a (very stupid) civilian probably did make him feel better.
But now Blondie looked depressed! He missed the old, hyperactive, obnoxious, little twit! New topic.
Time for Operation: Distract Blondie.
"Hey, kid," he started out, "how many jutsus do you have?"
Startled, Naruto looked up, a slight frown on his face replacing the serious scowl. "Hmm? Didn't we have this discussion earlier? What's the interest, anyway?"
"I'm curious, that's all, and we never finished, anyway. Give me some names of a few you've created, besides the Sexy Jutsu."
"Well, that's just it. After awhile, I stopped naming them. It got to a certain point where there simply was no point."
When Jiraiya asked why, the kid shrugged and told him, "I invent them as I need them and have at least two variations of each." He shook his blonde mop. "Too much to keep up with."
A simple, logical, and utterly annoying explanation. "Well, what about that Water Drill of yours? Surely, that one deserves a name!"
He smiled. "If you want to call it that, be my guest, but does it really matter? I mean, calling it 'Daffodils in the Spring' isn't going to make it any more or less lethal, so what difference does it make if I name it or not? Besides, isn't it kinda stupid to let the enemy know exactly which one you're about to use?"
Ok, ok, so Jiraiya had to admit that Naruto had an excellent point, even if it did make him seem like a stick-in-the-mud. Wait a minute...did he say "two variations of each"? Yeesh! Just who the heck was this kid? It was better not to ask. "Alright, then, what are your weaknesses as a shinobi?" Oh, gee, if that didn't make it completely obvious that he was sizing the super-blonde up...
Not that he noticed. His head tilted back as he blankly stared at the clouds. "My weaknesses? Hmmm...let's see...Well, genjutsu, obviously, and I do pretty much suck at fighting with certain weapons. I'm mostly a close-range fighter with a few mid-range attacks, so that means that I'm weak against long-range. But my greatest weakness is probably...a certain...jutsu."
Well, wasn't that a nifty way to get the sannin's attention. He just shook his head and refused to tell what it was, but even so, the grim expression on his face was more than enough to say it was something big.
Darn it, he's still being too serious! "Geez, kid, you look like someone threw your dog off a cliff. Lighten up! You're freakin' me out!"
At that, the young Namikaze looked sheepish, rubbed the back of his head (much like his uncle often did), and apologized. "Heh, sorry about that, Pervy-Sage. Maybe another prank is in order..."
Darn it, he'd taken the seal off. Darn it, darn it, darn it! And all for what? Because it'd be too risky to be training in enemy territory. Well, WHO CARES! He hadn't even gotten to cut the leaf yet. Why did life have to be so cruel?
Now he was back to nothin' but fire. Yay. Although, the ability to barbecue small animals was somewhat appealing. Obito had been growing very fond of squirrel. Just like chicken! Except faster and smaller. Oh, and waaaay more tender! Yummy...
Well, at least they'd finally crossed the stupid border. Thank goodness, 'cause he was bored as crap! And both he and Naruto had run out of ramen yesterday...no fair... He told his sensei his thoughts and feelings on the matter.
"Obito," the man replied, exasperated, "you and he had packed a combination of over 100 cups of the instant variety. That should have been enough to last you for months, let alone--"
"NO, NO, NO! You don't understand the wonders of it all." And here, the Uchiha got a dreamy look on his face. "The perfectly-cooked noodles just waiting to be slurped down with a smooth, savory sauce, a few pieces of tender squirrel--I mean, beef, some carrots and other veggies...aaaahhh, it's like...it's like..."
"Like heaven..." Naruto helped him out, his own dreamy expression adorning his features.
"Yeah..."
Minato's eyebrow twitched before he turned away from the two ramen freaks. "You're both nuts," he muttered. Kakashi and Jiraiya hummed in agreement. Rin just rolled her eyes.
Obito could understand why. It wasn't that Minato didn't like ramen. Oh, no, he loved the stuff! But only--ONLY--when it was Ichiraku's. Instant ramen simply would not do. But Obito and Naruto had no problems corrupting their taste buds if it helped them get through another day without the world's most wonderful shop. And it did help sate the desire, but alas, only briefly, which, of course, called for more ramen. Which, of course, was why they'd run out less than four days after buying it.
And the worst part? Iwa. Didn't. Have. Any. It was the land of Hell. He'd pointed it out to his fellow Ramenite (it was a very exclusive club) and he'd nodded with a look of utter horror and tears barely contained behind his eyelids.
But to top it all off, he was a frickin' girl. Admittedly, he thought he looked kinda hot, but that wasn't the point! He hated it, actually, because they'd passed through a town that morning and at least three guys had tried to either pinch or smack him on the butt! Only Naruto's quick thinking and creepy glares had saved him both the embarrassment and discovery that (gasp!) he was in a transformed state.
But the young jonin didn't have to watch out for Kakashi. 'Nough said, even if the glowing-underwear jutsu had worn off...double darn.
No one bothered Rin, either, but that's because she stood in between the two of them.
And no one, absolutely NO ONE, touched Jiraiya. Heck, most wouldn't even look his direction. It was probably the most humiliating thing he'd ever been through, and Minato could barely hold back his laughter till they'd left the village.
The most interesting part, however, was the men's reaction to Naruto himself. The dude worked the freaking crowd like he'd been born to do it. And the first one to dare to touch him (well, try, anyway)? "Nuh-uh-uh, Mister. You don't want to lose your favorite body parts, do you?" For some strange reason, no one ever questioned "Naruko's" sincerity in "her" statement. The males all pretty much kept their hands to themselves after that. But they sure did watch as "she" walked away. Correction: especially when walking away.
Kinda gross.
But they passed through it without any serious incidents, or even any suspicions. And they kept going, and going, and going towards the base-thingy to tear it apart. Well, actually, he'd only be observing and stepping in if needed, just as his fellow chunin and sensei were ordered. In fact, the only one who'd specifically been told to attack and bring it down was Naruto. The rest of them were backup.
...darn it. He really was bored. Super-duper bored.
Till he remembered the exploding head of an enemy. It'd really freaked him out, and pure instinct had been the only thing keeping him going. He'd had a guy's still-hot brains splattered all over him, for goodness' sake. Obito had never felt so sick in all his life. But, for once in true Uchiha style, he'd quickly hidden his emotions and pretended everything was just fine. Just fine.
He really, really needed some ramen right now.
Or at least something to distract him from the hip-swinging Naruko! Geez! Not that he was attracted, though. He just had a morbid fascination and couldn't help but watch as he pulled off his girl-routine a little too perfectly for his comfort. Clearly, he'd been doing some observing and practicing to have gotten it down so well. Seriously, he'd turned himself in to one hot chick; exactly how much porn had he had to look at in order to get the perfect body?
Obito had gone straight up to the jonin and asked him, "Hey! Are you a pervert?"
He blinked for a moment. "Yeah, why?"
Jiraiya had heard and jerked his head around so fast that it looked like his head was going to pop right off. "WHAT! And you criticize ME?"
"Uh-huh. Takes one to know one, after all, and I'm a pervert in only one circumstance." With that, a very big grin split his face, and it was every bit as perverted as one of the sannin's. "And no, I'm not telling you what."
"Oooh, got a lady somewhere, eh?" Ok, I've changed my mind. Naruto's smile was no where near as lecherous as his!
But the smile seemed strained all of a sudden. "Had, Jiraiya. Had. I'm not gonna lie to you; by coming here and helping you and the village, I've literally given up everything. Those that are still alive don't even remember me. This was a lifetime commitment and I can't go back. She and many others were very special to me, but they're gone now and I'll probably never see any of them again."
There was a long silence. No one really knew what to say. Until, surprise, surprise, the toad hermit spoke again. "'Many others,' Naruto? Many? How many girlfriends are we talking about here?"
Scoffing, the jonin turned to his irritating leader. "Should've figured YOU'D go for the perverted translation. The 'many others' referred to friends and those I called family. Seriously, when's the last time you gave your brain a bath?"
Practically everyone was rolling in stitches at that. Way to put the old man in his place, dude! Obito thought to himself. Then, he was struck with a realization. Hey! I stopped thinking about ramen for a bit, there. Huh. Maybe this won't be so bad, after all.
But first, he had a question. "Yo, Naruto."
"Yo."
"Um, this living weapon you mentioned...you said she's a girl, right? Well, what's so special about her?"
He sighed. "Hmm. I can't tell you everything, but I will say this: from what I've read about her, she's been under their control since birth--brainwashed her whole life to never think for herself."
"So, she's done nothing but essentially train to be the best weapon she can," Minato cut in sadly.
Naruto was every bit as sad. "Yeah. And she can't be touched."
Obito, confused, asked, "What do you mean?"
"No pats on the back, no hugs, no handshakes, no threatening gestures--need I go on?" Not...really. But since they were curious and could use whatever information he had, yes.
"Please tell us what you know, Naruto-san," Kakashi demanded. His words were polite, but his voice tone...not so much. Still, it was what Obito called progress.
"Fine, but you're not going to like it." He sighed again. "My main goal is to get her out of there before starting the assault on the base. If they get wind of it and unleash her, things will get ugly FAST. Not only has she been trained to levels I wouldn't touch, but she's also armed to the teeth and has a special, one-of-a-kind bloodline."
"OOOH! TELL ME TELL ME TELL ME!" The Uchiha was excited. Who wouldn't be? It all sounded so cool!
"I've never seen it myself, so I'm not a hundred percent sure what it actually does, but I do know that it has to do with the eyes."
Rin, ever the medic, broke in. "The eyes? So, it's like the Sharingan or the Byakugan?"
"Dunno. Like I said, I've never seen it."
"But those are the only two in the world."
"No, not true. There's at least one more. Still, that's besides the point. I just said it had to do with the eyes; whether or not it's a dojutsu remains to be seen. It might just be something that affects the enemy's eyes or something along those lines."
Everyone nodded. Yup. It was possible. But..."Naruto, what's the other dojutsu you mentioned?"
From the front, Jiraiya and the blonde Ramenite exchanged a glance. "I'll tell you some other time. Just know that there definitely is at least one other. And maybe even two others."
This time, even the pervert was surprised. "What do you mean, kid?"
Rolling his eyes, Naruto told him plainly that they all should really pay more attention to the lore surrounding the Sharingan and Byakugan. "Seriously, how is it that I know more about this than the Uchiha and master spy themselves? I mean, I can understand the others not knowing, since they're not part of those clans and don't have networks that reach unto the far corners of the earth, but you two don't have that excuse."
A light bulb seemed to click for said master spy. "Oh, I think I see what you're getting at: the origin of those two dojutsu. Right?"
"Right!"
"Eh?" the resident Uchiha said. "Are you talking about that rumor that says the Sharingan comes from the Byakugan?"
The sage answered him this time. "Not exactly, brat. They just happen to come from the same source, that's all."
After that, no matter how much everyone in the group tried to pester them, the two refused to speak of it any further, except for Naruto to suggest that they stop talking period because they were getting close to an enemy patrol. "Hide your chakra, if you're not doing so already," Minato ordered quietly as their enemies came into view.
There were four of them, a regular-sized patrol team--three chunin and a jonin. No problem for their group if they had to defend themselves, but it could draw a lot more attention than they needed behind enemy lines.
The four came right up to the six of them. "State your purpose for traveling," the jonin, a woman with short, brown hair and a slightly upturned nose commanded.
Minato took over at that point. "We're trying to reach my sister's home in the northeast near the ocean. My nieces and nephew are driving me and my mother nuts. Plus," he gestured towards Kakashi, "Ken here is about the ugliest thing in existence and chases away all the girls. How am I supposed to settle down with all these kids hanging around?" he demanded, putting up a surprisingly good act.
"Pathetic excuse," the patrol leader spat. Hmm. Maybe not so good an act after all.
"Yeah, well, she shouldn't have sent them to me in the first place and I intend to find out why she did."
Disgusted, the woman sneered but let them pass, stating that if they ever crossed paths again, she'd be happy to take a knife and--
"Wow!" Obito said without thinking. "You sound just like Naruko here! She threatened the same thing!" Well, at least I remembered not to call "her" Naruto.
"Hmph. At least one of you has brains, then. Now get moving. We don't have all day to waste on the likes of you."
Needless to say, they gladly took the woman's advice. Whew! Thank goodness we got through that without any trouble! He never spoke his thoughts out loud, though; everyone in the group had seemingly come to an unspoken agreement after that incident: play this up to the hilt. There was no telling whether or not they were still being watched. After all, Iwa nins were well-known for their skills in hiding.
While the Land of Fire had forests practically covering every square inch of it, this place was different. It was mostly made up of canyons with gigantic boulders littering the bottom and valleys that, while grassy, usually had very little foliage. Oh, there were a few forests, but there was a reason it was called the Land of Earth. So, the ninjas there had to learn better and more efficient methods of keeping out of sight. It was pure luck that they'd even spotted that patrol, although the enemies had probably figured that there was no reason to disguise themselves that far from their borders.
Still, it wasn't a chance the group including the famous Yellow Flash, one of the Legendary Sannin, a brand new jonin, and three chunin were interested in taking. 'Nough said.
So they used a type of sign language, instead. Too bad for Naruto, though; it was one known only to Jiraiya and his protege and, by extension, said protege's team. There was no way Naruto would be able to effectively join in. He'd have to find other means of expressing his thoughts.
Or so he'd thought, but the group had been at it for no more than a minute when the youthful jonin started joining in. It was, to say the least, impossible. Even Kakashi's eyes lost their half-asleep look and widened to the size of dinner plates once he saw.
But no one questioned the ability out loud. No, that would be stupid; an enemy could be nearby. So they signed it.
"What the heck, kid? How do you know what we're saying!" (Jiraiya)
"What can I say? Fast learner. We've got more important things to worry about now, though. We are definitely being watched. I can smell that at least one of those chunin stayed behind." (Naruto)
"How can you smell that when I can't?" (Kakashi)
"Enhanced senses from years of practice. Anyway, we'd better start clowning around like regular siblings before they start getting suspicious." (Naruto)
"Good idea. Do something stupid, Obito, or should I say Mai?" (Rin)
"...I'll get you for that later, Rin." (Obito)
She'd been the only member not forced to take up a different name. And it seriously pissed Obito off.
So she'd be his first target.
He walked right behind her and flicked her on the back of her head. She turned around to glare and roll her eyes at his stupidity.
Yeah, not one of his best moments, but she was RIN! He couldn't just prank her like everyone else.
However, Naruto had no such hesitations. A clod of dirt in her hair later, and...
"NARUKOOOOO!" The normally-calm girl exploded. To be honest, she had no choice; it was part of their cover. Obito was supposed to be the slightly (ahem) dense younger sister who was pretty but weak; Naruto was the oldest with a plethora of charms and a disarmingly sexy yet dangerous demeanor; Kakashi was the ugly, disgruntled older brother; and Rin was the violent and angry middle child.
It was all Naruto's idea; after all, he'd put himself in the most positive light while the others were left looking like fools and incompetent human beings.
Thanks a lot, you turd. First, you tattle on my amazing con-artist abilities. Then, you eat all the ramen. And now, you've made me a dolt. I could have forgiven you if it weren't for the ramen! But then again, competitiveness for the delicious food was a prerequisite for being in the club, so he technically hadn't done anything wrong by eating the last five cups himself. Not that it made Obito feel any better, of course!
Still, he was highly enjoying the little spat between his "siblings." He'd alternate between, "Yay! Go, Rin!" and "Alright, Naruko! Pull her hair! Pull her hair!"
"Mai," Rin interrupted his cheering, "we're not even hitting each other."
Naruto agreed. "But if you don't stop your stupid yelling, we just might decide to hit you."
Ah. "Good point! Uh, I-I-I'll shut up now."
"There's a good girl," Rin purred. Man, she's different when she's like this! She's scary and...freakin' HOT!
It wasn't surprising; she'd been the best actor in their graduating class, although she rarely used her skills on her friends--and he was good enough at seeing through masks to tell, Kakashi being the one exception with his literal mask, the jerk.
Speaking of Kakashi..."Will you all shut up?"
Obito smiled. This was going to be fun! "What's wrong? Did someone shove that stick up your butt a little too far?"
Naruto picked up his train of thought and continued for him. "You know, Ken, that's pretty dangerous. After all, if it goes any further, it'll stab your brain, and then where will you be?" Rin snorted as she tried to hold back her laughter. Granny, also called Jiraiya, didn't even bother holding it back.
The chunin visibly tensed as his jaws tightened and his eyes glinted harshly, but before he had the chance to retort, the Uchiha added a few more comments that he figured might get him killed later. Oh well. Live while ya can!
"Yeah, and with those splinters constantly flying out of your mouth every time you speak, I'd say it's pretty close to that point!"
"Hey, hey, hey! Kids!" Minato, alias Arata, snapped back at them. "Either calm down or I'll toss you off a cliff! You've been getting on my nerves since my blasted sister sent you to me, so I won't exactly cry at your funerals, got it!"
Gulp. Oh, they got it, alright. Although their teacher would never do such a thing, their "uncle" most definitely would, which meant...he really would. I don't wanna die! I don't wanna die! I don't think they have ramen in the afterlife! Obito's mind screamed.
"Understood, Uncle Arata," Naruto said for all of them.
Minato paused in his steps for just a moment, and it didn't take a genius to figure out why. Cover story or not, it was the first time he'd ever called him "uncle."
They'd arrived. After what felt like years without the wonder that was ramen, the group had finally arrived at the base, and to be honest, it was disappointing.
Located on a flat plain with practically no vegetation but plenty of boulders the size of laundry baskets, it looked something like a giant, stone box. Just a big square, really, with only two doors into the entire installation. It was even brown like a box. Bor-ing. But with there being nowhere to hide and no way to sneak up for a regular shinobi, the thing was perhaps one of the safest bases in all of Earth Country.
No wonder the Hokage had ordered everyone but Naruto to stay out of it unless absolutely necessary; he was the only one with the experience with Shadow Clones and his special transformation who could sneak in and actually get the job done. All he had to do was fly in as a small swarm of bugs or flock of birds.
Ingenious.
And irritating. All he and the others could do was sit and watch. From two miles away and with telescopes. Obito muttered underneath his breath about how unfair it was till Naruto slapped him on the back of his head. Well, one of Naruto's clones slapped him; the original and about 100 other clones had all transformed as birds and gone to first "bombard" the base, and then, to land and...do whatever. He'd been rather vague at that point about what he'd do. Probably fly by the seat of his pants, grumbled Obito. That's supposed to be MY job!
And so, they all waited anxiously as every clone of the flock that dispersed carried with it important information.
There were certain things Naruto had left out in his report to his team when they'd asked about the person at the base. For one thing, he was pretty sure he'd never met her before in the future, but he wasn't certain. Most of the information in that file had been so classified that even he hadn't gotten to it. And for another, he knew perfectly well what her bloodline was. But that was knowledge he couldn't get away with without a good explanation. So he'd left it there and carried a pair of sunglasses in his kunai pouch because he knew that this girl's eyes were extremely sensitive to light.
As he flew with his other clones, questions started pouring through his mind. The girl had been rescued in the original time line, true, but it had been a year later than this. First, the team had done nothing more than scout and gather information. After that, after an entire year of that, they had attacked and not left a single brick in place. Jiraiya and Minato had been a part of that mission, too. If he did this now, Naruto wondered how much it would change history. He ran out of time to consider the possibilities, though, as he and the rest approached the square little area.
Oh, looky! They have a small courtyard right in the middle, and whaddaya know! There's a guard taking a smoke break! Perfect...
And with that, 100 birds "attacked," raining down poo upon poo, right over the man's head. Oh yeah. The guard was seriously pissed and swatted at the birds as they dive-bombed him (in more ways than one). There was no one else around, though, so he was on his own.
The first clone that landed on the ground transformed back into himself, then quickly slid underground while the guard was distracted. At the same time, his real self transformed from behind the guard, grabbed both sides of the man's head, and quickly snapped his neck with a twist. Then, the underground clone used the Head Hunter Jutsu his sensei had shown him many years before, quickly burying him before it dispersed.
The real Naruto transformed into the man's likeness and began walking towards the entrance.
No evidence. Quiet, quick, and easy.
The clone's head shot up. "He's in. Killed a guard, buried him, and took his place."
"Whoa!" Obito whispered in awe. "That took, like--"
"Thirteen seconds," the clone informed him, "from the time he began his attack to the time he finished it."
Minato whistled. Impressive. He may not know Hiraishin, but with those clones of his, he doesn't really need to.
"What'd he use?" Rin asked.
"Snapped his neck and pulled him underground with the Head Hunter Jutsu."
Minato's eyes raised. "I didn't realize he knew any Earth Styles."
The clone's eyes rolled. "It's the only one he ever bothered to learn and the only one he could find that didn't require him to have an Earth affinity. Of course, he could have just been lazy..." Its head jerked up again. "Boss found her and got her to behave. He's having a few clones bring her back. Should be here soon."
It was shockingly easy to find the kid. The girl was exercising in a room literally two doors down from the courtyard entrance. He'd gone in and she'd immediately stopped, bowed, and in a completely blank tone, asked Naruto, "What is your wish, my lord?"
"I will show you my true form," he stated in an authoritative voice. He knew what to do, thanks to Sai's help in explaining how brainwashed people responded to others. It was said that while Danzo's hobby had been turning people into weapons, Naruto's goal was turning weapons back into human beings. Gaara had merely been the first in a long line of emotionally-stunted shinobi.
So, he dropped his transformation and she showed no reaction whatsoever. Just as expected. It was all in the tone. He reached into his kunai pouch and pulled out the sunglasses. "Put these on," he commanded. She obeyed. He then created two more Shadow Clones (as the rest were scouring the base and quietly killing all except one) and ordered her to follow and obey them. "I'll be along shortly."
Once again, she obeyed. As soon as she was far enough away, he created one last clone and immediately dispelled it, sending a message to all that remained: clear a path for her to get to the southern door. Also, it updated his team. Naruto hoped they were being wise and staying out of it.
He then turned to finding the one researcher in the whole base who had--or would, he wasn't sure which--risked her life to get the young girl out of that place. The woman had been brutally slaughtered in the other time line, but hopefully she could be saved in this one, and he knew just which researcher it was for the simple fact that she was the only woman in the entire installation.
Found her! Two clones noiselessly walked up behind her as she was sitting on a stool in a white lab coat, staring at a test tube. As one knocked her out with a hit to the back of her neck, the other caught the tube before it could fall and break, putting it back where it belonged. Then, the original created another hundred clones, took the woman himself, and left. The rest would finish the job.
All in all, it was...pathetically easy. He wondered why...
This was a difficult chapter to write for several reasons. A.) I've been thinking more and more about things I'm going to edit in past chapters, and when I do, I'll upload both the changes and a new chapter at the same time. B.) There was also the issue of the half-way working internet connection. Yay, customer service; after about a month of it not working, they finally fixed it. Too bad for them we already switched to another provider. C.) I also want to iron out inconsistencies, if there are any. So far, this story has taken up around 150 pages on my computer, and it's difficult to keep up with it all. D.) My writing has improved and I think it's only fair that the chapters improve with it.
Anyway, I hope you liked this latest chapter. If you didn't, let me know; it's not like I can't change it :)
Oh, and before anyone asks about the squirrels, a friend of mine tried one, and yes, that's exactly how she said they tasted.