It's completely dark out which will help with our plan.
"You're sure you can pull this off Lopez? If your acting isn't perfect it could unfold entirely"
Santana grabs the phone, "I can handle it"
We're standing in her front yard, getting ready to initiate the launch sequence.
"Speakerphone!" I whisper
"Shut up I know" she says pressing the button.
It rings 5 times and we're looking panicked, in theory there is no reason why Quinn shouldn't pick up the phone call, she couldn't possibly guess that we would forge an alliance in the blonde's absence.
"Hello?" the tired voice comes through the speaker.
Santana nods to me, "Oh my god, Q thank god, I didn't know who to call"
"What's wrong?" she asks
"Please you have to get here right now" I think I see Santana tearing up for effect, her voice is shaky and she's selling this better than I could.
"Slow down and tell me what's wrong" Quinn commands firmly.
"It's Berry"
"What? What happened? Where are you? Santana answer me" she yells
My eyes go wide, I feel guilty for the emotional distress we're putting her through.
"Karofsky…and, and…she's here, just get here please. She needs you" Santana says
"Is she hurt? Santana, please just, tell me that she's okay" her voice cracks and my heart breaks, it sounds like she's about to cry and I feel sick to my stomach.
Santana looks at me asking for advice, I mouth my answer.
"She's okay Q"
"Keep her safe" is the last thing that comes through the phone before the line goes dead.
I swallow dry air, "Are we really going to do this?" I ask
"I think we already did" Brittany replies
"She's going to be so upset with us" I announce
"She won't. She'll understand when it's all over" Santana says, "Quick, go hide in your car so you can follow her when she leaves. Once she finds out that you're not here, I don't think we'll get a chance to convince her to stay, she's going to be pissed and leave right away"
I feel guilty for having to drag them into this, Quinn is going to hate her best friends when they are only trying to help.
I pull both girls into a tight hug, "Thank you" I whisper, "And I'm sorry for anything she says or does to you"
Santana wipes her eyes, and I wonder just how much of those tears are from her acting now.
"Just make sure this is all worth it" she tells me before she tells Brittany to go inside.
I jog to my car that's parked across the street, I'm not worried that she'll see it, I honestly don't even think she'll notice it if she even knew what kind of car I drove. Santana sits on her front steps, my window is opened and I recline my seat back so I won't be seen.
I hear her car pull up and come to a stop, the door slamming instantaneously.
"S where is she?" I hear Quinn ask.
I sit up a little in my seat so I can see what's going on.
Santana stands up from the steps and walks toward her calmly.
"Where is she?" Quinn asks again, "Is she in your house?" she asks trying to get around Santana's body.
The Latina holds out her arms to catch the girl, "She's not here" she tells her.
"She left? Where did she go?" her voice breaks again.
Santana shakes her head, "She was never here"
"What are you talking about?" Quinn is relentless in trying to get passed the girl.
Santana takes a deep breath and composes herself, this is the hardest part of the entire plan that we drew up an hour ago.
"She was never here"
"Is this your idea of a joke?"
"No, I'm worried about you" Santana stands her ground.
"So you pretend that Rachel is in trouble? Do you have any idea how scared I was? Do you?" Quinn literally pushes her friend and Santana just takes it.
"Q"
"Don't. I can't believe that you would use her against me like this, you know how I feel about her and you make it seem like something horrible happened to her and that she needed me" Quinn is most certainly crying now, a sharp pang stabs my heart.
"It was the only way" Santana tells her.
"Bullshit. You're lucky I didn't stop at Karofsky's to murder him, was that the result you were looking for Santana? Huh?" she pushes her again, hard enough for the Latina to lose her balance.
I'm taking deep breaths, all I want to do is run up to her and hug her and tell her that she shouldn't worry. I know that if I do that, it will ruin the entire plan and it will leave us worse off than we were.
"I can't believe you" Quinn mutters as she turns and walks back down the pathway.
"You can't hide forever Q" Santana shouts as she lifts herself up off the ground.
I lay back down in my seat so she won't see me as she approaches her car.
"I hope nothing ever happens to Brittany, I wouldn't want anyone to feel what I just felt" she tells her before she gets in and slams the door, the car roaring to life a moment later.
The car gets further from me and I know it's safe to sit up and start the car as I see her stopped at the stop sign down the road. I pull out and give Santana a sad wave which she returns. I'm determined to stay at least 10 car lengths behind her and not let off that someone is following her. I'm hoping that through all her rage she doesn't realize the obvious set up that she was just thrown into. I try not to think of how mad she is and I keep telling myself that it will all be worth it. I'll know where she's been staying. I wait a few seconds before I turn corners and I'm sure not to put my blinker on until I'm absolutely positive she's turning that way. We drive for about 4 minutes, I realize how fast she must have been driving to get to Santana's since she made it there in nearly 60 seconds, my breath catches. If anything were to happen to her on the way over I wouldn't be able to forgive myself.
She pulls into a shopping plaza on the south side of town, one that I know my parents don't frequent. I continue driving passed the entrance as to not be obvious. I'm thankful that my father is a crime show buff. I see her as she parks far away from the store. I circle around for a bit before I think it's safe enough to enter the parking lot without her seeing me. I park far enough away from her so that she won't know it's me. I decide to send Santana a text to pass the time.
Thank you
Np, get your girl
I smile regardless of everything going on around me. I stare at the clock, it's almost 10:15, the exact time that she normally sends me my text message about where to meet in our dreams each night. I watch as the minutes tick by and as 10:14 turns into 10:15 and eventually into 10:20 I know that she's not going to send me a text message tonight.
I sigh and open my phone once again.
I'm disappointed…are we not meeting tonight?
Nearly five minutes pass before my phone buzzes. It could have been the longest five minutes of my life. Easily.
I was afraid you wouldn't respond…
Her insecurities astound me. I wonder how many times she typed and deleted that message in the past five minutes.
Funny, I was afraid of the same thing.
3 more minutes pass before my phone buzzes again.
Where do you want to meet tonight Princess?
Finally the bait I was looking for.
I cut the engine and get out of the car. I get my bag out of the back seat and slowly walk towards her car, making sure I'm out of sight. She's in the backseat now, probably laying down but I'm not chancing it.
I was thinking the Shaw's parking lot. I hear it has a great view of a stubborn blonde.
I wait outside of the car. I hope that it works. I'm right outside the backseat door when I see her phone light up. She shoots up almost immediately, and looks out the window. I'm afraid of what her reaction will be.
She looks down at her phone and back up to me, and back down at her phone again. My phone buzzes a few seconds later.
What are you doing here?
"Seriously?" I yell into the window, "Quinn Fabray open this door at once, remember what I said about my repertoire of Spice Girls' music. Do not make me serenade you"
She rolls her eyes and reaches over to push the door open. I slide in as she moves her pillows.
"Comfy set up you got here" I tease her, "You're a hard girl to track down"
"What did I tell you about stalking" she asks through a small laugh.
I study her face, her eyes are bloodshot, "You've been crying" I tell her, reaching my hand up to cup her cheek.
She closes her eyes and attempts to pull away, my hold stops her and she turns back to meet my eyes.
"It was nothing" she tells me, but I know better.
I take a breath, ready to accept whatever she gives me, "Don't be mad at Santana, I was standing next to her when she called, if you should be mad at anyone it should be me"
She looks at me, I can hear her mind working overtime, "You?" she points, "Why would you do that to me?" she asks, her tears welling up again.
"It was the only way to get to you" I tell her honestly.
She starts breathing heavily, I know she feels betrayed but I hope she can realize why I did it, and a part of me hopes that she would do the same for me, "Do you know how scared I was? I thought the worst, I thought…" she trails off.
I think I know what she thought.
She looks down, silently crying to herself before she looks back up sharply.
"Don't you ever, ever do something like that to me again." She tells me, raising her voice slightly out of her hysterics, "I don't know what I would have done if something happened to you"
"And yet here you are, in true Fabray fashion, finding out that I'm fine and still yelling at me" I smirk
She laughs through her tears, "That's not funny" she tells me but I know she finds it funny, her eyes betray her.
She reaches over and pulls me against her in an embrace I was afraid I'd never be in again, she smoothes my hair, "You have no idea how scared I was Rach" she whispers, "I care about you so much" she tells me softly.
I pull back to find her wiping her tears with the back of her sleeves.
"And you don't think I care about you? How do you think I felt when I found out that you've been out here by yourself for the past few days? You think that was a walk in the park for me? You think that it doesn't hurt me when you walk away from me, when you avoid me?" my voice breaks and so does my resolve. The tears I've kept pent up this entire day are finally coming out.
Quinn pulls me back towards her, "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry" she whispers over and over again, "I thought I was protecting you" she admits
I pull back, my tears have subsided a great deal, as have hers.
"From what?" I ask, I don't understand what she could possibly think she was protecting me from.
"Me" she tells me sheepishly.
It hangs in the air. I can't believe that she would think that.
"Why would you try to protect me from the one thing I need?"
She looks out the window for a moment, "I'm a monster" she says softly, her cries are back and her head is in her hands.
I reach over and pick her head up, cradling it between both of my hands so that she'll look at me and understand everything I'm about to say to her.
"You're my hero" I tell her bringing her head towards me as I meet her halfway.
I take a deep breath, and I do mean a very deep breath. The thoughts that are swirling around in my head are not friendship thoughts, if I say these words there will be no going back. I'm scared of rejection, I'm scared of living the rest of my life alone, I'm scared I'll never be good enough; the only thing that scares me more is never being good enough for Quinn Fabray, of being rejected by Quinn Fabray. I thought that this entire day was about her, I realize now that it's been about me. I haven't been desperately searching for her so that I'll know she's somewhere safe, I've been searching for her because I want her to be with me, because I want to be with her. I want to be the thing that lets, no, makes her feel safe. I'm incredibly selfish. I haven't stopped to think about the things that I wanted to say to her if I'd gotten the chance, the things that I actually want to say to her. I take another deep breath, it's now or never. Her eyes are on mine, she's waiting for me.
I plant a kiss on her forehead and her eyes close, "You're strong" I tell her as I move my lips to the cheek under her left eye, "You're beautiful", I kiss some of the wetness, "You're brave" I kiss some more of the wetness before moving to her other cheek, "You're confusing", I laugh as I kiss some of the wetness on the right side of her face, "You're protective", I trail my lips boldly down her jaw line, her heavy breath giving me all of my courage, my lips stop centimeters from her lips, she quivers into my mouth and I just about lose all of my composure, "You're mine"
She whimpers and I feel it vibrate off of my skin before I feel her cold and trembling lips pressed against mine. The feeling is indescribable. It's feels amazing, and mind blowing, a little scary, and definitely breathtaking all at the same time. Her lips are the softest thing I've ever felt, her tongue is languid but vibrant, it moves so carefully with mine but every time I feel it against me it sends a shock through my body. I pull her close and then pull some more. Her hands are in my hair pulling me as close as she can get me to come to her, it's still not enough. I'm dizzy and lightheaded and never want to feel anything else. It's delicate and ravishing all at once, it's unreal. I never want it to end and I'd rather have my oxygen supply cut off than breathe something other than her ever again.
She pulls away slowly, I think we mutually pull away but I can't be sure. Her forehead is on mine, her cheeks are dry and her eyes are closed. Her breath is shooting right into my mouth and into my lungs, it's magnificent. It's a few moments before I can collect myself and will my eyes to open again, when I do, her eyes are still closed. She's still breathing as heavy as she was when we first pulled away, I wonder if I am too.
"That was…" she speaks softly, she swallows, "That…I can't" is all she can get out.
I giggle softly at her loss of words, she finally opens her eyes.
"Wow" she says
I smile, "I can be sexy" I tell her, I don't think she was expecting any of that to come her way tonight. I wasn't expecting it either.
"I'll never disagree with you on that" she tells me closing her eyes again, still trying to catch her breath, "Did you mean it?" she asks swallowing again.
"Mean what?" I ask toying with her.
She opens her eyes and smiles, planting a small chaste kiss on my lips that are still close enough for her to reach without moving her head.
"What you just said"
I look around, "Hmmmm" I pretend to think, she gives me a threatening look, "Every word"
"I'm mine, mine yours, you're mine? " she sighs in frustration
I giggle into her lips, and help her out "That you're mine?"
She nods into me.
"If you want to be" I tell her
"I've kind of been yours for a while" she admits
My palms are tingling. I pull back slightly to see the sincerity in her eyes, "I'm kind of still waiting for my invitation"
She laughs, "You've kinda been mine too for a while"
I scoff, "I never agreed to this"
She pulls me closer, "You have no choice in the matter"
It's silent for a moment as we just enjoy the warm interior of the car together.
"What did you mean that I'm confusing?" she asks
I laugh out loud, covering my mouth with my hand at my sudden outburst, "God, Santana was right…you do hang on every word I say" I tease her
Her mouth opens wide, "You guys talked about me?"
"You talk about me" I remind her
She ducks her head but not before I catch her blush, "You weren't supposed to find out about that"
"I think I found out a lot of stuff I wasn't supposed to find out about"
"Oh god" she groans, trying to hide her head in my shoulder, which just tickles me.
"Do you really foam at the mouth when someone tries to hurt me?"
She lifts her head up, "Did Santana tell you that? I'm going to kill that girl"
"Go easy on her" I remind her
"I have a lot of apologizing to do I guess, even though I shouldn't be held accountable for my actions"
"She understands, we calculated that into the plan" I tell her
She eyes me curiously, "You two made quite the treaty today didn't you?" she asks
I take in the look she's giving me, I shrug, "Maybe…are you jealous?"
"Yeah"
She's completely serious, I try not to laugh. Or pinch her cheeks.
"Good, you should be. Don't ignore me anymore" I tell her playfully
She laughs but I know she's about to apologize again. She drags her nails up my back and I try to contain my shudder.
"I really am sorry, I've never had anyone so persistent. Normally people move on from me and all my baggage by now"
"Never" I tell her
She gives me a smile, her elbow rests of the back of the seat, she bends it so she's fingering through my hair, she leans her head on her hand after a few seconds.
"So you guys cooked up a plan and you followed me here?"
I nod proudly and she laughs.
"Not bad. I guess I would have done the same thing"
I smile wide.
She crinkles her nose at me with her smile, "You're beautiful" she tells me as she leans in closer.
I quirk an eyebrow, "Stealing my lines, Fabray?"
"Shut it Berry, I was the one that was supposed to be doing the wooing"
"Well it's a good thing I didn't hold my breath" I stick my tongue between my teeth, taunting her.
Her mouth drops open, shocked, "And what's that supposed to mean?"
I decide that I've teased her enough, "It means that you did the wooing already, I was just solidifying it"
She chuckles softly, "Good answer"
She slides closer to me and I find myself unable to resist her.
I melt under her kiss, her touch turns me into liquid. I'm on fire and freezing at the same exact time. I slide down on my back, resting on one of her pillows, she's on top of me within seconds. It's getting hot in the small car and I wonder if the windows are starting to steam, it wouldn't surprise me. I chuckle to myself when I think of the infamous scene from Titanic. She pulls away and I whimper at the loss of contact.
"Why are you laughing" she asks amused, her perfectly sculpted eyebrow raised.
I decide to be honest with her, "The hand scene from Titanic is playing in my mind"
She begins to laugh, her body shaking against me and I begin to laugh with her again, she reaches her hand up to the window to reenact it for me and I think I just fell even harder for her. She laughs hysterically as she falls back on top of me, her blonde hair tickling my face as it curtains around us. I've never been more content in my life staring up into her hazel eyes so full of life.
She rests her head in the crook of my shoulder and my arms come up to hug her. We lay like that for a while, my eyes are closed as I feel her drawing circles all over my skin. Her breath tickles my chest and I'm trying to make out the letters she's started to write under my collarbone.
"What time do you have to be home?" she asks sadly.
I sit up and once she's sitting up as well I answer her, "You mean what time do we have to be home?"
She shakes her head, "Don't start with this again"
"Why not" I whine, jutting out my lower lip.
She looks like she's about to cave but she averts her eyes, "Because I'm not that person anymore"
I gesture around the car, "Obviously"
She looks at me incredulously, "When did you become so witty?"
"It's one of my many abilities"
"So along with being a phenomenal kisser, you're incredibly sexy, humorous, a hell of a singer, a decent actress" I scoff, she continues with a laugh, "any chance you're a horrible debater?"
I narrow my eyes at her. She stares at me, all trace of humor gone. We're in a stare down, I wonder who's going to win. I decide that I'm going to let her win but in reality I'm about to win. Also, prove that the adjective 'decent' should never come before 'actress' when speaking about me.
I throw my hands up, "Fine, then I guess I'm staying here with you"
She smiles, "Wait…what?" her smile is gone.
I reach down into my canvas tote and pull out the blanket and change of clothes I grabbed from my house earlier. She looks on in shock.
"You're not sleeping out here, absolutely not so don't even get comfortable"
"Why not?" I ask, pretending to be sad. I actually think it's rather chivalrous.
"Because I'm not going to let you sleep outside"
I shrug, so happy that I've picked up this crucial skill. "Well if you're not going to come to my house to sleep in a nice warm bed, and you won't let me sleep out here with you in your car…then I guess we're going to have to go to your house…and I really don't want to go back there again"
I count down in my head to see how long it takes her to catch the end part.
"We're not sleeping at my, what. You went to my house?" her features change instantly.
I shrug once again, "I went to get a starting point, I had a nice chat with your mother…and I met your father" I tell her
She slides closer to me, her hands on me immediately. Her eyes are wide.
"You what? Are you okay? Did he say anything to you? Were they rude? Did they hurt you?"
Her immediate concern for my wellbeing has me wanting to smile but the fact that she asks me if they hurt me is unsettling.
"They were pleasant" I say through gritted teeth but she can see through my lies, "They were fake and made my heart ache for you, I've never felt so uncomfortable and I just wanted to hold your hand while I was there"
She pulls me into a hug, "It's okay, it's okay" she whispers, "You never have to go back there again, I won't let you" she tells me.
I pull back, "But I would go back there for you"
She kisses my forehead and pulls me back into her.
"They don't even know that you're not living there" I tell her, my heart shattering at how much they don't care about her.
"I know" she says sadly.
"Please, come stay at my house."
She's silent.
"I don't think you understand. You know my stalking capabilities. I will camp out in your bedroom until you agree"
She chuckles, I can feel it in her throat.
"Don't put me through that torture" I add
"I wouldn't"
"So you're considering it?" I tread lightly.
"Seeing as I have no choice in the matter" she laughs, "I guess so"
I squeal and she smiles at me when I pull back.
"I'm a little sad that we won't be able to share a bed" she admits
I wiggle my eyebrows, I've already thought of this.
"I'm also very stealthy" I wink
"Com'ere"
With pleasure.
"I still don't understand why we're in your car"
"Because Quinn, as sincere as you sounded in coming back to my house, I can't run the risk of you taking flight again."
"I told you I wouldn't, don't you trust me?" she asks sounding dejected.
"Please understand, I don't want to take any chances" I give her a pout to solidify my reasoning.
She looks out the window as everything passes by. I reach across the center console and grab her hand, intertwining our fingers. She sighs but eventually turns back to me, "I understand" she says
We pull into my driveway a few moments later, I get out of the car and begin to gather her things from the trunk, as I close the lid I notice that she's still sitting in the car.
I knock on the window, "It will be fine, I promise"
She sighs and gets out of the car, running a hand through her hair.
She takes some of the things off of my hands and we walk side by side up my steps and into the house. My fathers know we're here, I saw them peeking through the curtains after we pulled up.
I play along when they pretend to not hear us come in. They both stand from the couch and meet us in the foyer. After practically crushing Quinn in their bear hugs, and giving her a survey of questions for her to answer so they know her likes and dislikes, we're allowed to go upstairs to get ready for bed.
"Your parents are cool" she comments, "Really nice and welcoming" she's on the verge of tears so I drop what I'm doing and walk over to her.
I pull her into a hug and her arms find my back, I guide her over to the bed and we both sit a little awkwardly until we release each other.
"I know you're upset, but we're going to do everything we can to make you feel at home with us okay?"
She nods, wiping a few tears that have fallen, "I appreciate it, it's just that I have felt more love off of them in 5 minutes than I have in my whole life from my parents"
It breaks my heart that this is something she's had to live with for 16 years.
"You'll get sick of my dads after a while" I try to joke
She laughs and nudges me back, "I doubt that very much"
She stands, ruffling through her bag and getting a few more of her things out and placing them around the room.
I look around the room and realize how bare it is, this is the only room that my father's haven't allowed me to 'bedazzle to my liking', as Quinn earlier put it. "I was thinking, maybe this weekend we could go to Ikea and maybe some other places to get decorations, and maybe paint it. That might be fun right?"
She looks at me with tears in her eyes, "Rach, I don't know how permanent this will be" she chooses her words wisely.
I shrug and look down, "I know that, but it doesn't mean that this isn't your room. I want it to be a place you can come to and feel safe" I tell her
She smiles.
"I know that you have to have a conversation with your parents about everything, and I want you to know that I'll be there holding your hand if you let me. And I'll understand if you want to move back into your home"
She comes and sits next to me on the bed, "You know what? Tomorrow, we'll go after school. They need to know that I'm not okay with my dad back in the house. And if it's okay with you, I want to tell them about us, that will surely get me kicked out." She laughs bitterly, "And maybe we can get the rest of my things"
"Really?" I ask looking up, my eyes are cloudy and wet.
She's letting all of her walls down and I couldn't be happier.
She laughs softly and runs a warm hand across my cheek, "Yeah, and this weekend sounds nice, I'd like to go shopping with you. I'll even let you pick out the paint" she smiles
I hug her, "Oh Quinn, this is probably the best news I've ever heard in my life, you're sure?"
"I'm sure, and I want to get a job too, since my parents aren't going to support me anymore, that's part of the deal, you have to let me get a job"
I roll my eyes but agree, she said I had to let her get a job, she didn't mention anything about me not being able to sabotage it.
"This isn't going to be weird is it?" she asks after a bit, "I mean we're, whatever we are, and we technically are going to be living together"
I don't have anything to say. I don't know what to say to make it any less weird. Last week we wouldn't have given each other a second thought and now here we are discussing furniture shopping and living down the hall from each other.
"I mean, I'm happy, it's just I'm afraid you're going to get sick of me" she admits sheepishly.
I can't contain my laugh, "Maybe, and I'm sure you're going to get sick of me. Just promise me that if we're ever fighting that we don't go to bed mad at each other, and you won't just run away and sleep in your car"
She takes my hand and brings it up, placing a kiss on my palm, "I promise, and keep the diva storm outs to a minimum" I scoff and she laughs, "I promise to be patient with you if you promise to be patient with me" she tells me, "We'll take it slow"
I nod and give her an innocent kiss before pulling away.
"I should get to bed, and so should you" I tell her as I stand up from the bed.
She's still attached to my hand, "I was hoping you'd stay and keep me company" she winks. It's adorable.
I'm so tempted to give in.
"I don't think that's very 'taking it slow' of us" her hand drops and she rubs it on her pant leg, "Besides it's the first night, we don't want to upset my fathers"
"You're right, I'm sorry"
"It's okay, get some sleep. I'll see you bright and early" I wink before giving her a kiss on her forehead.
I walk out of the room and quietly shut the door before retreating back to my own bedroom. I tend to my nightly rituals, and I'm proud and a little scared to say that I only picked out one outfit, and of course wrote a few pages for my memoir.
I close my journal and tuck it safely in the draw of my nightstand before turning off the light and attempting to get to sleep. Everything drastically changed so quickly that it's a little hard to take in. Everything from Karofsky to my strange new understanding with Santana, to meeting Quinn's parents, to Quinn in general. She's so vulnerable and I never thought I would see that side of her, it took a bit of effort but she's surrendered to me finally. She's here almost willingly and I'm not forcing her to move in any more, she actually wants to move in. I can't believe that Quinn Fabray is sleeping yards away from me, on second thought, I can't believe Quinn Fabray is sleeping in the next room and I'm not with her.
I slide out of bed, shut my door quietly and tiptoe down the hall to Quinn's room. I knock gently on the door as to not alarm my fathers and after I hear a soft voice allowing me entrance, I open the door slowly.
She looks up from her bed, she's perched against the headboard, her knees drawn up and she's writing. She smiles when she sees me. I shut the door quietly and tiptoe over to her bed.
She looks at me curiously as I'm standing on the other side.
"What are you doing?"
She looks down, "Just that survey your dad's gave me" she puts it aside, "it can wait"
I gesture towards her bed, "Do you mind?" I ask
She smirks, "What happened to your whole patience and taking it slow thing?" she asks amused, she's not going to make this easy.
"I just want you to hold me"
She smiles with her eyes and lifts the covers so I can join her. She reaches over and turns off the lamp next to her before flattening herself on the bed, I feel her arms around me and sigh.
"Good, because I'm a serious cuddler"
"Yeah, I got a preview at Brittany's"
She laughs into my neck and it tickles my senses. My body feels like it's on fire.
"You feel really good in my arms" she whispers softly, I shiver, she tightens her hold around me.
I feel her nose drawing random patterns on my shoulder blade, occasionally I'll feel her lips but she keeps it relatively innocent. It doesn't mean that she's not doing wonders to my body right now though.
"What's on your mind?" she asks
I'm still facing away from her but somehow she knows that I'm deep in thought. I wonder if she has a sixth sense like I do.
"It's nothing"
"It's something to me" she replies brushing some of my hair away in order to place a kiss on my neck.
Damn her suave moves and irresistible charm.
"It's just, I used to dream about my future, I always thought that when I won my first Tony award that I would be thanking my super famous and rich movie star boyfriend for all of his undying support" I trail off for a bit, she stays quiet waiting for me to finish, "I'm just thinking how I'm going to have to reword it and begin memorizing my new speech"
She chuckles into me softly, "You're adorable. Why don't you just change the boyfriend to a girlfriend and I will strive to become a movie star?" she laughs at her joke but it dies in her throat when I don't react, "Sorry I was just kidding"
"No, it's not that" I reply absentmindedly, "You're actually in my acceptance speech"
"I am?" she asks confused.
I close my eyes, it's not the way she would probably want to be in it.
"And I'd like to thank Quinn Fabray, you never believed in me but you're the reason that I'm up here now" I recite from memorization.
I feel her tense behind me, she begins to pull away and I know that I've gone and messed everything up.
She pulls me with her and suddenly I'm facing her. She closes her eyes for a second.
"I know that I have a lot of groveling to do, and like I said, I don't deserve you" I'm about to protest but she puts a finger to my lips, "I need to get this out" she says taking another breath, "I want to spend every single day making it up to you, I'm changing and it's because of you. You're the kindest and most forgiving person I've ever met. I want to be that, I want to be deserving of you. I want to earn my trust with you, and one day I'm going to be in that acceptance speech for the right reasons and I'm going to be in that audience" she tells me, her voice getting stronger and stronger with each word she speaks.
My lips tremble against hers, I'm so overwhelmed with emotions that I can't stop shaking.
"You're going to be my guest right? You won't be stalking me?"
I'm grateful for her laugh, it reminds me that this isn't a dream.
"I'll be by your side until there's a restraining order against me" she tells me
I laugh.
"I'm not kidding, now that I have a glimpse of you, I'm not letting you out of my sight. You're going to wish you never walked into that bathroom last week Berry"
"It's sexy when you call me Berry now"
She grins and gives me another kiss on the lips before she moves her lips to my forehead.
"I want to ask you something" she says after some silence.
I'm nervous. It's almost a death sentence when you hear those words. It's almost as worse as hearing your parents call your name but they don't tell you what they want. I bite my lip and nod.
She lets out a breath and starts fidgeting, I'm growing more and more nervous with each silent second that passes.
"I've been seeing a therapist" she lets out finally.
She looks at me expectantly and I'm assuming she wants some kind of response.
"Oh?"
"Once a week, since I had the baby"
Wow.
"No one knows"
Double Wow.
"You've come up more than a few times in my sessions"
I can't very well just continue to multiply my wow factor but I have no other response.
I swallow, "Me?"
She laughs slightly, "Turns out you're on my mind a lot"
"I'm flattered but why are you telling me this?"
"While I've found that you're much more therapeutic than my actual therapist, and I've told you way more than I have told the overcharging asshole in 5 months, I was wondering if…" she trails off.
I can tell that this is difficult for her, whatever it is that she wants to tell or ask me, so I wait patiently. And when I run out of patience I gently start rubbing her cheek.
"What is it?"
"Would you come with me to my next session?"
"Me?"
She giggles a little, "Yeah, you"
"Wh, why?"
She rubs her nail across my back.
"You're kind of important to me, you have been for a while and I was just too stubborn to accept it"
"Accept what?"
She looks at me with amusement, "My feelings for you"
"Didn't they just develop within the past week?"
"They only grew stronger"
I'm processing this information, I guess my silence is making her worried. She backs up a little bit.
"That afternoon in the bathroom, when you found me crying. I had been aware of how I felt for you, it was a major breakthrough when Dr. Mackler suggested it and I couldn't find the words anymore to deny it. And when it was you that walked in, I wanted you to leave, I was so scared you'd find out"
My eyes are wide as I'm reliving everything in my head. How could any of this be?
"I drove around for hours that night and I kept ending up on your street, finally I gave in and called you. You were so comforting, you knew exactly what to say and I knew that I was in way over my head. That next morning, having to leave you in your bed was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do behind giving up my baby. I would have stayed next to you for hours if I could have. It scared me. I've been so numb for so long, you're the only one that can make me feel things"
I haven't blinked in ages. I can't tell if the tears are from my emotions or from not blinking.
"You ignored me…Karofsky..." I manage to get out.
I know didn't imagine her standing by and pretending I didn't exist that day, the day that she claims was harder to start than giving up her first born child.
She closes her eyes, "I know, trust me. I wish I could take that back so badly. It was stupid and selfish. I had to put distance between us. I had to make you go away, and it only made my heart hurt even more"
I swallow, my throat is completely dry.
"But you came"
I distinctly remember that she came to the bathroom after the second slushie incident.
"I was in the choir room and no one knew where you were. I panicked, I went to every bathroom in the school until I found you. You were so broken, and it was my fault"
So many questions are racing through my head, I can't pick out one in particular, none of them are coherent.
"And Brittany's?"
"I never thought Santana would ever call you. Something in me just snapped, I was horrible to them, they didn't deserve any of my rage. I was taking my regret with you out on them by being a bitch. I locked myself in a bathroom, and well you know the rest" she ducks her head bashfully.
"So you accepted me after that?" I ask, not realizing how it sounded.
She straightens a bit and holds my shoulders, "It was never ever about accepting you, it was about accepting who I am now. I never meant to hurt you or make you think that I didn't accept you. I accept all of you" she smoothes my hair and her eyes dance across my face before she places a kiss on my forehead, "even your repertoire of Spice Girl's music"
I laugh and the seriousness of the conversation is diminishing thankfully. The change in air is welcoming and I am absolutely going to use this time to learn some more about her while she's being so open with me.
I tap my finger to my chin as I think.
"So, you came out of nowhere and almost beat up Karofsky"
She chuckles, "I was at my locker with Santana, and she was about to kill me"
While I don't doubt it, "Why?"
"Because she said I was bouncy and being annoying. I was just excited to see you" she admits and ducks her head. I coo at her and her blush deepens, "Anyway, I heard a scream and laughter and my heart sank, I had a pretty good idea of what just happened. When I saw you, something in me just took over and before I could react, he was pushed up against a locker and I was wanting to snap his neck."
"Yikes"
"Any more questions?"
"How did you threaten Karofsky?"
She gives me a mischievous smile and gives me a kiss on the lips, "It's better that you don't know babe. I don't think you'd be too proud of me"
I bite my lip playfully as I look up into her eyes.
"You're one of a kind Quinn Fabray"
She smiles, "So now that you know all of this stuff, will you consider coming with me to my session next week. I'd really like you to be there with me." She says timidly.
I smile wide, "I was going to say yes right away but you went off on your boring tangent of self realization and unrequited love"
Her mouth drops and she pulls me into her, she's attempting to tickle me but I fight her off.
"Of course, I'll come with you. I wouldn't miss it for anything"
She smiles gratefully and we've settled back into the perfect cocoon that we've created.
"Where do you want to meet tonight?" she asks me as my eyes begin to droop.
"Right here" I whisper