Chapter 4: Confusion

The next day at school I was really quite anxious at the thought of seeing Edward at lunch. I didn't want to do something embarrassing or act differently just because of my dream. As Alice and I made our way to the cafeteria, my feet dragged; I'd barely had any sleep after waking up from the most glorious dream. I yawned as I sat down next to Jasper, leaning my head on his right shoulder. He chuckled as he rested his head on mine.

"Tough night, huh?"

"Mm.." I replied with a nod.

I opened my eyes to notice three things very quickly. The first was that Alice was giving me a wary glance from Jasper's other side, Rosalie and Edward were sitting down at the table hand-in-hand, and Edward was eyeing the close proximity Jazz and I were in with a disappointed look. It only took three seconds for me to analyse what I'd noticed; Edward and Rose were most likely a couple now, Alice seemed a little jealous and slightly bitter at the said contact between Jazz and I, and Edward was most likely disappointed in me, because as a true friend I should probably realise the feelings Alice has for Jazz and what I was doing, probably upset her. I smiled apologetically at Alice before I leaned away from Jazz. He watched me as I did this, probably confused as to my swift rejection.

"I'm going to get a drink," I explained quickly before standing up and walking off. But when I got to the line I decided to go to the toilet instead. I knew it was pathetic, but that dream had been so vivid, so real that it did two things I was quite upset about; it deprived me of a proper night's sleep, - causing me to be exhausted and dead on my feet – and it gave me false hope, hope of what could happen. But that was demolished as I remembered Edward and Rosalie's hands linked on the table. I cried softly and quietly in the bathroom. Once again, I resented the fact that I wasn't enough like Rosalie; I didn't have her beautiful hair or beautiful curves. Before it got out of hand, I quickly washed my face and dried it on some paper towel. It was a good thing I didn't wear make up at school.

I thanked the Lord when the bell rang just as I returned to the table. But everyone was still sitting when Jazz asked me, "Bells, are you okay?" Curious expressions were in the background of his worried one, "I know you didn't get a drink." Before I could answer, Rosalie did it for me.

"She's fine Jazz. She's just a little jealous." I stared at her wide eyed and worried that she'd caught me out as Jazz continued to watch me, confused.

"Jealous?" he questioned.

"Yep, she's jealous that we-" she motioned between herself and Edward and Alice and Jazz, "have our other half here at school, while she doesn't." I groaned internally as I rolled my eyes at her; too tired for this.

"Save it Rose. I don't want to hear anymore."

I grabbed my bag and walked off. Normally she would have pushed the issue further, explaining how Jacob and I were meant for each other, but this time she did not. Thankfully. Maybe it was because I did sound more upset than angry, which would be my normal emotion shown through jealousy. Or maybe she was just too happy with how her life had turned out with Edward that she just didn't care to bother me. Either way, I was glad and grateful.

The last two periods went by slowly and uneventfully. Despite my reluctance to admit or believe I had any romantic feelings for Jake, I couldn't wait to see him after school. He always made my day no matter what and today, I definitely needed his company. When I reached my car Rose and Edward were waiting for me. I sucked in my breath and held it.

"Uh, hey guys," I murmured as I opened my truck.

"Hey um, Edward is going to drive me home and then he's coming over," Rosalie said before departing with Edward in tow. I nodded to myself as I got in. This was going to be hard; not only are they dating, they were going to be around me, most probably a lot of the time. Life was so unfair. I'd reasoned to myself that before they got there I would go to my room and stay there until Jake arrived. However when I pulled up to the driveway, a silver Volvo was parked next to the curb. How fast did he drive? I walked into the house, dropped off my bag in the living room and then went up to my room. Loud music started playing from Rosalie's room. Ugh! I quickly changed into more comfortable clothes and washed my face again before going back downstairs. On my way, I could hear the grunts and moans despite the music, I cringed internally. Why did I have to like a guy that was interested in someone else? Why couldn't I like someone who liked me? Mike was okay; nice to look at, sweet and kind, and Jacob was pretty much perfect all together, why couldn't I like either of them?

"BELLS!"

I had made it to the second last step just as I heard an initial bang and the shout. Of course, it caused me jump, miss the last step and fall flat on my face. The expected chuckle however, did not follow. Big, warm hands felt their way to my armpits and pulled me up from the floor. I turned around to see the second best and most attractive, smile in the world. His white teeth glistening in contrast with his russet brown skin. I smiled back with embarrassment colouring my cheeks with a pink shade.

"Hey Bells, sorry about scaring you," Jake said as he brought his hand to my face, lightly stroking my cheek with his fingers. I winced at the unexpected pain. Suddenly I realized he wasn't smiling anymore, he seemed upset. That was until he unconsciously started to lean in closer to me. I didn't have time to think about whether I wanted him to stop or not.

"Jake, I..-"

"Bella," he whispered huskily, "Sshh…"

I felt his other hand on my waist; pulling me forward, closer to him. Did I want this? Did I want him to kiss me? Did I want to kiss him back? Just as I was about to step back, I remembered my earlier thoughts. I owed myself to see if I could be with a guy besides the one who was taken. I deserved to see what it was like to be with a guy who liked me, didn't I? Before I could change my mind I locked myself into position so that I couldn't move. When our lips connected I startled at the contact; his lips so warm and soft. I found myself reaching my hands to the back of his neck, my fingers tangling themselves in his hair. What was I doing? I didn't know, and I didn't understand the feelings I had. It felt nice, so why should I stop? I asked myself. Because you like Edward! I cringed at the second thought. So what? He didn't like me. Before I knew it, the kiss was in full swing. His tongue swept over my bottom lip, asking for permission to enter. I parted my lips, just enough so that his tongue could slip in. Surprising myself, I began sucking his tongue and kissing his lips as both of his hands wrapped around my waist. Eventually I slowly pulled away from him so that we could breathe.

"Wow," he whispered as he gazed into my eyes. I felt a slight pang of irritation and guilt as I realized I wanted to be looking into the familiar green eyes instead of Jacob's dark brown ones. I smiled before agreeing.

"Yeah," I murmured.

Suddenly there was a squeak, "Finally!" I turned around red faced, to see Rose and Edward looking at us.

Rosalie's expression wasn't surprising; she seemed ecstatic that her prediction had eventually come true, as she smiled and clapped her hands. But Edward's confused me. The emotions on his face puzzled me; he seemed upset, hurt, maybe a little angry, none of which made any sense to me. I shrugged internally before Jacob sighed and grabbed my hand, pulling me into the living room. We sat down on the couch before Jake turned to me.

"Look Bells, I know you're kinda hesitant when it comes to relationships. But please, please can we give this a go? I promise we can go really slowly, a couple of dates and stuff. You know how I feel about you." He lightly stroked my cheek again, right where it hurt. I placed my hand on his, holding it there.

"Sure Jake. There's no harm in trying."

I didn't no then whether or not that were true.

A/N: Reviews will encourage me to keep writing this. I don't know if it's any good or not. Lol.