Oh my God! Thank you all who reviewed! You just rule! Uh…anyway…sorry this is taking kinda long to get out. Or is a week that long in the fanfiction world? I don't know. Nor do I care.

Anyway, I think I'm gonna start doing mini journals up here. So, this week…shit happened. Let's see, math test on Thursday, social studies test on Friday. Apparently, school hates me. S'all good, though. I still have time to write this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush! Trust me! If I did, there wouldn't be a need to write this! We'd all be getting our daily dose of gay just by watching it! (Not that I don't with Big Time Crib, but you catch my drift.)

Warnings: Yaoi, slash, guy on guy, that genre! Foul language and later on some serious, explicit smexing. No likey, no read-y!

"Yo! Logan!"

He still didn't reply. Of course, some parts of me wondered if he figured out that I liked him and now he was rejecting me; that was just natural when you were fallen for someone like a stupid little school girl and falling further every day. But I pushed those thoughts away.

This was Logan. He never pushed people away on purpose.

"What is wrong with him?" I groaned, going back to glaring at the opposite side of the exercise room. Gustavo was making us work out a lot; we were currently jogging on the treadmills.

"He's spaced out. Duh." James said, rolling his eyes. I glared at him out of the corner of my eye.

"As usual." Carlos retorted. I peered at him from my side of Logan curiously. He sighed, rolling his eyes. "I'm not judging you guys, 'cause you guys are in love with each other, but maybe if you weren't so obsessed with each other you would have noticed that Logan's been retreating into his own little world with music a lot ever since you two started dating."

I winced for two reasons.

The word 'love' in context with me and James.

I was the one pushing Logan away.

Can you guess which one hurt most?

Our treadmills beeped in unison. We stopped jogging as Logan took out his earbuds.

"Hey, Carlos. Spot me?" Logan asked, nodding over to the bench press. Carlos smiled and nodded, hiding the fact that he had just told me and James what was going on in Logan's mind. Logan grinned and then looked over at James and I. "Switch of in a few minutes?" He suggested.

"Uh…sure." I replied.

"What's the face for?" He asked, tilting his head to the side slightly and his smile fading. I shrugged, panicking inside my head that I was so easy to read – that wasn't like me. He laughed softly. "I just thought that you and James would want to stick together and give each other gooey words of encouragement."

"Thanks for the courtesy." James said before I could respond. Logan smiled again as he and Carlos walked away. James turned to me. "Pull ups?"

"Pull ups." I sighed, following him slightly dejectedly.

-Logan's POV—

I started off by lifting weights I knew I could life – it was easier to slowly elevate the pressure level than to start high and get higher.

A few minutes later, Carlos suddenly leaned over me. "You know what's a bad combination?" He asked in an innocent tone.

I sighed inwardly. "What?" I complied, expecting him to say something along the lines of 'hot dogs and peanut butter'.

"Sad songs, secrets, and keeping those secrets from your fucking best friends."

If I had been standing, I would have fallen. But, instead, my grip slipped a bit on the weight in my hands at the moment.

"What are you getting at, Carlos?" I asked slowly, freaking out in my mind. Was I really that easy to read? Could everyone see what pain I was going through? What had given it away?

He sighed. "I don't know exactly what's up with you, but it can't be good." He said. "We're your best friends, dude. You can tell us stuff."

Part of me wanted to yell at him. Now, I couldn't tell them 'stuff'. Not this stuff, at least. Another part wanted to just let loose with it all and tell him. Maybe it would feel good, like if I were Atlas and had just gotten out from underneath the sky. And yet another side wanted to just stand up and walk away.

I stuck with denial.

"Don't you think if there was a problem, I'd tell you?" I asked, raising an eyebrow at the Latino.

"No." He answered bluntly. "You're too busy worrying that you'd 'burden us' with your problems."

I hooked the weight in my hands back in its holder and sat up. I paused. "I guess you're right…" I admitted.

"So you're admitting to having problems?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Well, yeah," I shrugged. "But everyone has baggage. And as much as I know you gays are there to help me shoulder it, I'd like to hold it myself for just a while longer." I smiled.

"Your baggage." Carlos said. "Now move. I got muscles to grow."

I laughed as I stood up. I glanced up at Kendall. He looked wicked hot doing those pull ups, with that super-concentrated look on his face.

I smiled bitterly to myself. I loved him, even though he would never love me back.

-Kendall's POV-

"I mean, seriously, what do the Jennifers have that I don't?" I asked James.

"Boobs, vaginas, the list can continue." He replied.

"I hate you big time now." I growled, pulling myself back up. Fuck, I hated pull ups.

"No. You're just pissed off because Carlos knows more about what's going on in your little Logie's mind than you do." James retorted, not stopping in his exercise.

"As true as that is…" I sighed, continuing my movements. "You're not exactly helping."

"I promised to help you by being showy, not helping you through your problems." He said.

I ignored him, looking over at Logan. He and Carlos were talking. An idea struck me and made my knees suddenly weak. "Do you think he likes…Carlos? I asked meekly.

"I swear if he does I'll kill the fucking man-stealing little bastard."

I gave James a look of shock at the sudden tone of furious jealousy and possession.

He likes Carlos…?

He glanced at me. "What? I can't have a thing for Latinos?"

I sniggered. "I never said anything." I reminded him.

"Not out loud." He grumbled, turning his head away. I glanced back over at Logan.

He and Carlos were talking while Carlos kept doing his exercise, Logan keeping a keen eye on him. Logan was so cute…I would make up epic plans and execute them perfectly just so, when we were celebrating, I could wrap my arms around him even momentarily and it wouldn't mean anything.

Well, not to him, at least.

But to me, it kept me grinning.

Dammit, I was getting soft. Not that I minded being soft for Logan, but still. I wasn't used to being…

Soft.

**FF AN HOUR**

-Logan's POV-

I rubbed my shoulder, groaning. "I hate Gustavo."

"Diddo." Kendall grumbled from his position, upside down on the couch.

"Isn't all your blood rushing to your head?" James asked, lazily raising an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

"Yup." The blonde sighed.

"Hey, guys!" Carlos called from the next room. He ran in, holding up a medium-sized box. "Look what we got in the mail!"

"How are you still hyper?" I asked incredulously.

"What's in the box?" James asked, sitting up. Carlos strutted – yes, strutted – over and set it on the table.

"No clue!" He declared. "Anyone got a pocketknife?" He asked, grinning at us.

Kendall did that little huff-laugh he did when he found something funny even though he knew it wasn't funny for other people. "A pocketknife?"

Those 'other people' being me.

"Woah. Hold up, Carlos. You don't need a pocketknife." I said slowly, standing up. I walked over to the drawer and took out a pair of scissors, handing them to the Latino. "Use something safer."

"How'd you know scissors were in there?" Kendall asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Are you hiding something from us?" James asked, tipping his head to the side and raising his eyebrows. Something in his tone told me that he was only half joking.

I sighed, rolling my eyes. "Carlos, you tell them."

"He's hiding his baggage behind a thin veil. Doesn't want us to know. Blah." Carlos explained.

"That's not what I wanted you to explain, but okay…" I muttered, going back to sitting next to Kendall.

"Baggage?" The blonde teen asked, his face retreating into that passive smile-like expression that he used to hid his emotions.

"Don't." I warned him.

"Fine." He sighed, pulling himself up in a big sit up. He froze halfway. "Oh God. Bad idea." He choked out.

My phone started ringing. "James, take care of Kendall. I gotta take this." I said as I stood up, walking into the next room. "Hello?"

"Where are you dogs?" Gustavo shouted into my ear. "Five hours harmonizing! Now!"

The line went dead.

I walked back in, rubbing my ear. "C'mon, guys. Gustavo wants us harmonizing." I told them. They groaned and stood up.

"Why'd he call you?" James whined.

"Maybe because I always have my phone on whereas you guys always leave them off." I pointed out, smiling in triumph.

They looked stumped for a comeback.

"Geez, Logan. You a verbal ninja or something?" Carlos asked, laughing.

"Yes. I am the most ninja of all ninjas at the Palm Woods." I said sarcastically.

Carlos giggled as he and James started walking in front of Kendall and I. "Wait!" He suddenly cried. "We forgot to open the box!"

"Carlos, calm down. We'll open it when we get home." James said.

Carlos pouted. "Fine…" He said. He then launched into a new topic with James.

"You're being awfully quiet." I said, looking over at Kendall.

He looked up from the floor and at me. "Just thinking." He said.

"About what?" I asked.

He glanced over at James and Carlos. He looked back at me, putting a hand on my shoulder. "Logan…" He started. He paused and took a deep breath. I felt a surge of confusion, fear, and just a hint of want wash over me as he turned those perfect green eyes so they were staring into my own eyes. "I know you don't want help. But just know that I'm here for you. We all are. And it's okay to have secrets. Just be careful. Promise me that. Please."

His voice was low and steady. It was a tone I'd rarely heard before, and it sent shivers down my back.

I couldn't say no.

I nodded. "I promise." I said, my throat suddenly dry.

His face relaxed, still looking a little serious. He pulled me into a hug. "Thanks." He said.

I wanted to melt into the hug. I wanted to say something. I wanted to let him know I wasn't brain dead. But I knew if James came back and saw us like that…

I couldn't do that. I had principles.

I gently pushed him away. "C'mon," I muttered, turning away to hide my blush. "We have harmonizing to do."

The shattering sound of my heart was practically audible as I walked away.

-Kendall's POV-

I shuffled after him. Stop this, Kendall! I yelled at myself. Follow your fucking policy and 'be yourself'!

I took a deep breath, straightened, and smiled at Logan. "Come on, Logie! We gotta catch up!"

What We Could Be.

The fucking irony. Not that I wasn't a fan of irony. I loved it.

Just not when it happened to me and my love life.

When we were flipping through the packet, singing along to the music under our breaths, Logan let out a small chuckle at his part in the bridge.

"Ah, the irony…" He muttered.

So he found this song ironic, too? I looked at his part.

You run around my head

You make me go brain dead

Could you speak up?

Can't hear you over my heart speed up

I raised an eyebrow. So…

He liked someone?

I bit my lip to keep from crying out in agony. The agony pulsed from my heart, spreading everywhere in my body and mind and soul, shutting off all other thoughts.

Damn stress-induced momentary brain death!

Wow…that was…extremely OOC. And corny. Anyone else find that corn? Did anyone eat it, if you get the metaphor? (It's nothing perverted, imonlygonnabreakurheart, so kiss my ass.)

Well. Uh…hi. Hope you liked it. Rate, review, whatever. Not a big deal in my mind. I just hope you liked it. And read next week's update.

Speaking of that, I've already started chapter 3. That's when it starts getting…explicit-ish. If you only like fluff…stop reading. I'm just protecting your innocence. :D

Kendall: Oh, trust me, Distopian Heart…people wouldn't read your stories if they cared about their innocence.

I only have one story, dumbass.

Logan: *rolls eyes* Maybe, but it's slash. Don't get too cocky.

James: SNAP!

Shut up, Hollywood party king of Hollywood.

Carlos: Yes. Yes we are.

Well…I'm gonna leave them alone now. They're pissing me off. Bye.