Hey! Yes, I be back! This chapter's kinda long, but only because I had a lot planned for this one. Oh, and just FYI, the nickname Loges is pronounced as the first syllable of Logan's name, and then end it with a 'z' sound. Just for later in the chapter… ;)

Also, I'm trying to set something up. The BTR Family! Let's assign the roles, shall we? Logan: mom! Kendall: dad! Carlos: son! James: son's boyfriend who avoids Carlos' 'parents' but cares for Carlos like no one can! At the moment, I'm trying to make it sound like Logan and Kendall are 'divorced', Carlos is around ten years old, and James is just the best friend.

Ugh, I'm in pain. Mostly because I hurt myself on Saturday. Don't worry, it won't affect the story…I hope. xD Nah, I'm kidding. I hurt my leg, not my arms. And then, of course, I went and got my eye hurt. My right eye accidentally met someone's wrist. In gym class, no less. Bleh.

Anyway! Try not to hate me because of this chapter…I know all of you Kendall and Carlos fans are going to be devastated. But I needed to do this.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush! Trust me! If I did, there wouldn't be a need to write this! We'd all be getting our daily dose of gay just by watching it! (Not that I don't with Big Time Crib, but you catch my drift.)

Warnings: Yaoi, slash, guy on guy, that genre! Foul language and later on some serious, explicit smexing. No likey, no read-y!

"I said no, Carlos!"

I sighed, watching Kendall fail at calming Carlos down.

"Kendall," I intervened, stepping closer. "Let me handle this." The blonde shot me a confused look, but stood up and stepped back. I knelt down next to Carlos. "Hey, little guy." I greeted in a soft tone.

Carlos looked up at me. "Hi, Logan." He said back, sounding like a little kid. Happy tenth birthday again, Carlos.

I put a hand on his shoulder gently. "Listen. I know, what with your parents fighting all the time when you were growing up, seeing us fight must be stressful to you. It's stressful to us, too." I sent a glare-glance at Kendall, who looked guilty.

"That doesn't make me feel better." Carlos muttered. I turned back to him with a sympathetic look.

"I know it doesn't, honey. I know it doesn't." I sighed. I glanced down at his feet and saw a toy he wanted to get. "Hey, I have an idea!" I said, still using a quiet volume. Carlos glanced up at me hopefully. "Kendall and I will get you that toy, okay?"

Carlos paused. "I like that one better." He pointed to the toy in Kendall's hand. I smiled.

"Then we'll get you that one." I complied. I brushed my hand through his hair before standing up facing Kendall. "You better have some money. I left my wallet at the apartment."

He sighed, taking out his wallet. "Yeah, I have some." He looked at me. "He's only going to play with it twice and then throw it with the rest of his junk, you realize."

"Kendall." My voice had a lethal poison dripping from every word.

"Fine!" He hissed, leaning against the wall. I rolled my eyes.

Why did I love him again?

Oh, right, you probably think the whole thing with John was real. Ha. Not a fucking chance. Two reasons, too:

I loved Kendall too much.

John was too old for me. Turns out, he was turning nineteen that winter.

I felt a tug on my pants. I glanced back at Carlos. "Yeah, buddy?"

He held up a comic book. "Can I get this, too?" He asked innocently. I smiled.

"Of course you can." I replied. He grinned.

I glanced at Kendall. I think we're all a little shaken by that fight…

**REWIND TEN MINUTES**

"It's my fucking life!" I yelled.

"That's not a reason to be fucking with an older guy, Logan! He's eighteen! I'm pretty sure that's illegal!" Kendall shouted.

"Well, you should've just asked me! Because I'm the fucking encyclopedia of the group!"

"Why are you getting pissed off about that now, after years of being the smart one?"

"I'm not!" I seethed. "I'm getting pissed off about the fact that everyone here treats me like a fucking mental case! You tip toe around me and only use me when you're neck deep in shit! And now that I'm finally dating someone, you all go against it! What the fuck?"

"We just don't want you to get hurt!" He cried.

"The only way I'm getting hurt is that you guys don't trust me with my own love life!"

"My fucking god, stop being such a girl!"

"Oh, so now if I have feelings, I'm a girl?"

"That's not what I-"

"Listen, douche bag, I don't give a fuck. It's just your opinion! And you know what they say about opinions?"

"What?"

"They're like assholes, everybody has one!"

"Yeah, well I'm sure yours is being abused and exploited a lot lately!"

Oh, he did not just go there! "And I'm sure you like having James' dick up yours!"

We were in the middle of practice. With Griffin, Mrs. Knight, and Katie. Everyone gasped, horrified. Not only was that below the belt, but it was pretty obvious that Kendall was dominant.

But, like I said, I didn't give a fuck.

Next thing I knew, the door was being slammed closed. Glancing around, I saw that Carlos wasn't in the room anymore.

"Aw, crap." Kendall groaned.

**BACK TO NORMAL TIME**

Stepping into the apartment, the tension was palpable. The smell of Mrs. Knight's Stressed-Out-I-Need-To-Bake-To-Take-My-Mind-Off-Things cookies wafted throughout the air.

Kendall heaved a sigh as Carlos ran off to his room. He turned to me. "Listen, Logan." He started. I looked away, ashamed at my previous behavior. God, I was an idiot! "I'm sorry. I know we treat you like you're still fourteen, but you're not and we shouldn't."

"Yeah, well, I shouldn't have gotten so mad just because you're overprotective of me." I said, shrugging. "I've always just done what people said. I guess I just needed to be a rebel once in my life."

He smiled. "I agree. Every teenager goes through that." He paused. "We cool?"

I smiled, nodding. "Yeah. We're cool." I replied.

He opened his arms in invitation. "Hug?"

I laughed slightly bfore complying and hugging him. It felt better than it should have, but for the moment…

It felt amazing.

We separated just as his mom walked into the apartment with her hands full of groceries.

"Oh!" She cried. "You two made up!"

I blushed and looked away while Kendall laughed and confirmed. She grinned.

"Good. You should have seen how torn up James was." She blurted. "He hates seeing you two fight." Kendall tensed.

"What?" He choked out. Before his mom could reply, he was already running to his boyfriend's rescue.

I sighed, flopping down on the couch. "I keep forgetting that they're together." I said to no one in particular.

Mrs. Knight looked at me. "What do you mean, sweetie?" She asked, walking over to me. I looked up at her. She had been more of a mom to me than my own mother.

"I messed up. And I don't know how to fix it." I said. I bit my lip, feeling tears well up in my eyes. "I just feel like…like I missed something."

"Oh, sweetie," she cooed, sitting on the arm of the sofa and running a hand through my hair. "Do you wanna talk about it?"

I shook my head. "You'd hate me." I protested.

"Logan, I could never hate you." She hugged me, rocking back and forth. I let her, knowing that she was the only one who would be willing to comfort me.

-Kendall's POV-

I sighed heavily. "So, you were upset because of Carlos." I summed up.

James looked up from his iPod. "Pretty much." He replied.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm gonna go get some food." I announced, turning towards the door.

"You eat too much. You're gonna get fat." James warned. Like I care, I thought, opening the door.

"I messed up. And I don't know how to fix it."

Was that Logan?

I poked my head into the room, just to see what was going on. I saw Logan on the couch, looking forlorn, and my mom standing next to him, like the guardian angel she was for all of us.

He bit his lip as tears came to his eyes. "I just feel like…like I missed something."

"Oh, sweetie," Mom sat on the arm of the couch and ran a hand through his hair. "Do you want to talk about it?"

Say yes, I urged silently. You can't keep secrets forever. You'll hurt yourself. Don't hurt yourself. Not anymore!

Logan shook his head. "You'd hate me."

"Logan, I could never hate you." My mom said, hugging him. I felt the world around me spin at just how hard this was all hitting me. Logan was hurt…

Why?

Was it…me? Or John? Maybe the mistake was becoming a Big Time Rush as a whole! Maybe he was having regrets about even being friends with us! He said he needed new friends all the time, why wouldn't he be serious?

My throat was suddenly dry. I slunk back to my room. James looked up at me, looking like he was about to make some wry comment, until he saw my face. He blanched.

"Dude…y-you look like you're gonna puke…" He managed.

I shook my head, refusing to admit that he was right. "Just leave. Go talk to Carlos. Do that. Now." I choked out.

He couldn't get out of there fast enough.

I laid down on my bed. I stared at the ceiling, tracing patterns that just weren't there.

Did it start with the fight? How did the fight even start? Oh, Jesus Christ, did I remember?

**FLASHBACK!**

We put on our headphones. I glanced up at Griffin, Mom, and Katie. They all wanted to see how we were doing with our latest song. Gustavo and Kelly looked nervous.

Logan was right next to me. I couldn't help but to blurt, very quietly, "You sure you'll be able to dance?"

He stiffened, then looked at me. "Yeah, dude. I'll be fine."

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Maybe you shouldn't be going out with a guy like John…"

He frowned. "It's none your business, Kendall." He growled warningly.

"Well, maybe I have a problem with that!" I hissed softly.

"Why should you? You're so damn occupied with James, you've distanced the two of you away from everyone else." By the end of the sentence, he was using a normal tone.

"I've been distancing myself?" I cried incredulously. "You can't take five minutes of being in the same room as James and I! Or anyone else, except for John!"

He threw his headphones into Carlos' grasp. "Stay out of my shit, Kendall!" He was getting louder.

Unfortunately, so was I.

"It's not your private business when you go prancing around with hickeys!"

He clenched his fists. "It's my fucking life!"

**END OF FLASHBACK!**

I gulped. Wow, I was a dick.

**FF TO NEXT DAY**

-Katie's POV-

Laughter flooded from Logan's room. I was still kinda shocked from yesterday's fight; it had been pretty intense.

How was he already cool with it?

"No, no, no," I heard him say. "You suck at fruit!" There was a pause. "That…that came out wrong."

"Hell yeah it did." Came the other guy's voice. Part of me wanted to watch them make out with fruit (they had taken all the strawberries and bananas), because, well, gay stuff was hot. But the other part of me knew that this was Logan. He was like my second brother!

Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. I ran up and opened it to find the other three boys. James had dragged them off shopping, leaving Logan to babysit me while Mom went to find a job.

"They're making out." I announced, turning away and sitting on the couch.

"Who is?" Carlos asked.

"Logan and some other guy. He came in like ten minutes after you left. Then they disappeared into Logan's room with fruit." I explained.

The boys stepped in. "Fruit?" James repeated.

"What did the guy look like?" Kendall interrupted. "Tall, black hair, turquoise streaks, a tattoo on his arm, muscular?"

I nodded. "That'd be him." I replied.

"Dammit!" Kendall hissed, slamming his car keys on the counter.

"What?" Carlos asked. "Who is that?"

Kendall sighed, leaning heavily on the wall. "It's John." He sounded muffled, due to the fact that he was burying his face in his hands.

"Aw, man, you're kidding me!" James whined.

"Maybe one of you should check in on them. Make sure they're not dirtying Carlos' bed." I said suggestively, seemingly absorbed in New Moon.

Carlos turned bright red. "I have stuff under there!" As he ran off, I muttered, "That's what she said."

-Logan's POV-

John was over just to push everyone to believe that we were going out.

Granted, he had been a bit early, and had dragged me into my room, but I guess it convinced Katie.

So, yeah, we were reading some yaoi mangas he had brought over (he likes reading that stuff) and eating fruit. Big whoop.

It wasn't until he tried feeding me that it got raunchy.

I tried pushing him away. "John!" I whined.

He sniggered. "C'mon. If anyone walks in on this, the look on their face will make my day!" He said.

"And here I thought I was special enough to make your day." I retorted. I opened my mouth, signaling that I was going with the plan.

He grinned and popped a strawberry in my mouth. "Don't get me wrong, you are. But it'd be funny!"

I rolled my eyes. "Hilarious." I drawled, swallowing the strawberry. Damn, those were good strawberries…

I wonder what it'd be like if it was Kendall feeding you those berries…

I tried to ignore the thought.

Suddenly, another, different fruit was being shoved down my throat. I recognized the taste of a banana.

I nearly choked, on either the fruit or the sheer irony. "No, no, no," I panted once I could breathe again, "you suck at fruit!"

John stared at me. I blushed, suddenly realizing what I had said.

"That…that came out wrong." I said. He smirked.

"Hell yeah it did." He suddenly pounced on top of me.

I squirmed. "Dude! Get off!" I hissed.

"It's to psych out your friends." He whispered.

I stopped squirming. "What?" I hissed.

"Wait for it."

Suddenly, I heard it.

"They're making out." That was Katie…

"Who is?" Carlos…

"Logan and some other guy. He came in like ten minutes after you left. Then they disappeared into Logan's room with fruit." Katie again.

"Fruit?" James.

"What'd the guy look like?" Kendall! "Tall, black hair, turquoise streaks, a tattoo on his arm, muscular?"

"That'd be him." Katie replied.

"Dammit!"

John pouted. "Looks like your friends don't like me very much." He said.

As if wanting them to hear us, because I did, I replied, "Only because they haven't met you."

He smirked, knowing that I was ready for any devious plan that was churning in that mind of his.

"I have stuff under there!"

I pulled a face at Carlos' choice of words while a voice whispered, "Just go with it," in my ear before lips were on mind.

Holy shit.

And not in a good way.

But, I went with the act, kissing back, opening up for him even as the door got kicked open.

-Carlos' POV-

I kicked the door open. A little extreme, but still! I had a good fuckin' reason!

First thing I see?

This dude on top of Logan with his tongue down his throat!

First thing that comes to mind?

Heh. Logan's a better bottom that I would've expected.

And I would know. How, you may ask? Because, back in Minnesota, I had been a bit of a slut. No, no STD's. And always guys. I had topped and bottom'd. Really, I had always liked being bottom better, because I wouldn't have to do anything, yet get all the pleasure and credit. But lately, I had an odd fetish-like thing towards guys I knew I could top.

Which would explain where I had been that night at the bar.

**FLASHBACK!**

Tongues were crashing against each other, hands were sliding up thighs, fingers were entwined in hair.

Damn. He was a good kisser. Now what was his name again? Cory, Colby? It might have been Cornelius…

"Carlos!"

I broke away from the kid in my lap, breathing heavily. That had been James' voice. "Ah, shit…"

"Carlos, baby? Something wrong?" C-Kid asked, pouting seductively.

Luckily, I had willpower. I pushed him away. "Sorry, dude. Gotta bolt." I said quickly, draining the rest of my drink.

"Will you at least call me?" C-Kid asked hopefully.

"Maybe. Probably not. Don't get your hopes up." I replied, then ran back onto the dancefloor to run straight into James.

"There you are!" He cried, and pulled me away.

**END FLASHBACK!**

Only James knew about my sluttyness. He had found out when he walked in on the high school quarterback and me making out on my bed.

I had always known that guy was bi…

Not James!

His original reaction had been shock, denial, and confusion. When I explained it to him, he asked why. I had answered truthfully.

"Because the guy I like will never like me back."

Anyway, back to the present.

Logan. And that dude. Making out.

Luckily, they weren't in my bed. I could've left then, but I just had to see this.

John's hands were on Logan's hips, rolling them in circles as he moved his knee in between Logan's legs. Logan's fingers were tangled in John's hair, his back arching off the bed. Soft noises were flooding from them.

I coughed loudly.

Logan's eyes snapped open. He shifted his head so he was looking at me in such a way that I was probably upside-down in his vision. He blushed. "C-Carlos! U-u-um…hi?" He stuttered as John didn't stop in his motions, just sent an unreadable look up in my direction.

"Yo. Don't use my bed. And try not to make that much noise. Everyone's home now." I said bluntly. I turned and left, closing the door briskly.

When I got back to the main room, I saw that even Mrs. Knight was back home. I waved to her, smiling, before jumping onto the couch.

-Logan's POV-

Oh, thank god for that bathroom attached to my room.

As soon as the door was closed, I had rolled off the bed, ran to the sink, and puked.

John was suddenly behind me, a hand on my shoulder. "You have extreme reactions to things, you know that?"

I straightened, wiping my mouth with a towel. "Shut up. That was my second kiss ever. The first was with a girl."

"Did you puke then?" He asked.

"Yes." I replied, sighing. I trudged back to my bed and flopped down. "We can't sneak you out…" I muttered.

"What?" John leaned against the wall.

"We can't sneak you out. So, the only thing we can do is…" I took a deep breath. "You'll have to meet the family."

"Sounds fun!" He said, smirking. I laughed at his ridiculous tone.

"Doesn't it, though." I said. He sat down next to me.

"Okay. How should I act?" He asked.

"Don't be as pervy as you usually are." I said. "Oh, and be nice. Don't let them think that you're abusive to me, either. You'd just get your ass kicked."

"And then where would you be?" He interrupted jokingly.

I sent a halfhearted glare at him. "Whatever. Practice. Now." I shook my hand in his direction, signaling that he should start.

"Uh, okay." He smirked and cleared his throat. He smiled at the wall. "Hi, I'm John. I fucked little Loges here."

I facepalmed.

"Okay. Never mind. Let's just go." I sighed, standing up.

As we walked out, we dove into an improvised conversation. I don't even remember what it was about.

"And anyway, it was really gross." John looked up. "Hey, look! People!"

I laughed. "Um, yeah. Uh, that's-"

"Sorry, baby, but I got this." He grinned at me. He then turned to the other people. "Carlos, James, Katie, Mrs. Knight…" He listed, shaking hands with everyone as he said their name. Then his gaze landed on the blonde teen. "…And the famous Kendall!"

Kendall raised an eyebrow as he shook hands with my 'boyfriend'. "Uh…yeah…"

John laughed. "Sorry, but Loges has told me a lot about his life before Hollywood and Big Time Rush. Sounds like you guys are a lot of fun. We should hang out sometime…or something." He smiled warmly at me.

"Don't you have an assignment to do?" I asked, trying to sound concerned. "Not that I don't want you here, I just don't want you to get in trouble."

He sighed dramatically, bringing me into a tight hug. "And here I've come directly here straight after work, and now you're kicking me out! You're a cruel little boy!"

I laughed. "That's not what I meant!" I half-whined. He pulled away.

"I know." He winked. "One last thing before I go…"

"Yes?" I asked expectantly.

"Mind if I use you for my muse?" He asked, pouting.

"Mind? Johnny, that'd be awesome!" I cried, grinning. I might puke again…

He smiled again. "Thank you!" He sighed, relieved. He kissed me on the cheek. "Love you."

"Love you, too!" I called after him as he ran out of the apartment. I rubbed my cheek gently.

"Um…Logan…"

I stiffened. Aw, crap. Mrs. Knight was worse than Kendall. What was she going to say when she saw just who I was supposedly 'dating'?

So, I did what I do best.

I 'panicked'.

I spun around to face my friend, scrunching up my face to look worried. "Look, I know! He works at a tattoo parlor, but he only works the front desk and he's just working there until he can pay off his student loans! And he is going to school, just online, to get a degree in creative writing! Because he wants to publish a book when he's older and he's an amazing author! And he lives with his older brother a few blocks down and yes, I've been there – not a bad place, either. And I know he's older, but he's really nice to me!"

It was all true. You learn a lot about someone when you fake date them.

Everyone stared at me.

"Did you even breathe when you said that?" Carlos asked, eyes wide.

I shrugged. "I don't even…"

"So…his name is John?" Mrs. Knight asked slowly. I nodded. "Well…I don't approve of the tattoo…but, if you really like him…" She smiled. "I'm okay with it."

I grinned. "Thank you!" I cried.

**FF A FEW HOURS**

-Kendall's POV-

Watching New Moon (for the second time, which I don't get) that night sucked.

Seeing Logan be so happy with someone else finally pushed me over the edge. I seriously felt…

Depressed.

I wasn't even drooling over Taylor Lautner's epic chest muscles, I was so far gone. Even straight guys do that.

Half an hour after the movie ended, James was asleep on my shoulder, Carlos had collapsed on the floor and was sleeping there, and Logan was curled up on my other side, leaning away from me.

Gently, I helped a half-awake James to his bed, being careful not to wake up anyone else. I walked back out to the living room. I went up to Logan, smiling softly. I ran a hand through his hair, hoping he wouldn't wake up. He didn't. My smile widened.

"Night, Logie." I whispered.

I straightened. As I did so, a thought ran through my mind. I gulped. It was a bit extreme, but…

Glancing down at Logan, I felt my heart break. Glimpses of what he and John were doing in his room before they came out flashed in my mind.

Logan and John were sitting cross-legged on Logan's bed.

"We should probably go back out there…" Logan muttered, looking down at his hands.

John leaned over. "We should…" He agreed quietly before pressing his lips briefly to Logan's. Logan looked up at his boyfriend. "That doesn't mean we will."

Logan sighed, just as John kissed him again, drawing him just a bit closer. "Johnny…you can't always be a rebel…"

"Well, what if I like being a rebel?" John shot back, kissing the younger boy's lips once more. Logan's eyes closed as he finally gave in to his boyfriend's unspoken demands.

"That doesn't…" Logan paused as John kissed him again. "…Give you the right to…" Another kiss. "…Just do anything you want to."

John smirked. "Yeah it does. And you know it." He gave Logan an open mouthed kiss, and Logan responded by opening his mouth and giving a small moan. They made out for a little bit until John finally pulled away. "But, I should listen to you more. I wanna meet your friends, too."

Logan groaned in disappointment, leaning his head on John's shoulder. "Fine."

Suddenly, I was in the shared bathroom. Our apartment had four, amazingly. One for the girls, one for Logan and Carlos, one for James and me, and then one that could have been considered the 'public' bathroom. But no one used it. So, it was the safest choice.

It went down in flashes.

My face, in the mirror. My eyes were dark, my hair was messed up.

The scissors. They gleamed in the artificial light.

The pain. It made me hiss and double over.

The blood. It stained the sink and my vision.

The next thing I remembered was lying in bed, listening to Puppet by Thousand Foot Krutch.

…Hi.

So…remember when I said that you'll be screaming your head off, what with the added drama and stuff? Well, this is what I was talking about.

I'm glad I finally got all my ideas down and out. This is the longest chapter I written! So yay! Oh, so, if any of you hate me now, I'm sorry…

But this is MY story, bitches!

So piss off!

But anyway…I have to give credit to imonlygonnabreakurheart for that 'I was so depressed I couldn't even drool over Taylor Lautner even straight guys do that' line. She's an epic author, check her out!

Carlos: …YOU WHORE!

I think that's actually you, dude…

James: *hugs Carlos* How can you make my sweet, innocent little Latino boo a man whore?

… *eye twitch*

Logan: I, personally, liked the chapter.

*eyes sparkle* Really?

Logan: Yeah. I'm a better actor than people take me for.

Speaking of that, where's Kendall?

Logan: Handcuffed to the bed with one hand. There's candy in the drawer and a water bottle. He'll be fine.

You sadistic bastard. …I love you.

Logan: *hugs*

Rate, review, love, my minions!