Lao Bei Fong sat in his thronelike chair with his fingertips pressed together. His face, hidden behind his hands except for his eyes, held a myriad of expressions, none of which Toph could see. Beside him his wife, ever the picture of beauty and serenity, sat a little less calmly than usual, but he scarcely noticed.
Toph had come home. The guards had seen the airbender's bison as it took off and disappeared like a cloud over the eastern horizon, and sure enough, his daughter had been waiting in the yard. The question was, how had she escaped? No one had heard from Master Yu or Xin Fu in months; presumed missing or dead, they could certainly not have rescued her. It was a genuine mystery to him. His little daughter had proven that she was a formidable fighter on the ground, in very specific circumstances, but had she overcome the greatest bender of all time - the Avatar - in the air, and forced him to bring her home at last? Or had the Avatar had second thoughts and brought her back? Both possibilities seemed unlikely. Perhaps a third, true scenario would emerge when Toph related the events to him, but there was no hurry. All that was past now. He would never let her out of his sight again.
Lao had instructed the servants to bathe and dress Toph after her long and harrowing ordeal, and let her rest before coming to see him and her mother. But a few screams and loud crashes later, a road-dirtied, barefoot, wide-awake Toph was stomping her way into the greatroom. She stood facing them with a fierce look in her eyes and her hands clenched into fists, causing his wife to let out a little gasp. It was quite a different sight from the night she'd disappeared, when she'd been the perfect picture of a delicate young girl, crying over things she just couldn't understand.
"Mom, Dad," Toph began, her voice sounding much more composed than she looked, "we need to talk."
"I know you must have many things to tell us, but there will be plenty of time for that later," Lao replied tolerantly. "Your mother and I are just glad to have you home again, Toph. We understand that you'll need to rest and recuperate. I can't imagine what you must have been through -"
"Dad, will you listen?" Toph interrupted. "I don't need a bath, and I don't need sleep. I need for you to let me say what I came to say!"
"Listen to her; she's still frightened! Of course we'll listen," her mother said then, "won't we?" Lao made a face, but finally nodded.
"Thanks, Mom." The little earthbender drew in a deep breath. This wasn't going to be easy. "I need you both to understand some things. I tried to tell you before I left, but you wouldn't listen, so I hope you'll listen now - because it's the last time I'm going to say it.
"You hid me away from everyone, and never let me have any friends. Not only that, you didn't tell people outside our home that I even existed. You said it was to protect me, but… I have to wonder if you weren't ashamed of me, too. Embarrassed that you were the richest people around, that you had a perfect house and perfect manners and perfect things, but you didn't have a perfect daughter."
Her mother's eyes widened and a few tears fell. "Oh, Toph…"
"It's clear that the Avatar has much to answer for, making you think such dreadful things about your own family," Lao said, visibly reining in his anger.
"The Avatar didn't make me think those things, you did!" Toph accused, pointing her finger at her father. "And just so you know, he didn't kidnap me, I ran away - and it wasn't even the first time I did it! When I was little, I used to hate it here so much I would go underground to the caves where the badgermoles live."
"Badgermoles!" her mother cried, putting a hand over her mouth. "But they're so big and dangerous!"
"And blind," Toph reminded them. "Like me. They took me in as one of their own. They taught me earthbending - not the weak little exercises you allowed Master Yu to show me, Dad, but real earthbending. The badgermoles taught me that it doesn't matter how big or small you are, or even if you're blind. There are so many ways to relate to the world around you that don't include seeing - ways that can show you the truth, things people are afraid of and want to hide. And I was tired of hiding and being hidden away. I was tired of being lonely, and not having any friends but the badgermoles, and having to live a lie to make you happy when it was making me miserable.
"So one day I followed the sound of voices in the caves to the Earth Rumble arena. I listened, and I learned. And when I knew I was strong enough, I went - and I won!
"You wouldn't let me have a life of my own, so I had to make one for myself. Then when the Avatar showed up, and that life fell through because you found out about it, I knew I had to find another life, or be stuck inside these walls, alone, forever - so I took a chance. I left. And I don't regret it. I didn't even regret it when you sent those money-grubbing hogmonkeys Master Yu and Xin Fu after me and they put me in a cage. Of course, I did make them regret it." Her face brightened a little at the memory.
So that was what had happened to them. Lao sighed heavily, shaking his head as he leaned back in his chair. "I suppose it would be too easy for you to admit that you should never have left home, where you were safe and loved."
"It wouldn't be too easy, it would be a lie," the little earthbender corrected. "Don't get me wrong. I love you both, and that's why I came back. But I'm not the helpless little girl you thought I was, and I never will be. Either you love me as I am, or you don't love me at all. I just need to know which it is."
"Toph, of course we love you," her mother said softly, "we love you with all our hearts, just as you are."
The vibrations that went through the floor indicating her mother's heartbeat and the sound of her breathing almost brought Toph to tears. She's telling the truth. Mom really does love me. But there was one question left unasked, and Toph never left business unfinished.
"Dad?" Toph said then, turning to face her father, whose face was still hidden behind his clasped hands. "Please, tell me the truth. When you hid me away all those years after I was born, and then when you hired Master Yu and Xin Fu to find me… was it because you wanted to protect me, or because you didn't want anyone to know you had a blind daughter?"
"You shouldn't even have to ask, Toph," he replied warily. "You were tiny, helpless, frail and fragile. Since the world is a dangerous place, I knew you had to be protected. So I made sure you would be, and not for any other reason than wanting to keep you safe."
Wet droplets slid down the curve of Toph's pale cheek and hit the floor, splashing on the perfect tile. He's lying. Her head hung low, her black bangs hiding the anguish on her face as the hard truth hit home. "I see," the little blind girl whispered. "I guess that's all I needed to know."
"I'll get someone to take you to your room so you can rest now." Lao reached beside of him for the little gold bell, ringing it to call for a servant.
Toph's tear-streaked face tilted upwards as she turned towards her mother. As limited as seeing was, she wished she could look at her just once. "I love you, Mom."
Her mother smiled benignly, and Toph could feel the truth of her words when she said, "I love you too, Toph."
"I know." More tears fell before her fists hardened, along with them her heart. "I hope I'll be with you again someday."
Realizing what she was doing, Lao jumped to his feet. "Guards!"
But this wasn't the South Pole. Toph was in her element here, and could feel the earth speaking back to her all the way through the layers of flooring and foundation beneath the grand Bei Fong manor. The vibrations showed her where the walls were, and where the guards were, and where her father had moved to try to cut her off.
"Keep away from me," Toph warned, holding her hands upright in a stance that would have terrified Master Yu had he been the one facing her, "and tell them to get back."
"You shouldn't do this, Toph," Lao argued, "you don't realize just how vulnerable you are -"
"Oh, yes I do," she countered, using the yellow sleeve at her shoulder to wipe away the last of her tears. "That's why I'm going."
To do as little damage as possible, Toph pigeon-toed her feet and slid one heel sharply to the left. The ground under her father moved him out of her path, and then she was running past him, the vibrations thrumming through her soles.
"Follow her!" she heard him shout. "Bring her back here!"
The guards pursued. She had known they would, but after fighting Fire Nation soldiers and Dai Li agents alike, these guys would be a piece of cake. She waited until they were outside, both because it would put them on her turf and because she wanted them to feel they were doing well in their chase. She rushed through the garden and past the koi pond, beyond the flying boar gate and into the outer courtyard. Then the three outdoor guards were behind her as well. She sized them up quickly.
Toph halted, rooted herself to the earth, and breathed deeply. She stretched out her fingers and raised her hands as the badgermoles had shown her with their claws, causing a splendid earthquake all around her perfect center, then brought her palms down fast. Like a rug being pulled out from under them, the shaken ground literally knocked the guards off their feet. Taking advantage of their temporary impediment, she made a moving earth-mound under her feet to vault her over the wall and speed her on her way - not that she knew where she was going, or at this point, really cared.
ooo LL ooo
The meeting was over. Generals filed out of the map room, strategies set, wheels to be set into motion. Tai Lan nodded to himself. It had not only been a historic session, it had been a most productive one. It felt strange, being in partnership with the very military force they had once covertly manipulated and controlled. The strangest part of it was the warm sense of satisfaction he felt, as though much more could get accomplished this way. He shook some hands and made a few last inquiries, then waited with Sato until the room had been cleared.
"That went well," Sato remarked, staring at the door as the last to leave besides them, General How, went out. "Was the message from Lord Naga?"
Tai Lan nodded. "His business with King Bumi's associates is concluded, yet he's not coming back immediately. He says there's something else he has to do."
"I see." Sato arched an eyebrow. "When can we expect his return, then?"
"In a few weeks."
"A few weeks? He knows that our timeline for invasion -"
"Yes, he is aware." Tai Lan exhaled heavily. "The plan continues with or without him, at least for now. If he isn't here to provide us with the information we need in time, we have the captured Fire Nation officials, generals, and lieutenants at hand. We will simply extract the information from them."
"And without a strong leader to take control of the Fire Nation when it's defeated? One that can unite the Fire Nation people and be willing to keep them out of the Earth Kingdom and reinstate our sovereignty?"
"Lord Naga will have returned by then," Tai Lan said firmly. "In the meantime, we will focus on completing our part of the deal. He will do his part."
Sato seemed dubious. "How can you be so sure that he'll do what he promised?"
"He's an honorable man. Men of honor always do. Even if it destroys them and everything around them in the process, they'll always keep their word." Tai Lan moved towards the door, then paused in midstep. "Go to the southmost harbor and look in on the Fire Navy ships there with General Ling. He's expecting you."
Sato nodded assent and glided silently past him. Tai Lan followed him out, only to find Mai waiting for him. Foregoing the odango, her hair hung loose down her back. She'd never looked more beautiful to him, nor had her presence been more welcome, than when she greeted him with an unexpected smile.
Tai Lan hesitated only a moment before pushing her back and trapping her against the wall. His lips and tongue devoured her mouth, then settled into the side of her throat. "I could take you right here," he informed her in a torrid whisper, "with no walls to block the sound, I could make everyone in the palace hear you scream my name."
Mai's eyes went wide with the thought. It had seemed like a good idea before, to wait outside the room where her lover was meeting with the Council of Five and the other generals. Now, however… "If you're trying to embarrass me, it won't work," she deadpanned, "I took a bath this morning in the canals of old Ba Sing Se. If that's not humiliating, I don't know what is."
"You did what?" Tai Lan pulled back and studied her face to see if she was telling the truth. Obviously, the cold waters of the old city's aqueducts had cooled the mood as well. He was looking at her as though she were covered with purple pentapus marks. "Why on earth would you do that?"
"Well, there was nobody to draw a bath for me, so what was I supposed to do? I didn't know where to find water. I didn't know where to find breakfast either, so I'm starved to death, and - hey, stop laughing!"
With some effort, Tai Lan drew in the wide grin he'd been wearing. "I should have realized you'd spent your life accustomed to being served," he consolingly amended. "This won't do at all. Come on."
Mai raised an eyebrow as he put an arm about her waist. "Where are we going?"
"Later, into the city. Right now, back to my chambers."
"But what about -"
"The war planning? Not to worry. We took care of that this morning. All I need do today is look in on a few places to make certain the orders are being carried out to our satisfaction. The rest of the day, I intend to spend with you. And the first thing I'm going to do," he all but purred, "is make sure you have a proper bath."
ooo LL ooo
The first time Aang had gone to the Eastern Air Temple, getting to talk to the guru had been easy. He'd been waiting for him out in the open. This time, however, he was not so easily found.
When he first saw that Pathik wasn't waiting for him on the mount where they'd first met, he put his hand to the ground and tried to use the connection between all things to find him, the way he'd found Appa in the swamp. But nothing happened. There was no flash of light, no sudden insight, no picture appearing in his mind. Aang bit his lip as a feeling of anxiety set in. So, it's not just my seventh chakra that's closed. It's all of them.
Wanting comfort, he stood and patted Appa's head, though the bison whuffed loudly and scratched an ear with one of his front feet as though disinterested. Aang sighed. Momo glanced up at him briefly before digging back into the trip satchel, but made no sign that he was coming along.
"Yeah. You're probably hungry. We should have stopped sooner. I guess I just wasn't thinking." Aang sighed. He unstrapped Appa's saddle and used his airbending to lift it off the bison's back and rest it on the ground. "Go on, guys. Find something to eat. I'll be fine." Food was the last thing on Aang's mind.
"Hdddrrrrmmm." Appa turned and flew off with Momo riding on his head.
Once his animal friends had gone, the little bald monk climbed the mountain and began his search in earnest. "Guru Pathik!" he called over and over, his voice echoing through the empty atria, cloisters, vestibules and halls. "Where are you? Please, I need to talk to you!"
Hours later, after Aang was certain he'd gone through the entire temple, he plopped down on the ground and hung his head. He'd never considered that the guru might simply not be there when he needed him. Against the hollow howls of the wind, he pulled himself into a lotus position and began to try to clear his mind for meditation. But he couldn't relax. After several unsuccessful tries, he finally stood, let out a loud yell, and whipped a violent current outwards with his staff.
"Aang?" a calm, gentle voice asked.
"What?!" Aang whirled around, his eyes flashing almost as furiously as though he were in the Avatar State as he pointed his staff in warning at whoever was there.
However, 'whoever was there' turned out to be the very person he'd come to see.
"Oh!" Aang cried out when he realized what he'd done. "Guru Pathik, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to -"
"Yell at me? Attack me? Who else did you think you would find here, Aang, that deserved such aggression?" Guru Pathik sighed and hung his head, his hands folded together in front of his chest. "Your soul is full of turmoil and anger, and the flow between your chakras is blocked by even more emotional muck than before. You have allowed the attachment that prevented your seventh chakra from opening to infect your other chakras, so that now the energy that should be swirling and bright is dark and clouded."
"What? No! That can't be it!" Aang defended himself. "I must have opened my seventh chakra in Ba Sing Se, because I went into the Avatar State! But then Azula shot me down with lightning, and it knocked me out of the Avatar State, and I fell. That's how I lost it."
"Hmm. She shot you down with lightning," Pathik repeated. "Tell me, Aang. Has the Avatar State ever failed you before? Has anyone ever been able to harm you with a weapon, or use bending against you successfully, when you were in the Avatar State at any other time?"
Aang had to think back. "Well… no. But Azula was really powerful! And she snuck up on me and hit me from behind!"
"So, this Azula was so powerful that she defeated the Avatar when he was positively invincible! So powerful, that she defeated you when whole armies could not! And I suppose no one who has ever tried to attack you while you were in the Avatar State ever came from behind, either. How extraordinary. Who would believe it?"
The guru's words effectively hit their target. For the first time in a long time, Aang was forced to stop and really think.
At any other time he had ever used the Avatar State, nothing could have stopped him or even come near him. He had blown General Fong's entire contingent of earthbenders away with a mighty wind and practically destroyed his fortress. He had caused a great whirlpool and trapped Zuko's ship in the ice, as well as froze several of his crew. He had destroyed several sand-sailers and nearly taken out half a tribe of sandbenders in the desert. And at the North Pole, the Ocean Spirit had used his Avatar State to wipe out almost the entire Fire Navy. No previous enemy had stood half a chance when they were facing him in the Avatar State. Which means Azula shouldn't have had a chance either, the boy was forced to admit to himself.
Aang's shoulders sank with the realization. "So you're saying Azula's lightning isn't what's keeping me from getting back into the Avatar State?"
"Yes," Guru Pathik nodded.
"But… I still don't understand. I know I was in the Avatar State then. So how did Azula's lightning even get through, let alone almost kill me?"
"You tried to activate the Avatar State," the guru corrected, "because you were in danger, and it is your defense mechanism. Had you truly been in the Avatar State, you would have been practically invincible, as you have been in the past. But clearly you were not invincible, which means there was -"
"A weakness," Aang finished glumly. He floated down into a seated position, and the guru sat lotus-style in front of him. "I thought I had let go of my attachment to Katara. I thought all I had to do was picture her floating away in my mind. But I didn't really let go of her at all, did I?"
You're still obsessed with Katara, and you're mad that you still have to save the world even if she won't be by your side every minute, and then waiting for you at the end like a reward! Toph's words echoed in his mind with all the force of nails being hammered into solid rock. Why are you trying to keep me here, Aang? Katara's voice accused next, her wide azure eyes furrowed with frustration and distrust. But this…Aang, how could you? Sokka's memory added, his normally-friendly face long with disappointment.
Then he tried to remember all that had happened during their travels. He had selfishly concealed the letter leading the way to Hakoda's camp, not wanting Katara and Sokka to leave him. He'd thought showing off was more important than learning the right way when they met Jeong Jeong, and his impatience had literally gotten Katara burned. In the desert, he'd abandoned all his friends - even Katara, the one he supposedly loved - to chase after Appa, knowing that they might die without him. And at the South Pole, he'd let his anger about not having Katara all to himself get the best of him, lashing out at Toph, Sokka, Suki, Master Pakku, the Water Tribe Council, and even Katara herself, just because Iroh had chosen to take her to Ba Sing Se and he couldn't come. He'd had a terrible fight with Toph on the way here because she'd had the courage to say what needed to be said, and he'd hated her for it. But even Appa and Momo had begun to shy away from him now. Aang sighed. He couldn't avoid the truth any longer.
"What do your instincts tell you?" the guru asked gently.
"That I'm still being selfish," Aang finally replied, understanding now what he couldn't before. "When I ran away from the Southern Air Temple, I was choosing what I wanted over what the world needed, and all the airbenders died because of it. I promised myself - and Katara - that I would never do anything like that again. But I have, over and over, and it's been hurting everyone I love. I just didn't want to believe it."
"Then what do you think needs to be done now?"
"I guess I need to do what I should have done before - let go of my attachment to Katara." Aang hesitated. "The problem is… I don't know if I can."
Guru Pathik stared back at him without judgment, but his expression was very serious. "Know this, Aang: if you choose selfishness over selflessness this time, you will throw your personal energy completely out of balance. Your connection to the Avatar State will be permanently lost; there will be nothing I can do to help you recover it. Aang… if you run away this time, the Avatar will cease to exist. Do you understand?"
Aang gulped. He had always known the consequences were serious, but this was the first time he had really faced them.
The world was counting on him. Because he had believed what he wanted was more important than what the world needed, the Southern Air Temple had been destroyed. He had put his relationship with Monk Gyatso above everything else, and the monks had paid the price for it, including Gyatso himself. Was it right to sacrifice the whole world now, for the sake of his unrequited feelings for Katara?
At long last, Aang knew his childish days of running carefree and easy were over. It was time to do what he was born to do - take on not only the powers of a full-fledged Avatar, but the responsibility of being the world's only hope as well. "All right. What do I have to do?"