Hi. Um…so, I have a few, serious warnings about this chapter. I've been working on this for a while, so that's why I'm doing it so soon.

You only have to read the stuff that isn't in italics. Because the stuff in italics…

Scary.

Do NOT read if you are weak of stomach, heart, mind, or appendix. All will explode and throb with the loss of innocence. Trust me. I needed to get my appendix removed….okay, not really, but you know what I mean.

Chapter warnings: major angst, sex slaves, mild sexual content, bondage, mild gore

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Time Rush! Trust me! If I did, there wouldn't be a need to write this! We'd all be getting our daily dose of gay just by watching it! (Not that I don't with Big Time Crib, but you catch my drift.)

Warnings: Yaoi, slash, guy on guy, that genre! Foul language and later on some serious, explicit smexing. No likey, no read-y!

"Thanks for the ride." I said, opening the door.

"Anything for my fake little princess." John snickered.

I shot a glare at him. "Hate you too." I said, slamming the door shut before he could respond. I sprinted all the way back to 2J. It was nearly midnight; the guys would be so pissed off.

I slunk into the apartment silently, using my key. I put my bag on the couch, looking around to see if anyone was up. Based on the half-quiet snores coming from both my room and Kendall's room, the guys were asleep. And even if Mrs. Knight were up, she wouldn't bother asking me about coming home this late.

She and John had 'talked'.

I winced at the memory of John giving me that I-Can't-Believe-You-Deal-With-Her-Every-Fucking-Day look. I snuck into my room to see that Carlos wasn't in his bed. I looked at the bathroom and saw the light flooding from underneath the door.

That sucked. I had been hoping to wash up just a little bit before going to sleep. Being in a dark tattoo parlor that smelled of sex, smoke, and sweat was worse than it sounded.

I walked out of the room and went to the public bathroom. I hadn't used it ever, but it was better than nothing. What I saw, though…

I nearly puked.

Blood was caked in the sink, staining the marble. More of the red liquid was spread on the mirror, and some on the floor. I felt myself start to hyperventilate. Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god, oh god…

I grabbed onto the door frame. The blood seemed to be staining my vision. How…what…but…no…I won't believe it. I shook my head. None of my friends were depressed, or homicidal, or anything. Katie? No, she wouldn't. She would talk to her mom or Kendall if she even had those kinds of thoughts. Was the blood old? It could have been from someone before us…Unfortunately, that hope was shattered when I saw that one of the splotches of blood on the floor wasn't dry. Someone had done it just minutes or hours before I had been in there.

My stress was building up in a steep incline. Memories of Wayne Wayne's hands on me came back, the horrible feeling of the sheer knowledge that he was going to…to…

The next thing I knew, I was on my knees, cleaning up the mess as quickly as possible. I had to remove the evidence. Out of sight, out of mind, right? Right?

Tears came to my eyes as I cleaned. Who would do this and not care if someone (meaning me) found out about it? God, I was going manic. Cleaning in a frenzy just to take my mind off exactly what I was cleaning. Not that it was working.

When the bathroom was spotless, I ran out of the room and crawled into my bed, still shaking in shock. I gripped my pillow as hard as I could. Not only was someone in the apartment – someone just feet away, I realized – cutting, or hurting themselves, or something along that line, but I just ruined any chance of healing my emotional wounds soon.

I didn't sleep at all that night.

**FF TO NEXT MORNING**

-Kendall's POV-

I walked out into the living room, yawning and stretching. I saw Logan sitting at the table, looking slightly shaken. I couldn't blame him. I would have been shaken too if Wayne Wayne came onto me that way.

He looked up at me and winced. I frowned. Did I do something? Was something on my face? Oh, god, was the some blood on my face from last night that I didn't notice or something?

I played it cool and sat down next to him. "Hey, you alright?" I asked, putting a hand on his shoulder.

He flinched, jumping to his feet and stepping back a meter in one quick move. "Um…y-yeah, I'll be…I'll be fine. B-be right back." He stuttered, and ran off to his room. I furrowed my eyebrows.

It was weird. For the past few days, he had been fine. Sure, he had stuck pretty close to us, wouldn't go anywhere alone, and hung out with John frequently, but from what I had seen, he had been following his own little prescription and 'healing' greatly.

But now he was a mental wreck.

Just then, James walked out of his room. He raised an eyebrow. "You? Up earlier than Logan? Are you feeling okay?" He laughed, putting his hand on my forehead.

I pushed him off. "I'm fine. But Logan's acting a bit traumatized." I said in a hushed tone.

His eyes widened. "Oh, shit." He whispered. I nodded.

"That's what I thought." I said.

"So, what are we gonna do?" He asked.

I shrugged. "I don't know what we can do. We might just have to let him deal with this himself." I suggested.

"Are you fucking with me?" James growled. "What are you saying? Who are you and what have you done with Kendall?"

I rolled my eyes. "What I mean is, we can help him as much as possible, but I don't think it'll do any good. You know Logan. He'll think it through like it's a math problem and somehow find a solution. But until then, he'll be locked up in his own little world and won't pay us much attention."

James bit his lip, looking uncomfortable as he shifted slightly in his seat. "As true as that may be," he started, "we're not gonna stop worrying and helping, right?"

"Like hell we are!" I hissed.

"I see secretiveness!" Carlos' voice announced. James and I snapped our heads up to look at him to see his finger pointing at us as he leaned against the door frame. "What? Is James pregnant or something?" He asked lazily, sitting down in a chair across from us.

I glanced at James. "You wanna tell him?"

He sighed. "I guess I don't have much of a choice." And with that, he told Carlos – in a hushed and quick tone, just in case anyone came in or was in the next room – about Logan's odd behavior. Carlos' reaction was simple.

His eyes widened, his jaw tensed, he looked down at his hands, and he suddenly looked nervous. "I have something to tell you guys…" He said, his voice cracking somewhat.

I furrowed my eyebrows. "Carlos…"

"What happened?" James asked slowly.

The Latino glanced around, then leaned in closer to us. We got the message and leaned closer to him. "Last night, I woke up around maybe two. I heard some weird noises, and, being the shifty person who's used to shady characters appearing suddenly in the night I am," he was talking about his childhood back in Puerto Rico – he and his family had grown up in a pretty bad neighborhood. It was a wonder he was the cheerful little bugger he is today. "I pretended to still be asleep, but having a bad nightmare. I turned onto my other side, so I was facing Logan. But then I noticed that the noises were coming from him." Where was he going with this? "He was crying."

I stiffened. "Why? Did something happen?" I asked immediately.

He shook his head, shrugging. "Dunno. I didn't have the heart to ask him." He said. I sighed, hitting my head on the table. I heard James stretch over the table to put a hand on Carlos' shoulder.

"You told us what you knew. We thank you for that." He said.

I lifted my head, feeling the abysmal expression on my face. I looked over at James. "Dude, no offense, but you sounded like some kind of anal officer talking to some scared kid whose father was part of a murder."

"That was pretty specific." Carlos said, cracking a small smile.

I fingered the hem of my sleeve. "Yeah. I guess it was." I held in a cringe.

Just then, Logan shuffled back into the room, his head bowed and his fists clenched. He went over and sat down in the seat between me and Carlos. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him until he was back to normal, but I knew that just touching him set him off.

"Hey, Logie," I said softly. "You know you can talk to us, right?"

He looked up at me and nodded. I felt my heart shatter at the look on his face. He looked so…dead inside. His eyes were flat and wide, like windows into his soul. He was scared, miserable, lonely, and something else that I couldn't place.

As he looked back down at his knees, I glanced up at Carlos and James. They stared back at me. 'Call Gustavo. We can't practice today.' I mouthed to James. He nodded, stood up, and rushed away, pulling his cell phone out.

Apparently, James had a hell of a time convincing Gustavo that Logan wasn't well enough to practice, but eventually he got us a free day. Unfortunately, my mom dragged James and Carlos away so she could get the run-down on Logan's mental state as soon as she noticed his jumpy behavior while Katie went to go do something.

So Logan and I were alone.

Again.

I rolled with it.

I set Logan down on the couch – he had let me touch him, but not much – and turned on the TV. "I heard WALL-E is On Demand. I'll put it on and get some ice cream, okay?" I asked. WALL-E was his favorite movie, and has been ever since we saw it in IMAX.

He looked at me with those empty eyes and nodded. I smiled at him and turned on the movie, then went into the kitchen. I quickly made two bowls of ice cream, then made my way back into the living room. I sat down next to Logan and handed him his bowl. He took it, back didn't eat it right away. He just pushed its contents around with the spoon.

I bit my lip. I felt so bad for him. I really wanted to know why he had suddenly become so edgy, but I knew it would probably be bad for him to answer any questions right now.

Suddenly, he was in my arms, his face buried in my shoulder. I could feel his tears soaking into my shirt. I was shocked, but I set my bowl down on the coffee table so I could coil my arms around him. His shoulders were shaking with the force of his crying.

My heart broke continually that day until I could finally go to bed.

**FF TO THAT NIGHT**

-Kendall's Dream-

He giggled. "You're too good to me, you know that?" He asked softly.

"Please, Logie. If I didn't, I'd be stupider than Carlos." I retorted good-naturedly.

"Stupider isn't a word." He protested slightly. I pressed my lips to his, knocking the air out of him. When I pulled away, a light blush was already dusting his cheeks. "I guess I can let it slide..."

I smirked. "Maybe we just shouldn't talk." I suggested.

"I'm good with that." He agreed.

I crashed my lips onto his, hungrier this time. He immediately kissed back. I licked his lip, begging for entrance. He granted it eagerly, moaning slightly. My tongue made its slow route around his mouth, and his hands clutched onto me, his fingers weaving in my hair. He hated being teased, but it was too much fun sometimes.

Suddenly, I couldn't taste him anymore. I opened my eyes to see that I was no longer on my bed with Logan.

Were we even in 2J anymore?

Looking around, I saw that the obvious answer to that question was no.

The space around us had a black aura and the air was cold. A faint but foul odor tainted the air. Only one word came to mind: Hell.

And then, suddenly, I was thrown up against a wall. I felt chains and ropes coil around my wrists, arms, ankles, and legs as my clothes melted off. I struggled. "What the hell?" I growled.

Looking over at Logan, I felt disgust and anger boil up my throat. It was no longer my body on top of him, and it wasn't my hands trailing up and down his sides.

It was John.

"Mother fucker!" I hissed under my breath. I would've screamed it at him, if it weren't for the fact that my throat suddenly ached like if someone had burned it.

He glanced up at me. I felt my breath catch in my throat. The look of pure evil on his face told me that he knew I was there and he was going to make me watch him fuck Logan.

Oh god.

I closed my eyes. I felt myself give up. This was happening, and John wanted me to witness it; front row seats.

I was chained against a wall, what could I do?

And then I could hear it. Them. Logan. You'd think - I thought - that I'd be disgusted. That I would be feeling my last meal travel up my throat. (Although, judging by the pangs in my stomach, I didn't have a last meal to have travel up my throat.)

But that wasn't happening.

In fact, if anything, I was getting more turned on. I felt myself hardening. I kept telling myself it was just the noises Logan was making.

"Unh...no...please...ah!...Right there...so close..."

I wouldn't have been surprised if I was right.

"Someone's excited..."

I froze at the familiar voice. It sounded a lot weaker than it usually was, but it was still unmistakably him. I looked down and saw none other than James.

He, too, was naked (not a pretty sight, in my opinion). His hair was mussed and his face was dirty. He was much skinnier than he actually was. This was beginning to scare me.

"James?" I hissed, confused.

He smiled meekly. "Yes, master." He replied. He glanced down at my boner. "Should I take care of this for you?"

"W-what?" I coughed, the smoky air getting to me. "Dude, what the hell? 'Master'? What are you talking about?"

"We're part of a slave chain, remember?" James sighed. "Carlos is my slave, I'm yours."

"Whose slave am I?" I asked, humoring the idea.

"The devil's son."

I would be.

"And that is?"

"John."

Fuck. "And that automatically makes you think you should give me a handjob?" I sucked in a breath. Not a good idea. As soon as that last word was out, James' hand was on my dick, pumping slowly.

"Unless you tell me to stop..." He only paused to lap at the head with his tongue. "...I will do everything in my power to pleasure you."

I bit my lip. The body reacted to sensations alone, not mental or emotional feelings. That I knew.

"James, stop." I commanded in the steadiest voice I could muster. He stopped in his ministrations. "You don't need to do this."

"Oh, but he does, Kendall darling."

I snapped my head up to face John. He smirked at me. I glared at him. "What are you talking about?" I growled.

"It's his job. It's better than being an entertainer." John shooed James away with a single motion of his hand. Then he turned to me. "You and Logan are my favorite slaves, I hope you know." He whispered in my ear.

Logan.

I looked up at the bed to see the spent teen curled up, looking straight at me, but not seeing me. I felt anger boil in my blood. "You bastard!" I snapped at John.

He snapped, and the chains were suddenly tighter, flushing me against the wall more and spreading my legs farther apart.

"Know your rank, Kendall. I'm not the one to play with." He rumbled softly. "But, I have to give you credit. Not many people can be so indignant while naked and strapped to a wall."

"Why am I your favorite?" I asked suddenly.

He smirked. "Because. I can torture you easily. I can make you watch while I fuck Logan every single night if I wanted to. And then when I physically torture you..." His hand touched my cheek. "...I learn things about you."

"Get your fucking hands off of me." I demanded.

He slapped me. I sucked on my teeth, not letting him have the satisfaction of knowing I was in pain. "Don't talk to me like that, Kendall. You have to be a good boy to earn speaking rights. And right now, you're being anything but good."

"You fucking sadist!" I spat.

"You fucking masochist." He shot back calmly. I froze. Did he just...he couldn't have...that wasn't... "Sorry, I thought we were calling each other what we obviously are."

I shook my head in denial. "I'm not..."

"Of course you are, Kendall." He smirked so wide that his massive canine teeth were showing. "Why else would you be dreaming this?"

A dream.

That's what this all was.

That explains a lot.

My thoughts were interrupted as John bit my ear - hard. I yelped in pain and surprise.

Wake up, Kendall!

Suddenly, I was back in my bed, sweating and panting. I looked at my hands. No chains or ropes; that was good. I looked over at James. He was sound asleep, clothed and clean; another positive. Back in 2J, no stench of death, LA warmth, all good signs.

I sighed. That dream...

No.

Shut up.

It's not true.

I turned on the light, knowing that I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep. When my eyes adjusted to the sudden brightness, I saw the sweatband I had put on my wrist to prevent the others from seeing the healing wounds.

Out of curiosity, I pushed it out of the way. The cuts had been deeper than I thought.

Seeing and thinking about the cuts got me wanting more. I shifted. It wasn't healthy, but...

Too late.

The next thing I remembered was curling into a fetal position on the public bathroom floor in front of the sink, blood seeping out of my arm. I combed my fingers through my hair.

What are you doing, Kendall? I asked myself warily.

I never noticed how spotless the bathroom was.

-Logan's dream-

His lips connected with mine. I smiled into the kiss. He always knew just how to kiss me. I eagerly kissed back. My fingers found their way weaved in his hair while his arms curled around my waist.

We broke away for breath when he whispered against my lips, "I love you, Logie."

I blushed. Sometimes he would just say stuff like that randomly, complimenting me and telling me he loved me. I didn't mind it. At all. But sometimes he would say it because he was looking or asking for something. This time…

I pulled away to look up at him. "I love you, too, Kendall." I mumbled. He smiled.

"Don't look so worried, baby." He chuckled, nuzzling his nose into my neck. I laughed quietly. "Geez. If I didn't know any better, I would've thought you expected me to start killing people."

"Sorry…" I said in a kiddy voice, trailing my fingers down his neck and spine, making him shiver. "But your mind confuses me sometimes. You could be planning some kinky thing with toys and James' bandanas." I winked.

He smirked, a sparkle in his eyes. "I'm always planning that." He was only half-joking.

"If I searched our room, would I find the toys?" I asked, shifting so I was in his lap. He grinned, grabbing my hips.

"You'd have to search pretty thoroughly." He said. He attacked my neck, giving my sweet spot brutal attention. I moaned, knitting my fingers in his hair so he was firmly in place. Just then, he pulled away. I whined in disappointment. "Sorry. I'm just gonna go put some music on."

Before I knew it, I was alone on the couch. I fiddled with the long sleeves of my jacket. Jesus Christ, I was insatiable with Kendall. But it wasn't only physical, everyone could tell that. In fact, our relationship only had about 30% physical-ness…Yeah, I just fucked that up right there.

Suddenly, there was a thump.

I perked up. What the fuck…?

"Kendall? You okay out there?" I called, standing up. I peered into the kitchen. I gasped.

"Kendall!"

There was blood everywhere, oozing out of his wrists and seeping into his clothes and onto the floor. His eyelids were fluttering, his eyes rolling back into his head. His fists were clenching and unclenching. His jaw was open, noises of agony flooding from his throat.

I rushed over, almost tripping over something. I knelt by his side, starting up my doctor-mind. Stop the bleeding, stop the bleeding! I whipped off my jacket and ripped off the sleeves. I used the main part of the jacket to clean the blood already there off his arms. I then pressed the thick fabric of the sleeves to his wounds. Glancing around, I saw duct tape on the counter. I reached up and grasped it. I taped the sleeves onto his arms.

"L-Logan…" He whimpered.

I shushed him, smiling sympathetically. "Quiet, sweetie. Conserve your energy. Okay?" I was using a soft, almost baby-ish voice. I had to comfort him.

He shook his head. "L-Logan…I…l-l-love..." I put my lips on his, silencing him. I pulled away.

"Kendall. Please. Stay quiet for your own health." I pleaded.

"Too…late…sorry…" He coughed out, closing his eyes in pain. I stroked his cheek.

"No. You're going to make it. I promise. I'm going to call 911, okay? And we'll get you out of here and in a hospital. You're going to make it." I was more convincing myself than him. I was going insane with worry and I really just wanted to clutch onto him and scream and cry and wail. But that wouldn't do any good.

And so I did call 911. They said that they were sending an ambulance. I hung up. And then I noticed something gleaming next to Kendall's hand.

A knife.

I felt tears well up in my eyes in shock and horror. "Why, Kendall?" I wanted to scream, but I didn't. I couldn't. He looked up at me guiltily. "Is it me?" I whispered.

He shook his head. "Never…no…" He coughed up more blood. "I love you…"

"I love you, too." I started to cry. I knew it was never good to cry in front of someone who was dying, but he was too far gone. He was dying and we both knew it. "Please don't leave me, Kendall!" I finally snapped.

He smiled sadly, letting tears of his own fall. "I'm not…won't…leave you…corny, but…I'll always…be…here." He reached up and rested a feeble hand on my heart.

I grasped his hand and kept it there, crying harder. I held him close, trying to memorize his unique smell and feel. "Don't die, Kendall! Please! Stay with me! Don't leave! No!"

I could feel a soft breeze in the air.

I sat up violently, panting fiercely. Tears were soaking my sheets, clothes, and cheeks. I took slow, shuddering breaths. I told myself that it wasn't true, that Kendall was alive, that we were back in 2J, that we were in a band, that we had our whole lives ahead of us, that we would live to see the next day, that he wasn't depressed.

I wasn't sure about that last hope, though.

I clutched my pillow to my chest. Jesus Christ, what was I getting myself into?

Sometimes…

Life sucked.

…I feel so fucking dirty right now. It's not even funny. God. *shivers* Kendall! I need a hug!

Kendall: Not after that chapter you don't.

*glares* I can kill you off, you know. Make this a hurt/comfort story.

Kendall: No need! *hugs me* See? It's all good, man!

Logan: Hey! He's my boyfriend!

You're all my minions. I can kill you and Kendall off and make it an afterlife/Jarlos story.

Carlos: Aw! But Logan's fun to fight with!

Logan: Really? That's your problem with that plan?

*looks around* Where's James?

Carlos: He passed out as soon as he saw that he gave Kendall a handjob.

Nice!

Kendall: I told you it would make someone pass out.

Well, anyone who did can kiss my ass. I had to make an awkward apology to someone yesterday.

Logan: What did you do?

I got mad at them…because they told my bro something I didn't want my bro to know.

Kendall: *shakes head*

You may laugh now, but wait until I'm more famous than you!

James: *wakes up* In your dreams, bitch.

Pff, whatever, James. Oh, by the way, I found a song that fits you. James.

James: Really? What song?

Almost Famous by Eminem. It's so you.

James: Sounds like it.

Yup. I'll try to find songs that fit you other guys, but for now, I only got James covered. Sorry.

Anyway! Good bye, my minions! Rate, review, love!