**There are some Holocaust references made in this chapter that although not graphic in nature, I still thought I should put this warning.**

Chapter 30-Questioning One's Faith and Country

Moments after Guthrie had departed the barracks, the prisoners gathered around their commanding officer as he stood with his arms wrapped around himself staring at the closed door.

"You all right, Gov'nor?" asked Newkirk worriedly. "That bloody Kraut didn't hurt you none, did he?"

"I'm fine," Hogan assured him ignoring the drum solo currently playing in his head. "But we have plans to make."

"What plans you talkin' about, sir?" Newkirk stuffed his hands into his pants pockets. "You plannin' on getting von Herwarth and his journal out of camp despite Guthrie?"

"That's exactly what I plan on doing, Newkirk," Hogan replied.

"Golly, sir," Carter said. "Isn't that gonna be kind of hard with Guthrie expecting to meet with von Herwarth tomorrow evening?"

Hogan let out a deep breath. "Not really," he said. "In fact, tomorrow after evening roll call, I'm going to make sure Guthrie and von Herwarth meet just as he asked." He noticed the men staring at him as if he had lost his mind. He also noticed Newkirk about to comment and held up a hand, smirking. "Before anybody says anything, no I haven't lost my mind, or as Newkirk so politely puts it, I haven't gone bloody crackers. I just think we can kill two birds with one stone."

"You have a plan in mind, Colonel?"asked Kinch with a grin, sensing his commander had an idea.

"Not yet. I have to think about it." Hogan suddenly eyed the Englander. "Was I imagining things or did von Herwarth return to camp with us? My memory's kind of fuzzy about that."

"Yes, sir. He's down in the tunnel as we speak. Also, I found the journal we were promised by him. Found it hidden inside the place where we picked up him and his missus."

Hogan's eyebrows arched. "You have it? Where is it?"

"Right here, Gov'nor." Newkirk turned and taking a few steps reached under his mattress and removed the wrapped package tied with string. "I hid it under me mattress intendin' to move it to a safer place later. But I got sidetracked when you were injured." He handed the package to Hogan who quickly untied it and then held the long sought-after journal in his hands. He thumbed through it glancing at several pages when something caught his eye causing a frown to appear as he scanned a sole paragraph.

"Something wrong, Colonel?" asked LeBeau noticing the sudden change in the Colonel's expression.

With a weary sigh Hogan headed toward his private quarters. "I need to be alone for awhile," he explained over his shoulder. "I want to study this journal and see what's so important that ole Bubble Head and Guthrie want kept secret." He didn't add that he already had an idea what was inside. Standing outside his door, he glanced over his shoulder. "Newkirk, inform von Herwarth that after I finish reading this journal I will want to speak with him."

"Right, sir," the Englander replied.

Without another word, Hogan entered his quarters closing the door, and sitting down on his lower bunk. Holding the thick journal in his hands, the American momentarily stared into space secretly afraid to open the journal and read its contents from the beginning. The single paragraph he read had rocked him to the core, and he could only imagine what the rest of it's contents would do. Taking in and then letting out a deep breath, Hogan opened the journal to page one and began to read.

Sometime later, a dazed Hogan closed the journal while staring again into space, the tears rolling down his cheeks. He wiped them away periodically only to have them replaced by others which he didn't bother to wipe away. His face was stricken as what he'd read sunk in. Placing the journal on the bed beside him, he clasped his hands between his knees. He had heard rumors about places like Auschwitz, Dachau, Sobibor, Treblinka and others; but they had been only that, rumors. At least up until now.

Hogan glanced sideways and down at the journal while choking back a sob. All those innocent people, he thought to himself. Political prisoners, criminals, homosexuals, gypsies, mentally ill and others were incarcerated. But mostly it was those of the Jewish faith who bore the brunt of Hitler's wrath Hogan had noticed from the journal. The number of Jewish prisoners punished just for being Jewish was staggering. Letting out a deep breath, Hogan looked up at the ceiling. All those innocent people. After everything he had been taught by his parents while growing up, especially his mother, the contents of the journal now had him questioning even his own faith. He sighed wearily. If there's a G-d how could he allow something like this to happen? How? Hogan swallowed the lump in his throat and buried his face in his hands and cried, not just for himself, but for the thousands of unknown victims he could do nothing to help.

Hogan didn't know how long he had cried when there was a gentle knocking on his door. He got to his feet wiping his cheeks with the palms of his hands before opening the door. He saw the worried face of the little French Corporal gazing up at him, his eyes narrowed with deep concern seeing Hogan's red, wet eyes.

"We heard sounds coming from your room, mon Colonel, and thought there might be something wrong. Are you all right? Is there anything we can do?"

Hogan smiled faintly. "I'll be all right. I just…I need to be alone right now, Louie. Besides, there's nothing you or anybody can do." Without waiting for a response, Hogan closed the door and LeBeau heard the fading sound of footsteps leading away from the door. He turned and looked at the faces of the other three members of the team. Shaking his head, he walked back to the table.

"The Gov'nor all right?" asked Newkirk, worriedly.

"I don't know, mon ami," LeBeau replied glancing again at the closed door of Hogan's quarters. "But what I do know is that the Colonel was crying and his face looked as if he'd been punched in the gut."

"I've never seen Colonel Hogan cry over anything before," added Carter solemnly. "Except when something happens to one of us, the men, Tiger or…"

"We get the point, Carter," Newkirk answered, cutting the young Sergeant off. "Blimey, whatever's in that bloody journal must've shaken the Colonel to the core."

The others exchanged worried looks. "I wonder what's in it?" Kinch asked.

"I don't know, mon ami," LeBeau answered shaking his head slowly. "But whatever's in it has to be something big to affect the Colonel like that."

A disillusioned Hogan slowly walked over to his window and opening it, stared out into the dark compound watching the guards patrolling the compound. With hands clasped behind his back, he leaned the side of his head against the wall. After what he read, how could he look at the Germans they worked with the same way again? And what about Klink, Schultz, Burkhalter, even Hochstetter? How could he look at them the same way again? How much did they and do they know about these places? How can I look these people in the face again without wondering what they know about what's been happening? And in my dealings with Klink, Schultz, Burkhalter and Hochstetter; every time I look in their faces will I see thousands of innocent people, especially Jewish people, paying the ultimate price for being the same faith? And what do they think about me? I know Guthrie wants to put me in one of those places, but what about the others? Would they want the same thing for me? To see me transferred to one of those awful places where you're either put to death for being yourself? Or working you until you no longer can stand and then putting you out of your misery in the most horrid way possible?

With a sigh, Hogan closed and locked the window before sitting down at his desk with elbows on the desk and forehead resting against clenched hands. Right now he found himself questioning his own upbringing and beliefs.

It was then that Hogan recalled von Herwarth saying the information in the journal would rock him to his core and it had. But another thought suddenly crossed Hogan's mind and that was his own country had to be informed about these atrocities and do something about them. He had to let them know right away. But this information was too important to relay over the radio. No. Von Herwarth had to be sent to England tomorrow, Guthrie or no Guthrie. But first he had to gather himself and speak with the man.

Getting to his feet, Hogan wiped his hands across his cheeks again and took a few minutes to compose himself before hiding the journal inside the secret panel at the head of his lower bunk that even his men didn't know about. He didn't want them to read about any of it; it would shatter them as it did him, maybe even more. And he needed to protect them from this kind of information for now. Then, taking a deep breath, Hogan opened the door and walked out into the common room where his team sat at the table looking at him as he neared. They could tell from his face he was still shaken but nobody questioned it. They watched as he strode to the double bunk in the corner and slapped the hidden mechanism.

"Carter, watch the door and give a yell if we have uninvited company," Hogan replied as the lower bunk rose and the ladder dropped.

"Yes, sir," the young Sergeant replied getting up slowly as Hogan stepped over the bed frame and onto the ladder. Before climbing down he looked at the others. "I don't want anybody coming below for any reason. I ask you to respect my request." Without waiting for a reply, Hogan quickly disappeared below and once his feet hit the ground below, he hurried off to search for von Herwarth.

The man in question sat on a bench in the changing room staring at the ground with clenched fists dangling between his knees and had been since the Englander had come below and informed him that Colonel Hogan was reading the journal and wanted to speak with him when he was done. Sighing, von Herwarth already sensed how the American Colonel was feeling once he found out he was reading the journal, and knew it would be only a matter of time before he would want to speak with him. And now the man worried how he would give Hogan more news that would rock him even more than the contents of the journal. He rubbed his forehead with two fingers when he head footsteps approaching and looking up, saw the American officer standing in the doorway of the changing room eying him. The German saw the pained look in the American's eyes.

Hogan grabbed a stool and pulling it close, sat down facing von Herwarth. He rested his arms on his thighs and rubbed his hands together. "I finished the journal," he began. "I need to know a few things from you."

Von Herwarth nodded. "I gathered you would when your Corporal told me you were reading it. What do you want to know, Colonel?"

"The atrocities I read about. How accurate is that information? What I mean is, has it been verified?"

"By three of my uncle's contacts. Everything he wrote about in the journal has been checked and re-checked, and then checked again. It's all been verified and is true although the numbers involved have changed by now I'm sure."

"What kind of numbers are we talking about?"

"Colonel, in 1942 an SS official named Richard Heydrich presented to the Nazi Government officials what was called 'The Final Solution.' It was approved and put into motion. As for the numbers involved, I can only guess by now the numbers involved are in the hundreds of thousands with…" he swallowed the imaginary lump in his throat.

"With what?" Hogan asked afraid to hear the answer.

"With most of them being Jewish. I am very sorry, Colonel."

"Oh G-d," Hogan murmured softly closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. "Hundreds of thousands of innocent people. How long has this been going on?"

Von Herwarth sighed wearily. "As far as we know since about 1942." He saw Hogan's eyes widen in shock at this news as this was now mid-1943.

"Why hasn't anybody done anything to help these people? Surely there must be someone who…."

"Colonel, let me stop you right there. These atrocities are Hitler's dirty little secret that he doesn't want anybody to know about. But as far as why hasn't someone tried to help stop this madness…I'm afraid your own country and England have known about it and have done nothing. Colonel, the Allies knew about the persecution of Jews from the beginning and claimed they had no idea what was happening, but that is a lie. The Allies believe that winning the war is the best strategy for saving the Jewish people."

Hogan, now stunned, slowly got to his feet and with arms wrapped around himself rested his forehead against a dirt wall. "This can't be true," he muttered, his voice breaking. "It can't be." He could feel the tightness building in his chest as he blinked to keep the building tears from falling. He turned and faced von Herwarth. "I don't believe this. Surely the press put pressure on the American government to step up and do something."

"Colonel, the press and the public found out what Hitler was doing at about the same time. When the newspapers covered these atrocities, the stories were buried in the newspapers. I'm afraid, Colonel, that your country was as guilty of doing nothing to stop these atrocities as my country was of committing them."

As shaken as Hogan was by the contents of the journal, this news that his own country knew and did nothing was too much for him to handle. He turned away from von Herwarth. The country he loved and served betrayed his trust by knowing what Hitler was doing and did nothing. How could he ever think of his own country again without feeling embarrassed and ashamed? He looked over his shoulder when he felt a hand on it and saw the German looking at him with sympathy and understanding.

"I am sorry, Colonel Hogan. More than you will ever know. It is not easy to lose faith in one's country because of their actions or inaction."

Hogan, letting out a deep breath, could only nod. "This conversation stays between us. I don't want my men to know about any of this. Is that clear?"

"I will do as you ask."

"We will talk again tomorrow. Right now I need some air."

"I understand, Colonel."

Not replying, Hogan abruptly walked away and in the direction of the ladder leading to the barracks taking a few minutes to collect himself before climbing up the ladder and into the barracks. He slapped the mechanism again and turned away as the ladder rose and the lower bunk dropped over the opening. Giving his men a quick glance he walked towards the barracks door.

"I need some air and will be outside if anybody wants me. I also need to be alone to think." He then was gone out the door and plopped down on the bench outside the barracks with legs outstretched and crossed at the ankles and arms wrapped around himself, lost in thought and totally disillusioned in every way. Hearing that his own country had done nothing to help these people was just as shocking to him as when news came which changed his life completely.

Hogan was enjoying one of the few days he had off during the evening of December 7, 1941, when the news came over the airwaves catching his immediate attention. A surprise military strike had been conducted by the Imperial Japanese navy against the United States Naval base at Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. What, if anything, had happened to warrant such a deadly assault by Japan Hogan wondered with nobody having an answer.(1)(2)(3)(4)

But the bottom line was the United States was now officially involved in the war, and Hogan was given his own command being the 504th Bomber Group.

Closing his eyes Hogan pinched the bridge of his nose. Right now he didn't know which was worse: your country being attacked for no reason and over 2,000 innocent people being killed, or finding out your country knew about hundreds of thousands of innocent people being slaughtered and doing nothing about it. And to top everything off, not only had his faith been shaken to its core, but his belief in his country had been badly shaken. So absorbed in his thoughts was he that Hogan didn't notice the large body approaching him from the side. It was Sergeant Schultz.

"Colonel Hogan, you should not be outside after dark. You know the rules. Plus, that Major Guthrie is walking around the compound and might see you."

Hogan looked up at the rotund guard wondering what he was thinking right now, and if he was really concerned about him being outside the barracks after dark. Wrapping his arms around himself again, he sighed wearily.

"I just needed some air before I turn in, Schultz. Don't worry about me. But thanks for the warning about Guthrie."

Schultz didn't move sensing something was troubling the American officer. "Colonel Hogan, are you all right? You look and sound very sad."

Hogan shrugged. "No and yes to both your questions. Schultz, can I ask you a question?"

"What is it?"

"I was just wondering something. What do you think of me, Schultz? I mean, what do you really think of me?" His eyes watched the guard's round face closely.

Curious, Schultz shrugged his shoulders. "You are a very nice man who doesn't deserve what Major Guthrie has done and is doing to you. I also consider you a friend despite being an enemy."

Hogan slowly got to his feet as he considered Schultz's response. "Thank you, Schultz. Goodnight."

"Gute Nacht, Colonel Hogan," Schultz replied as he watched Hogan enter the barracks.

(1)The final totals of the attack on Pearl Harbor were four US Navy battleships, three cruisers, and three destroyers sunk or damaged along with one anti-aircraft training ship, and one mine-layer being damaged. One hundred eighty-eight aircraft were destroyed, 2,402 personnel killed, and 1,282 wounded.

(2)The Tripartite Pact or Three-Power Pact had been signed in Berlin on 9/27/1940 which established the Axis Powers of WW2 being signed by the representatives of Germany, Italy and Japan stipulating each country would assist one another with all means when one of the three powers were attacked. They were later joined by Hungary, Romania, Slovakia, Bulgaria, Yugoslavia and Croatia.

(3) Since Japan had made the first move and attacked, both Germany and Italy were not obliged to aid her until the US counterattacked on 12/11/1941 after declaring war on Japan on 12/8/41 by attacking several Japanese outposts along the Pacific.

(4) The attack on Pearl Harbor was intended as a preventive action by Japan in order to keep the US Pacific Fleet from influencing the war that the Empire of Japan was planning in Southeast Asia, Britain, and the Netherlands.