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A.N.: Thank you to telainoflorien, Twilight Trekky, Hermosagirl3, Huddly, alix33, Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs, HesMines, babyred1995, MissJayne, YourFavoriteLabPartnerEver and GeorgiaEmerald for reviewing!
When Jethro had picked the lock on Jenny's front door and walked through her house into her study, he had thought that he would find her there working over case files or drinking away her sorrows. He had thought he would shout at her, question her until she spilled everything to him and not let her avoid the issue of Rosie, but she hadn't been there. He had known that she was in the house though, and he'd known that she would have heard the door; he had trained her and knew what she was capable of, so he had decided to wait for her to come to him. When she had entered the room a few moments later, however, he had frozen, and for the second time that day indecision had kept his feet rooted to the ground.
She had stopped just inside the room and he had felt her eyes on him, waiting for him to explain why he had just broken into her house, but he hadn't dared to turn around just then. The fury that had grown inside him since finding out her secret, which had built every second it had taken to get from NCIS to her house, had been clawing to get out, to unleash itself on her, the one that had kept him in the dark about his own flesh and blood, his little girl that he had never seen, never known. He had wanted a reasonable conversation, he had wanted to keep a level head while he interrogated her, but the anger wouldn't go away. It had taken a few minutes to become calm enough to look at her.
When he had finally turned around to her, he had thought he was hiding his feelings, he had thought he was a carefully blank canvas that could fool anyone into believing he was unaffected by recent events. Then he had lifted his eyes to hers, and he knew he was mistaken. She always could read his mind, so his expression and the suppressed emotions that he had been battling with, which were simmering beneath the surface of his gaze, were easy for her to see. She had reacted in horror, mortification and grief, and he'd deflated as his fury ebbed. He'd known he couldn't hurt her anymore than she was hurting herself, and the secret she and Ziva had kept for so long had most certainly caused her agony the like of which he could understand.
As the tears had rolled down her cheeks, she had shaken her head at him, like she was pleading with him to tell her he had no idea why she was reacting like she was, and he'd walked towards her, quickly closing the gap between them until he was right in front of her shaking frame. He had reached up a hand to run through her hair, hoping to soothe her, but even as he had done it he'd known it wasn't enough. He hadn't wanted to hurt her, he'd wanted to stop her pain, even if he was the one causing it, so he had done something he had never allowed himself to do in the last year and a few months; he'd let his barriers down and taken her into his embrace.
That was where he was now, standing in the middle of Jenny's study, her arms thrown around him and her head buried in his chest as she cried. He stroked her back soothingly, his own tears escaping his eyes and rolling down his cheeks. It had been so long since he had had a real hug, and he could feel the restorative effects of holding someone he cared deeply for in his arms. Although Abby threw herself at everyone all of the time, he usually didn't have the time to enjoy the contentment that the simple contact brought, especially since her hugs were quite violent because of her exuberance. Jenny clung to him desperately and he found himself holding her the same way, unwilling to let her out of the circle of his arms ever again.
"I've really missed you, Jenny." he whispered into her hair, the honesty of his statement surprising even him. When he had said that to her, the first day on her new job as Director, he had meant it as a double entendre, to mean what he couldn't say in the workplace in case another employee heard him. He had been quite forward to her, knowing that she wouldn't respond in kind, he had known that it would hurt her to hear his words, but he had thought of it as her just desserts. She had walked out of his life, leaving him with only a letter in a coat, and then walked back in years later expecting him to be fine with her presence. He had to admit that his initial disrespect of her had stemmed from the desire to hurt her, but he had found her again in the process.
His coma and amnesia had set him back to the disrespectful stage and he could see now that what he was doing to her was much worse than anything she had done to him. When she had left, she had made it a clean break; no using him, no cheating, no ignoring and no arguments, but when she had come back he had made her work life hell. He had provoked reporters, countermanded her in front of other Agencies, and flaunted his control over his team by having them ignore her orders to tell her about a case. He belittled her ability to do her job properly and treated her like his probie, even though he had stopped treating her that way when she had become his partner. They had been equals during their Europe mission, which was why they had felt comfortable enough around each other to start up a serious relationship.
"I'm so sorry." She whispered back to him between sobs, and he pressed another kiss in to her hair, letting her know he had heard her. He hadn't thought he would need to hear those words, he was the one who said they were a sign of weakness after all, but it lifted the remaining anger away from him, getting rid of any lingering aggression he felt towards her and he could honestly say that he understood why she had done what she did, and he didn't blame her.
"It's alright Jen. There was nothing you could do." He said to her, but she shook her head aggressively, pulling back from his embrace and wiping her eyes.
"I should have been faster, if I'd gotten there a few moments earlier I could have saved her." she whispered, wrapping her arms around herself, a fresh wave of tears spilling from her eyes. "If I had left her with Ziva instead of the NCIS care worker she would never have been kidnapped." She said her voice louder and laced with anger. "I should have sent her to you or Ducky. I should have done something else, something other than what I did!" She said, gesturing with her hands while she spoke, and then she stopped still and dropped her head, hiding her face in her hands. "I should never have taken on that damn case." Her muffled voice escaped from behind her hands.
"What case?" he asked, holding his breath in case his hopes were dashed and she refused to tell him, but he need not have worried. Now that the floodgates were open, her agony laid bare, she had nothing else to hide from him.
"Human trafficking out of and into Cairo. A man came to us, said his young daughter had been kidnapped and the men that took her were going to sell her to the sex trade. He wanted his daughter back so Ziva and I agreed to look into it." she brought her hands down and took a steadying breath. "We found out quite a lot about the 'traders' and then went to see the man, only to find that his daughter was home. They had found out that he had put us on their trail so they offered him a deal he couldn't refuse; his daughter for the location of other white girls." She wiped her eyes again and then looked up at him.
"As you know, white girls go for a lot more money over there, and they knew they could make back the money they would lose by giving him his daughter. He gave them the location of the NCIS day-care where Rosie was, because she was the only white girl he knew of." She shook her head at him and pressed her lips together, holding in a sob until she could continue. "They weren't sex traders; they were men working under the orders of an arms dealer: La Grenouille. They just kidnapped the girl because she found their weapons cache. He thought he would have power over me if they had my daughter, and they were right. They wanted me to look the other way when their arms shipments came in, and when I refused…" she trailed off, her body shaking under the force of her weeping, the consequences of her refusal abundantly clear. "He is laying low because he knows I'm coming for him. He knows he won't continue to escape me!" she said vehemently, her hatred of the man stemming her tears and she looked right into Jethro's eyes. She intended to kill this man, and he found that he didn't want to stop her.
"Does Ziva know what he did?" he asked, thinking back to when he had heard her tell Ducky she had no idea why Jenny was after La Grenouille or what he had to do with anything. Was she lying? It wouldn't be the first time that she had done so in the misguided hope that she was helping.
"No. I didn't want her to get involved in this." Jenny replied, her voice breaking as another wave of grief hit her. Jethro closed the gap between them once again and pulled her back into his arms, pressing a kiss on her forehead. It was incredible to him how much he needed to feel her in his arms right now. Was it the grief that was making him act so clingy? Or was he just reaching out to her and hoping that she wouldn't push him away? He didn't want to know the answer to that question right now; he didn't have the strength at the moment.
"She's already involved, and now so am I." He said, taking her face in his hands so she had no choice but to look at him and see the sincerity in his eyes. She leaned in towards him, and he did too, their foreheads touching and their eyes connected. He needed to be a part of her life, and he could see in her eyes that she felt the same. He smirked slightly and a small smile appeared on her lips. For now they wouldn't act on their feelings, for now they wouldn't mention them. Not until they knew they were real and not just the reaction of holding the same grief. Jethro pulled back slightly and spoke to her, his tone back to business. "I want to know everything you have on this guy." Jenny nodded and then seemed to consider what exactly to tell him. Whatever she saw in his eyes was enough for her, because her next words shocked him.
"He killed my father twelve years ago, blew his brains out in this very room, I know because I found his body. I wanted him behind bars then, but they ruled my father's death as a suicide. A suicide! They ignored the signs that showed it was murder and he walked free. I was close to him yesterday; I just needed Ducky to help me take him out, but…" she trailed off and bit her lip. She hadn't meant to voice the last part but her drive, her need to get this guy showed in her expression.
"But I took him with me to save Emily." Jethro finished for her regretfully, now fully understanding the look on her face when he had guilted her into letting him take Ducky with him. What was it he had said? Just try and imagine what it would be like for a little girl to see her parents' dead body! He cringed at himself, but he knew that there was no way he could have known, and she didn't blame him for it. She shook her head and reached up, holding his chin in her hand and looking deep in his eyes.
"I let you take him. No matter how much I want to see that man dead, I couldn't let another child die." She said softly, making sure he understood what she was saying. "There will be other chances to get him; you and I will be there when the time has come, I promise you." she whispered and he nodded, reaching up to release his jaw from her grasp, and taking her hand in his. He turned her hand over and kissed the back of it, the intimacy of the past few minutes getting to him. He didn't think he was moving too fast, but then she had just promised he would be involved in her future. Maybe it didn't mean the same to her as it did to him, but he wasn't going to lose another loved one if he could help it. His curse was going to come to an end.
Jethro placed her hand on his shoulder and then put his own on her waist, his intentions perfectly clear. He pulled her towards him until their bodies were pressed against each other and then he lowered his head to hers. She wasn't pushing him away, she wanted this just as much as he did and that knowledge made him more sure of his actions.
When his lips were a hairsbreadth away from hers a loud squeal make them jump apart and look at the doorway as Emily streaked into the room, followed by Noemi who was trying to get the spoon smeared with cake mix back from the young girl. The loud giggles and squeals of happiness coming from the little girl as Noemi chased her around Jenny's desk brought a smile to both Jenny and Jethro's faces, especially when Emily hid behind Jethro, no trace of fear in her young grinning face. Jenny met his gaze and reached out, squeezing his hand reassuringly. Later they would see about finishing what they started but right now they would simply enjoy Emily's innocent childish delight.