Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
A.N.: Thank you to alix33, Twilight Trekky, Mrs. Elizabeth Gibbs, MissJayne, black widow mistress and LadyJibbs for reviewing! Also thank you to everyone who has alerted and favourited this story!
Jenny watched as Jethro pulled her closer to his body, and she could feel the heat of him where they touched. His head descended, coming closer to hers, and she watched him, waiting to see if he really meant to kiss her. She didn't want him to do this out of pity, she yearned for him to kiss her because he wanted to, because he still had feelings for her even after all this time. As she gazed into his eyes, which were closer to hers than they had been in nearly a decade, she saw what she was hoping for; the spark. The flicker of love and lust that she alone inspired in him was turning into a glowing ember from their proximity, and it was just waiting for their lips to touch so it could ignite their passion, and so she had her answer. She leaned into him, eager to taste him again, to feel everything about him surrounding her.
Just as her eyes began to drift closed, Emily ran laughing into the study, Noemi following closely behind and the moment was ruined. Emily laughed as she ran, giggling and squealing gleefully every time Noemi missed her, and then she raced over to where she and Jethro were still standing motionless, watching her progress around the room, and Emily hid behind Jethro, content to use him as a shield against Noemi, who wasn't prepared to try and chase her near him. She took a long victory lick of the cake mix and Noemi scowled playfully at her, pretending to covet the goo covering the spoon, making Emily laugh harder.
Jenny didn't mind that Emily had disturbed them all that much, but she was concerned that Jethro might change his mind about becoming closer again, so she reached out and took his hand in hers, squeezing it gently and reassuringly, telling him that she hadn't changed her mind, so he had no reason to do so either. He squeezed back and they both happily watched Emily as she ducked under Noemi's outstretched arms and then weaved around the room, dodging the furniture in the study to escape with the cake mix spoon.
Rosie hadn't lived past her second year of life, so she had never baked buns or cakes with her. She had been too small to run around very fast and Jenny had carefully kept all of the cutlery away from her, even spatulas or wooden spoons, but her giggles had been just as loud as Emily's. The young girls' laughter was both a balm to the soul and an irritant to the wound in her heart that would never heal, and Jenny felt the tears run down her cheeks before she realised she was once again crying, and she had to wipe her eyes and walk out of the room before Emily asked her what was wrong. She wouldn't be able to handle the innocent question.
Jenny sat down on the stairs and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly in an attempt to regain control of her emotions, to bury Rosie in her mind so she could function around Emily again, but it was proving difficult. Sharing the grief with Jethro had opened the floodgates, and trying to close them on the torrent that was currently pouring through was the most difficult thing she would ever have to do. She had used her hate for La Grenouille to do it the first time, but being near Jethro made her feel less angry and more willing to be calm and reasonable, which was not helping her.
Jethro sat next to her on the stairs, his stealthy walk allowing him to sneak away from Emily and Noemi without them noticing so he could speak to Jenny alone. She hadn't heard him following her, but then Jethro rarely let anyone know he was coming. He put his arm around her and wordlessly drew her in to his side, letting her press her face to his chest while she tried to regain her composure. It was difficult until she breathed in and his scent filled her nose and then weaved itself into her mind, making concentrating on something else surprisingly easy, as long as that something else was him.
For a moment she considered kissing him, but the moment had passed, and she was unwilling to force the issue. If she knew anything about Jethro, it was that he didn't like to be rushed, and she respected that. She didn't want to try to start something yet, while the fact of Rosie's life and death was hanging over them, influencing their decisions. It would be like trying to make a failing marriage work for the sake of the kids, it would be doomed to failure.
"Did you take her to see Tobias?" Jethro asked softly, trying to take her mind off of the baby girl he knew she was seeing in her mind's eye. She smiled into his chest, glad that he knew her so well.
"Hmm, yes. They both enjoyed it, though Emily was reluctant to leave her father's side." She answered, and then something sprang to the forefront of her mind. She winced at the fact she had completely forgotten, then decided now was as good a time as any to ask him. "Oh that reminds me, Fornell is facing a disciplinary tribunal for bringing the case to us, I was wondering if you would be willing to bail him out of trouble by getting in to some yourself." She said hesitantly, knowing that inviting trouble on herself from Gibbs was a bad idea, but hoping that the universal constant of bad luck would recognise that she was doing someone else a favour by asking.
"How much trouble, and why?" Jethro asked warily, running his fingers through her hair absently. Jenny sighed in contentment as she relaxed under the rhythmic stroking, and then she realised he had asked her a question.
"Tobias has been suspended pending the results of the tribunal, if he loses his job… well let's just say he nearing retirement age. Getting another job would be near impossible and Emily is relying on him now more than ever." She said and she felt him nodding.
"Why don't you just offer him a place at NCIS?" he asked lightly, but with a slight edge in his tone so that she knew he was partly serious.
"That's an option, but I'd rather try to help him keep the one that he has at the moment. I'd like you to come with me when I go to see the FBI Director." She said, pulling away from him so she could look into his eyes, so she could convey just how important this was. He smiled at her while he shook his head.
"No, make him come to us. He'll feel too secure in his own office and we need every advantage we can get." He said and Jenny's heart stopped doing the flip-flops it had begun when he had said no, returning to its normal rhythm. She nodded to him.
"I'll see what I can do." She laughed softly, and he gave her shoulder a squeeze before releasing her and drawing out his cell phone, which had begun vibrating.
"Yeah Gibbs." He said, and Jenny watched his face as the person on the other end spoke to him. The one sided conversation only lasting for a few seconds, and then he flipped his cell closed and stood.
"What is it?" she enquired, and he flipped his phone back open, obviously getting ready to call someone else.
"That was dispatch, there's a dead sailor in an abandoned restaurant in Georgetown. Now I'm not on Tobias' case, I assume it's alright to be taking this one?" he asked, his usual gruffness back in place, his barriers coming back up so he could face his team without them asking him silly questions like; 'is something wrong, boss?'.
"You assume correctly, just don't forget about our meeting with the FBI." Jenny replied, standing up from her place on the stairs and walking with him the two or three paces so she could see him out of her house.
"Jen, it's me." He said cheekily, and she bit her lip trying not to grin at his behaviour. She failed.
"Exactly, Jethro." she responded, the smile breaking out on her face as he gave her one last long look and then disappeared through the threshold, closing the door behind him.
Jenny leaned against the closed door for a moment, her eyes closed and her head resting against the wood. It could have been a disaster, him finding out about Rosie, but somehow it hadn't been. Jethro certainly knew how to keep her guessing about his behaviour and how he will react to certain situations. She sighed and pushed away from the door, mustering her veil of hate for La Grenouille so she could control herself better, and then turned to face the study where Emily's laughter still echoed from.
Jenny walked up the hall and into the study, a smile pulling at her lips as she saw Emily sat at the desk pouting, while Noemi waved the spoon at her, having finally retrieved it from her. Jenny walked further into the room and made her presence known.
"Finally caught up with her Noemi?" Jenny asked in amusement, and the faithful housekeeper nodded tiredly.
"Si senora, she is very fast." Noemi said, pointing at the sulking little girl. Emily sat up a little straighter in her chair in response to the praise, but maintained her moping expression. Jenny chuckled at her and then held out her arms to Emily, who jumped off the chair and walked into them.
"And the cake?" Jenny asked Noemi, but it was Emily's muffled voice that responded before Noemi could.
"In the oven, we're waiting 20 minutes for it to get bigger." Emily said, pulling back to look at Jenny, her pout slipping at the thought of the chocolate sponge cake she had been making with Noemi getting even larger. "What was Gibbs doing here?" she asked, her attention switching from one subject to another, like most children seemed to, and Abby.
"He just needed to speak to me about something; he's gone back to work now though." Jenny said, reassuring the young girl that she hadn't scared him off. Emily nodded and then looked up at her thoughtfully.
"You've been crying." Emily stated, reaching up to Jenny's face where the tear tracks could still be seen from where her makeup had run. Jenny cursed herself internally, knowing she should have freshened up before coming to see Emily, but it had slipped her mind. She had been so busy trying to get herself under control that getting rid of the evidence of her break down hadn't entered her head. She smiled and stroked Emily's hair.
"It's nothing to worry about, I just got a little emotional." She told her, smiling for effect. Emily nodded and then ran out of the room, back to the kitchen, Noemi trailing behind and shooting glances at her employer and friend. "I'm fine Noemi." Jenny reassured her and Noemi smiled and then walked out of the room, leaving Jenny to her thoughts and to pull herself together.
She walked out of the study and ran up the stairs, turning into her bedroom and walking into the en suite bathroom. She washed her face and reapplied what little makeup she had put on for the day, thinking about what was going to happen now. She would have to tell Jethro everything about La Grenouille, and that posed a few problems.
Her mission to destroy Rene Benoit, as he was really called, had been going on for so long she didn't know where to start. She could tell him about all of the failures and the close calls, but that might put him off. Maybe she should not tell him… no, that was no longer an option. One thing was for certain though, he would need to be told about the little undercover mission she had sent Tony on, and that might strain their newfound understanding. Although Tony was one of her Agents, Jethro didn't seem to understand that she could give them orders that superseded his. It was one of the points that they argued over the most.
She would tell him everything she decided, and then it would be up to him whether he would stand by what he had said, it would be his choice if he wanted to be involved further. He probably would, but a lot of things had been different between them since his amnesia. Was he still the Jethro she knew and loved? Was he still the Jethro whom she could trust to have her back no matter what?
Jenny lifted her head and looked at herself in the mirror, taking in the tired, strained expression she wore and she knew that she couldn't keep anymore secrets from Jethro. She was tired of spinning countless webs of lies and deception, and maintaining them was more trouble than it was worth, and it was starting to show. She was becoming inconsistent, her desperation to get Benoit was causing her to take more risks and while she didn't want to get anyone hurt, she had viewed it as acceptable damage when something bad had occurred.
She was burying her feelings so deep underneath her hatred that she was losing sight of who she was; the caring woman who had been unable to pull the trigger on so many people. When had she become this cold blooded schemer, this cold, heartless monster? When had she realised that to feel emotions she had to provoke arguments and drink copious amounts of alcohol? She swallowed as tears threatened to spill over her cheeks once again and she took a deep shuddering breath. She pulled out her phone and dialled a number, for a reason that moments ago had seemed unfathomable, but now was inescapable.
"Hello Ducky? I… I think I have a drinking problem…"