...and now, the epic conclusion to the scam trilogy.
Review replies;
Movie-Brat: I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reading!
Zim'sMostLoyalServant: It's funny you should request that...XD. Thanks for reviewing!
Cartooniac55: Don't worry, that's staying in the crackpairs thread. :D As per Ember being his shoulder angel...well, I don't want to reveal anything. :P Thanks for the review!
unknown20troper: I'm glad somebody got that. :) Thanks very much!
18/10/10 – The Battle of my Front Lawn
"Hello, emergency services for the state of…"
"Yes, I know," I snapped into the phone, "Listen, there is a giant witch outside my house."
"Why is there are giant witch outside your house? There's no reason for there to be a giant witch outside your house!"
"Yes, I know," I groaned, "Do you have anyway of getting rid of her?"
"Have you tried breaking reality?"
"How am I supposed to do that?"
"I dunno, write Grease slash or something."
"I am NOT writing slash for Grease Lightning," I growled.
I thought for a minute.
"Wait a minute, are you humouring me?"
The phone hung up.
"Well," I shrugged, turning to the others huddled in my basement, "I tried."
"So, now what?" sighed Sandy.
"I don't know, I think I'm out of ideas," I replied, "Err…tanks?"
"Where are we gonna get a tank from?" demanded Linkara.
"Point taken," I sighed.
There was a short silence.
This was followed by a cough from Spongebob, and another, somewhat longer silence.
Then Sandy clicked her fingers.
"I got it!" she exclaimed, "I know someone who'd have the firepower to take down Witch Ember!"
"Ronald Reagan?"
"No," deadpanned Sandy, "Look, if we can get to this place…"
She pointed to a reference on the town map I kept on my wall.
"…we can get…someone's help."
"Well, who is it?" asked Linkara.
"Um…you'll see," replied Sandy.
"OK, how are we gonna get there?" asked Spongebob, "It's all the way on the other side of town."
"I have an idea!" I replied.
"Oh no," groaned Linkara.
Witch Ember was merrily tearing my roof apart when she heard a siren. She gave a confused glance to my driveway, which was lowering into the ground - becoming a ramp.
There was an almighty roar, and a white SUV thundered out of the newly formed hole, flames pouring from jets at the back as it sailed into the sky.
"This doesn't make any physical sense!" snapped Linkara, as the car soared upwards. He had the unenviable job of flying the thing.
"It's the Rocket Car," I rebutted, "It doesn't need to make sense!"
In the back, Sandy looked to be enjoying herself. Spongebob, meanwhile, was clamping the seat, knuckles white.
Witch Ember glowered, raising her arms.
"You wanna play it the hard way, huh?" she growled, "Lets see how you like this!"
She began to throw bursts of fire at us, Linkara barely managing to dive out of their way.
"Fly low, over the highway," suggested Sandy, "She can't hit us as well down there!"
Linkara nodded, dropping altitude until we were just above the main downtown highway.
"Alright, it should be easy from here on in," nodded Linkara, "Well…easier."
He dodged out of the way of another fire burst.
"Uh…guys," Spongebob warned, nervously, "We're nearly at the end of the highway…"
"…and we're entering skyscraper alley," added Sandy.
Linkara looked ahead. We were hurtling straight into the downtown area – and its tightly-packed buildings. He paled.
"Hang on!" he yelled.
He spun the wheel. With a sharp left turn, he veered into the urban sprawl. He weaved his way through the buildings, left and right, right and left.
Spongebob looked about to vomit.
At last, we managed to weave through the buildings, and came to a halt at our destination.
Linkara, Spongebob and I gaped.
"Oh no," sighed Spongebob.
"You have got to be kidding me," snapped Linkara.
"He's all we've got," replied Sandy.
She walked up to the door, and, checking for any booby traps, knocked.
The door opened, and two, rather poorly constructed robots immediately attempted to attack their visitors.
Giving a sigh, Sandy half-heartedly gave them bothy karate chops and they deactivated.
"Zim, get out here, we need you," she barked.
There was a short silence. Then there was a mysterious bang (we never learnt what it was), and Zim walked out of another room and towards the door.
"Get off of my lawn, filthy worm babies!" he shouted.
"Not until you help us," replied Linkara.
"And why should the mighty ZIM help you?" retorted Zim.
Linkara pointed over his shoulder to the giant Witch Ember in the distance.
"If you don't, that will probably conquer the universe."
"Even Irk?" quizzed Zim.
"Especially Irk," I replied, darkly.
"Wait!" interrupted Spongebob, "If everyone in town got absorbed into the giant Witch Ember, how come you're still here?"
"He's an alien, you twit," deadpanned Linkara, "He's not a resident of this town."
"We're wasting time," snapped Zim, "If we're going to save the Irken Empire…"
"…and Earth," interrupted Spongebob.
"…then we're going to need serious hardware," continued Zim, "Behold, the ULTRA DOOM-ANNIHILATOR!"
He brandished a gigantic rocket launcher in his arms.
"…when did you get that?" I asked, meekly.
"SILENCE!"
The Rocket Car zoomed into the sky once more, the left doors opened. Now, Sandy was driving, and Linkara, Zim and I were standing on the edge of the car.
"OK," explained Sandy, "Linkara's got his Magic Gun, E3's got the Anti-Magic Tommy Gun, and Zim's got the U-D-A, right?"
"Yep," nodded Linkara.
"When I say the word," continued Sandy, "You fire. You got that?"
"One question," I asked, "Isn't hanging out the side of a car hanging fifty-odd feet in the air a bit dangerous?"
"Don't you know it!" grinned Sandy, "Get ready!"
She drove in the direction of Witch Ember, honking the horn to catch her attention.
Witch Ember turned to look at us.
"Back for more?" she sneered, "Bring it on, dipsticks!"
Sandy steered the car to the left as Witch Ember advanced on us. We aimed our weapons and prepared for the word.
Then the witch did something unexpected.
She pointed her index finger at the car and let off a small charge of magic. Linkara managed to dodge it, and it hit Spongebob.
There was an odd sound, a bit like the scrunching of cardboard, and I glanced over my shoulder. A small, yellow cardboard box was resting on the seat Spongebob had once occupied.
"Spongebob!" gasped Sandy.
"…um…that's new," I gulped.
"Meh, it happens," shrugged Zim.
Witch Ember gave a cruel grin.
"You like that, don't you?" she grinned.
INSERT YOUR OWN DEVIANTART JOKE HERE.
She raised her finger again, and shot off a charge at the driver's seat of the car. Sandy braced herself as she was hit.
The car shook. We glanced at the front seat. Sandy was still there…as a lifeless, fabric, stuffed version of herself.
AGAIN, IN…on second thoughts, no. There's a terrible joke coming up anyway.
"Flying Potatoes!" gasped Linkara, "We've got no pilot!"
"You could say that we're…stuffed," I added, removing my glasses at the pun.
Linkara just managed to stop Zim from throwing me over the side.
Witch Ember gave a maniacal laugh and entered a victory pose, her eye right next to our side of the car.
Then, we realised.
Her eye was right next to the car. Perfect firing position.
"What are you waiting for?" demanded Zim, "Shoot that hideous thing!"
Linkara fired his Magic Gun.
I fired a long burst from the Anti-Magic Tommy Gun.
Zim fired a shot from the Ultra Doom-Annihilator, laughing maniacally.
I don't know if the guns did anything much, but the U-D-A certainly did. There was a tremendous explosion, and Witch Ember covered her eye, giving a cry of pain.
She began to glow. As she did so, she began to shrink. As she shrunk, she split into hundreds – thousands – hundreds of thousands of different people, all looking around on the ground in confusion, until there were so many the original witch couldn't be seen among them.
"We did it!" I cheered.
"Warehouse!" cried Linkara.
He could say no more as the Rocket Car crashed into a warehouse with tremendous force, plunging us into darkness.
About two hours later, we managed to crawl out of the wreckage. By this time, Spongebob and Sandy had been returned to normal, with the added bonus of not being in pain from the impact.
As soon as we got out, Zim ditched us, his now destroyed super-weapon slung over his shoulder. The rest of us walked home, and found Danny, Tucker, Sam and Timmy on the front lawn, none the worse for the night's occasions.
Shortly after, we happened upon Ember, who had, in fact, been possessed by a witch the whole time. Yes. Understanding the trauma of losing control of your body, Danny elected only to shove her in the thermos for six hours, rather then the usual twelve.
My roof was very badly damaged, but I managed to pay for the damages by selling the remains of the Rocket Car to NASA. This meant that I only spent two-hundred dollars.
Oh, and if you're interested, I never did get paid for my scam.
Such is life, I guess.
The End.