I hate to say it, but this chapter is a lot shorter than the other ones have been. It's also necessary for the story.

So, Warning: This chapter contains consensual intercourse between a main character of NCIS and an OFC. If that bothers you... well, I would suggest skipping this chapter. But do you remember when I said this story would contain both homosexual and heterosexual relationships? Well, here is the heterosexual relationship. There's nothing overly graphic, but it had to happen. I swear, there was a point!

Last point: This chapter is dedicated to djmichaels *hands brownies* They're double fudge.

Fourteen

Tony still hadn't slept. His mind wouldn't stop working. Gibbs was being an even bigger bastard than usual. And he was going to tell.

He rubbed his face for what felt like the fiftieth time. He didn't want to think about this. He just wanted to sleep. Hell, he wanted to forget everything that happened at the butcher shop. But he knew that was never going to happen.

His fingers slowly drifted across the scars on his wrists. Thin little pink lines that wrapped around his skin. He wondered if plastic surgery could get rid of those for him. They weren't particularly large. You couldn't really see them unless you were looking for them. But you could feel them.

Tony felt them all the time.

Those scars had become a daily physical reminder of what he went through back then. And he was tired of having them. He wanted them gone.

The knock at the door brought him out of his reverie. Slowly he stood up and opened the heavy wooden barrier.

Ley stood on the other side, smiling warmly at him. Her hair was frazzled and her uniform was no longer pristine,but her smile was genuine . "Hey," she said.

"Hey yourself." He shook his head. "What are you doing here?"

She gave him a look that could almost be described as pitying. "I'm here to see how you were doing."

He closed his eyes and huffed. "Not here, here. What are you doing in Washington?"

"You didn't know?" The smile left her face as she stared at him confused. "Den called me and asked me to help with a canvas."

Tony broke into a wide bright smile. "Wow, you actually got to be a real cop today, huh?"

Ley rolled her eyes. "Yeah, bite me. So are you gonna invite me in, or what?"

He pretended to think about that for a minute until she smacked him in the arm. With a chuckle, he stepped aside and she strode in and immediately plopped down on his bed. "You never answered my question."

That confused him. "What question?"

She folded her legs underneath her. "How are you doing?"

He sat down next to her. "You never actually asked that."

"The question was implied."

"No, you said you came over to see how I was doing, but you never actually asked."

"Yeah, and your clearly not smart enough to see the implications in that statement." He shoved her. She fell over, laughing. "You still didn't answer me."

He sighed heavily. "Been better."

"Wanna talk about it?"

He chuckled bitterly. "I let a sixteen year old kid get kidnapped in front of my face, and I didn't do a damn thing to stop it. I got my ass kicked by a man-mountain Marine. I'm sore, I'm exhausted, but I can't sleep. I'm working with Gibbs again." He sighed. "The list goes on and on."

They were silent for a while. Ley was no doubt trying to think of ways to comfort him, but Tony was content to just quietly. She was the exact opposite of Gibbs. Female, young, happy. It was a nice change. "I thought you and Gibbs were tight."

He arched his eyebrow at her. "What the hell gave you that idea?"

"The fact that he watched over you like a hawk while you two were in the hospital."

Tony nodded. "Yeah, and he left before I woke up and never came back."

She rolled her eyes. "Ok, so he didn't start a vigil by your bedside, you knew the guy less than a week. Unless you gave him Stockholm Syndrome, I see no reason why he should have stayed. That just looks creepy. And stalker-like."

Tony chuckled. A real chuckle for once. "You ever leave high school?"

"You ever leave college, Sex Machine?"

Tony rolled his eyes. When he joined a fraternity, every new pledge was given a nickname. His just happened to be Sex Machine. Not the best name, but it could have been worse. Denny was called Herpes after one extremely embarrassing ritual.

He stared at his best friend's sister for a while before he spoke again. It had nothing to do with their earlier conversation. "Gibbs knows about my mom."

The smile disappeared. Her eyes went wide and her jaw fell to the floor. He closed his eyes and shook his head. "Not all of it. He doesn't know the details." He took a deep breath. "When we were in the butcher shop, La—" he was cut off when his voice croaked. It was pathetic. He couldn't even say a damn name without freaking out. "Lance started telling us about why they picked us. My mother was brought up."

"What did he say?"

He refused to look at her. Instead he stared ahead at the television. "That I killed her." Those weren't the exact words, but they equaled the same thing in his eyes.

"Tony that wasn't your fault."

"Yeah." He stood up, putting as much distance between them that he could. "You weren't there."

"I didn't have to be." He turned back to her when she started yelling. She was getting angry now. "You were eight years old for pete's sake!"

He didn't want to talk about this anymore. His mother was another one of those conversations that he just wanted to forget. He turned around and laid his head against the wall. Exhaustion was slipping in again. He just needed to focus on that. He needed at least a couple hours of sleep.

He heard the bed creak as Ley stood up. Even before she touched his shoulder, he felt her move closer. And he smelled her. White Gardenia body spray. It was pretty.

"Tony," she paused, although he couldn't figure out why. After a while, she breathed a heavy sigh. "Do you want me to go?"

He grinned. It wasn't out of happiness. He honestly didn't know the answer to that. On the one hand, he wanted to go to bed. He wanted to forget this damn day ever happened. But on the other hand, he didn't want to be alone.

He pushed away from the wall so he could look at her. She looked about as tired as he felt.

He didn't know why he did it. Hell, he didn't even know he was doing it. He hadn't even realized he had moved until she was pushing him away from her and slapping him across the face.

"What the hell was that?" She asked, suddenly angry again.

Tony rubbed at his stinging cheek. "I'm pretty sure it was a kiss. You do know what those are, right?"

"Why did you just kiss me?"

That was a good question. "I honestly have no idea."

She huffed. "I should probably go." She started walking towards the door.

"No!" He grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back. "Don't go. Please." He couldn't believe he was begging, but he didn't want her to leave.

He stared down into her big brown eyes that held a glimmer of something in them. He wasn't exactly sure what, but it looked like something good.

He leaned down again and captured her mouth with his own. After a second, she wrapped her arms around his neck and roughly kissed him back, pushing him backwards.

He grabbed her head and forced his tongue into her mouth. Every instinct in him was telling him to do what he always did. Take control of the kiss. Control her. Drive her wild and make her beg him for more.

But then she pushed him away again. She didn't hit this time though, so that was a plus. She moved till her back hit the opposite wall, refusing to meet his eyes again.

"Don't do that again," she breathed.

He wiped at his mouth. "You kissed me back."

"That was a mistake. I can't," she shook her head and swallowed a lump in her throat, "I can't do this."

"Ley—" he started, but she cut him off.

"I gotta go." Again she started walking for the door.

And again he stopped her.

"Tony!" She struggled against him for a second, but he didn't ease up.

He pulled her in for another kiss. This time she didn't hesitate. She wrapped her arms around his head and pulled him in even closer. This time, she pushed her tongue into his awaiting mouth.

She jumped up and wrapped her legs around his waist, grinding her hips against him. He groaned. Already he felt his body reacting.

He carried her over to the bed and gently laid her down, never once stopping the kiss. Her hands travelled all over his body till he grabbed her wrists and brought them over her head. She gasped and arched into him.

Let me be her.

He pulled away.

Ley looked up at him, confusion and hurt written all over her face. "What is it? What's wrong?"

Memories of the butcher shop flooded his mind. How he felt, defenseless, weak.

He let go of her arms and raised himself up so he straddled her hips. Her uniform was even more rumpled now than it was before. "Tony?"

He climbed off her and sat on the edge of the bed, his back turned to her. He couldn't see her face, but he could just imagine what she must be feeling right now. Used, hurt, probably a little slutty. But he couldn't look at her when he made his request. "I don't want to be in control," he said softly.

Slowly, she crawled over so she could look at him. He stared back into her confused gaze. He didn't know how to say what he wanted. This whole thing felt so wrong, but it felt right at the same time.

He grabbed her hand and tugged until he got her into his lap. It had been months since he held a woman in his lap. He tried at first, but he could never get his body to react. He had more than one panic attacks trying. After a while he just gave up.

Let me be her.

He needed this.

He reached up and kissed her again. This time much softer, gentler. His fingers reached forward and started undoing the buttons on her uniform. She nipped at his lower lip as she slowly started rocking her hips back and forth against him.

Let me be her.

Frantic now, clothes were ripped off their bodies until all Tony was touching was soft, silky skin. Ley never lost her rhythm.

He pulled away from the kiss, but never backed up more than an inch. He felt Ley's breath tickle his lip, cooling the sweat already forming. Slowly, he ran his hands down her bare arms before settling them behind his back.

"This is your show," was all he said.

Ley ran her fingernails down his chest—across his scars—before she kissed him again.

I could be her for you. Just let me. Let me give you what you want. Let me be her.

The more Ley moved, the further they went, the quieter the voice in his head finally got.

Do you at least see why this was necessary? Well, all comments welcome, and next chapter is a bit more case-y. And also a bit longer. Talk to me!

Bob