RAGE AGAINST THE ESTABLISHMENT!

I tried to make this funny, but...yeah, this was hard.

Review replies;

Zim'sMostLoyalServant: Yeah, I'm not much of a poet. You got it right, there. Incidentally, you made the 100th review! Gimme five! XD Thanks for reading.

Movie-Brat: ...yep, I think you know me very well. :D Thanks for reviewing!

Cartooniac55: That's the spirit! Best of luck to you. :) Thanks for the review.

unknown20troper: Thanks, those lines were hard to think of. Thanks very much!

24/10/10 – An Open Letter to DeviantArt

To the denizens of the internet's wretched hive of scum and villainy…

"Oh, wait, that's my letter to Encyclopaedia Dramatica…hang on a sec…ah, here we go."

To the denizens of the internet's resident art depository,

How are you? I am fine.

I am writing to demonstrate various complaints I have with your site. As a whole, I can usually find something wonderful, and I enjoy my visits immensely. However, some of members severely worry me.

To put my case into point, I shall search 'Spongebob and Patrick', and see what I get.

I innocently type the keywords into DeviantArt's search engine.

I stare at the results for a minute, and then I shrug.

Well, that wasn't as bad as I expected. I only found two yaoi pictures, and they were both non-sexual, thank god.

As a secondary example, I shall now search 'Spongebob and Squidward.'

I make the search, and look for a minute.

"Well, this isn't too bad," I say.

I scroll down…and an expression of utter horror crosses my face.

I have now found an image of Squidward bloodily eating Spongebob's head. My point has been made.

I must ask why people are possessed to do this. I mean, why would Squidward want to eat Spongebob's head? There are plenty of other people who could eat Spongebob's head. A predator, an alien, Freddy Krueger, a tiger, Hitler, anything but Squidward.

I shall ask him what he thinks.

I call over Squidward. He leans over and looks at the screen.

…

He agrees with me…although he does say he would happily allow someone else to eat his head.

I don't understand why people want to make such images. Is this person a fan? Is he insane? Is it satire? Is the artist Plankton or something?

Perhaps I'm digging too deeply into this, so I'll move on.

I am now going to make a perfectly safe search for, say – Vicky from the Fairly OddParents on your search engine.

I make the search. I then stare at the page for a few minutes.

Oh Jesus Lord.

Let me put it this way. When I can count seven sexualised images of Vicky (and be advised, this is with the mature filter on – there's a blocked image that fills me with fear), then someone has their mind in the gutter, plain and simple.

Seriously, you people are turned on by cartoon characters? The hell?

Although…

I open one of the pictures and call Timmy over. I cross my arms and let him drool over it for a minute, then politely inform him that it is Vicky.

He punches me in the face and walks away.

In your defence, what you do is hardly illegal, at least somewhat well-drawn and (with the exception of that scary blocked-image) not exactly pornographic. And she is about sixteen, so I guess it isn't that sick.

Now I shall search for Tootie.

I make the search, nod, and scroll down, sipping from my coke.

I immediately spit it out in horror.

SHE'S TEN YOU SICK F**KS!

I DO NOT WANT TO SEE A TEN-YEAR OLD IN THEIR F**KING UNDERCLOTHING!

THAT'S ILLEGAL!

NO, AGING THEM UP ISN'T HELPING!

At least there were only two examples on the page here (bear in mind, this is the first page), but…no. Just no. I am not supporting the sexualisation of a TEN YEAR OLD CHILD. That is wrong. That is bad touch.

Although…

I call back Timmy. He doesn't come. I curse, and then I move on.

OK, recovering from that disgusting and horrifying revelation, I'm going to move along.

Actually, before I move on, I need to check something.

I type a search up.

Cartooniac, you'll be pleased to know that Sandy/Penguin doesn't seem to exist.

(I'm a bit disappointed, to be honest.)

Now, moving on, let us search for an anthromorphic character, say…Sandy.

I type up the search. I stare for a moment, before counting.

I counted sixteen instances of sexualisation and one blockage. There are twenty-four results on the page.

People, I understand the furry fandom – I am one of the few non-furries that do. Some furry art's pretty good.

However, I don't understand the ones that feel the need to add…hormonal interest…to their images. I mean seriously, think about it.

Am I really supposed to believe there are people who watch Spongebob Squarepants and say; 'Man, that squirrel could be really hot if I gave her…expansion. Oh yeah, that'll get a lot of hits online!"

Because if that's true, then it won't be too hard to believe that there are people who watch Spongebob Squarepants and…well, let's just say it's a teenage thing.

I am now shuddering violently. Please excuse me while I get rid of mental imagery.

I turn around on my chair, down my entire can of coke, throw it away, grab the Anti-Magic Tommy Gun, and begin to beat myself repeatedly with it.

Eventually, I stop, and my chair falls backwards.

OK, I'm done.

Another thing I have noticed on your website is a large amount of transformation art. For the uninitiated, this is the act of drawing someone, and turning them into something else. Simple, fun, totally harmless…right?

Well, a lot of the time, yes. I'll link you a rather good (ie. warm and fluffy) one at the bottom of the page. On the other side of the spectrum, I'll add another one of Timmy turning into a werewolf in Paint.

I chuckle a little.

"Who uses Paint?" I ask.

I glance both ways, check my Paint window, and then return to writing.

It's the…bad ones that I have beef with.

For one, well…let's just say, god forbid you search for Timantha. GOD FORBID.

For seconds…well, there are a lot of people with very, very weird fetishes. Apparently, the idea of being turned into something else is one of them.

The end result is that I have to wade through page upon page of blatant fanservice to find anything good.

But then, that's just my niche. For most of my readers, it shouldn't be a problem…if it weren't for the fact that our favourite cartoons are often the chosen material.

Danny. Spongebob. Jenny. Kimi. All four tested positive to sexualisation by this method, and that's without searching for the dreaded transgender.

WHY DO PEOPLE DO THIS?

Do you gain anything from it, or is it just to fulfil your sick fantasies?

Ugh…I don't want to know.

I shrug, before glancing at my word count.

Well, I'm getting a bit long-winded here, so I'll wrap up with one complaint.

You need more robots.

I mean seriously, you can't go wrong with robots.

I've had no problems with robots, I'm…

"350! GET OUT HERE!"

I glance at the door, nervously.

"Oh yeah," I realise, "I turned Sandy into a robot again. I don't think she likes it much…hey, Timmy, can you look out the window?"

Timmy walks over, and glances out a nearby window.

"She's got out the lasso," he informed me, "You'd better start running."

Um, better wrap this up quickly.

Basically, DeviantArt, you are a perverted, mind-screwing, image-forming, terror-forming hall full of some of the most disgusting fetishes and ideas in the world…and I love you anyway.

Yours truly,

E350.

P.S.: More robots.

I press send, then run from my seat as Sandy kicks in the door.

Art links:

http : / / deixkay7278 . deviantart . com / art / The-Trasnformation-123371229?q=boost%3Apopular+Transformation+Timmy&qo=51

http : / / jose-ramiro . / art / Canine-Sam-and-Danny-Kissing-99660097?q=boost%3Apopular+Transformation+Danny&qo=5