It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken…

Serena's vision was hazy as she opened her eyes. She squinted against the bright lights. Where was she? In a hospital? She could hear voices, could feel people moving around her. She opened her mouth to speak, but her throat felt raw and swollen. She tried lifting her arms, but they felt heavy.

Was she…was she alive? Her heart raced at that thought as a woman's face came into view. A doctor? The woman was talking, but Serena couldn't make out was she was saying. Her words sounded sluggish and far away.

Something was wrong. Serena struggled to catch her breath. She could feel her heart pounding in her chest. She gasped for air as machines beeped loudly around her. The woman hurried away and began to push the buttons on the machines.

The woman's voice sounded urgent, commanding, before her face swam into Serena's view again. Serena's head was filled with questions, but only one name came to her lips before unconsciousness overtook her.

Kaidan.

Kaidan's vision was hazy as he opened his eyes. He squinted against the bright sun that filtered in through the window. He had been dreaming about her again. Every night, without fail, she would drift into his dreams. It was something he both dreaded and looked forward to.

She would talk to him, laugh…but her voice was absent. It almost seemed like he was watching a vid of her without the sound on. He could never hear her.

Until now.

Kaidan put his pillow over his face and closed his eyes in concentration as he tried to remember the dream. They had been sitting on the bed, talking. He couldn't hear what she was saying, but he had already gotten used to that. He couldn't stop staring at her. The look of joy on her face made him almost believe that she was still alive. That his dreams were really the truth and that his reality was the lie. She had pulled herself closer to him, and she tilted her face towards his ear.

Kaidan.

She had said his name.

Two years.

Serena stared at the man – Jacob – in front of her. She was waiting for him to burst out laughing. To say something like, "Just kidding! Your crew is waiting for you behind this door. You should've seen the look on your face…"

But he just stared back, his expression as serious as when he had told her she had been dead for two years.

She took a step back and let out a breath. She closed her eyes as her mind processed what he had just said. She had woken up to chaos – nothing unusual considering that was pretty much what her life was like. She had followed the voice on the intercom, slipping into armor, grabbing the nearest gun, killing everything in her way.

The feel of the armor on her body and the weapon in her hand brought alive her senses. Instinct had taken over her body. Take cover, shoot, run. Survival was her priority though her mind was filled with questions. What the hell was going on? Where was she? Where were Kaidan, Wrex, Garrus and the rest of her crew?

She didn't trust this Jacob, but he and the intercom lady – Miranda – were the ones with the answers. She would help them kill the mechs and escape the facility if it meant she got those answers. She needed to find her crew. She needed to find Kaidan.

Kaidan fell back against the bed, exhausted. He had been working double shifts for the past few months and the hours were finally catching up to him.

It was the only way. The only way to stop seeing her eyes every time he looked at the stars, to stop smelling her sweet scent every time he passed by a flower shop…to stop seeing her face every time he closed his eyes to sleep.

Working the double shift kept his mind off of her. It had become routine. Wake up, go to work, labor furiously for 16+ hours, go home, go to sleep, wake up. It was a great plan, except for the fact that it wasn't working.

He still thought of her constantly. The past two years (had it really been two years?) had been hell. His guilt at leaving her and his grief at losing her had eaten away at him until he was only a shell of himself. His duty to the Alliance was the only thing that kept him going.

Councilor Anderson had forced a month's personal leave on him, but Kaidan had returned after a week. It was better to keep his mind occupied at work, than to sit at home doing nothing but thinking about Serena. Anderson had relented, feeling that time would be the only thing that would help Kaidan heal.

Kaidan forced himself off the bed when he heard his computer beep with a new message. It better not be his friends forcing him to go out again. He wasn't in the mood to deal with them. He took a seat in front of the screen, and his heart stopped as he opened up the message.

What kind of sick bastard would send this?, he thought angrily as his body flared with biotic energy.

The message had been sent from a private account. No name, no address, just the message. Kaidan threw the computer across the room, but the words still burned in his eyes.

She's alive.

AN: The lyrics at the top of the page are taken from a Rascal Flatt's song called "What Hurts the Most".