AN: I'm baa-aack! Serena finally made her way into my mind, and I'm excited to continue her story. I had a few qualms about this chapter, but you can read all about it at the end. Wouldn't want to spoil anything for you! So, on with the show!
Serena maintained a fairly neutral expression as she walked back to the Normandy with Miranda and Jacob following closely behind her. Underneath the stony exterior, however, she was seething. Her trip to the Citadel had been a waste. Granted, she had regained her Spectre status, but the Council still didn't believe anything she said about the Reapers. If the turian councilor used the air quotes in her face again, she was personally going to boot his ass into space when the Reapers invaded. And, while Councilor Anderson had been nothing but kind and had even defended her against the Council, he still couldn't tell her where Kaidan was – something that she was getting really tired of hearing.
She quickly filled Joker in on the situation, making sure to keep her voice neutral as well. She was keenly aware that Miranda and Jacob (well, Miranda at least) were watching her closely, and she didn't want them knowing the effect the meeting with the Council had on her.
"Take us to the Hourglass Nebula," she told Joker. She wanted to get as far away from the Citadel as possible. "We're picking up the convict. I'll be in my room if anyone needs me."
She turned to leave, effectively dismissing Miranda and Jacob without so much as a glance towards them. Kaidan had once told her that her eyes betrayed her emotions. No matter how much her face and body language were relaxed and calm, her eyes always reflected what she was really feeling. Of course, Miranda and Jacob wouldn't know that, but she didn't want to risk it either way.
She was even proud of the way she was keeping her biotics under control. It had been a struggle, but she had finally learned to suppress her emotions enough to where her biotics weren't flaring every time she got mad.
As she approached the CIC deck, she fought the urge to race to the elevator. She wanted to avoid Kelly, but was disappointed to find the administrative assistant at her position near the Galaxy map like always. The secretary practically bounced up to her as soon as she descended the stairs into the deck.
"Commander, you have new messages at your private terminal," Kelly began.
Serena managed to avoid rolling her eyes. Barely. "Thank you, Ms. Chambers," she replied, even adding a smile.
It wasn't that she didn't like Kelly. Serena just didn't see the need for someone to be telling her that she had messages every five seconds. And she didn't understand why they would need someone to evaluate the crew's psyche. Serena had made it a point to visit with all the members of the new Normandy. She was pleasantly surprised that not all the crew believed in Cerberus' views and reiterated her open door policy to each of them. She was sure that, if anyone had a problem, they would go to her first instead of Kelly.
"Please call me Kelly. How was your meeting with the Council?"
Serena wasn't sure how much longer she could last with the fake smile on her face. Her cheeks were already beginning to hurt.
"It was…eventful," Serena lied. "I will read the messages in my room. Thanks again, Kelly."
She practically ran to the elevator before Kelly began bombarding her with questions. Serena made her way into her room and took a moment to lean back against the door and let out a breath. She quickly took off her armor, changed into some workout clothes, and began wrapping her hands. One thing she was finding out about Cerberus was that they were doing everything in their power to accommodate her. She had requested for a punching bag to be installed in her room, and lo and behold, she had actually gotten it.
She began a simple boxing routine, finally allowing herself to let her guard down. With each punch, her body truly relaxed, and she began to reflect on what she had learned so far about Kaidan. So, he had been promoted? Good for him. Kaidan was an excellent soldier, and he deserved the promotion. But what was this about some classified mission he was on? She knew Anderson couldn't say anything else because of her ties with Cerberus, but still…she had wanted to see him so badly, wanted for him to be next to her as she investigated the Collectors. She would just have to make do with the old holo of Kaidan that she had Joker get for her. It wasn't the best picture of him, but it was the best Joker could get without it looking suspicious. She didn't want for Cerberus to know about her relationship with Kaidan. She knew having a picture of him in her room gave it away, but she didn't care.
The door to her room swished open, and she was surprised to see Garrus walking in. She still felt guilty at waiting so long to go for him. Had she known that he was Archangel, she would have gone straight for him. As it turned out, recruiting Mordin had taken longer than she had expected and, by the time she had reached Garrus, he was badly in need of assistance.
"Garrus!" she exclaimed. "You're okay!"
She went up to him and stopped herself before she hugged him – something he was probably grateful for considering all that he had been through. She silently chastised herself for not going to see him in the med bay. After getting him back to the Normandy, Garrus had remained under Chakwas' observation, and Serena was genuinely surprised to see him walking around.
"Joker told me I would find you up here," he began. "Nice place you got here, Shepard." He looked around, and she gave him a gentle punch in the arm as she smiled up at him. "Ow, first a rocket to the face and now I get punched by my commanding officer?"
Serena sobered up at the mention of the rocket. "Garrus, I'm so sorry – "
"Don't, Shepard," he said, holding up a hand. "I'm just glad you got there when you did. You saved my life." He paused for a moment before adding, "Nobody would give me a mirror. How bad it is?"
Serena smiled again. It was good to have her old buddy back. "Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there, and no one will even notice."
He gave her a small chuckle before groaning in pain. "Don't make me laugh, damn it. My face is barely holding together as it is."
Serena gave him another punch in the arm. It was just like old times. She just needed to find the rest of her old crew, and she would be set. This time, she did go up to him to give him a quick hug.
"Glad to have you at my side, Garrus."
"I wouldn't want to be anywhere else, Shepard."
Kaidan wiped the grease from his hands on a nearby rag. He had been on Horizon for two weeks already, and he still couldn't get the damn defense towers online. He sighed and used the back of his hand to wipe the sweat from his brow. He had been kneeling in front of the control panel for what seemed like years. His back and knees were aching, and it was unbearably hot.
The colonists were going to give him hell again. They resented his presence because he was part of the Alliance. They felt his presence would only endanger them and make them a bigger target for whoever was abducting the colonists. The only colonist who was at least being civil to him was Lilith and, while he didn't mind her company, he got annoyed at her constant prying into his personal life. Speaking of the devil…
"Hi, Commander!" she said, walking up to him with a glass in hand.
"Lilith," he acknowledged. "I've told you, my name is Kaidan not Commander."
A sudden thought popped into his head. The night Serena had told him her name.
"I have to admit, Kaidan, no one has ever called me by my first name. It's always Commander or Shepard. I swear, people probably think my first name is 'Commander'."
Kaidan shook the thought aside as Lilith gave him a slight blush and put the cold glass in his hand. "For you," she said. "You've been out here for hours, and I figured you were thirsty."
"Thank you," he said before taking a long drink from the glass. The cold liquid felt good against his parched throat. It was too hot to be in his armor, but he wore it every day in case the colony was attacked. He made a move to stand up before Lilith stopped him with her question.
"Your girlfriend?" she asked innocently, pointing to his helmet.
Dammit. He had forgotten to move his helmet when Lilith had approached. She had obviously seen Serena's picture inside. He could just say "Yes" and finally stop her from asking him to dinner every night. But he couldn't bring himself to lie.
"She…was," he said, turning away from Lilith and setting down the glass. "She died two years ago."
"I'm so sorry," Lilith replied softly, placing a hand on his arm. "What happened?"
Kaidan had never openly talked about Serena's death. Sure, he had seen a shrink – all the Normandy crew had – but he had never allowed himself to talk about it after that.
"The ship we served on was attacked," he began. "We had to evacuate, but our pilot wouldn't leave his station." The bitter thoughts invaded Kaidan's mind. "She ordered me to evacuate, to make sure everyone made it out safely, while she stayed behind to go after him. He survived…but she got blasted away before she could make it into the escape pod."
Kaidan closed his eyes. He couldn't bring himself to say that it was his fault, that he should have stayed behind with her. He forced his emotions aside and took a deep breath.
"She was beautiful," Lilith whispered, and Kaidan opened his eyes to find her with his helmet in her hands, staring at Serena's picture.
He could only nod before he finally got to his feet and took the helmet from her hands.
"Thank you for the drink," he said, walking away slowly.
He needed to get back to his room. He hadn't thought of Serena since he had arrived on Horizon. The defense towers had kept him busy, and he was always so exhausted at the end of the day that it was all he could do to just take a shower and sleep. The talk of her death had reawakened his emotions.
"Kaidan, wait," Lilith ran to catch up to him. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked – "
"No, Lilith, you don't have to apologize. Serena…well, she's the only woman I ever loved. It's still hard to talk about her…her death."
"Kaidan, it's been two years…"
"I know," he replied, a little too loud. "I know. I, uh, I need to get back to my room."
"Would you like to come over for dinner?"
Kaidan stopped. Every day the same question, and every day the same answer. He looked down at Serena's picture. Her long brown hair was slightly mussed like she had just gotten out of bed. Her mouth had quirked into a quick smile, and her silver eyes were bright with happiness.
Maybe it was time to let go. Two years of his life had been spent in mourning. How much longer was he going to be like this? It wouldn't hurt to at least have dinner with Lilith. He did need to go out more. Besides, he knew that it could never turn into anything more than friendship. He had already given his heart away to Serena, and he couldn't even fathom becoming romantically involved with someone else.
He turned to Lilith. "Sure. I'll go by your place around seven."
AN: Grrrr, so yeah. I soooo hated the opening scene to Horizon where Kaidan was walking with Lilith. I was like "What the hell? He's mine!" lol! I debated for a while whether Kaidan should go to dinner with Lilith or not and decided that as long as Kaidan felt it was just a friendly dinner, it wouldn't hurt for him to go. Now, Lilith on the other hand…*cue suspenseful music*