Whew, everything's going to be okay… for now! Don't have much to say here, so I'll get straight to it!
Chapter 18- Mementos
"What are you doing?" Randy's voice cut through my thoughts.
One good thing about being off work, with nothing to do, it made the days seem longer. And the longer I felt I had with Randy, before he had to leave, the better mood I was in. I didn't want to leave his side the entire time he was home with me. Because I knew, in a few days, that he would have to go back on tour, and I wouldn't be able to go with him. I tried to think about that day as little as possible. I looked up from my spot on the floor, where Randy was leaning against the door frame of the living room and kitchen. Surrounding me, were several boxes; of my things from my old house. I had on a pair of baby blue cotton pants, and one of Randy's black hoodies, with my hair pulled back into a messy ponytail.
"Well, I'm going out of my mind, staying cooped up here, you not letting me do anything," I smirked at him as he rolled his eyes. That had been how it was since we came home. Randy stayed in the same room with me, trying, unsuccessfully, trying to act like he wasn't hovering. "So, I'm going through some of my stuff from my old house. I hope you don't mind if I unpack some of it?"
"Lora, this is your house now; I don't care what you do with it, as long as you're in it."
There he went again, saying just the thing I wanted to hear, and made my heart jump up into my throat. I watched as he moved to sit in front of one of my boxes. He opened the cardboard lips, and gazed into the box. I didn't know which group of contents he was sifting through, until he pulled out an eight by ten picture frame. It was family portrait of my family, with my father. Randy smiled softly, and stood from the ground. He walked towards the fireplace, and set the picture down on the mantle, on the end. Sometimes, I wonder what I ever did to deserve him. Randy turned from the fireplace, staring back down at me.
"That reminds me," he said, leaving the room. Only for a few short moments, and walked back in, carrying a long but thin rectangular box. "This arrived for us earlier."
"Us?" I asked. I didn't remember ordering anything. Racking my brain, I couldn't think of anything that it could be. He set it down in front of me, and sat behind me on the couch, on leg on either side of my body.
"What are you guys doing?" Casie said, coming down from was the last day they would be staying with us, before heading out. I didn't really want my friends to leave. They kept Randy grounded, and not on edge about my recent baby scare. I gave Casie a look, telling her I didn't have a clue, and she joined me on the floor. I tore the tape from the box, and pried it open. I heard Casie squeal, and I knew she was smiling. "The wedding pictures!"
The box was stuffed with tons of pictures. Of all sizes. Wallet sizes to twelve by sixteens portraits. I lightly grazed my fingers over the mounds of sheets, not wanting to get them smudgy. I had forgotten about ordering a package from the photographer. Picking up a larger photo, I saw that it was a candid of Randy and I, at the table. I was leaning into him, head turned, laughing; my hair had started to fall from its clips, and left curls of red framing my face. He had his arm around me, face pressed against my hair, smiling brightly. My eyes found another picture, one with all the groomsmen and Randy, huddled together, laughing about something John must've said. And almost mirroring that, was a brides maids' picture. They all were surrounding me, laughing and smiling at one another. I smiled at the rest of the numerous pictures I hadn't seen yet. I was glad that this had been sent today. I really needed something to take my mind off things. And now, I had something to do while Randy was gone; fix a photo album.
Randy leaned over and picked up the same photo of us that I had seen. I gazed at him eying the picture. He leaned into me, his smell hitting me like a brick. "This one is my favorite."
oo
The next day, after finding a frame for the wedding picture of Randy and I, and placing it in the middle of the fireplace mantle, Randy woke me up early. Today was the last time he would be able to attend the class he signed me up for. Lamaze class. I couldn't fight the smile that came to my face when Randy had told me of his plans. He was trying to squeeze being there for me as much as he could in a week. It hurt him just as much to leave me, as it did me to be left behind. The first class was just introductory. We didn't do anything, but give our names, and our stories. It was comforting to know that another mother in the class had gone into premature labor because of her job before. Glad it just wasn't me. But, today, was when we were to start learning the proper technique and parenting skills.
It had never occurred to me, to think about Randy's skills as a future parent. Not that I was worried. If he didn't know how to do anything, I knew he wouldn't rest until he learned. No, I was just curious to know if this was just another thing Randy seemed to come natural to. I got up, and decided not to get super dressed up. After all, I would be on the floor, with my legs bent. Pants were the best bet. Randy parked his SUV in a space near the front of the clinic, and we got out and headed towards the door. I, again, had one of Randy's hoodies pulled over my head. I didn't have many jackets that fit, but his did, and were extremely comfortable. And being New Year's Eve, it was bitterly cold out. I shivered violently as we entered the front door.
Randy led me through a set of wooden double doors on the right. Everything looked the same as it had the other day. Twelve or thirteen yoga mats were set out in a circle on the floor. A tall rack of shelves lined the back wall, stuffed with baby dolls, diapers, books and magazines. Tutorial pictures lined the walls, portraying pregnant women and their husbands, or women who just became mothers, holding their babies.I walked over to a pink yoga mat, and carefully lowered myself to the ground while Randy went and signed us in. I sat in an Indian on the mat, and watched as Randy came back to me, and sat behind me. His legs stretched out on either side of my body and he wrapped his long arms around my waist, resting them on my stomach. I smiled and leaned back into his chest. I love being in his arms; for as long as I had left.
"Okay, are we all ready to get started?" the woman who had introduced herself in the previous session as Cathy. There a small murmur of the following wives and husbands and Cathy smiled around at the group. "Good. Well, we'll start with a few facts. You are all here to learn the best way, for you, to have your baby. This is a very trying time for the mother. She is carrying at least fifteen extra pounds, if not more, all day long. It's hard for them to sleep; some even have to change their normal sleeping positions," there was a loud rumble throughout the room, proving Cathy right about the uncomfortable sleep. I laughed softly while realizing that I wasn't the only one that was put out by the growing bump on my stomach.
"It is also very important for the husband, or the 'coach', to be there every step of the way. You may not see it now, but your part in this birthing process is monumental. While the mother is giving birth to your child, it is your job to motivate, cheer on if you will, and support her as much as you can. And don't complain if she squeezes your hand too tight. Don't even flinch, if you can help it. Just remember to compare the pain you feel to what your wife is going through," Cathy laughed, and every woman in the room joined her, including me. I looked around, finding it amusing that there was some frightened looks on the men. I was almost tempted to turn to look at Randy, when I felt him hug me tighter to him. "Okay, if no one has any questions, we'll begin."
And with that, she had the mothers-to-be sit straight, with their knees bent out in front of them. While the men knelt behind them, holding on to their upper arms, head bent close to the woman's ear. I found out that this wasn't at all comfortable. And the breathing; I come to realize how stupid I felt, breathing for nothing. It was like it was when I went for a check up, or if I was sick; they would have you exaggerate your breathing and they would listen to you. I hated that, and this was no better. However, I thought, that I might not care how I look when I was about to push out a baby from a place that wasn't nearly big enough. Cathy instructed the men to knead their fist into the small of our backs. It was rather amusing to hear all of the woman sigh in comfort during the massage.
The next thing on the agenda was pruning our skills on caring for a baby. Cathy told the men to go to the wall, and pick out a baby. I choked back my laughter when Randy brought back a badly damaged doll with marks and scrapes all over it. It looked like a true-to-form infant baby; the body was made of soft, squishy material and the head was soft. He was wearing a blue sleeper onesie. I raised my eyebrow at him, fighting my smirk. Randy looked over at me, smiling sheepishly. "I felt bad for the little guy. Nobody seemed to want him."
My smile began to hurt my cheeks. I shook my head, and patted the side of his face softly. Randy could be such a marshmallow sometimes. And I thought it was too cute. We laid the baby out in front of us, with a few diapers to the left. Randy and I followed our orders of undressing the baby, changing his diaper as carefully as we could, and redressing him, each of us getting a turn. I was proud to note that we were one of the first couples finished. There's just something about a man who knows his way around a diaper easily; it was such a heart-warming turn on. Watching Randy quickly and deftly snapping and unsnapping the clothing and properly fitting a diaper on the baby was just amazing. It was a wonder that his larger fingers could work so fast on those small snaps; but it seemed as if he wasn't having a problem with it. It must have been because of our previous experience with children; with Randy's two nieces, and mine as well. I had to admit, it was odd thinking about a little boy in the family. Even on Randy's side, it was mainly girls. I also felt accomplished and proud that I was helping to bring the next male into the family.
After that, we learned a few more positions of possible labor situations, and other positions that would relieve the pain of achy backs and legs of pre-labor. Randy helped me up from the floor when Cathy called the class to an end. He put the sad little baby back on the shelf, and told me he was going to get the car and pull it up front. I smiled after him, resting my hands on my stomach.
"Is this your first?" I heard a voice ask, and turned to see a woman, a little taller than me, with long black hair and very pregnant. Her eyes sparkled, and she smiled brightly. Her peppy attitude was contagious and I couldn't help but smile with her. I nodded my answer for her. She turned her head towards the door, which Randy had just exited. "He seems to be taking very well to all the teaching."
"Well, that's Randy," I said, laughing softly. "If he doesn't know how to do something, he doesn't quit trying until he's figured everything out. I haven't found anything that he wasn't good at. Except being sick."
The woman laughed loudly, nodding her head in agreement. "Oh, I know what you mean. My husband is the same way. A big brave man when there's an off sound in the middle of the night, but the biggest baby when he's sick," she covered her mouth to reign in her laughter. Finally she gained control of herself, and shook her hair back. "This is my second, but I never took classes like this with her. I was numb from the neck down with my daughter. But, I don't know, I guess I want the full experience with my son. I wish I would have done it the first time, but too little too late, I guess."
I smiled softly, not knowing what else to say. I hadn't thought about that yet. But my train of thought was cut off by seeing Randy walking back through the doors, signaling my time to leave. I face the black haired woman again. "I'm sorry, but I have to go now. But I'll see you next time, yeah?"
It would be nice to have a friend here when Randy left. She smiled back at me, "Oh yeah, definitely. My name's Melody, though everyone just calls me 'Mel'. And here's my number," she said, quickly writing it down on a scratch sheet of paper. "You know, just in case you need something or advise, or just someone to talk too."
I accepted her number, and gave her mine as well. I had a feeling I was going to enjoy having someone in St. Louis to hang out with and talk about being pregnant. Now, seeing Randy go wouldn't be as hard. Not that it made me feel better that he was leaving tomorrow. I turned my back on Melody and joined Randy at the door. He held onto me as we walked across the sidewalk. It had started to snow flurries and the ground was wet. Coming from the south, as I do, you don't see snow often. I was thrilled with the falling snow; if you don't get it often, you seem to enjoy it more.
"Who was that you were talking to?" Randy asked, clicking his seat-belt into place before pulling out onto the road, heading home.
"Oh, her name is Melody. She was really nice. This is her second child, and she wanted to get the full experience," I said, repeating her reasoning. Which brought something back to the forefront of my attention. "She said with her daughter, she was numb everywhere from the drugs. And this time, she is doing it naturally. No painkillers at all," I made a face and shivered softly. "I don't know about that. Feeling everything? Being in that much pain, without something to help? Sounds a bit crazy to me."
Randy laughed loudly, the sound reverberating throughout the car. He cut his eyes at me, a glint deep within them. "So, does that give me permission to tell the doctors' to knock you out in the delivery room?"
"Well, let's hope I'll still be in my right mind, and I can tell him myself," I laughed, and let Randy lace his right hand fingers through my left. I smiled softly to myself when I remembered the image of Randy dressing the infant baby doll.
oo
When I woke up the next morning, I didn't move. I didn't want too. Randy's arm was draped around me, and his head rested right behind mine. His body heat seared my back with loving warmth. His gentle, steady breathing made the morning last longer. The longer he stayed asleep, the more I could postpone his departure. I had a jumble of feelings tumbling about within me. Part of me was jealous that he got to go on, doing a job that I was apart of. And I wasn't allowed to return yet. Another part was dreading the loneliness of a three-bedroom, three-bathroom home, with only one person living in it. But the biggest part of me hurt with the knowledge Randy was leaving me. I knew, that given his choice, he wouldn't. He would gladly stay here with me, and the future baby. But he loved what he did for a living. I loved what he did for a living. And I knew that he wouldn't be truly happy unless he was able to wrestle. I would just have to settle for web cam time, cell lines and Monday nights for the next thirty-one days.
I almost groaned when Randy started to stir. I looked at the clock, seeing it was nearly ten in the morning. Randy's flight was at one. I had close to three hours left with my husband. My eyes landed on the vase of fresh white amaryllis, my favorite flower. Randy had bought them for me last night, after our dinner out. They were for the new year. Which began to today. A new year, and Randy was leaving. I sighed, and turned around in his arms. His eyes were wide open, staring down at me with a look that told me he felt the same way I did about today. Without saying a word, he bent down, kissing me softly. I opened my mouth, to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away. I could feel that he was trying to restrain his self. Since the labor scare, Randy and I agreed, as did the doctor, that we should hold off on such activities until Keith was born. Neither one of us was thrilled about the decision, but it was completely necessary.
Grudgingly, we both climbed out of bed. We ate our breakfast quietly, though we were as close as we could get our chairs together. We washed our plates off together, and I lounged on the couch while he got his shower. He came down the stairs, completely dress and carrying his luggage, thirty minutes later. He sat his bags by the door, and joined me on the couch. I couldn't go with him to the airport. He was calling a cab, because I wasn't comfortable driving this far along in my pregnancy. He turned towards me on the cushions, and studied me for a minute.
"I've got something to give you, and I don't want you make a big deal out of it," he said, a hint of warning in his voice. I immediately got on guard, wondering what on earth he could give me, that would merit that introduction. I sat quietly, like a good girl, and let him continue. "This is just something I wanted to do, to make me feel better about having to leave you. And besides, what's mine is yours."
I knitted my brow at him, and he slipped his hand into his pocket, and handed me something. My fingers closed around a rectangular piece of plastic. I looked down and saw an identical black American Express credit card, the same one Randy had. Except this one had a different name. There, at the bottom of the car, emblazoned in silver lettering, was "Lora Orton". My name was now on his account. Several thoughts ran through my head. Some I had to stop with my tongue, because Randy told me not to make a big deal about it. And other thoughts were more along the lines that Randy trusted me enough to include me on his financial matters. Not that I had doubts that he trusted me before, but it never had crossed my mind that his money, was thought of as our money now. I looked up at Randy, and smiled softly.
"You didn't have to do this Randy," I said, and watched as soft irritation crossed his face. But I stopped him before he had a chance to retort. "But I appreciate it all the same. And, believe it or not, it really means a lot to me."
Randy pulled me close to him on the couch, and that's how we spent our last our together. I leaned into him, and he ran his fingers through my hair. Not one of us said a word. We were afraid too. Afraid to ruin this last moment. But, as it happened, our time slipped by too quickly, as I knew it would. Soon, it was fifteen after twelve and Randy's cab was due any minute. He sighed, and removed his arm from me and stood up. I let him help me up from the couch, and I followed him to the door when we heard the honk of car out front.
I stood by the front door, watching him load his bags into the trunk of the cab. He trekked back through the thin layer of snow on the ground, and stood on the front porch. I felt my chin start to shake; a tell-tale sign that I was fighting the tears. But I refused to cry in front of Randy. It would make him feel guilty for leaving. He stepped close to me, and pulled me close to his body. I hugged him as tight as I could, making muscle memory of his frame. He pulled back a little, and bent down to kiss me lightly. I knew he was not deepening the kiss on purpose. The hotter the kiss, the harder it would be to send him off. He took his lips from mine, only to rest his forehead on mine.
"I love you," I whispered. We never said it often, because we didn't have too. We knew what we meant to the other. But I said it now, wanting him to have heard it before he leaves me. Because as soon as he shut the door of the cab, it was a month without him.
"I love you, Lora," he said, repeating my sentiment. My heart clinched tightly as he stepped away from me. This was harder than I thought it was going to be. He turned his back, and I watched as he made footprints in the snow. He turned back to face me before he stepped into the cab. "Oh, by the way, there's something you need to see in the laundry room."
And with that, he smirked at me, and closed the door of the taxi. I waited, with the outside wind whipping around me wildly, and watched the car until it was out of sight. I closed the door with a snap, and wiped away the lone tear that rolled down my cheek. I was too curious to cry right now. What had Randy meant? I wondered. Well, only one way to find out. I walked through the kitchen, and towards the back door. A folding door stood in the way of the back foyer and the laundry room. I pushed it open quickly. What I saw made my heart pound rapidly.
A medium-sized metal cage stood in the middle of the floor. Newspaper lined the bottom of it. But it wasn't the cage or the paper that had me smiling like child. It was the black puppy that sat in it. The labrador couldn't have been older than five weeks, and had white spots on its face, whiting out one eye. One quick look told me I had a boy on my hands. I looked around the room, and noticed, that on top of the washing machine, were brand new puppy essentials. A red plush puppy bed, puppy's first real food, a food and water bowl, a white collar. The name tags on the collar, I noticed, were blank. A variety of puppy toys sat off to the side in a bag of their own.
I knelt to the floor, and opened the cage. And just like that, the puppy shot from his cage, and jumped up on my lap. His short little legs propped up on my bump, and his little face tried to hard to reach mine, to give me his kind of kiss. I laughed happily, holding the puppy closer to my face, and hugged him tight to me. Thanks to Randy, I wouldn't be alone in our house after all.
A/N
Omg, now I want one! I turn to complete mush around a puppy; I mean I quit speaking english. Lol so REVIEW please! Not too much longer before baby Keith his here! YAY!
KimmieCena, Xandman216, Queen Islanzadi, babyxbxgurl, xLou26, miamitravel, Eisac Namhort, undermyumbrella, alana2awesome, barnsley gal 09, littleone999, FireFlyFlicker, vipergirl86, Bingobaby, dreamin'BIG, jcilyx3, Christina89, Diivalover, and Lil'MissCena Much LOVEEE! =P