What hurts the most

Is being so close,

And having so much to say

And watching you walk away.

And never knowing

What could have been.

And not seeing that loving you

Is what I was trying to do.

-What Hurts the Most, by Rascal Flatts

Serena's heart fell when she saw the huge ship already docked at Horizon. As fast as they had gotten there, the Collectors had still arrived before them. No. She wasn't going to let them win that easily. There was someone on that colony that she wanted more, and the Collectors weren't going to stop her.

The shuttle finally landed, and Serena ignored the sense of foreboding that tried to sneak up on her. The colony was eerily quiet, and the various items left haphazardly about only added to the creepiness of the deserted settlement.

"Miranda, Jack, cover my flanks," Serena quickly ordered. "Garrus…"

"On your six," he acknowledged, already in position.

Serena nodded. "I'll take point."

They moved quietly through the colony, and Serena had to wonder if the Collectors were even there at all. She didn't have to ponder for long, however. No sooner had they reached the bend to delve deeper into the colony that they encountered their first enemies.

The team quickly set to work. Under Serena's direction, they worked together remarkably well. Any problems they had with each other on the ship were quickly discarded on the battlefield. They moved further into the colony, and Serena's anger at seeing the frozen colonists only fueled her desire to get rid of the Collectors once and for all.

At each frozen body, Serena stopped, looking for the familiar dark hair and brown eyes that she saw every time she closed her eyes. They came upon a warehouse, meeting a colonist named Delan who informed them of the useless defense towers the Alliance had tried to set up. She advised him to remain in the warehouse while they continued to the defense towers.

Every corner held more enemies, more frozen colonists. Serena had yet to see Kaidan's body, and she was beginning to fear that he had already been taken to the ship. They defended their position at the towers as EDI tried getting them online, and Serena fought like she had never fought before, one person still on her mind. Miranda would be proud of the control she had already gained over her biotics. Charging into the Collectors or sending a riveting shockwave their way, she continued to put her all into the fight.

With the defense towers finally working, the Collector ship began to take off.

No! Serena wanted to scream at the fleeing ship. She had failed all of them. She had failed him.

Kaidan strained to hear what was going on beyond the static hissing of the stasis field he was stuck in. He could vaguely make out gunshots and voices. But were they friend of foe? He struggled in vain within the confines of the field, but it would not give.

How had the Alliance known they had been attacked? Kaidan was the only Alliance member on Horizon, and he sure as hell hadn't sent out any distress signal. Or maybe…maybe Anderson got concerned after Kaidan didn't reply to his messages and dispatched a team to find out if everything was okay.

No. That didn't make any sense. Anderson would be concerned, but not to the point of sending out a whole team to investigate. Then who, exactly, had arrived at the colony just as they were being attacked?

If Kaidan could gasp, he would have. And loudly. Of course! Cerberus. They must be following the beings that attacked the colony. But if they were working together, why would Cerberus be fighting against them? Nothing Kaidan came up with made any sense. And the frustration that was mounting from being stuck in stasis didn't help at all.

Suddenly, Kaidan heard the defense towers open fire. Well, whoever was out there must be some sort of tech genius. What had taken him almost a month to figure out, they had gotten in just the couple of hours that they were here.

A roaring sound caught his ears next, and before he had a chance to figure out what it was, his stasis field had broken. He looked up to see the ship leaving. Their departure must have triggered the field to break.

For a moment, he just stood there, taking deep breaths. He had failed the colony. If he had gotten the defense towers working sooner, the colony would've at least had a chance to defend itself.

He ran toward the defense towers. Around him, other colonists that had been in stasis began to move around. He would check on them later. First, he needed to make sure that whoever had brought the defense towers online was friendly. He was still there to defend the colonists no matter how much they resented him being there.

He was just coming around the bend when he heard a voice that nearly did him in. That voice! The same voice he heard almost every night in his dreams. The same voice that haunted him everywhere he went. He forced himself to calm down and keep walking. It couldn't be her. She was…dead.

And yet there she was. Maybe he was dreaming. Or more, maybe he had died. But if he was dead, then Delan wouldn't be talking to him right now.

"You're in the presence of a legend," he told Delan, without removing his eyes from the woman in front of him. "And a ghost."

Kaidan let his eyes rove over her body, ignoring the people that surrounded her. The sleek N7 armor did little to hide her curves. Curves that his hands had roamed over two years ago. His gaze reached her face just as she was removing her helmet.

It was her, yet she looked so different. Faint red scars crisscrossed her face. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a French braid. Wisps of hair were plastered to her face. Her silver eyes were bright with unshed tears, and he knew that he was looking at his Serena. He pulled her into a hug.

How many times had he wished he could have held her in his arms and never let go? How many times had he dreamt of this very moment? All those wishes, all those dreams were nothing compared to what he was experiencing having her so near him.

Her scent immediately filled his senses. The smell of sweet orchids penetrated his very soul. But there was something else. The crisp electric smell of biotic energy also filled the air – something he had never associated with her as she wasn't a biotic. But at that moment, he didn't care. Though she was clad in armor, he could still feel the warmth of her body, meaning that she was alive and in his arms.

"Kaidan," she whispered hoarsely in his ear. His heart nearly stopped. He never thought he would ever hear her say his name again.

Hearing his name and holding her in his arms brought back a flood of memories and emotions. Things he had worked so hard to forget pooled into the bottom of his stomach and worked its way up. Two years. Two years or loneliness, anger, guilt and sadness inundated his body. Emotions so intense, he could not control the words that came out of his mouth next.

He may as well have slapped her. She had been beaten, shot at, she had even frickin' died for God's sake, but nothing hurt more than Kaidan's words. They cut her to the very core.

She tried opening her mouth to say something – anything – but nothing came out. He was walking away from her, and she was left speechless. Her heart screamed out his name, begged for him to hear her out and come back. But her mind thought otherwise. She took a tentative step forward, Kaidan's name on her lips, but a hand reached out in front of her and stopped her.

"Shepard, let him go," Miranda said quietly.

Serena could only nod, turning away from Miranda, Jack and Garrus so that they wouldn't see how much Kaidan had affected her. She placed a hand over the comm unit in her ear. "Joker, bring the shuttle around. I've had enough of this colony."

The ride back to the SR-2 was spent in uncomfortable silence. Serena sat apart from the others, helmet in her lap and looking out the shuttle window. Her jaw was clenched in an effort to suppress the tears that were threatening to spill at any moment.

Kaidan's words reverberated in her head. How could he have dismissed her so easily? After all they had been through, with Saren and Sovereign. How could he possibly think that she was working for Cerberus? How could he possibly think that she hadn't tried looking for him?

The shuttle finally landed in the shuttle bay, and she mumbled that she would be up in her cabin if they needed her. Thankfully, they left her alone. Even Jack didn't make any smart-alecky remarks. The elevator ride seemed to take ages as it ascended up to the first deck. She quickly discarded her armor and underclothes ignoring the picture of Kaidan on her desk.

Stepping under the shower spray, Serena was finally able to release the hurt that Kaidan had caused her. She sat down and hugged her knees to her chest, much like she had done when Ashley had died, and cried until she was well spent. Biotic energy flared across her body as she let her emotions get the best of her.

It was only then that the two years finally hit her. They had made it so easy for her to forget that she was gone for that long. Bringing in Joker and Dr. Chakwas, rebuilding the Normandy, even finding Garrus. She never even contemplated that Kaidan had moved on. She had just assumed that the moment she found him, it would be just like old times, and he would join her as if she hadn't been dead for two years.

Who was she kidding?

She didn't know how long she remained in the shower. When she finally emerged, the skin on her fingers and toes was puckered, and her eyes were red and puffy. She slipped on her usual pajamas and settled into bed. All she wanted was to sleep for days. All she wanted was to forget Horizon.

Kaidan replayed the conversation in his head. What the hell had he done? He had seen the pain in her eyes, and he had kept going. She had taken it, listened to what he had to say. Her face had remained stoic and passive, but her eyes…her eyes had always betrayed the way she really felt. And he had hurt her.

He had been so angry and confused. It wasn't possible to come back from the dead. Where had she been for the past two years? Why hadn't she tried to contact him? Did their time together mean nothing to her?

Kaidan winced at the pain that was starting to form in his head. He was on his way back to the Citadel, and he was trying to control his biotic energy from swirling all over his body. He had caught a ride with a turian ship, and the last thing he needed was for them to think he was attacking them. He leaned back in his seat and forced himself to relax.

Once he reached the Citadel, he knew he was going to be in meeting after endless meeting. After his encounter with Serena, he had immediately contacted Anderson and Hackett. There was nothing more for Kaidan to do at Horizon. They had sent out ships to pick up the remaining colonists, and Kaidan was to return to the Citadel to be formally debriefed.

He had so many questions about the whole bizarre situation. Questions he wasn't sure he wanted the answers to. He pressed a hand to his head as the migraine crept up on him. With everything that was going on, for once, he was glad that he could lose himself in the intense pain of the migraine. The migraine medication would ease the pain in his head eventually. If only the same could be said of the pain in his heart.