Serena quietly slipped out of bed. She looked back at the sleeping form beside her making sure she hadn't woken him. It had been a long time since she had seen a sunrise, and she didn't know when she would have another chance. Clad only in Kaidan's shirt, she made her way to the balcony.

There was still about ten minutes to go, but she enjoyed just standing there in the quiet darkness. After months of fighting and finally bringing down Saren and Sovereign, a little peace and quiet was just what they needed. And she had taken Kaidan up on his offer to join him during shore leave. She knew this would probably be the last leave for a long time, and she wanted to enjoy every minute of it.

She inhaled the morning air, savoring its crisp taste. Ever so slowly, the sun made its way over the ocean before her. The vibrant hues of orange, yellow and red filled the sky. It made her senses come alive. She heard Kaidan call her name and turned in time for him to snap a picture of her.

"Kaidan!" she admonished, scrunching up her nose.

"What?" he laughed, putting down the camera and making his way toward her. "Just taking a picture of the breathtaking view."

He kissed her forehead before she turned around to watch the sun. His arms circled around her waist, and she leaned back against him enjoying his closeness. As the sun made its way over the horizon, Serena closed her eyes in content.

Suddenly, she felt Kaidan disappear. She was falling back, and he wasn't there to catch her. Her heart beat rapidly at the sensation that she was falling. Falling into the unknown. Kaidan's voice echoed in the dark chasm of her nightmare.

You betrayed the Alliance.

You betrayed me.

Serena awoke with a start. She had, literally, bounced on the bed almost as if she had actually fallen. Her chest was hurting, and she couldn't seem to catch her breath. She forced herself to calm down. It had been like this every night since Horizon. These dreams turned nightmares and the anxiety attacks that followed.

She needed to get a hold of herself. As much as she wanted to just crawl into a ball and cry for days, she had people that were relying on her. She needed to keep going, if not for herself, then for her crew and squad. She glanced over at the clock – 0200. They'd be nearing Illium in about six hours.

She had to do something. She couldn't go back to sleep and six hours was a long time to wait. A sudden idea occurred to her. She went over to her closet and began taking out anything Cerberus related. All the shirts and tunics – anything emblazoned with the Cerberus logo went into a pile outside her closet door. She continued until there was only her armor, a few pairs of pajama pants and some tank tops left.

When she was finally satisfied that she had gotten everything, she scooped up the pile and made her way down to the fourth deck. Barely able to see over the pile, she somehow managed to walk over to the trash compactor. To her surprise, Zaeed was awake, sitting on a crate and cleaning his guns. He raised an eyebrow at her as she stuffed the clothing into the trash bin and then pressed the button for it to eject out into space. Dramatically dusting off her hands, she went up to the window and watched with satisfaction as everything floated away.

Zaeed cleared his throat. "Decided ye needed a change of wardrobe?" he asked.

"Something like that."

"Well, if yer gonna be walking around in jus' those flimsy pajamas, I definitely need ta get out more often."

Serena suddenly realized that she was still in her pajamas and tank top. Backing away to the door as fast as she could, she made a mental note to go shopping in Illium. Hell, maybe she would give the task to Kelly. God knew the Yeoman needed something to do. She would talk to Kelly before heading out to pick up the new recruits.

As Serena walked into her room, she felt a renewed sense of self. She just needed to stay busy. Anything to keep her mind off of Kaidan. She sat in front her terminal, still ignoring Kaidan's picture beside her, and began sifting through all her mail. She was surprised to see a message from Miranda. The urgency in the message piqued her interest. She checked the time the message was sent…only a couple of hours ago. Maybe Miranda was still awake.

Serena closed her terminal and, for lack of anything else to wear, she put on her armor. She made her way to the third deck, stopping by for a couple of cups of coffee before ringing Miranda's door. She felt a little silly standing in front of her XO's door in full armor. Miranda, however, didn't mention anything as she opened her door, and Serena handed her a mug of the steaming liquid. From the looks of it, Miranda hadn't slept at all. Well, that makes two of us, Serena thought wryly as Miranda motioned for her to take a seat.

"Thank you for the coffee, Shepard, and for seeing me so quickly. I…" Miranda set the mug down and began pacing up and down the room. She ran her hands through her hair in frustration.

Serena sat up straighter as she tried to figure out what Miranda wanted to talk to her about. Something was seriously wrong. She had never seen Miranda acting like anything less than, well, perfect. She was about to ask Miranda what the hell was wrong with her when the Cerberus operative stopped pacing and moved to stand in front of her.

Miranda took a deep breath and managed to ball her hands into fists at her side. "Shepard, I find myself in the unfortunate position of asking for your help. I don't like discussing personal matters, but this is important."

Serena raised an eyebrow. Well, she certainly wasn't expecting that. She figured that Miranda had wanted to chastise her after her reaction to Kaidan's rejection. Serena regretted that she had shown those emotions on Horizon in front of the others, but Kaidan always had that effect on her. She had once thought that it was like all her emotions were just bottled up, and Kaidan was the only one who could open the lid.

"I'll try my best to help you out, Miranda. What's wrong?" Serena took a sip of her coffee, and it was only because of her intense ability to control her emotions that she didn't spit out the liquid at Miranda's reply.

"It's about my sister."

Kaidan straightened out his uniform and took a deep breath. He only had a chance to shower and change before he was called in for a meeting with the brass. The door to Anderson's office opened and Kaidan was pleasantly surprised to see only Anderson and Hackett. Good. Kaidan didn't want to deal with Udina.

"Please, take a seat, Commander," Anderson said motioning to the chair across from them.

Kaidan gave them a slight nod and sat down. He was nervous. His reports didn't mention anything about Serena, mainly because it was something he wanted to tell them in person. On the trip back to the Citadel, he had rehearsed how he was going to tell them. He didn't want for them to read anything more into it – like his personal feelings for her.

He handed them each a datapad and began outlining his stay at Horizon. The useless defense towers, the arrival of the unknown alien vessel (Kaidan pointed out it was the Collectors), his paralysis in the stasis field, and, finally, the appearance of Cerberus.

"So, Cerberus is behind the abduction of the colonists?" Hackett asked, after Kaidan had given them a run through of his report.

Kaidan shook his head. "I don't think so, sir. They didn't show up until after the Collectors had arrived. The Cerberus agents managed to get the defense towers online and fought the Collectors until their ship finally took off. In essence, they actually defended the colony."

Both Anderson and Hackett look puzzled. Kaidan couldn't blame them. The trip back had also given Kaidan time to think about Cerberus' role in all of this. He had gone to Horizon with the intention of proving Cerberus was behind the abduction of the colonies. Instead, he had proved the opposite and had come back with even more questions than answers. And there was still the biggest question of all…

"Councilor, Admiral, there is one more thing that I didn't mention in my report," Kaidan began. Here goes nothing. "She's alive. Commander Shepard was at Horizon, and she was with Cerberus. I talked to her." And held her and didn't want to let her go.

Kaidan watched as Anderson and Hackett exchanged a look, and now it was Kaidan's turn to look confused.

Anderson cleared his throat. "Yes, we know about Shepard. She came to visit me not long after you left to Horizon. She…she told me about Cerberus."

Kaidan's heart felt like it had sunk to his stomach as he looked away. So they knew – they all knew. Anderson, Hackett, Garrus, hell, even Joker…he had heard Serena call him up as he was walking away. They all knew she was alive and nobody had the gall to tell him – not even her. She had contacted all of them, she even had Garrus and Joker working with her, but she hadn't even tried to get a hold of him.

Almost as if reading his thoughts, Anderson spoke again. This time, it was more of a fatherly tone than that of an authority figure.

"Kaidan, the reason we didn't want Udina in this meeting is because of the personal matter of Commander Shepard." He exchanged another glance with Hackett, though Kaidan was still too lost in his own thoughts to notice. "We know you and Shepard were in a relationship."

At this, Kaidan looked up sharply. How had they known and for how long? He and Serena had tried to be as discreet as possible. Why hadn't they ever been reprimanded for fraternization?

"I kind of figured it out after the Battle of the Citadel," Anderson continued. "After she emerged from Sovereign's rubble, she went straight to you. You two held each other like there was no tomorrow. It wouldn't take an idiot to figure out you two had something going on. Her…death…also affected you greatly. Much more than what a normal subordinate would feel for his commanding officer."

Kaidan winced at the memories Anderson was inadvertently bringing up. His promise at never letting Serena out of his sight, the guilt at breaking that promise when the Normandy was attacked…his grief after finding out that she had died.

"Anderson informed me of his speculations, but we decided not to launch a formal investigation," Hackett supplied. "There was too much going on…rebuilding the Citadel, Anderson's induction into the Council, geth activity still being reported. We figured that, as long as it didn't interfere with your duties, we would let it go."

Kaidan didn't know what to say. 'Thank you' didn't seem appropriate considering that had been over two years ago. His mind was still trying to figure out everything else.

"She came here asking for help," Anderson stated. "The Council reinstated her Spectre status, but they wouldn't listen to her warnings about the Reapers. I'm ashamed to admit that, although I backed her up during her meeting with the Council, I also declined to help her. She left my office feeling betrayed. Everything that she had believed in – her oath to the Alliance, her oath as a Spectre – abandoned her when she needed it most. I don't know where she has been for the past two years, but I can tell you that she doesn't want to be working for Cerberus." Anderson paused as he let that bit of information sink in before adding one final thing. "She asked about you…wanted to know where she could find you. I had to stonewall her because of her ties to Cerberus."

Suddenly, Kaidan's anger turned to guilt. He had replayed the Horizon conversation so many times. Each time, he had tried to look beyond her words. Maybe, if he looked hard enough, he would figure out the answers to all his questions. Everything that she had said had been so confusing. What he didn't realize was that the answers had been in front of him all along. She had, literally, told him what he needed to know. At the time, however, he had been too angry to listen. Now, it was all slowly starting to make sense.

I was clinically dead.

Kaidan closed his eyes as he tried to recall the rest of the conversation.

Cerberus rebuilt me. It took two years to bring me back.

He pressed his fingers to his temple, his mind blocking out everything else around him.

Cerberus and I want the same things: to save our colonists. That doesn't mean I answer to them.

Kaidan opened his eyes as one final thought washed over his mind.

Kaidan, you know me.

He finally looked over at Anderson and Hackett who were both staring at him expectantly. It almost seemed like they were waiting for Kaidan to make up his mind about Serena. Kaidan suddenly realized the reason they had told him about their knowledge of his and Serena's relationship. Anderson and Hackett were showing him that they trusted her…no matter what situation she was in. She had always proved herself and made the right decisions.

Now it was Kaidan's turn to decide whether he could trust her or not. Kaidan, who was the only person Serena had opened up to, the only person who had gotten to know the real Shepard.

Kaidan sighed as his heart finally accepted what his mind saw. Yes, he did know her. She had been right…she was only doing it for the right reason. And because everyone that she thought she could trust betrayed and abandoned her. Including him.

He straightened up in his seat as a new sense of purpose settled over him. Anderson ordered lunch to be delivered to his office as the three of them got to work on all the Collector intel they had. It was going to be a long day, but Kaidan didn't mind. He was determined to help Serena out as much as he could. It was the least he could do after the way he had treated her.

"There she is. She's safe with her family," Miranda said with a sad smile.

Serena looked over at Miranda's twin. Their genetics might match, but their different upbringing made each woman into their own person. Serena suddenly felt a jolt of sympathy for Miranda. Oriana had grown up knowing love and having a family. Miranda had known neither.

"Don't you even want to say hello?" Serena asked.

"It's not about what I want. It's about what's best for her. She's got a family, a life. I'll just complicate that for her," Miranda said, turning away. Serena saw the tears that were streaming down Miranda's cheeks. She put out her hand to stop her from walking off.

"Miranda, don't let her go," Serena said forcefully. She didn't pause to think about the irony of the situation. Instead, Serena channeled something Ashley had told her back on Virmire. "Life is too short to push away the people you love."

Miranda's brows knitted together in confusion. Serena was not one to sit aside when she knew someone was in trouble. When Miranda had asked for her help, Serena did not hesitate. She and the Cerberus operative would probably never be the best of friends, but she respected Miranda and knew that she was hurting.

She cocked her head over to where Oriana stood. Miranda nodded and made her way toward her sister. Out of privacy, Serena turned away and stood off to the side. When Miranda finally returned, she seemed like a different person. They didn't speak on the way back to the SR-2, but Serena could sense that Miranda was at peace. As they reached the airlock to the Normandy, Miranda suddenly turned around causing Serena to almost run into her.

"Thank you, Shepard. For everything. My sister is safe because of you."

Serena shook her head. "No thanks needed. I'm just glad that we got there in time to save her."

Miranda stared at her again, that same look of confusion she had earlier, like she was trying to figure Serena out. Then, she just shook her head and made her way into the ship.

Kaidan was exhausted. They had spent hours pouring over all the information they had on the Collectors. They had eaten lunch and dinner in Anderson's office, and now all Kaidan wanted was to take a warm shower and go to sleep.

He stole a glance at his computer terminal and groaned out loud. He hadn't checked his e-mail since before the Collector attack on Horizon. Might as well check them now. Who knew how busy he was going to be in the next few days? He probably wouldn't have time to check his messages for a while.

He scrolled through his inbox, deleting all the junk mail he had received. No, he didn't want to visit Morlan about a device to enlarge his private areas. Kaidan shook his head at the ridiculous amount of spam that had invaded his inbox. He really needed to sit down one day and go over his private settings again.

He scanned through the rest of his mail. Messages from his friends telling him he needed to get out more often, reply from Anderson concerning the defense towers, and…Kaidan's heart nearly stopped as he saw the next two messages.

They were from a private account, just like before. No name, no way to trace the message. He looked at the date and time. They were sent the night before the Collector attack. Kaidan thought back and remembered that was the night he had been working on the schematics for the defense towers. He had gotten two messages, but he was too tired to open them. He thought it had been Anderson asking him for an update on the towers.

He braced himself for what he was about to see. He already knew Serena was alive, what more could these people want him to know? The first message was the same as the one he had received more than a month ago. Just two words: she's alive. The next message held an attachment. When Kaidan clicked to open them, he noticed that it was a collection of pictures.

He let out a pent up breath as he noticed that they were all pictures of Serena. Now that he had gotten used to the idea that she was alive, seeing pictures of her didn't seem to faze him at all. However, these weren't regular pictures that she had posed for, but rather more like surveillance camera pictures. The first few were of her on Omega, then some of her at the Citadel. It wasn't until he reached the last few pictures that he finally gave some sort of reaction.

It was Serena on what he could only guess was her ship. His heart accelerated as he focused on only two pictures of the dozens he had been sent. She looked like she had just finished working out. He could clearly make out the cockpit and Joker sitting in the pilot's chair. But it wasn't the image of Joker that caused his surprise. He had also gotten used to the idea that Joker was with her, though a million questions were still running through his head. Those questions would have to wait until later, though.

No, his eyes had caught something else. Something that, perhaps, the person sending him these pictures hadn't caught themselves. Or they did catch it and just didn't know how important it was to Kaidan?

Serena was wearing his necklace. The necklace he had made for her and given to her on her birthday two years prior. He still remembered the tears in her eyes when he had given her the gift. The way she had moved away from him because she didn't want him to see how much it meant to her. And then, the way she had jumped into his arms in gratitude. That was the day he realized he had loved her since the day he had met her. That was the day he had vowed to wait for her and never let her go.

Kaidan moved to the next picture and saw how she was holding it in her hand, almost like she was trying to draw strength from it. He leaned back in his chair and scrubbed his hands over his face. He was an idiot!

He had already resolved that he needed to apologize to her. He had wanted to do it in person, but after seeing her pictures, he felt he couldn't wait any longer. He needed to do it right now. He found her old Alliance e-mail address and hoped against all hope that the message would get to her.