What You Never Knew
Sirius Black: The Man Who Learned
He used to look up to his parents.
Once upon a time, Sirius believed all the rubbish his parents spewed at him and Regulus, about how Muggles were filth and the Dark Lord was basically God. For years, to Sirius, his parents were practically superheroes: his father was powerful, if strict, and his mother was beautiful and always right. Always. Sirius may very well have ended up like the rest of his family if not for one experience…
"Father!" A seven-year-old Sirius called, trying his best to keep his back straight as he ran eagerly to find Orion Black.
Sirius frowned when he received no response; usually, he was at least told, "I'm busy, Sirius!" After a few minutes, he decided that he would have to find his father for himself, and dashed to the study, where Orion Black most often resided. Sirius heard his father murmuring from inside the room, and was about to push open the door when a new, unfamiliar voice- this one high and cold- spoke that made him shiver and press his ear against the door.
"You have done well, Orion Black," the high voice said. "Are you sure you do not want to join my ranks? You would be a valuable Death Eater."
"I am honored, my Lord," Sirius heard his father begin, "but I would prefer to remain without the Mark, if it is alright with you."
"And why is that? Are you, perhaps, not as loyal to me as you act?"
"My allegiance will always rest with you and your cause!" Orion proclaimed immediately. "I merely do not want those blasted Aurors to have a reason to convict me. Besides, do you not think it wise to have servants who can do your bidding, but cannot be arrested for it, because there is no proof that they are a Death Eater?"
There was a moment of silence, and Sirius trembled with fear as the high voice declared, "Your logic is good, Orion. I am impressed. I will contact you again when I require another service of you."
"Of course, my Lord. I will be waiting."
There was a pause. "Your son, I believe, is waiting for you outside the door," the high voice jeered. Sirius froze- how had the stranger known? "In fact, he has been there for the majority of our conversation."
Sirius could feel his father's anger through the door. "I am sorry, my Lord. That is my eldest, Sirius. He is a curious boy. Forgive me, on his behalf."
"He has done no harm. In fact, Orion- bring him in. I would like to meet him."
Sirius stood up, brushed off his jacket, and straightened his posture just as his father opened the door. With a warning glare, he ordered, "Come, Sirius." Without a word, Sirius did as he was told, and strutted into the room. He was greeted by the sight of a pale, red-eyed man wearing a black cloak. Pure evil radiated from him, and Sirius forced himself not to cringe and back away.
The evil man stepped closer to Sirius, surveying him, and in the high voice, asked, "This is your son? Sirius, I believe you said?"
"The third," Sirius added. "Sirius Black the third."
The evil man nodded briefly. "He knows his heritage. Good." Turning to Sirius' father, he continued, "You have produced a good son, Orion, from what I can tell. Goodbye." He snapped his fingers and Apparated away on the spot. Orion turned towards his eldest son with pure rage etched on his every feature. Sirius trembled, and then- it happened.
His father hit him.
It was a smack to the face, and it brought Sirius to the ground. He tenderly placed his hand over his cheek, looking up at his father, silently asking, "Why, Father? What did I do?" wondering what the man he so idolized had turned into.
"Stupid boy!" Orion spat. "Do not dare eavesdrop on my conversations again, or you will receive much more pain than this! Go to your room!"
Sirius obeyed, glaring at his father as he stood up, a hand still on his cheek.
That was the moment he started hating his family.
Regulus idolized him.
For the longest time, Regulus trailed after his older brother like a little lost puppy. Sirius found that he enjoyed it; he enjoyed being able to teach his personal, different beliefs to his brother; he enjoyed having a constantly loyal companion; he enjoyed the warm feeling of being looked up to. When Sirius left for Hogwarts, he was sure that when he returned home, Regulus would still welcome him, regardless of what House he had been Sorted into. Alas, when Sirius went home for the summer- he had not been allowed to over Christmas- he had opened his arms wide, expecting a hug from Regulus as was per usual, and had instead been rewarded with an icy glare.
The happiest moment of his life was when he was Sorted into Gryffindor.
Ah, that blessed Sorting Hat. What a marvelous thing. To Sirius, the Hat was the epitome of goodness and kindness. Even if it had questioned him at first.
Sirius Black, eh? The Hat clarified upon being plopped on top of Sirius' head. Hoping for Slytherin, I assume?
Please, no, Sirius begged the Hat. I'll do anything, just please don't put me in Slytherin.
Well, well, well! A Black that doesn't want to be a Slytherin? What has the world come to?!
I'm the only one, don't worry. Can you hurry up and Sort me now, please?
Alright… are you sure you don't want to be in Slytherin? You have all the qualities, and you'd be with your family-
That's exactly why I DON'T want to be in Slytherin! I hate my family! Well, except for Andromeda, but this is her last year, anyways!
Ah, yes, I remember Andromeda Black. I so wanted to put her in Ravenclaw- she insisted on Slytherin, though, so I gave it to her.
She's never been as evil as the others. She'd be a good Ravenclaw. She's real brainy.
That she is… anyways, we're getting off topic! Hmm, let me see… loyal… fairly talented… rebellious, certainly, if nothing else… very, very brave… A-ha! I have it! "GRYFFINDOR!"
Sometimes, he wished he was Remus.
Remus Lupin was intelligent, reasonably handsome, kind, well-liked, and had the most loving family a person could ever hope for. For the first year and a half Sirius knew Remus, he envied him; he was jealous of the love Mr. and Mrs. Lupin always gave to their son, wanted to be loved the same way by his own parents. Sirius would occasionally find himself subconsciously glaring at Remus, wanting nothing more than to be in his position. Then, towards the end of Second Year, Sirius, James, and Peter discovered that Remus had lycanthropy. Suddenly, Sirius wasn't so envious anymore.
He hated someone even more than he hated Severus- "Snivellus"- Snape.
He mainly hated Snivellus because he was a slimy, mean, Dark-Arts-obsessed Slytherin; a hatred that only increased when Sirius' best friend, James Potter, became infatuated with Lily Evans, who was Snape's best friend/obvious love interest. But there was someone who he hated more than Severus Snape, and that person was Sasha Berg, who loathed him with every microscopic fiber of her being.
During their last two years of Hogwarts, she taught him how thin the line between love and hate really is.
The day James and Lily got married was the happiest day of his life.
His best friend couldn't have been happier if he had tried. It was clear that James was over-the-moon as he said, "I do," to Lily Evans, who finally- after so many long years he spent trying to woo her- returned his love. Sirius had felt honored to be by James' side up at the altar as best man, and couldn't stop grinning to save his life, simply because the people he loved were so incredibly happy.
He loved laughing.
So, when he discovered that Peter- one of his best friends- was the reason that James and Lily were dead, that Harry was an orphan, he laughed. He laughed madly, crazily, but he laughed. He had grown up believing that laughter was basically the cure to life's problems- it made the person who had laughed feel better, it made other people feel better, and it lightened the mood in general. And so Sirius laughed, trying to ease the pain, trying to somehow mend the gaping hole in his heart. When the Aurors arrived, he kept laughing- only by that point, it was more sobbing than anything else. The Aurors never noticed.
After escaping Azkaban, Sirius saw Remus once before they met inside the Shrieking Shack.
Remus had been in Hogsmeade one evening, enjoying a mug of warm butterbeer in the Hog's Head by himself. Sirius had been wandering Hogsmeade, starving and looking for scraps of food, when he had spotted his old friend through the window.
Moony, Sirius thought, seeing the unmistakable tired, scarred face of one of his best friends. Forgetting that he was a wanted criminal for a moment, he padded closer to the window, standing on his hind legs with his paws against the windowsill to get a closer look. Remus had a book in his hand- As usual, Sirius chuckled to himself in his dog form- and looked to be immensely enjoying the peace.
Sirius' dog eyes squinted, and he could barely make out the title of the book: Defense Against the Dark Arts: A Teacher's Guide. So Moony was the D.A.D.A. teacher! Sirius grinned (as much as a dog could). I always thought he'd be a good teacher.
Suddenly, Remus looked up. For a split second, he seemed to not recognize the dark, shaggy dog. Then, his eyes widened in shock and fear, he nearly dropped his book, and Sirius could just barely make out his lips forming the word, "Padfoot!"
Taking a chance, Sirius nodded his head sharply, his wagging tail just barely visible through the window, before dropping back down onto four legs and running away.
When Remus arrived outside, the dog was nowhere to be seen.
Being around Harry always made him feel guilty.
He loved Harry, he really did- Harry was the son he never had, but had always secretly wanted. And what was more, he knew that, to a degree, Harry saw him as a father of sorts, too. But that was just it: Harry was James' son, not his. As much as both parties may have wanted to be blood-related, they weren't, and never would be. So when Sirius was around Harry, he felt immeasurably guilty: guilty that he was alive when his best friend wasn't, guilty that he had been out of his godson's life so much too long, guilty that he was getting the chance to be a father to Harry when Harry's own father hadn't gotten the chance to.
Part of him always knew that Bellatrix would kill him.
When he had been Sorted into Gryffindor, Sirius had received a Howler from her. It had been just as awful as his mother's- if not worse.
Sirius sat at the Gryffindor table, surrounded by his new friends- Remus Lupin, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew- when a black owl dropped yet another red envelope on his plate before hurriedly flying away. Sirius groaned as James asked disbelievingly, "Another one? Blimey, Sirius, your family must be really mad!"
"I knew they would be," Sirius grumbled.
"Just open it. It can't be worse than the other eleven, can it?" Remus smiled supportively- unfortunately, he wasn't exaggerating about the number of Howlers Sirius had received. Sirius grimaced, nodded in agreement, and tore open the envelope.
"SIRIUS ORION BLACK!" Bellatrix Black's voice rang out through the hall. "HOW DARE YOU GET SORTED INTO GRYFFINDOR, THE HOUSE OF THE RECKLESS AND STUPID?! YOU FILTHY BLOOD TRAITOR! THE BLACKS HAVE BEEN PROUDLY ABLE TO SAY, FOR CENTURIES, THAT WE HAVE ALL BEEN IN SLYTHERIN- AND NOW, YOU HAVE TARNISHED OUR REPUTATION! YOU SHOULD FEEL ASHAMED OF YOURSELF! YOU ARE NEVER WELCOME BACK IN MY COMPANY!
"SOMEDAY, I WILL KILL YOU, SIRIUS BLACK!"
Bellatrix always kept her promises.
Sirius Black was a notorious prankster, a loyal friend, and an all-around brave man. But, above everything else, he was a man who learned. He learned that the beliefs he had grown up with were wrong; he learned that sometimes, a werewolf can be the nicest person in existence; he learned that hate could turn into love; he learned that a parent could be evil to their own child; he learned that life isn't fair, and sometimes, the people who deserved the best endings didn't get them. It was what Sirius learned that made him who he was.
If you want to know more about Sirius and Sasha- my OC- read my fanfic, "Everyone Was Wrong"! It's all about Sirius and Sasha, their lives, and how they grew to love each other despite being enemies ever since they met! It's really good, if I do say so myself, and I'd be honored if you read it! I think all of you would really like it!
Please review! Three needed!
-Joelle8