Okey, I still don't own anything. Well, oh yeah! I was in class and I was tired (naw shiz) and I kept drifting off. And all I could think about is 'what if the Marauders were shoved into this year and were new students at my school!' I kind of even planed out the whole thing. The perfect way to meet and first converstaions and what not. It was weird. But then again, my dear friend and I are known for our weirdness. Oh, anyways, enjoy this chapter. I don't know what I'm expecting from it so........oh well. The song is Linkin Park's.

Somewhere I Belong

I want to heal, I want to feel, what I thought was never real, I wanna let go of the pain I felt so long, I wanna heal, I wanna feel, like I'm close to something real, I wanna find something I wanted all along, somewhere I belong

James stared out at the ocean. He was all alone. Thank Merlin. Lily was with her friends for the night, doing whatever girls do togeather. Sirius had mentioned this place, a small hill with a three that looked over the ocean. It was a perfect metitating place.

He wondered how things had came to be what they were. It had all gone so fast. His head hurt. And the voice kept growing more persistant.

He stared down at his arms and squeesed his eyes shut, hearing the promise play over in his head, over and over again. He couldn't stand it. Everything was smothering him.

Standing up, he streached. He knew what he had to do. It would make matters better. They had to talk.

James found Lily sitting on her bed, with Marquisha, Alishea, and Rini. They had four muggle magazines flipped open. They were giggling happily, all clad in their bright colored pajamas.

He stared at them wairly. Standing in the door frame. After a few minutes Alishea nudged Lily and raised her eyes at James as in signal of showing her that he was there. Lily jumped up, grinning when she saw him and ran to him. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him happily. She looked up supprised when he didn't kiss her back.

"What?'' she asked softly, meeting his dead-like hazel eyes. He tilted his head toward his room. She looked at her friends who shrugged and raised their brows.

James turned toward his room and sat on his bed. A few minutes later Lily followed suit. Standing infront of him, she looked confusedly down at him. He had slid his glasses of, they were sitting next to him, and his face was in his hands.

"Jam-"

"No.." he murmered, not looking at her.

"James. What's going on?" she asked, her voice a little shakey.

"Lily." he said looking up.

"Lily, this isn't right...." he said softly. His voice painful. Like that morning in the bathroom.

"What? What's not right?" she asked. His face was still buried in his hands when he said it.

"We're breaking up." he said. Lily blinked. For a few seconds she didn't know how to take the news. Should she yell at him? This was his whole idea, being inlove with her and all. She only was doing him a favor. It was HER job to do the breaking up. But no....this wasn't like James. Well neither was cutting himself, but this ment to much to her.

"James, that's not funny. Ofcorse we're right. Don't be dilusion-"

"NO LILY!" he roared, standing up. Lily quivered. He was so tall. So big. She had only seen him this angry once before. The night she figured it out. Tears began to fill her eyes.

"Come on James.......don't do this." she murmered. His eyes weren't full of hurt. Instead, danger.

"You and I both know that this would happen eventually." he said through clentched teeth.

"James..............your diffrent. Your heart is so cold!" she whispered before turning and running from his room. He slammed the door shut and shoved himself roughly onto his bed.

He had done it. It was off his shoulders. It was over. Gone. Finished. Out the window. James sighed with relief.

That night he could hear the girls comforting Lily and her mornfull cries of agony. He didn't even answer Padfoot or Moony when they came to his door. He begged Dumbledore to leave him alone when he came to check on the boy.

He was slightly confused. He didn't know wether to be in pain or not. He eventually decided that it was the right thing to do. He had to do it. Everything was too much. He could barely breathe. But he had hurt the one girl-woman- he'd ever love. The one who helped him with his little issue was in the next room crying her eyes out.

After a few hours of a mental fight, James Potter finaly fell asleep. But his dream world was just as hellish as the so called reality. In his dream there were shddows. Beconing him. Wanting him. Gussing it were the liaison for the devil he tried to run. But he was trapt. Lost in his own hell. Everything was darkened. Lily was gone. His life too. He realized slowly that life wasn't worth living. The pain wasn't worth it. He begged dreamily to never wake up.

"Is James off his broom?! What's he doing breaking up with Lily! He's been nuts about her for years!" an angry/ bewildered Sirius Black shouted. Drusella looked confusedly up at him. She didn't understand either. She never realy expected them to be togeather forever, but she'd never guess that it would be James that would cut it off.

"I....don't know......." she murmered. She was sitting on one of the desks in a abandonded classroom, and Sirius was pacing backward and foreward infront of her. After his seventy third cross, she graped his shoulders and turned him to look at her.

"That's annoying. Stop." she said in a very threatening voice. Sirius looked up at her and wrapped his arms around her, in a matter of a hug.

"If Lily and James can't stick together, what gives us hope?" he whispered. She pushed him off her and stared strangely at him.

"You realy are an idiot, arn't you? Just because your friend is having problems with a girl, your falling apart!?" Sirus steped back, a hurt look on his face.

"It's just......James and Lily had it all. I realy admired them. I wanted us to be like that. Able to read eachother like books and to know we'd always be togeather. But now......I don't know."

"I do." her voice came. But it wasn't as cold and dead as usual. Infact, it was quite the opposite. Sirius had to look up to be sure it was her.

"I know......that........this is everything I've ever wanted. And I know that I've never in my intire life ever felt like this or even knew something like this could exist. And I know that I could never see someone like me with someone like you. And I know that if I want a relationship with someone I want them to believe in it just as much as I do because I've never been loved, ever, and I know that I want this. I realy want this. With you." she whispered. Her voice was so soft and so sweet. It almost made Sirius pissed off at himself for being so worried about his friend's breakup when he wasn't even realizing what was standing infront of him.

"Dru.....I'm sorry. I should be ashamed of myself-"

"No, little idiot!" she said. A small smiling forming on her face. She pushed him lightly. Sirius laughed and pushed her back.

"Ever dream of meeting my folks?" he asked, after a few munites of silence. She grinned strangely and raised a brow.

"Your folks? The ones you hate and vice versa?" Sirius nodded and placed his hands near her sides on the desk.

"My Aunt Virgina is getting married and she despretely wants me to come. Mum wasn't too happy about it , nor were Narcissa and Bella, but family's family Verg said. And since I can bring a date...and seeing as Lily stole James from me....." Dru laughed and placed her hands ontop of his, making him stand up a little more straightly.

"Sure. Poor James dosn't know what he's missing." the two laughed and she leaned her forehead against his.

"Mrs. Black wont like having to be around a mudblood, now will she?" Drusella asked. This time, Sirius raised a brow.

"She'll have to learn to deal with it. Besides, tell my mum your into the dark arts and she wont hate you as much."

It had been a few days since their breakup but the memory still left Lily crying in her dormitory. Her grades were dropping and she spent less time with her friends then usual. But unlike usual girlfriends, she didn't stare at James with hatred when she saw him, or cry and run away. Infact, she'd look at him. With love still in her eyes.

"You know mate. Lily's taking this realy hard. It's not realy nice of you to have done that to her." Remus said as they sat down for dinner. James didn't say anything. That's how things were now. Remus, Sirius or Peter would talk and James would be silent. He never talked. He studied harder then ever and slept rarely. He barely ever ate and you could tell that he was suffering too.

"Just drop it, Moony. Anyways, how's Miss. Higgs?' Sirius asked raising a playful brow. Remus went pink.

"She's fine. A little freaked out about the qoute unqoute whole thing, but besides that we're having a lovely time. I believe, no offence, Prongs, that this has given our relationship a little boost." Remus said slowly. James didn't even seem affected at all. So Sirius spoke.

"Same with me and my girl. Although, for once, it wasn't I who proved the point. She was oddly happy that I invited her to the wedding. Most people cringe. Especially muggle borns. Infact, she called herself a mudblood." Remus blinked. Mudblood was a nasty word. Most often used by narsitic pure-bloods who wished doom on the children of muggles.

"Well then.........if she has no problem with being called a mudblood and enjoys the dark arts then........I see no reason for your mum to hate her passionetly. Also seing as how she's not a Gryffindor...." Sirius laughed.

"That's what I said!"

" Hey, Prongs. Wanna go to Rosemerta's, eh? Might cheer you up a bi-James?" Sirius started, but his face fell when he looked at James. It seemed as if a black cloud had fallen over it. James looked so close to dead that it wasn't funny. His eyes black as ever and his skin pale. His mouth was slowly open, it moved, as if he were trying to speak forbbiden words.

"Te-tell....Lily I'm sorry....guys.....I'm sorry.....tell my mum...and dad.....I'm sorry......" James whispered. Sirius stared strangely at him. James shot up from his seat and ran out of the hall. The boys looked at eachother strangely.

James ran. He had to run. To get away from it all. Get away from everybody. He hurt people. Lily........his parents.......his friends..............he shouldn't live. So he ran. And ran and ran. The boy ran untill he reached the portrait of his room.

"Why, hello James! How're-"

"FAWTS!" James interupted, growing angry. The woman in the portrait blinked but swung open.

The head boy rushed in. He began clutching his head. Stumbling into his room, his head began to become sore. This was all to much. He fell to his bed. This was all too much. He was sick. He was demonic. Disturbed. This was it. He had to find a way out. Any way...........and then it came to him. On his desk. There WAS a way out. There was.................that's it. He had to do it. Besides, wouldn't it be better if he were gone? He could never hurt Lily again-she could just go on living the perfect life he always wanted her to have. And his mates- they wouldn't suffer or be lied to either. The teachers wouldn't have to worry........he's parents wouldn't have to be scared of him.

His eyes were wide. Bludged. He lifted a shaking hand up, sliding the knife off the table. Right now it looked so friendly. Like the days after he started. It was welcoming. There were no other options. Live in this death sentence of eternal hell or be set free. Be happy. He had to go. He was always falling. This was the end.

"I'm sorry guys........forgive me, if you would....." he didn't bother to whisper. He gripped the knife in both his hands and sat up. He brought it slowly to his neak. He began to think. There were thousands of scars. Not the cuts-no. Memories. Horrible......wonderfull.........sad..........

James changed in seconds. He became as cold as that of death. Grinning he began to laugh.

"This is it! THANKYOU!!!" he screamed. And as quick as he could he brought the knife down. Punturing his arm- missing his neak. He didn't wince. Blood began to poor all over his bed. He pulled the knife from his arm- blood splattered his sheets. The beautiful silver was once again covered in his red santuary.

"ONE MORE TIME!!!" he shouted, bring the knife down.

"Accio!!!!" someone shouted. Their voice was distant. It was too late. He was gone. Gone, gone, gone. Everything was alright now. He need not worry. Nor neither any of his friends. He was at peace. This place......a golden light. A cool breaze......paradise.......

::Blinks:: God.......I wanted this chapter to be emotional. Sitting in my computer room listening to Linkin Park's 'Meteora'. And...well.....this is how it came out. Let me tell everyone something though. James is wrong. Suicide is NOT the way out. It's NOT gonna help people. It's in all reality- selfish as ever. Even if you don't have friends or family- your going to hurt somebody. I remember a girl at my friend's school, she was gawky.....I guess. Very smart. My friend liked her. Nice and all........but she was teased by the popular guys.......the one guy she realy liked. She felt alone so she....well tried to commit suicide. Not at school. After. But someone stoped her. And she's alive-now. When people asked her why- she said she was lost, unwanted and unworthy. You can imagine how the teasing kids felt. They had no idea that a little teasing could drive one girl in trying to kill herself. She told the guy she liked him- told him he could laugh. She realy didn't care. But he didn't. Infact he cried. He felt real bad for being so cruel to her. Just remember that suicide isn't the way out. Even if you feel as though it is. It's not. Don't ever believe that. I did. I wanted to run, go to paradise-but it's narcistic and selfish. If you realy love people-even if they don't love you back- imagine the impact your eternal absence will be. And if not- think about all your throwing away. If people are mean to you, teasing you- you can show them who's the looser. Show them, face them. Not crumble under their clutches.

Chapter fourteen will be up soon. If your smart- you can figure out what might happen.

Bye......

Sirius All Punked