Do you think J.K Rowling would write a crappy story like this?! Didn't think so- but if you said yes by chance then sorry. Sirius (Asuka) wrote it. Sorry!
Now this chapter will explain alot. All your questions. Why didn James break up with Lily? Why did he try to commit suicide? Did he realy do it? What about everyone else? Well read on and find out...............
Days Sleeping
Sirius, Remus and Peter all looked up. Someone was screaming. In seconds Lily came running in. Her eyes red. Tear strewden. Her hair wild.
"Professor! Professor! HELP!!!" she shouted. Dumbledore got to his feet and looked at her. His eyes like crystal balls.
"I- I tried to stop-to stop him! Bu-but but I-I wa-was t-too le-late!" she said between sobs. Sirius sat confused. Like everyone else. Suddenly Peter shouted.
"JAMES!" Sirius and Remus' eyes widened in horror. No......not James. It had to be someone else.......it just had to be......
"I-I'm sorry...gu-guys...I-I wa-was ttt-too le-late!" she stammered looking at them. Her eyes were red and puffy. Silent tears began to fall down the boys faces as the shook their heads. They couldn't move. They were frozen.
"Miss Evans......Mr.Black....Mr. Pettigrew......Mr.Lupin, please come with me. Miss Higgs could you please retreive Madam Pomfry?" he said in his mysterious voice. The brown haired girl looked up and nodded. She seemed very shaken. She practicaly ran out of the hall.
The whole hall was silent. Some muffled sobs were covered. Even Severus Snape looked a bit confused. Drusella, the most morbid girl in the school, was shaking her head. She could't believe it.
"Pro-professor.......he-he can't have. I-I know James too well......He just-"
"Ah, Mr. Black, did I say he did? I agree. James Potter is not one to just flat out kill himself. And whatever's paining him-it's not enough to kill him. Is there- anything- you can tell me that might help us?" he asked.
Lily raised a shaking hand after a few seconds.
"Miss Evans?" Dumbledore asked. Sirius, Remus and Peter turned slowly to look at her. Was there something she knew that they didn't?
"I-..........at the begining of the year- when James came to the Heads compartment on the Express.......he had a sleave rolled up. A-and when he raised his hand to-to show me his badge...I-I saw a-all these little cu-cuts all over his arm.." the room fell silent. All the Marauder' eyes were wide. No one dared say a word.
"Th-then one day....we we're in the the bathroom a-and he showed me th-the cuts...la-later he t-told me why....I've seen th-the knife...ma-made him promise to never do it again." she whispered.
"I see....." Dumbledore said slowly. He looked at the boys.
"Anything else?" Peter chose to speak.
"Wh-well.....just awhile ago he-he broke up with Lily...for an unknown reason. Bu-But I think I know why." he said. Dumbledore raised a brow and Lily shot up from her seat.
"TELL ME PETTIGREW!" she growled. Peter winced and began shaking.
"D-don't freak out Lily. You- you said he promised you he'd stop cutting himself? We-well maybe he started do-doing it again an- and was afriad of hurting you. Kn-knowing James, he would die if anything ever happened to you- s-so he broke it off so that he wouldn't wind up hurting you, worse then he thinks he did..." he said in a serious tone.
"Wormtail! Why didn't you say something before!?" Sirius had recived his voice back. He was clearly angry.
"I didn't know untill now, that's why! Right untill Lily mentioned him cutting himself and the promise it all came to me. You know how Prongs is. If he ever hurt anyone he'd sacrifice his life..."
Peter said clearly. Sirius breathed slowly and sat down.
"Sorry, mate..." he muttered. But Peter shook his head. They sat in silence for a few munites untill Madam Pomfry knocked on the door.
"Come in." he said raspingly. The pretty medi-witch walked in with a bit of a plesant smile on her face.
"Potter's all right, Professor. He's just unconcious. He tried- to-"
"Stab himself...." Lily whispered to herself. But Pomfry heared her and she nodded.
"That's right my dear. Miss Higgs told me you were the one who found him. Tell me dear, how did you stop him?" she asked. Lily looked at the floor.
"I.......said accio, tried to take his kn-knife. I thought I was to late because he wasn't moving and the sheets were soaked with blood...."
It was more then anyone could stand. They began bustling questions at the nurse, like hw is he really?' and ofcorse 'when can we see him?'
"He wont be awake for awhile. Lost too much blood. But you can see him whenever you like. They say talking to a loved one whilst they are in a coma will help them." she said. Everybody nodded and rushed out the door.
It had been almost a week already. James still hadn't woke up. This left thousands of visitors each day and several students mourning. To some, James was their idol. The one they looked up to. And now- the great guy- the Quidditch Captian- the head boy- had tired to do the unbeliveable. It made many people question how much he realy thought of himself.
Remus was sitting in the library alone when Sapphira called to him.
"You doing alright?" she asked in a softer version of her voice.
"As alright as a guy who's shaken up will ever be." he muttered. Sapphira touched his shoulder gently.
"Im sorry about James, Remmy.......Took the wind out of me too." Remus nodded and looked up at her with a smile.
"I guess I'm pretty pethetic acting like this even though he's alive, eh?" he said laughing slightly. Sapphira shook her head.
"No..........it's quite generous of you. You realy care about James, Remmy." she said. He raised a brow and smirked strangely.
"Remmy?" She giggled.
"Yeah. Well if Lily can call James 'Jamesey' and Andrea can call Peter 'Pettie' then I can call you 'Remmy'. " she said mater-o-factly.
"Don't forget 'Mr. Black'." he said laughing. Sapphira laughed too.
"Yeah....I don't think that pleases Sirius that much though."
"And Remmy's supposed to please me?" he asked, raising a brow again. Sapphira shrugged and said, not looking at him,
" Je ne care pas!" ( 'I do not care' in French)
"Er....yeah. Whatever." he said, turning back to his book. Sapphira giggled, leaned down to kiss him on the cheek, and scampered out of the library. A smile had appered on Remus' face and he was shaking his head.
"Your........writing a song?" Sirius asked. Drusella smiled up at him.
"Yeah.........all this angst has inspired me." she said. Sirius laughed and sat next to her. He looked over at Lily who was busy humming to herself and working on a homework assignment.
"She's been real cheerful lately. But she's spent over-hours at the HW. Think she's going to be okey?" she asked Sirius. Sirius raised a brow.
"Hope so. Hey- my aunt said everyone could come to the wedding. I can just imagine the look on my mum's face!" he said grinning. He mimicked a look of a cross between anger and shock.
Dru smiled a little.
"Say Dru....where do you go during the summer? You know, where do you live?" Sirius asked. Dru leaned back a bit.
"There's this abandoned old building in an alley in London. I kind of striaghtened it up. Worked for money and stuff....."
"What? You live in a shack? By yourself?" Dru nodded.
"It's quite comfortable. Expecially in the summer because it's so hidden, but the winters are cruel. Why'd you ask?" Sirius grinned mischieviously.
"After we grad. you wanna move in with me? I've got this real nice flat...." he said raising his brows. She looked at him uncertainly.
"Er....quick much?" she said slowly. Sirius smiled lightly and touched Dru's shoulder.
"Well....I want you to stay with me. Besides, I love you." he said. A smile formed on her face.
"We'll see....." He raised a brow.
"What?"
"You forgot to say 'I love you too my wonderful Sirius!' " he said laughing. She punched his arm playfully.
"No I didn't." He growled.
"Not funny." She leaned over and kissed him quickly. But he pulled her to him again and kissed her much longer, harder and more passionetly.
"Don't do that again." she laughed when she pulled away. He grinned and leaned in to kiss her again.
Lily smiled to herself. Drusella and Sirius. Now THAT was a couple she'd never thought she'd see. And what about her and James? Well, she knew she liked him beofre. But she wouldn't admit it. But she would now. And she'd admit she loved him, cause she did.
Sure, she was upset that he had lied to her. He could have told her. But she realized that she would have freaked out even more if he did tell her. Then, where would they be? He's in the hospital....trapped in his mind. But she too was lost.
She stood up, placed her books and parchment into her bag and left the Great Hall. She decided to visit James. She hadn't gone all morning. When she reached the Hospital Wing she found it vaccant with an expection of James and Madam Pomfry. She smiled at Lily when she walked in and went about her bussiness.
"Hey James." she said to the unconcious boy. He didn't answer. (RAISES BROW) She smiled. It didn't matter. She could still talk to him.
"Your missing alot you know....you've been missed alot too. Everyone keeps busting in her wondering how you are. Even the Slytherins....funny as it is. Chris is out.......he got out the day after this happened. Dru seemed happy about it-but she's worried about you. Poor Sirius- I think he's jealous because the girl he likes realy adores you. Remus is okey. He's alot more comfortable with Sapphira now and Peter's worried sick, but Andrea's trying to help him out." she sighed and paused. Then she chuckled.
"I'm doing okey. I had to see you though. I- havn't brought it up but......I wanted to say thatit was realy stupid of you to try and....and do...you know......this..........I know I would have been angry.....but James......I do trust you. More then I've ever trusted anyone before. And I love you. I know I was foolish to think of you as nothing but a waste of life-because your not. Your the meaning of life- your what God put me on earth to love. And aside from this silly little act, your the most mature man I've ever known. The egotistical little runt that i first saw is just a entertaining disguise. You love stronger, you dream further, you reach higher and you suffer longer then anyonne I've ever known. That's what makes you so great James......I wish you could hear me because I want you to know this....but if I say it to you while your in this condition....maybe you can realy, realy listen.
"I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you.......I'm sorry that I made you suffer and trust me, I would give anything to take it back. If I could go back in time and slap some sense into the old me, maybe this would have been alot better. I still remember what you said- about seeing us live in a house with little James' or Lilys running around. I never told you this- because I could barely admit it to myself but- it was never such a far fetched idea. Now that I think about it- I want it so bad. The house, the kids, the ........the togeatherness of it all. We can take it step by step, day by day. Just wake up for me James. Wake up for your firneds, your parents. Wake up for all those people your afraid to hurt because your only paining us each day we can't see your eyes...or your smile..."
The bell interupted her speach. It was funny. She had prepared it the day before and recited it a thousand times, but now....it seemed so silly. The words wern't right. So she made it all up.
"The bell.......I......remember how you used to ignore that bell.......just to talk to me......or you'd run off and skip class.........silly as it is........I miss that. How about when you come around, we can skip a whole day- the two of us. And we'll just sit togeather and talk.............I gotta go now but I sware I'll be back A.S.A.P...." with that she turned and headed out the door.
It was hard for her to concentrate in class. Ofcorse, it was hard for the teachers to teach. As she sat down in Trancfiguration, McGonnagal seemed a little disturbed. She, like the students, carefully eyed the boys chair, waiting for it to be filled with his life again. Class seemed so empty without is smart alec comments and off topic interuptions.
Lily shared this class with Peter only. She kept an eye on him as he nervously rocked back and foreward. Lily had never realy thought of him as anything other then a fan of James, but right then and there she realized how much James ment to him also. He had almost lost his close friend. Someone he realy looked up to.
We don't have thoughts, they whispered. This isn't paridise. We have landed in the wrong place.
James stared. It was like being in a box. Traped with no way out. There were voices. Not like the nasty ones in his head. These were calm, soothing almost. Kind of like the blood: it was his sanctuary. It was weird though. What they ahd said. True...........
While lying there, you have no thoughts. Or emotions. Your can't see, but you can hear. You were just there, in all reality. Heh- but if this was reality then what a wicked one it was.
"Hello, Lily." Remus said smiling down at the red haired girl. Lily smiled up at him, and the two other boys followed. They were all dressed in their robes, looking sort of red and tired. After all, it was only Feburary 2nd and too much had gone on.
"Hey, Remus, Sirius, Peter! How are things on your side of the river?" she asked. Sirius sighed, shrugged, and sat down. He looked tiresly at the girl.
"Miss Lily, I think were all on the same side of the river. Right now we are, at least." he said. Lily bit her lip and nodded. It had only been a few hours since her last visit, but she already missed James beyond belief.
"Lily, our man Prongs is fine! You know he would hate to see you suffer. Smile and mean it. And hey- tell me. What would your reaction be if you never daited James, eh?" Remus asked. A playful smile lingered upon his tired looking face.
Lily laughed.
"Oh, I don't know. Tell you honestly, all that ' I hate you Potter' bull was a load of rubbish. I doubt I'd ever say that now........Erm, Sirius.....do you happen to know where Drusella might be? I have a question for her..."
Sirius raised his brows questioningly, but nodded. He sat up straight and grinned widely.
"Yep. Off on the Quidditch pitch practicing. She's realy such a gre-"
"Great Beater? Yes, yes, Padfoot, we've well heared this speach before. Go on now, I'm on my way to the dorm, anyway." Remus said, finaly standing up.
"I'm headin' to the pitch. See you later, Moony." Peter said grinning from ear to ear.
"It'll be hard...going to the Quidditch pitch....bu-but, sure. I still realy need to talk to Dru......" Sirius nodded and led the way. The three walked out of the castle, onto the grounds and out to the pitch. There, Ray Chris O'conner, the Ravenclaw quidditch captain, was laying on the ground, doing sit-ups and talking to three other Ravenclaw students. Although they were not on the team, and girls, he still seemed to be induldged in a conversation about the wizarding sport.
Drusella was off on the other side of the pitch with fellow Beater Antony Lousien, smaking the ball around. After a few seconnds of keeping her eye on the ball, she glimped the three standing there, said something to Antony, and headed toward them.
"Hi." she droaned, in her usual droan-like voice. Now this tone of voice may have mad some cringe, but Sirius Black smiled. He loved the sound of her voice. It was so diffrent. Mysterious- almost.
"Hey! How's everything down here?" he asked, opening his arms for a hug. She leaned in volentarily and steped back to her origional stance.
"What's wrong? Why are you guys out here?" Drusella asked, a frown on her face. Lily smiled and waved a little.
"Me.....I wanted to ask you something........annd they just tagged along." she said, Dru smiled a little and nodded. Peter stared uncomfortably at the two girls and leaned back whistling.
"Oh, Padfoot and I'll go on, mate." he said walking away. Sirius rasied a brow, but chose not to object. He followed his blonde haired friend silently, staring fondingly at the atleates streaching out and talking excitedly.
When Lily was sure they wereout of ear shot, she smiled again at Dru.
"I know we barely ever talk, and we don't know eachother very well-"
"Oh, no problem. I barely know Black and look at what I'm doing." she laughed. Lily laughed too.
"Well, anyway......um...I wanted to ask you something, yes. It's about James........how ......how long do you think he's going to be...you know......knocked out...?" Dru nodded expectantly.
"Maybe a couple of hours......a day or two at the most." she said uncomfortably. Lily bit her lip again.
"Oh. Okey.....thankyou." she turned to leave but turned right back and gave Drusella a soft, kind smile.
"If you don't mind me asking.........how- I mean... are things diffrent now that- now that your with Sirius? Like, your life and all...?" she asked. Dru blinked, quite shocked for a second, and opened her mouth.
"Er....well, that was unexpected. Um, I guess....things have changed. I've smiled a sure of a hell lot more, and laughed, then before. But he brings that out in me. He's that kind of person....I don't know...."
Lily smiled. She touched Drusella's hand and grinned again.
"Before this- this year, I thought James was horrible. I used to despise having to see him every day. Hear his voice. But- secretly, there was always a soft spot for him. I know that it may have seemed that I was angry as heak when he'd yell things- romantic things. But it was always so amazing. I never saw another guy confess his love there infront of millions of people. One summer he even called my house. He told my mom that he was a student at my school- but my mum knew him. Infact, she was quite angry at me later on for hanging up on him. She said that the only way I was ever going to see the truth behind it all was if I let him. And he sees me. The real me- not the silly little red head who has the most absolutly perfect life. He sees that I get lost too. That I make mistakes and break rules and fall. All this makes me see,from the time I saw the cuts I realized thst James Potter isn't the perfect boy with the perfect family and the perfect life.
"He's so much more. He's scared and confused. He's twisted and lost. He's a sanctuary- a breathing ground. He's light and life and he's struggling because he's never taken the time to realize that striving to only make other and not yourself happy won't get you anywhere. Anyways- what I'm trying to say is- I'm attracted to James because of all so many things. What makes you attracted to Sirius...?" she asked.
Drusella didn't answer right away. Instead she pondered. Staring at Sirius from a afar from time to time, sighing every now and then.
"I guess.....the way he looks at me. The way he talks. He does see more then what's there.... to him I'm not the emotionly deprived loner who chooses to cast out everyone because she decides she's better then them. No- he see's...well I don't know what he sees. But he does see something....and it makes everything in life seem diffrent. He's happy....makes me laugh, like I said. He makes things seem fuller.....the glass is no longer half empty.....it's half full. And underneath that sharp tounged trouble making womanizer there's a boy who only wishes for the strength of a friend....a lover. And he's so interested. I mean, he's always asking me about my life...my games....my thoughts and ideas. It makes you wonder....what would life be like right now if the steps hadn't gone in order." Lily looked at her.
"Thankyou..again, Drusella. You were very....helpfull." Dru smiled weakly and nodded at Lily turned away. When she got back to the other end of the pitch Peter and Sirius soaked her with questions.
"What did you need to ask her?"
"Did she say anything about me?!"
"Was it all bad news?!"
"Was it about James?"
"What time is it?"
"How long will-hey, what d'you say, Wormtail?"
Lily shrugged, grinned at the boys, and headed back toward the castle. She decided to give James another visit. After all, he was the boy who opened her eyes. The sweet, comedic boy.
"God James, wake up."
Alright. This one wasn't as angsty as the one before, but hey- after something like that....well, I realy wanted to thank everyone who reveiwed. Especially Damia. I thankyou so much for telling me that. It must be real heard. Your right, not only teased people are suicidal. You could be popular, normal or ignored. Things happen and your mind races. Everyone's diffrent. If you ever feel the need to kill yourself, and you enjoy this story, reread chapter 13. It might help. But you should realy tell someone, because it's not right. This topic is very importaint because it's very real. You might think, oh yeah, suicide is horrible and so wrong, but once you've met someone who's thought of, attempted or fulfilled suicide, you'll never know it's true horrors.
If your questioning the part with James' head, it was saying.....what I believe is the truth. In many stories, whilst someone is unconcious they see and hear and learn everything. But...maybe were just even more lost.
If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. Or suggestions. I'd be more then pleased. Now with Hurricane Ivan, I am unsure when the next chapter will be posted so........anyways. If your also in Florida, or around the area, be safe. Alright? Okey then, bye.