Chapter 5: JPOV

It took me four months to get back Forks, Washington to where my love was. I wasn't sure why it took so long but I remembered seeing my eyes in a mirror in one of those towns and noticed that my eyes where the color of blood. There was no way I would allow my Bella to see my eyes like that. As I approached the tow I felt the sorrow and lose that everyone was feeling. At first I thought it was because of me being taken away and then not coming back but as I listened to some of the females talking I felt my dead heart breaking.

"Did you hear what happened?" one of the women had said. "Yea, I heard that she jumped into the river and they haven't found her body. I don't know what came over her. Other than that poor girl was never the same when that Whitlock boy left." The other woman said in return, and the continued to talk. But at this point I was too distracted by what they had said. They couldn't possibly be talking about my Bella. There was no way that she would kill herself. I knew that she loved me and I knew that she told me once she didn't think she could live without me. But I really don't think that she would take her own life.

I started to run towards that house that I knew belonged to her. I knew that I had taken longer to get back to her. But how could she be dead? I slowly approached the house and I saw no lights on in Bella's room. How could this been, the sun was going down and Bella's mom always lit the candles around this time. I stood there and froze. How am I remembering everything about my human life? My master Maria had told me that I wouldn't remember anything that I had done as a human, she had been wrong I remembered Bella. But I didn't really remember anything else, until I got here. What was happening to me?

I sat in the tree outside Bella's bedroom window and waited for her to show up. Nothing happened she never came into the room and that was when I heard her mother crying. "My baby isn't coming home and her body hasn't been found. But I am really starting to believe that she walked into that river and killed herself. I know that she was destroyed when Jasper left and I never thought that she would do this. It seemed like this were getting better. Her body lay in that water somewhere and her soul has been laid to rest in the cemetery. I don't know where we went wrong Charlie. She is gone and there is nothing I can do about it. Will we ever find her body?" Rene spoke and I wanted to run into the house and demand that she tell me what happened to Bella, however I couldn't go into that house not now after hearing everyone in town saying Bella was dead.

I ran to the cemetery not knowing what I would find. I knew that Bella's body wasn't in the coffin that was six feet under. That was when I saw the tombstone and I stopped in my tracks, next to Bella's tombstone I saw my own. Here lays Jasper Whitlock. No date of birth nothing and I didn't know what to think but as I sat there and looked at Bella's tombstone I saw written Isabella Swan "Whitlock". They had still used my name after knowing that I wasn't able to get back here in time, but in time for what? I was confused and it felt like I need to remember something but nothing was coming to my mind.

I wonder around for a little while not sure what to do next. I knew I had to get back to Bella but now it seemed like that was never going to happen. She was gone and I wanted nothing more than to die myself. What was I going to do now, she was my reason for being and she was gone. I knew something had to be done but I didn't know what I was going to do. I needed to figure out how a vampire could die. I started to leave Forks and headed to the next town.

I hadn't gotten fair when two vampires had stopped me. I looked at them and I knew that they saw the tears running down my face. I didn't understand it myself, I had watch Maria sob but never saw any tears go down her face. But here I was standing there and my shirt was covered in my own tears. I looked that the two vampires, one had bronze hair that was a little messy and was cut short. He was standing up against a tree and I couldn't help but think that he looked like he was enjoying someone else's misery. He smiled at me and then covered his own emotions and I wasn't sure how he was feeling anymore. The other vampire had spiky black hair cut short; she wore tight fighting clothing and had a body on her that could go on and on. I felt lust rolling off her and knew that I was in trouble. I had never felt such lust from such a tiny person.

"Hi Jasper" the short woman spoke. "My name is Alice and this is Edward" she pointed to herself and then at the tall man that still stood at the tree. "How did you know my name?" I couldn't think straight right now and this seemed to bother the man I now knew to be called Edward. He looked at me almost like he could feel my pain and then I noticed that Alice was standing there with the same look in her eyes. "Are you two hurt?" I asked not sure why it seemed all the sudden that they looked just as unhappy as I did. "You are hurting and your mind is all over the place. I'm not sure whether you are coming or going at this point. I wish you would just stop thinking for a little while and give me some silence." Edward said. I wasn't sure what he meant and I was trying to figure it out in my head.

"You are able to feel emotions just as I am able to read minds. My little sister can see the future and that is why we are here. She knew that you would be here and that you would be hurting. She also knew that you needed us and that in some way down the road we will need you. Not sure how just yet but I have seen what her mind has seen. But all I can tell you is that Alice here is already in love with you and there is nothing she wouldn't do for you." He spoke as if he knew everything he had said to be true. Edward looked at me and listened to my mind questioning everything he had just said. How do you love someone you don't even know? Edward just shook his head he didn't know what to say to that question all he knew was that Alice believed that she was in love with him. I turned to the small girl and looked into her eyes. All I saw was want and desire and there it was a little bit of love. I didn't think she was in love but she believed she was and that I could feel.

"You are going to come with us. You will come and live with the Cullen's and we will all be so happy. You will be a great asset to our family and they will just love you." Alice spoke and looked at me like I didn't have a choice. I wanted nothing more than to belong somewhere right now. I wanted my Bella back and I wasn't sure what was going to happen if I stayed her. "I will go, but only if you make one promise to me. If I decide that I don't like living with you, you will find a way to kill me." It was Alice who spoke first "I promise. Only because I know that there is no chance that will happen. Believe me I have seen it and you will love every one of us and you will not want to die at that point. Not to mention I know you are searching for someone and maybe we can help you." That made me stop dead in my tracks. How did she know what I was looking for?

Before I could speak Edward spoke. "You are looking for someone named Bella. I can see from the images in your head that you loved her dearly and that is why you are standing here. You went back to your home town to try and find her and possibly make her like you if it meant that you two could live together forever. You don't know what really happened to her and you wished you did. Everything is pointing to her jumping into the river trying to take her own life because she couldn't stand to be all alone without you. You heard her mother talking about the pain she was in when you disappeared and all you want to do is find her. Now you think that you can run and find her. You want to die if that means being with her in your afterlife. You are afraid that since you have tasted human blood that you will continue. However we want to show you another way of living. I know that right now you are hurting and when you asked if we were hurting it was only because it projected off of you. You hurt and I can not only feel it but I read your thoughts as well. You are interested in what Alice has said and you want to know if it is possible for you to live without Bella. Seeing what I can see in Alice's mind you will be happy and I wish you could find what you are really looking for. Right now I can tell you that I would more than happy to go with you to look over the river and help you try and find your Bella. In your mind she is so beautiful and looks very lovely."

He stopped and looked at me. I didn't know what to say. Here he was saying everything that I was thinking. Alice just stood there with a smile on her face. "I will help you too." She stated and started walking back to my home town. It wasn't long before we had searched the whole river and came up empty handed. The only thing I found by the river was a necklace I had given Bella on our one year anniversary. It was simple it had a small diamond in the center of a heart. I held the necklace and memories started flashing before my eyes. I gave her the necklace and I remembered her saying "I love you more than you ever know. I will make this up to you, I know it cost you a lot and I wish you wouldn't have spent your money on this. I hate when you fuss over me." The memories filled my head and I couldn't stop them. I knew at that point Edward was watching everything I was seeing. He didn't understand anymore than I did on why I was remembering things from when I was a human.

It was then that Alice spoke "You remember things that have to do with Bella. She was your reason for living and breathing and now that has been taken away from you. You are holding onto whatever you can when it concerns her. Therefore you are remembering the things with her. But you will not remember everything. I am sorry about that. I wish I could give you everything you want when it comes to that but I can't. I do know that I can make you happy and you and I will be happy together for a long time. You are I are meant to be." I stood there not knowing what to say. I felt that what she was saying was the truth to her but I couldn't understand why she was saying all of it. I was in love with Bella and there was no other woman out there for me. She was my everything and there wasn't anything I wouldn't do to get her back. I needed to be alone and this time Edward understood everything.

"We are headed to Alaska to join our family. Alice wanted to make this trip alone but I couldn't be sure how you would react to all of this news so I decided to come with her. I will provide you with an address and you can come there whenever you are done with what it is that you want to do." Edward said and at this point looking at me like he knew that all I wanted was to be alone. "Thank you. I don't understand everything that is going on and I don't know why Alice believes that we should be together. I don't understand why she is dead set on us being together forever and that we are meant to be. I was meant to be with someone alright and now she is dead and gone. Bella would have never taken this necklace off unless she was done with whatever she was facing. However here is her necklace and I don't want to think that she is dead. What am I suppose to do? Run off with you and Alice and pretend to be happy in your world with your family until someone does kill me?" I said the words as a tear slid down my check. I wish I knew what that was all about. I knew I was upset and that I was in pain but never once in my life had I cried like this. Never once in my life had I ever shed a tear and here I was for the second time today crying.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do but I needed some alone time for now.