Fact 1: Harry Potter is owned by JK Rowling.
Fact 2: I am not her.
Conclusion: It isn't mine.
Author's Note: I just wanted to say thank you to everyone who added me to their alert list, and especially everyone who reviewed. Honestly... its knowing that people are reading, and are actually interesting that keeps me writing. I have a bad habit of not finishing things I start, but y'all are keeping me going :) So again, thanks!
Also, I want to apologize for a couple of things. First off, I know I haven't been updating very quickly. I am sorry, but a lot of the time it can't be avoided. Most of my time is spent in school, at work, or doing homework... so a lot of the time I'm just too tired to write, and trust me, you don't want to read the crap I write if I'm not actually into it. I also want to apologize in advance for any errors in this chapter. I have proofread it, but not as many times as I like to. But.. its either get the chapter up now with some mistakes, or not get it up for a couple more days- so here it is- far from perfect.
When I woke up the next morning, at first I didn't remember why I felt so much lighter than I had the mornings before. But as my eyes worked to adjust to the darkness of the large room, and I stretched my arms out, hitting warm bodies to either side of me, it all came flooding back.
I remembered the overwhelming dread that had built up, gaining strength by the hour since Draco had told me of his father's most recent letter. I remembered the headache that made me wish I could sleep forever, and Ginny's stories making me laugh like I hadn't laughed in weeks. I remembered being worried about Draco, and feeling anxious about Harry and Ron being angry at me. Most of all... I remembered the lights going out, Dumbledore's flustered reassurances that we all saw through, and my relief at his announcement that we would be spending the night in the Great Hall. I had, without actually doing anything, accomplished the one thing I was supposed to- I had stayed near Draco.
Tied to that last thought was one memory that brought out very odd emotions inside of me. My mind reeled and my stomach did flips just thinking about it... sometime during the night, after everyone had managed to calm down and even I had started to think that maybe nothing tragic was going to happen after all, at least not tonight, something very strange happened. I was lying in the darkness, thinking about the irony of where I was lying- or more specifically, who I was lying next to. Harry and Ron had protested when I led them so close to the Slytherins, especially Malfoy, but I had insisted that if something dark was going on, that was exactly where we should be. I was fully prepared to give them the "keep your enemies closer" speech, but didn't need to. They just sighed, and grumbled (most on Ron's part) but followed me- as I knew they would eventually. So there I was, Harry lying on my right side and Draco on my left, when I heard what sounded like a thousand bees buzzing. It started off as a low hum, soft enough that I wasn't entirely sure it wasn't just in my head. But then, it got louder and louder until eventually the floor beneath us was vibrating ever so slightly.
I laid there for a second, mentally begging for whatever it was to stop, but when it didn't I starting sitting up, foolishly hoping I could see something- anything that would give me some sort of clue. I wasn't even sitting halfway up when a strong hand reached up and pushed me back down. I looked to my left in frustration. I hadn't even realized he was awake, though how anyone could sleep through all that buzzing was a mystery to me. Why did he care if I sat up anyway?
"Just lie still" Draco said quietly, "Don't draw attention to yourself."
His tone was anxious. I started feeling that familiar uneasiness creep back into my stomach, and my mind was jumping from one thought to another- thinking up every kind of terrible situation I could imagine. If he knew something else why hadn't he told me? Probably to keep me from worrying. I almost laughed out loud at the thought... as if I had done anything but worry the past few days.
"What's happening?" My voice sounded more panicked than I had intended. My breath was ragged... uneven, and I knew I wasn't terribly far from a full-fledged panic attack. Great way to keep attention off you, Hermione, I thought, irritated at my newly discovered inability to keep my emotions in check.
Suddenly, the buzzing got louder... becoming less like bees and more like the sound of hundreds of gigantic fans turned on full speed. Then, several things happened at once. My heart started racing out control, my breathing stopped coming in ragged breaths- in fact, it stopped coming at all- and Draco Malfoy took my hand in his own, gripping it firmly.
The noise stopped suddenly, not fading out the way it had faded in, but that fact barely registered in my thoughts. All I could think about was the heat spreading over my entire body, beginning and ending with my left hand.
"Hermione, you have to be calm." Draco whispered so that I could barely hear him, his tone urgent.
"I told you that you were going to be fine, and I meant it. We wouldn't have stayed if I thought we were in any danger." He paused for a second, and when he spoke again his voice was considerable softer- not quieter, just warmer, no longer urgent. "I thought we discussed the benefits of you beginning to trust me."
I wasn't sure when I had fallen back asleep, but the last thing I remembered was being very aware of Draco's hand- still tangled loosely in mine, and hoping that he wouldn't let go.
--
I shook my head, forcing my thoughts back to the present. The sun still wasn't up, but it couldn't have been far from sunrise. Everyone else seemed to still be sleeping. Briefly, I considered making another attempt at sleep, but I knew it was pointless. I had barely slept any, as it was. Scattered nightmares haunted what sleep I did get, and I woke up several times during the night, jumping each time... jolting Draco awake, as well. I had eventually pulled my hand out of his, angry at myself for not doing it sooner. There was no reason we should both go without sleep.
Just thinking about my lack of sleep seemed to make me more tired, but I sat up anyway, trying to make out shapes in the still dark room. My eyes were so accustomed to the lack of light that I could actually see pretty well. I could even make out the shapes at the door, almost completely across the Great Hall from me- Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape were sitting in large, straight back chairs on either side of the large doors. They both looked tired, but not panicked or even anxious. If anything, they almost looked bored. I felt relief spread through my body in waves, obviously everything was okay.
I stretched my arms above my head, and rolled my neck, trying to work out the stiffness from a restless night on the hard floor.
Since everything was clearly okay, it shouldn't be a problem for me to head back to my room, right? Maybe I would be able to sleep if I could actually make myself comfortable... get out of these clothes, sleep in my own bed. Couldn't hurt to ask.
I got up slowly, careful not to disturb anyone as I did so, and walked through the rows of students, moving in slow, deliberate movements. As I drew closer to the doors, Professor McGonagall smiled at me- Snape raised an eyebrow.
"Good morning, Miss Granger, an early bird I see." Professor McGonagall greeted me.
"Not usually, I just didn't sleep very well." I explained.
Snape's eyebrow lifted even higher, and a curious smirk crossed his lips. What's with him? I wondered.
"Is that so? You looked quite comfortable to me." He said, the smirk never leaving his lips.
I looked at him carefully, unsure of what to say, and a look in McGonagall's direction told me she didn't understand anymore than I did. And then it hit me, he must have seen me and Draco. But how much had he seen... just that we were lying beside one another without any death threats, or that our hands were clasped together- fingers completely intertwined? The first might have looked strange... made him wonder why we had allowed such a thing to happen, but the second could be dangerous if the wrong people found out. I swallowed loudly, and shrugged at him, hoping he wouldn't see through my attempt at playing dumb.
"Professor," I began, turning my attention back to my own head of house, "Are we allowed to leave now?"
"Yes. We were waiting for it to reach a more decent hour to wake you all and make the announcement." She answered. "But, being as that you are already awake, I see no harm in you going back to your room."
I nodded slowly, my mind still running through possibilities of exactly what Snape had seen, and more importantly what he was going to do about it.
"Thank you, professor." I said, smiling slightly, and made my way through the doors without giving Snape so much as another glance.
My intention had been to go straight to Gryffindor common room, and to my room from there. There was nothing I wanted more than to get a few hours of real sleep- void of any nightmares or underlying anxiety now that I knew everything really was okay. Sure, I knew there were other things- certainly worse things- to come, but that could wait. Today I just wanted to be relieved, and maybe if I worked up to it- even happy. But somewhere along the way, I unconsciously changed my mind. I didn't even realize I had gone the wrong way until I ended up outside. I made my way across the grass- wet with morning dew - not stopping until I was at the edge of the large lake. I sat down at the edge of the water, my eyes on the sky above the trees on the other side, watching as the rising sun began painting the sky with blues and pinks.
I sighed heavily and laid back on the wet grass, stretching my arms out completely at my sides. I laid there for a few minutes before deciding that I simply had to get up and go to my room. If for some reason one of my friends were to look for me, they would assume the worst when I wasn't there. Even though, they really knew nothing about what had gone on last night, even the dimmest of people would have understood that it was something bad.
I had just made a deal with myself that I would count to one hundred and then get up, when I heard footsteps approaching. I squeezed my eyes even tighter, and foolishly wished it was someone just passing by. There was really only one person I wanted to talk to, and the odds of it being...
"Do you have an aversion to beds, Granger?"
I sat up and whipped around in one quick movement, just in time to see his usual smirk play across his lips.
"What are you doing out here Malfoy?"
"You really shouldn't answer a question with a question", he said playfully, sitting down beside me, his long legs stretched out in front of him.
"How very careless of me." I retorted, rolling my eyes at him, "No aversion to beds. I just felt like being alone... I needed to think."
Draco nodded slowly, looking at something off in the distance.
I watched him for a second, waiting on his response, but it never came. I wanted to apologize for making his night so void of sleep, but I couldn't figure out how to word it right... it all sounded so awkward in my mind.
"Draco, I ..." Even as I started speaking, I wasn't sure what I was going to say, so I stopped myself and quickly thought of something else to say.
He looked at me expectantly, one pale eyebrow cocked higher than the other.
"Yes, Hermione?"
"Umm, I was wondering something."
"You are always wondering something," He replied, a hint of sarcasm in his voice, "And I rarely know the answer, but go ahead."
"Last night just seemed strange to me... " For a second, a look of embarrassment flashed across his face, and I realized that what I said could have been taken to mean two different things.
"What I mean is, nothing really happened. The lights just went out, and everyone kind of panicked, you know? Not just the students, but the professors, too. Did something else happen, and I just missed it?"
Draco looked slightly relieved, and briefly, I wondered if he felt as anxious about what had happened between us the night before as I did. Between most people, one friend taking the other's hand wouldn't be something to think twice about, but for us... with our friendship so entirely brand new, it felt huge.
"If anything else happened, I missed it, too. I know nothing more than you do. But, I do think you are failing to look at the big picture here."
I scowled at him. I didn't like being told I was missing something, I usually prided myself in looking at every side of a situation.
"Just let me finish," he said quickly, sounding slightly exasperated.
"What I mean, is that you have been so entirely caught up in all of this, as anyone in your position would have been, that you have forgotten to look at it like you would if you weren't so caught up in it."
"I don't understand." I said, slowly. He was just making me more confused.
"Before you were taken by my father... before you knew about all the scheming and planning that is going on... you still knew that Lord Voldermort was trying desperately to gain power, right?"
"Of course I did, but..."
"And it isn't any secret that Voldermort considers Dumbledore to be one of his big obstacles in reaching that goal." Draco paused, studying my face a second before continuing. "They may not know what is going on, but someone trying to attack Hogwarts is always a possibility. Anything that happens has to be seen as a potential threat. Dumbledore can't afford to brush anything like that off as something small. He can't take that risk... he must always assume the worst."
"That makes sense... when you put it like that." I said quietly. He made it all seem so simple, the way he connected the dots like that. Why hadn't I been able to make those connections?
Without saying anything else, Draco jumped lightly to his feet and reached his hand out to me.
"Come on, Granger, lets go inside."
I took his hand and allowed him to help pull me to my feet. Dusting the seat of my jeans off, I turned to look at him.
"Can't hide forever, I guess. Harry and Ron will get nervous when they can't find me."
"That isn't exactly what I was thinking of," He said, rolling his eyes at me, "I happen to know for a fact that you didn't get a good night's sleep last night."
I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and I looked down at the grass, avoiding his gaze.
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kept waking you up like that; I was being selfish."
"Don't worry about it. I do pretty well without sleep. I'm just sorry you were so anxious. I wish I had been able to ask my dad for information. Maybe if you had been more prepared you wouldn't have been so worried."
We were almost to the castle before either of spoke again, but it wasn't an awkward silence. It was comfortable... easy.
"Are you going to go to breakfast?"
"I haven't really thought about it." I said, lifting his left wrist to look at his watch without even thinking about it. "I doubt there will be anyone there, but I am pretty hungry."
"Well, lets go then." He said, smiling.
Just before we made the final turn before entering the Great Hall, I stopped. Draco took only a couple of steps before stopping as well, turning to face me.
"What's wrong? We don't have to walk in together if you don't want to. I didn't even think about it, but --" His words came out in a rush, each word seeming to trip over the one before it, but I cut him off before he could finish.
"No," I said, shaking my head and rolling my eyes at him. "I wasn't even thinking about that. I just..." I paused, unsure, even as I spoke, of what it was I was wanting to say to him.
"Are we friends now?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Umm, I'm not sure." He said hesitantly, and I instantly wished I had just kept my big mouth shut.
"Oh" I said, lamely, unable to come up with anything better to say.
"That isn't exactly a decision I can make, Granger. Friendship goes two ways. I, personally, would like it if we could be friends, but I can't very well force you." He explained, the familiar smirk crossing his face.
I smiled at him, a real smile, not forced and completely unrehearsed.
"Me too" I said simply, still smiling at him as I started walking towards the Great Hall again.
I turned back around when I didn't hear his footsteps behind me.
"What are you waiting on, Malfoy? Afraid they'll burn you at the stake for fraternizing with a mudblood?" I asked sarcastically.
"Don't say that," he said, frowning.
"Say what? About them burning you at the stake? I was just kidding... it's not like people do that anymore."
"No, not that." his voice sounded frustrated, as it usually did when I misunderstood him. "Don't call yourself that... I don't like it."
"Oh, sorry." I mentally kicked myself for apologizing to him again. How many times had he gotten angry at me for saying I was sorry about something like that? Even when he deserved the apology, he rarely let me get away with saying it, always muttering something about how he deserved whatever I said or thought. But still... he was the one that had been so terribly fond of calling me a mudblood in the past. Why shouldn't I be able to call myself that?
Apparently Draco wasn't in the mood to argue anymore than I was, or maybe he didn't think the apology was so out of place this time. For whatever reason, he didn't say anything. Instead, he nudged me playfully and pulled me by my elbow towards the Great Hall.
Just as Draco was reaching with his free hand to pull the heavy door open, someone called my name from the other direction. I whipped around, praying that I was wrong about who's voice that was. Draco turned with me, readjusting his hold on me so that he was no longer just cupping my elbow, but that his hand was wrapped completely around my forearm.
"Harry, I was just--"
"Just what, Hermione? Going for breakfast with Malfoy?" He practically spat the last word at me, and I flinched at the harshness in his voice.
Just then, Ron came around the corner, gawking at me and Draco... mouth hanging open, eyes wide as saucers.
"Honestly, Harry. We were --"
"We've been looking for you everywhere, Hermione. We were worried sick about you, and you were with... with... him?" Ron yelled, his voice getting higher and higher with each word until it was echoing around the corridor.
"Stop yelling at her, Weasley." Draco said calmly, pulling me back slightly, positioning himself a fraction in front of me.
"Bloody hell, Hermione, Malfoy's your protector now? Protecting you from us?"
"Ron, its not like that."
"Well the way I see it, Hermione, there are only two options here. It either is exactly what it seems, and you are scampering off to breakfast with Malfoy, or he is dragging you against your will, in which case I will hex him into next week. So which is it?"
My face reacted before I even fully understood what he was saying, and I was shaking my head, giving him his answer without consciously deciding to do so.
"Please, just stop yelling at me. Let me explain." I pleaded. I was trying desperately to work everything out in my head, but my thoughts weren't coming together fast enough. Every explanation I came up with sounded more ridiculous than the last- none of them even hinted at something they would believe.
"I don't want to hear it. Come on Harry, I'm not hungry after all." Ron said, giving me one last look of disgust before turning on his heel and storming back down the hallway.
Harry looked torn. He was clearly more willing to hear my explanation than Ron, but still didn't like what he was seeing. I smiled at him softly, hoping he would understand that I wouldn't hold it against him if he left, too.
He gave me one confused parting glance before following after Ron.
A couple of hours later, I was sitting in the back corner of the library, my legs stretched out in front of me, ankles crossed, staring at the ceiling. I had gone through all my options, and none of them were sounding great. After everything I had been through recently, who would have thought the thing I was most worried about right now would be my two best friends?
I glanced at my watch anxiously, willing the hands to move more quickly. Draco and I had agreed to meet here after we had a chance to take showers and relax a little bit after breakfast. I had eaten my food only because Draco was watching me from his own table. He had given me two choices- eat willingly, or be force-fed by him. I had looked at him skeptically, doubting that he would do something so bold, knowing how his friends and housemates would react, but something about the look on his face told me he was serious. So I ate.
I yawned and leaned my head against the bookshelf behind me. I was so sleepy. It seemed like forever since I had planned on falling into my bed and sleeping all day.
The library was completely empty except for me, so I clearly heard when the doors opened. I hesitated for a second, debating on weather I should say something or not, and then wondered what was the point. My best friends already knew something was up... why hide it from anyone else.
"Draco?" I asked, trying to lean my head around the rows of books in front of me.
"Where are you?" He called back.
"In the very back... on the floor."
He appeared from the other side of the bookshelves and smirked down at me."
"You found me." I said, smiling, as he closed the distance between us in a few long strides.
"I should have known. You really insist on being uncomfortable don't you?"
"I happen to think this is very comfortable." I retorted. " Besides, I didn't want to deal with seeing anyone else. People are on my nerves lately."
He chuckled softly and sat down across from me, mimicking the way I was sitting.
"You're right. This is pretty comfy. If I'm on your nerves, you just have to say so, though, no sense in trying to be so subtle." He said teasingly.
"Shut up, I didn't mean you."
He laughed again, and I felt my stomach flutter. Something about hearing him laugh made me want to say something that would make him laugh again. It made me feel like if I did nothing else but make me laugh like that for the rest of my life, I would be happy. How odd.
"So, what's the plan?" He asked, drawing me out of my thoughts.
"Hmm?" I knew what he meant, but I was stalling for time. For some reason, I didn't want to have to tell him that I hadn't come up with anything.
"What are you going to tell Weasel King and the Boy Wonder?"
I rolled my eyes at him. Sometimes I wondered if he just sat around thinking these names up.
"I know you don't like for me to say anything bad about them, but after the way they spoke to you today, I won't apologize. They deserve it." He explained, shrugging his shoulders.
"It isn't their fault. I know how it had to look to them, and they just... well, I guess they over reacted. And they could have let me explain, but they'll calm down. Ron just has a temper, and Harry didn't know what to do."
He nodded, but I knew he was just placating me and that he still didn't agree.
"This just sucks. I feel like I have to choose between them and you. It isn't fair." I whined, biting my lip.
"Look Hermione, if that's the problem, then consider the problem solved. You don't owe me anything. Well, that isn't entirely true. We are kind of stuck together because of this strange little project we have, but we don't have to be friends. I'll let you know if there is any news, but otherwise, you can go back to your normal life."
I looked at him, unsure of what to say. Just hours ago he said he wanted to be my friend and now he was trying to push me away? I felt like I was going to cry.
"I don't understand... what have I done?" I asked, my voice cracking on the last words.
"Done? You haven't done anything."
"But... but, I thought you wanted to be my friend. And now you are trying to get out of it."
"I'm not trying to get out of anything, Hermione." He said, sounding frustrated with me- again, "I told you I would like to be your friend, and I meant it. I just don't want my presence in your life to make things more difficult for you. You are miserable enough as it is."
"No," I said, shaking my head fiercely, "I'm not miserable. Not now... not when I'm with you."
It was out of my mouth before I realized what I had said, and I instantly regretted it.
Draco's expression softened as he studied my face. We sat there for a minute, him looking at me, me looking at the floor, before he said anything.
"I'm not going anywhere, Hermione. As long as you want me... I'll be here."
I just smiled at him, but inside I was glowing. He did want to be my friend, and as long as that was true... as long as I had him to tell me things would be okay, and protect me from my own worst fears... somehow, I would get through the rest.
"So... Harry and Ron." I said, bringing us back to the topic at hand.
"I think we should just tell them the truth."
"The truth?"
"Well maybe not all of the truth, but at least you won't have to lie to them."
"How is that?"
"Just tell them we are friends. They can't kill you for making a new friend, right?"
I eyed him incredulously before answering.
"Of course they wont kill me, but-"
"But what?"
"They aren't going to like it, and I'm surprised you would suggest that."
I was suspicious. I wasn't sure what I thought he was trying to do, but surely he wasn't actually suggesting we just be friends. The Slytherin Ring-Leader becoming buddies with a muggle born? Not likely.
Draco chuckled and shook his head, apparently understanding what I was thinking.
"How many times do I have to tell you I don't care what people think? If my friends... really I should say my housemates, I'm not exactly friends with many of them... want to have a problem with me hanging out with you, why should I be bothered? That's their problem."
I sighed heavily, trying to let what he was saying sink in. I was tired of having to think about things. I really just wanted to sleep. But really, wasn't he right? Why should I even worry about what people are going to think. We were friends. It wasn't like we were sneaking in closets or kissing in the corridors. My stomach dropped slightly at that thought, and I quickly chastised myself for even letting my thoughts go there. I did not want to be kissing Malfoy. I couldn't... that would be crossing the line, even if it wasn't for the fact that he most certainly didn't want to be kissing me.
Draco reached out and waved his hand in front of my face and said my name, drawing out each syllable.
"Her-my-uh-nee?"
"Yeah, sorry. I was just thinking. I guess you are right. It makes the most sense. And then I guess we won't have to be quite as careful."
Draco tilted his head and studied my face for a second before he said anything.
"Hermione, you are exhausted. Please just go get some sleep. If you want- I'll explain to Potter and Weasley. It will probably take some convincing to get them to talk to me, but I'm sure I can persuade them."
The smirk on his face made me wonder a little about exactly how he would convince them, but something in the back of my mind told me he was just teasing me. At this point, I couldn't picture Draco actually hurting anyone. Not unless they really deserved it.
"No, I'll talk to them. I think it will be easier for them... and at least they wont be coming up with a list of ways to hex me as I explain." I responded, smiling at him weakly.
Draco studied me for another second before jumping to his feet. He reached his hand out and lifted me to my feet.
"Bed, Granger. Not the floor. Not the ground.. a bed. It would probably be better if it was your bed, but at this point, I'm not picky. You need to sleep." His tone was teasing, but I knew he was serious. If I looked as dead as I felt, it was obvious that I was about to crash.
Draco walked me to the common room, saying that if we were going to openly be friends it couldn't hurt for us to walk through the halls together.
"Besides," He said, "Potter and Weasley would love it if I sent you off on your own and let you collapse of exhaustion. It would just prove their point that I'm out to kill you."
I rolled my eyes, but didn't object. He was probably right.. Harry's and Ron's thoughts probably weren't far from his speculation.