I am finally beginning the next chapter of Tears In Heaven. I do not own anything, as you already now...and so, without further a due, let us begin!
Down Once More
James frowned as the train pulled out of the station, finalizing their short vacation and purging them into another fine time at school. He didn't want to go back; he wanted to stay away from the hardships of lessons and pressure of Quidditch. His wrists bulged with the lack of being severed, and his need for blood was intensifying. But a small touch on his hand, as Lily grasped his in hers, demolished the thought from his mind.
"James, thank you." she said in a tiny voice. The smile that had popped onto James' face died away as he looked to the floor. Innocent Lily, his beloved, was the only thing that held him back from continuing to cut himself. She was the only reason why he had stopped. And she was the reason why he had started.
Lily looked up at him as he turned his face from hers to stare out the window. Her stomach sank when she saw the dead look in his eyes. She wondered if he was still cutting behind her back. He, after all, had done it before. This disturbed her; how could happy go lucky, extreme prat-James Potter cut himself? She had always rendered him a mainly good natured person, full of life and rough and ready. She would never have imagined he'd cut himself.
Her mind flowed onto a memory that she somehow could never forget. It was in sixth year, a year ago from this exact day, and she had decided to visit her friend out on the Quidditch field. At the time, her loathing for James was already well known. The two had a love-hate relationship; with the love being mainly one sided. While so many girls melted under Potter's charm and appeal, his love for her remained unrequited.
Nothing about James Potter was attractive. He was a self-absorbed prat with no morals whatsoever. He'd torture others just for entertainment. Why, James Potter was nothing but a bully. A boy with no heart or anything.
Then she thought differently.
Rini played Quidditch then, and was a pretty good beater. She had always had a liking for Potter, easily succumbing to his ingenious facade that tricked the world into thinking he was your average everyday teen bachelor. Rini had basically scorned Lily for not taking advantage of James' romance, but remained her friend and supported her thoughts and emotions.
Lily walked out onto the field and to the bleachers where a few students sat, chatting busily about their day and watching the players warm up and work out. So, of course the majority of the on-lookers were girls, eager to see the handsome young boys sweat and flex their muscles until they could no longer. This always seemed to amuse Lily. It was the first time she had ever come out during practice, but from what the girls in her dorm said, it was quite a spectacle.
It was when she sat down on the Gryffindor bleacher, and pulled her shoulder length red hair from her face, that she saw something that twisted her imagination.
Potter was instructing some boy on how to swing his bat. The boy must have been the new beater everyone was gossiping about. He was little, probably a second year, and he looked up at James in the utmost admiration. But it wasn't the insolent little boy that took Lily's breath away, no in fact it was the one person she hated the most. James Potter.
He was shirtless, and the sweat glistened off his chest. A few faint giggles were heard from the girls behind her, but Lily's focus on the boy droned them out. For once, Potter didn't look like his usual narcissistic self, and looked almost father-like as he showed the boy the best way to swing.
Lily's hate for the young seeker died from her mind and she felt herself entranced by every move that he made. He kneeled down, possibly showing the little boy a few pointers, and tears formed in her eyes as the boy hugged him happily. James patted the boy's head and pulled back, laughing and she could hear him warning him about how sweaty he still was.
It was the first time Lily had ever seen James look so kind. So caring and so loveable. At the time, she was still blind to how broken and dead he was inside. He had not started to hurt himself-or at least not with a knife. Lily found herself liking this James. The fatherly type one who helped out little kids instead of beating the crap out of them.
That image of James had never been erased from her mind. She couldn't see the dad-like man in front of her now. All she could see was someone dark and lifeless, hurt by the fact that his life hadn't been stolen long ago.
These thoughts disturbed her greatly. She loved James more then anyone could imagine and seeing him pained so-and knowing she couldn't do anything about it- was like knives drilling into her heart. A year or two ago, she would have rendered James' horrible blood addiction childish and another resort for attention, however, now, as if personally effected her, it seemed horrible.
James had always been nothing but sweet to her, so seeing him emotionally distraught and hardcore like this was scary. James wasn't supposed to be this way, and yet he was. Lily didn't know what to do about it, but she hoped and prayed that it would end by itself, knowing fully well that it wouldn't. James was a troubled teenager, dealing poorly with the mishaps in his life.
One would think that after finally getting Lily, James would stop this horrible issue, but he didn't. Lily felt as though it was only growing worse by each passing moment. And if she left him, she'd not only hurt him to God knows where, but she'd hurt herself. She didn't want to loose James-she loved him and wanted to be with him forever.
"It isn't like you have ever been as dedicated to this relationship as he has." A nasty voice in her head murmured. Lily turned her head and her frown deepened. It was sad, but true. For almost three years, James Potter had been trailing after Lily, trying to get her to hang out with him or talk friendly with him and she never gave him the light of day. He never gave up though, and while it might have been annoying at first, Lily was beyond grateful that he had held on. He really loved her and she really loved him.
"Hey, Lily…are you okay?" James' soft but deep voice asked. Lily looked up at him and smiled, gently slipping her hand into his. He looked down at it and tightened his grip. As he squeezed her hand most affectionately, Lily couldn't help but feel a little better. This was true happiness. All those years of lost life and confusion all lead up to this perfect moment-whoever would guess that Lily Evans would find real comfort and happiness in her arch rival James Potter? But that was how things were, and Lily wouldn't give it up for the entire world.
This was it. This was the moment-this was the point of no return. Lily Evans was completely infatuated with James, she needed him more then she needed anything else in the world, and she was determined to keep him as hers.
It seemed like ages before the two spoke again, both lost in their own thoughts, not aware of each other's longing to hear their voice.
When the Hogwarts castle came clear in view, the door to the compartment pulled open and in walked Remus Lupin. His brown hair was tousled and he had a tired expression on his face. He noticed how bad he looked and his cheeks tinted red.
"Sorry, I just woke up. Came in here to make sure you were all awake. Well, seeing as you all are awake, I'll just go back to my compartment." Remus said turning and leaving quickly. James laughed lightly and shook his head, squeezing Lily's hand protectively.
"James, I love you." Lily said, turning to face him. A small smile fell upon his darkened face and he leaned over to kiss her. They shared a soft, gentle kiss and then parted, looking at each other with only love and no shyness.
"I love you too, Lily." He said, caressing her cheek with the back of his hand. Lily closed her eyes and held his hand in place with her own. James smiled softly at this affectionate gesture, looking at Lily with the utmost admierance.
Could this really be the same Lily Evans that had disliked him for so long? Could the girl who was disgusted at the mere mention of his name really be the girl who was so madly and deeply in love with him? But it didn't matter.
As the train reared to a slow stop, they broke their gaze and stood from their seats. James stood up and grabbed their bags, holding Lily's in his hands which made her a little bit cranky.
He only smiled at her sweetly and joined up with his friends. Lily stayed behind to walk with the other girls. Bellatrix, Narcissa and their cousin walked as far away from the two groups as possible, but no one really seemed to care.
Lily was having a right fine time speaking softly to the other three girls. Andromeda and Sapphira both smiled at each other giggilishly and whispered about the boys while Drusella stared out into nothingness. The depressed girl confused Lily somewhat but she never chose to think about it.
Drusella was a pretty girl with long black and white streaked hair, much like a skunk and though she was short and deprived looking-Lily could see why Sirius was attracted to her. Lily always thought that Dru had a clever sense of style. Both, of course, were muggle born and often wore muggle style clothing. Today Dru had on a pair of black jeans with a chain attached to them, a yellow t-shirt that said 'WEST SIDE STORY' printed in large black letters and a forest green jacket. Lily wore a brown knee-length skirt, a blue and white stripped blouse and a matching brown leather vest. She wore grey thigh high socks and brown loafers.
Lily slowed down and fell back so that she could walk with Drusella. The girl shot a look at her and she smiled back warmly.
"Hey, how are you doing?" she asked softly. Drusella shrugged and gripped her duffle bag tighter in her hands. Lily's smile faded from her lips. The Ravenclaw always seemed so depressed. The only time she ever seemed happy was with Sirius. This made Lily smile again though. It was like with James, he was the only one who ever made her, Lily, feel special and beautiful. The look in his eyes was the best thing she had ever seen and she prayed that it would stay there forever.
Her eyes trailed onto James who stood ahead of her, messing around with his friends. He looked so bo-like there, jumping onto Sirius' back and making both of them fall. Remus and Peter erupted into laughter and jumped onto the dogpile, soon after Sapphira and Andromeda climbed in too.
Lily grabbed Drusella's hand and dragged her to the pile, shoving both their weights onto the rest of the gang. James laughed like mad and Sirius whimpered like a puppy. Peter kept moving around and Remus howled in laughter. This was childish-but quite fun. Lily didn't remember when she had last joined in a mash pit.
After a few minutes of screwing around though, they stood up like respectable young adults and picked up their luggage. The castle seemed so beautiful in the daylight, and the cool Feburary wind blew their hair.
''What a perfect day!" Lily said chearfully. James ran up from behind her and took her in a tight, loving embrace.
"Perfect day for Quiddditch, that is." He said with a grin. Lily smiled and hit him playfully.
"What would you do without Quidditch?"
"What would I do without you?'' James asked suddenly. She looked at him sincerly before gently hitting him.
"Die of shame-I don't know." He laughed and squeased her protectively.
"I love you." She smiled and savored him gentle embrace. Lily could be here forever, it felt so right and so comfortable. James stroked her hair gently and smiled down at her.
"I love you too."
The next day they began to get back on scheduel. James and Drusella had an early Transfiguration, and were already in the breakfast hall when Lily woke up. The red haired girl met up with the other Marauders and Andrea and they walked down to accompany the other two for a meal. James smiled as Lily sat down next to him, taking his hand in hers and squeasing it lovingly. Remus decended the table for a second to have a word with Sapphira and came back with a common smile.
"Ready for classes then, Mates?" Remus asked, turning to look at his friends. Sirius looked up at him and a very familiar grin fell upon his lips. His dark eyes lit up and he nudged his friend.
"What are you so merry about, mate?" He asked. A faint blush appeared on Moony's face but he brushed it off.
"I'm just happy, that's all. My, you're nosey." It was Sirius' turn to blush. But a good natured smile soon replaced it.
"We've been friends for seven years and you've just realized that!" James laughed and smacked his friend.
Lily looked up at him and smiled happily. This was more like him-James was ment to be a happy person. She had problems with distressed and depressed James, and this was how she wanted him to be. Happy and mischevious, like a Marauder was supposed to be.
After breakfast they headed to class, each going their seperate ways.
James raced to catch up with Drusella who had left earlier. There she walked, looking like a dementor in her robes of black and shiny black hair. James rushed up next to her, and she turned slowly to look at him. Her dark eyes stared at him curiously and he didn't know why, but he blushed. She turned her head away and kept walking. James walked with her in silence.
"Are you okay?" A faint, misty voice asked. James looked down at the shorter girl and sighed. He knew she knew what was going on. There was no hiding anything from this girl-she knew it all.
"Yeah...in a way. But it's hard-I mean, I haven't hurt myself in almost a month. And my wrists hurt from lack of it. But I swore to Lily I wouldn't... and I already screwed up once-I'm not willing to do it again." James said slowly and thoughtfully. Drusella's eyes kept to the floor but she did nodd and look up at him.
"Just keep it up, alright?" And then they entered the classroom and took their seperate seats.
I know this wasn't exactly a 'great' chapter...so I am sorry. The angst is tied in there, though, so I am glad for that. Anywhoo, hope you all enjoy your spring break!