What You Never Knew
Padma Patil: The Invisible One
1. There was absolutely nothing wrong with her childhood.
Everyone has something not go according to plan during their first ten years of life. It's a fact of life- nothing can always go right, therefore ten years cannot go by with everything being absolutely perfect.
But everything happened just like it was supposed to for Padma. She and Parvati were born- beautiful, identical twins. Padma was the quiet, brainy one, who could be found in their family's extensive library, reading books that should've been far beyond her level; Parvati had a fully equipped doll house, and enjoyed dressing up her toys- and herself- in pink princess outfits, and could often be heard talking to these toys as if they were real. Yet despite their entirely different personalities, they were best friends, closer than anything.
People would look at the Patil family and think, That's just remarkable- such a happy family, with such beautiful parents and such adorable children! Padma took it for granted.
She should have known it wouldn't last.
2. The day of her Sorting, she cried.
She didn't try to get to know any of her fellow Ravenclaws, didn't try and adjust to living away from home. She just cried. Because she had just been separated, in an unspeakable way, from the most important person in her life: Her twin, her best friend, the sister that Padma had never been without before.
But that wasn't the worst part. No, the worst part was that they had that twin-telepathy thing going on, too, and Padma could tell that Parvati wasn't missing her at all.
3. When she was twelve, her mother announced that she was pregnant.
Pallavi Patil was forty-five years old when it happened, and it came as a shock to the entire family. The baby was an accident, that was indisputable, but it was nonetheless welcome. Months were spent renovating the house to make it livable for a third child, congratulatory letters poured in for weeks. Padma had never been opposed to the idea of a new brother or sister, unlike Parvati- in fact, she was thrilled, and looking forward to being able to teach her baby sibling everything she knew.
And then, just six months after the announcement, the baby was born. It was small and wrinkled, just like a newborn is supposed to be.
But it was also silent and blue, which isn't right at all.
And so, during the week that was supposed to be so happy, the Patil family held a funeral and cried for the boy they never got to know.
(Padma couldn't help but think about how the blue was so much like the color of her House.)
4. She hated Lavender Brown.
The blonde was just such a- such a blonde. Padma knew better than to go by stereotypes, but Lavender made it impossible for her not to come up with a few "dumb blonde" jokes when they were in the same vicinity. The Gryffindor was a gossip to the extreme, making something out of nothing and spreading it all around the whole school. Her grades were lacking, to put it nicely; probably because she spent more time picking her outfits than doing her homework. Despite all of this however, as expected, the real reason Padma hated her was because Lavender stole Parvati.
Then again, the logical voice in the back of Padma's head that got her Sorted into Ravenclaw wondered if she should really hate herself instead, since surely Parvati wouldn't have let herself be taken if Padma hadn't done something to turn her away.
5. After Defense Against the Dark Arts class in Third Year, she was ashamed of herself.
A snake. A big snake. Out of all the things in the world her worst fear could be- torture, insanity, death- she chose an animal. A mere animal that she would most likely never face in her life. What did that say about her, besides the fact that she was a coward who wasn't Sorted into Gryffindor for a reason?
And yet, she couldn't help but wonder if there was more to it, and if the looks Vincent Crabbe sent her way- full of something disgusting that she didn't want to name- only made her feel creeped out.
6. In Fourth Year, she overheard the girls in her dorm talking about her.
The words were cruel, and Padma was shocked to hear them coming from the lips of her friends- no, apparently they weren't even that.
Was she really a know-it-all? Sure, she did well on her schoolwork, but she wasn't all that vocal in class; she spent more time listening, making sure her notes were right.
Did she honestly look like a plastic Muggle mannequin? She had never thought so- she had always liked to think that her cinnamon skin, her big eyes, her long, dark hair were rather unique. Was she wrong?
Were her clothes really too tight on her? She thought they were just form-fitting; but did they actually make her look like a slut?
…Did even Parvati really hate her?
Deep down, she knew that these girls were lying to themselves and to her, that she wasn't really all of those awful things they said, that they were just jealous. Still, she couldn't stop herself from running away in the opposite direction, with no real destination in mind, just running.
And, while she ran, she tripped, and accidentally cut her wrist on a stone.
Blood trickled out; the pain was extreme. Yet somehow… for some insane reason, it felt good. It hurt, and it was disgusting, but… for some reason beyond her comprehension, it made Padma feel better. More… powerful. In control. Invincible to anyone besides herself- including her roommates.
There were other times, so many other times after that, when Padma heard the whispers about her. Now that she had heard them once, she just seemed to hear them everywhere she went. Each time, she ran. And each time, she let that blood flow out of her.
And with time, it became too frequent to be an accident anymore.
7. Parvati found out about Padma's… problem by chance during Fifth Year.
It wasn't twin intuition- no, that had faded long ago, when they had stopped being glued to one another's sides. In fact, Parvati had been surprised when, after lazing about casually on the grounds during lunch, she had come back inside to find her sister crouched in the corner of a deserted corridor, unseen except for the shining blue of her crest if you looked hard enough.
"Padma?" Parvati had asked tentatively, walking closer to the other girl carefully. "What- what are you doing?"
"Oh! Parvati! Hi!" Padma exclaimed, startled, standing up and stuffing her hands in her pockets. "I'm not doing anything, don't worry, I was just taking a walk and I tripped. I hurt my knee when I fell, so I decided to sit down for awhile."
"In a corner?" Padma nodded. "But you're standing right now," Parvati pointed out. "And you were holding your wrist, not your knee."
Padma silently cursed. "The sitting paid off," she said quickly. "I feel better now. And I was holding my wrist because I was checking the time."
"No, you weren't," Parvati shook her head. "You wear your watch on your left wrist, you always have; you were holding your right wrist."
Padma didn't even have time to feel elated that Parvati actually remembered something that detailed about her, because her twin then said, "Let me see your wrist."
"It's nothing, Parvati," Padma assured her sister, stepping closer, brown eyes wide and innocent. "Really, it's nothing."
"If it's nothing, then you won't mind letting me see it."
"I should go now- I have an essay to work on." Padma side-stepped Parvati and quickly walked in the other direction; but only seconds after she thought she had escaped, a high-pitched scream of her name stopped her, and she couldn't help but rush back.
There stood Parvati, in the corner, one hand pressed to her mouth, the other holding up the red-stained knife that Padma had mistakenly left behind.
"Padma," Parvati began, and this time her voice was trembling, wary, "let me see your wrist."
The game was up, and Padma knew it. Taking a deep breath, she took her hand out of her pocket, exposing the bloody slash she had made.
For a few minutes, there was silence. Then Parvati spluttered, her voice shocked and horrified, "Wha- bu- Padma- why?"
"You would know if you had bothered to talk to me at all these past five years," Padma shot back, eyes narrowing. "Give me my knife."
"No."
"Parvati-"
"No. Padma, don't you see what you're doing? Can't you see how- how awful this is? Why are you doing it?"
"It makes me feel like I'm worth something," Padma hissed back, her eyes narrowing. "Give it back."
"No way."
"Fine, then. If you won't give it back, I'll just get a new one."
Not waiting another second, Padma tucked her hand back in her pocket and spun around, heading back to her dormitory.
(The ironic part was that she didn't even go back when Parvati called out for her this time, even though she had spent every night since her first day of Hogwarts dreaming of her sister needing her again.)
8. Sixth Year was a nightmare for her.
Parvati hadn't given back Padma's knife- in fact, she had done exactly the opposite. The Gryffindor had taken to sneaking into the Ravenclaw dorms, searching them thoroughly while no one was there, and taking each and every knife she found. Somehow, she never got caught; Padma supposed it was just thanks to the grace that her twin had inherited from their mother and the lucky that she just had somehow.
The Ravenclaw found herself being forced to socialize more and more. Parvati would drag her into conversations- even with Lavender, which was never fun- and, in the memorable case of Valentine's Day, been set up on a blind date with a Seventh Year Hufflepuff. Needless to say, it hadn't gone well.
Part of her was thrilled that Parvati cared so much, and liked the fact that people knew her name nowadays. But another part, just as strong and even more overwhelming, was convinced that Parvati was only trying to help her because she had a conscience, not because she cared for Padma. This part also constantly reminded Padma that people didn't talk to her by choice, they did it because they found themselves suddenly forced to. These thoughts kept eating away at anything remotely happy in the Ravenclaw's mind, and all of Parvati's attempts to make her twin live again went down the drain.
It certainly didn't help that Crabbe's looks, still so revolting, hadn't faded since Third Year. In fact, they grew steadily more frequent.
9. In Seventh Year, she used the Cruciatus Curse once.
She had been exiting class- what used to be Defense Against the Dark Arts, but was shortened to the last two words. The lesson had been terrible; all about how to torture someone. It made Padma sick. And yet, no matter how much she wanted to forget it, the spell kept swirling around and around in her head. Crucio… Crucio… Crucio…
And that was when she felt a beefy hand go around her mouth, smelled rotten breath on her neck, and was tugged into a classroom.
She heard a door close, and saw that the room was entirely empty except for her and whoever was holding her. She struggled in the man's grip- it was too strong not to be a man's- and tried to scream, even bit his hand, but his hold never lessened.
Finally, the man seemed to have had enough. "Oh, shut up," a masculine, yet surprisingly soft voice growled. "Imperio."
Instantly, all thoughts left Padma's mind. All that was left was a feeling of content and bliss. She hadn't felt this since she was ten years old… It was wonderful…
Stop struggling. That soft voice echoed in her brain, and she did so. It was so much easier just to do what he said… to just be happy…
She felt herself be let go, and she turned around to see her captor. Crabbe. That same look was in his eyes, just like it always was when he looked at her. Hatred flared up in her mind- but why did she hate him again? Crabbe was good… Crabbe was giving her this peace…
Before she had time to blink, she felt herself pushed up against the wall, and Crabbe's mouth was on hers. Kiss me, his voice said in her mind. She did. It was rough, and terrible, and forced… but at the same time, it was fantastic, because all Padma had to do to be happy was do what Crabbe said… If she did what Crabbe said, then she would always be happy…
Then, all of the sudden, his hand was going up her shirt, touching places that she really didn't want touched. She squirmed. An oddly familiar voice spoke up in the back of her head: This is bad, it said, this isn't good, this isn't happiness, you don't want this…
She grunted in protest from beneath his kiss. She shifted her position, away from him, but felt herself pulled back instantly. At the same time, his hand was going farther up her shirt, and his other one was going down her pants… Why are you doing this? That little voice in the back of Padma's head said. She realized who it sounded like now. Don't let him do this… This is bad, this is gross, you'll regret this... Don't do it…
Suddenly, everything was clearer. Crabbe was- why was he doing that? More importantly, why was Padma letting him? She pushed him off her and was about to yell when her mouth was forced onto his again. It was a cycle- she would try to escape, he would grab her again, bruises would line her skin, and her Ravenclaw sense didn't want it to get violent, but Parvati's voice in the back of her head kept telling her to Do whatever it takes to get away... Be brave… Fight back, Padma, fight back…
Finally, when she felt her shirt ripped off, she wrenched her wand out of her pocket and yelled the first spell that came to her mind.
"Crucio!"
And then, Crabbe was writhing on the ground, away from her, screaming in pure agony. Padma screamed too, dropping her wand in horror; what had she done?
It was Amycus Carrow who found them. Padma had to assume that he had come when he heard the screams. His beady eyes ran over the scene- resting far too long on Padma's chest, which she had only just barely been able to pull her shirt over when she had seen the door opening- and then, with a terrible leer, he had declared, "Twenty points to Ravenclaw, for learning today's lesson so well."
That night, Padma didn't even bother using a knife. She just broke her mirror and used the glass from that. The searing pain in her wrist and the sight of blood trickling down her arms felt so good, like such a relief, that she wondered what she had become.
10. She chose to die.
She didn't commit suicide. No, she was a Ravenclaw- she was smart enough to know that the last thing Hogwarts needed, the last thing Dumbledore's Army needed, was the death of a student to deal with. She didn't want to put that burden on everyone else.
During the Final Battle, she stayed to fight. She knew that Harry needed all the help he could get- and what better fighter than one who wouldn't hesitate to go into the thick of the battle? One who wasn't afraid to die?
It happened far into the battle. She was fighting with every curse she knew, sending hexes at whichever unfortunate Death Eaters crossed her path. Other people on her side were around her, too- one of the Weasleys, she couldn't recognize which, was to her left; Remus Lupin, her old Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, was somewhere behind her; and Parvati was a few meters away in front of her. The Gryffindor was fighting one-on-one with a Death Eater, showing just how good a dueler she had become as she dodged the jets of light sent at her and set ones back with equal speed.
And then, out of the corner of her eye, Padma saw a jet of light heading at her twin's back.
In an instant, she knew was she was going to do. Her own fights forgotten, she ran, faster than she ever had before, somehow not being hit by the spells flying all around her, and dove in front of the curse just before it hit Parvati from behind.
The effect was instant. Padma was on the ground, blood pouring from gashes that were suddenly appearing all over her body. The irony of it- that she would die from cuts, just like the ones she gave herself to live- nearly made her laugh.
Her senses were fading; the world blurred. Dimly, she heard her name being screeched in a voice filled with pain, and saw a face identical to her own crouch down next to her. She felt a hand squeeze her own, heard her sister's voice crying out for help- but both the Patils knew it was no use.
"Parvati," Padma croaked out.
"Stay awake, Padma, stay awake," was the frantic response. "Whatever you do, don't close your eyes. Stay awake!"
"No, Parvati," Padma shook her head briefly. "I can't... It's my time to go…"
"It's not, you're only seventeen, you have a life left to live-"
"You're seventeen, too, and you have more in store for you than I do," Padma cut her sister off. "You have a life left to live. Not me."
"No, no, no, don't go, Padma, don't go, you're my twin, I need you-"
"And I need you to let me go," Padma said. "I love you, Parvati."
Tears streamed down the other girl's face. "I love you too, Padma."
Padma just managed to smile and squeeze her twin's hand before everything around her faded, and a bright light flashed before her eyes. Then- she was gone.
(*)
Padma Patil wasn't independent. She relied on people, and she felt no shame in admitting that. Above all others, though, she needed her sister. Parvati, throughout all seventeen years of Padma's life, was everything to her. Her best friend; her twin; her other half. Yet somehow, this always seemed to be overlooked. Even by Parvati.
She was the Invisible One, and it drove her to lengths that were just plain sad. She knew that it was pathetic, how weak she was, but she just couldn't help it- no matter what, Parvati was always the most important person in her life, and the fact that Parvati didn't feel the same cut her deeper than knives ever could.
But when Padma was hit by that fatal curse, Parvati finally saw her. She cried, because she cared, and that was all Padma had ever wanted. Love. And so when she died, Padma was happy at last.
Please, throw rotten vegetables at me. I completely deserve them. I haven't updated this story in OVER A MONTH, and I feel terrible about it. I am so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so sorry. Words can't describe how sorry I am- I can only hope that you'll forgive me and my awful updating.
I like this chapter. I'm not sure how in character Padma is- then again, we really don't hear much about her, so I didn't have much to build on. Anyways, enough of my blabbering- what did YOU think? Please, please, PLEASE review, even though I don't deserve them.
Thanks much, and, again, I am SO sorry,
Joelle8