Started: November 23 2005
Finished: December 19th 2005
I own NOTHING. This chapter is dedicated to JSA's Wormtail. W lov you, Jess.
Underneath Your Clothes
The weather reflected the intencifying drama and pain that enveloped the eight young adults. Thick black clouds dragged across the sky, threatening a storm. Sirius Black didn't care though. He laid unfazed on the cool, rich grass that covered Lonely Hill. The roaring winds, then first few drops of cold, unfeeling rain nor the cruel crackle of thunder affected him as he drowned himself in nothing but thought. Thoughts of his family...thoughts of his friends...thoughts of his lover-he sighed. He'd blown it, and he was willingly taking the responsibility. However, he wished to the Gods that he had only kept his mouth shut. Maybe then, he could kiss her again. Maybe she would fall into his arms where she fit so perfectly. Life felt cold and empty without her beside him. Oh God, what was he thinking? She wasn't dead!
She might as well be, the annyoing voice in his head sneered. Sirius grabbed his head in anguish and tried shaking it to be rid of it. Poor, poor pitiful Sirius. Lost his snogging partner-boo hoo. That's alright. She's probably off with Barty Crouch Jr. right now. Sirius fell onto his back again. He couldn't get the scene out of his head. It was only something he'd conjoured up...some pointless picture that he had mearley imagined yet...he relived the moment over and over as if it were real...as if it were a movie playing over and over again in his head. There Dru would be sitting, crying and feeling broken, and along would come Crouch-her knight in shinning armor. He'd comfort her and tell her everything was okay and that Sirius Black wasn't worth it. Then he'd lean in to kiss her and...she'd obliege. She'd kiss him back and forget all about him. She's loose herself into the sensation of being loved and forget all about their relationship.
And it would all be his fault.
The storm seemed to mock him, thunder growling angirly and rain pattering hard onto his handsome features as he sat there, movementless. He longed to see her. He needed to. He needed to right his wrong, and by God would he do it. Hopping up with increadible cat like grace, Sirius stood and began walking towards the castle.
In all irony, Drusella was sitting in her solitude, only to be interupted by the handsome presance of Barty Crouch Jr. Drusella looked up at him, wishing away the tears that stained her cheeks. Barty rushed to her side and raised a hand to whipe away her tears.
"Dru! What happened?" he asked sincerely. He gently carressed her skin with a soft, warm hand. It felt..wrong. She didn't know why- it just did. Drusella closed her eyes and pretended that it was Sirius's hand and not Barty's. Yet, something weird also moved inside her gut. It was calm and friendly...and warm and comforting. Maybe she just needed to be held. Maybe she just needed someone to be there for her. Just tonight.
"I-It was nothing, Barty." Dru whispered, continuing to whipe away the stray tears. Barty placed a hand on her shoulder, protectively and lovingly.
"Was it your boyfriend? You know, he's not good enough for you-" Drusella quickly looked at him, startled. More anger rumbled up in her stomach. How dare he! How dare this infantile kid who knew nothing of her say that the one person who ever cared for her wasn't good enough!
"You don't know Sirius. Don't say that." she murmered, trying to control her temper. Barty sighed exhasperatingly, and dropped his hands to his side, and his head down.
"Drusella...please...I hate seeing you hurt like this." he said emotionally. Drusella closed her eyes and shivered. Why had life suddenly gotten so complicated? Why, all of a sudden, did people start loving her and caring about her? Life was so much easier when it was based on pure solitude...when she didn't fear getting hurt...or hurting others.
"It's nothing, Barty. Really...Sirius is fine..Sirius and I are fine." She lied. Well, she had to-or Barty wouldn't get off her back.She also wished it were true. How on Earth could she let herself get away with talking to Sirius like that? How did the fight get so...out of hand? She'd only been upset because of Remus. She remembered seeing him sruggling in the library and seeing red marks on his face and blood stains on his shirts and pants. He'd been the first person at the school, besides Alice, who'd ever even bothered introducing himself to and talk to her. She learned to respect Remus and was quite fond of him...that's why it struck her so hard to think that Remus was battered because one of his slightly jocky friends was too careless to worry about his own friend's health. She remembered seeing Severus walk in all messed up too...it just didn't seem right that, just because they were clever and good looking and popular...that they could bang up anyone they damned well pleased to!
"You know..." Barty began with a shaking laugh. He still didn't look at her, but kept his face to the ground, his arms resting on his legs and his hands playing with a peice of string. "It's going to sound old and unamusing but...I actually feel kind of jealous." Drusella still didn't look at him. 'Why me!' she groaned inwardly. Why couldn't everyone just back off her and leave her alone? No...it didn't matter if Barty liked her. She figured that it wouldn't matter if the entire male population of Hogwarts were pinning after her. She just wanted to be alone.
Drusella looked unfazed, unemotional and mostly-uncaring. She wished she had her own life back. It was just so much easier not caring.
"I really, really like you...and...well, I'm not one who usually spills his heart out to a girl he barely knows but...its just not fair...that a guy can have such perfection...and wastes it away..." Drusella forced back the tears that were comming. What Barty said was...really sweet...really touching even for her. But still...she was already in love. She already knew who she wanted to hear the words 'I love you' from...
"Thank you, Barty. It really means a lot to me that you care. I'm sorry though.." she said, turning to stand up. He looked up at her with hurt in his eyes and closed them, nodding in understandment. Drusella smiled slightly to herself and swooped down to kiss his cheek. She brushed her long hair from her face and walked off, looking very flustered. Barty touched where she kissed him and sighed loudly.
Damn...I think I've fallen in love with her.
Sirius leaned back against the wall, clutching his chest. Oh God...no...not the dream. Not Drusella...not with Crouch. He felt tears form in his dark eyes and ran towards the Gryffindor dorm. How pathetic he must have looked; a grown boy crying and running away from his fears. As the hot, leaks of water formed streams down his cold cheeks, he felt crushed up inside. Crouch had caressed Drusella. She'd allowed him to. She even kissed him. Was this jealousy? But...he thought jealousy was mainly anger...and though he felt quite angry, it was more pain and fear that exploaded within him.
He collided with a wall, despite his attempts to skid around, and stayed plastered to it, allowing the cold cement to capture some of his unwanted tears. He banged his fists against it and let loose a strangled cry of anguish, pain and suffering.
Sirius Orian Black did not cry! Well, at least not because of a girl. He'd made them cry, several times in fact, but never in his wildest dreams had he ever expected one to make him. Then again, he'd never felt this way about any of them, as he did with Drusella. They were all beautiful, devine and sexy creatures, even one was a veela, but none of them could even compare with the way Dru affected him. Those gorgeous, sinful women, whose lucious bodies evoked the mind, seemed to waste away under the strange beauty of his Ravenclaw lover which was invisable to the naked eye. Even the way those other girls acted...so sexy-giving him all the pleasure a teenage boy dared to dream of, could not even come second to all of Drusella's wonders. Her tart mouth, her courage to be different, her delicate and soothing voice which cause eruphia inside his darkened soul...and her kiss-oh, her slow, torturing, sensational kiss that drove him absolutely mad, made her seem so much more attractive. And he'd had her-the definition of perfection...and he'd lost her.
James was doing his night rounds-curse Head Boy duities-thinking of his life. He found himself slipping away into the strange, entangledment which masquraded as a 'simple life' every day. But with all the trama, the heart wrenching pain and torture which had taken over the group was too prominant to ignore. So much had happened this year. New relationships bloomed, differances gave subject to murder and scars from a painful past were only the basics. He thought being with Lily would cease everything-especially the cutting. It was only the opposite though. His body ached for the silvery sensation of feeling the blade against his cold, unfeeling skin-and his mind ached for the blood-the useless blood which he remembered watching skim down his arms unemotionally. His blade was tucked away, hidden from the world and mostly-hidden from the worrying, watchful eye of his fiance, Lily.
James had to smile when thinking of her as his fiance. That was one of the best things to happen this year of down right drama. It was comforting to know that, when this horrible nightmare of a year was over, he'd come out with the girl. After all...good guys always get the girl. And he was a good guy. Oh, yes he was! He spent hours pouring over every tid bit of information about the buisness of Aurors and the current war against racisam, that he was quickly starting to look a lot like Remus and Sapphira-with their tired, 'I've only been in the library for seven hours reading this fascinating report' eyes.
Quidditch was going good. They'd had four matches in the past six weeks against Slytherin, Hufflepuff, and Ravenclaw, and they'd won all of Slytherin's, most of Ravenclaw's and only one of Hufflepuff (who was begining to look very sharp this year). The girls, James thought with a proud grin, were certainly a force to be reckon with. Sapphira played very skillfully-and she seemed to annalize every play she came upon. Being a chaser, she'd soar across the Hogwarts sky, smooth and gently like an angel.
Ravenclaw was pretty feirce-especially with Drusella Cammolie on their side. Despite all the drama the poor girl had gone through, it didn't show in her game. Or maybe that that was why she played extra hard. She'd slap around the blugers like they were demonic creatures (well...they sort of were...) and held her unemotional, game face the entire time. He, too, was doing fairly well. In the last few games he'd catched the snitch easily as if it were the most simple thing in the world. He loved Quidditch though. Just the thought of it made him hyped. There was no better feeling then the one he recieved sitting on his broom, the wind blowing through his hair, beating his cheeks red and the feeling of freedom rushing through him. Quidditch only added the thrill of competion and the adoring, screaming fans who shouted his name wildly and cheered him on-which made him feel great inside.
He yawned and headed towards Gryffindor tower to check on the Marauders. As the portrait of a pretty girl appeared, James murmered the password and climbed in, as it swung out widely.
It was just like he'd remembered it. The red velvet covered the beautifully polished wooden furnature and an assortment of familiar, happy looking paintings lined the walls. A fresh fire illuminated the room and on the too -familiar long couch, laid one messed up looking student. James narrowed his eyes, yet was unable to hide the sparkle of humor that glistened brightly in the hazel peepers. He walked towards the student and noticed it was a boy, probably his age. Yet, as his eyes lingered more heavily upon the boy he recognized him completely. It was Sirius! Well, a very...knocked up looking Sirius. The boy's shaggy black hair, which girls seemed to melt for, was fuzzed and starting to look a lot more like James's untidy clump of raven tresses. His shirt was unbuttoned, his tie untied and an empty bottle was stuck in one tightly clenched fist.
"Really clever, Sirius. You do realize Professor McGonagal could have walked in on your alcohol bergade." James said with a carefully raised eye brow. Sirius struggled to keep focus on James, and ended up laughing, well giggling, at his own unsuccessfulness.
"Oy, I think I know that, Prongsie..wongsie.." Sirius chuckled again, and James had to refrain from laughing along with his friend's drunk behavior. Sirius's brown eyes were red and tear-stricken, and James had an incling that this was due to something other then the alcohol.
"What's that you've got yourself there, Padfoot?" James asked casually, knowing how to work with his best mate when he was drunk.
'Padfoot' held up the empty bottle and grinned. His eyes were still unfocused though, and he seemed to be talking to a nearby table more then he was to James.
"Firewiskey, mate. Heh, wonderful little creation, eh?" Sirius asked, laughing again. James strode across the room and sat down in a comfortable armchair across from his friend. He grinned at Sirius cleverly, as if nothing was wrong with the situation and laid his feet upon the foot stool loungingly. Sirius rolled over to his side and opened his mouth as to say something, but closed it before a single word fell from his lips. the dog-boy just turned his head and stared at the ceiling.
Sirius's head was fogged, and it was really difficult to have even one coharrent thought. He closed his dark eyes and sighed, trying to clear his intoxicated brain. Maybe he went a little too heavy on the Firewiskey, but he hadn't been thinking about sanity or anything at the time. He didn't even ponder the dangerously awaiting hang over that was destined in the morning. All he wanted to do, when he staggered up to the portrait a few hours perviously was to get his mind off the pain.
"Why, Sirius?" James asked softly, so softly in fact that Sirius could barely hear him over Sirius's own heavy breathing.
"Long story." he muttered gruffly. "What're you doing 'round here, anyways?"
"Don't change the subject, Sirius. I don't give a damn how long it is, just tell me! Is it Drusella? You know, it was just a fight. Everyone has fights!" Sirius tried to sit up, but fell back down, groaning and grasping his throbbing head into his hands.
"It wasn't just the fight." Sirius mumbled tonelessly. "It was...James?" James looked over at Sirius carefully before replying to his command.
"Yes?" Sirius didn't speak, or move for a few draggging on moments. James was begining to wonder whether he'd fallen asleep, but soon enough, the boy spoke up again.
"Do you...do you think I'm good enough for Drusella?" Sirius asked softly. James felt himself turn red. This was a...girl thing! I mean, James was a very good friend and of course he knew his friend was great and all but it seemed just plain out strange for a bloke to ask a bloke whether they thought they were good enough for a girl.
"Um...Sirius, we're best mates! You know what I think of you and no girl can stand in the way of that. You're a good kid, Padfoot, but sometimes you can be a little daft. Why do you ask, pray tell?" James stuttered out nervously. Sirius turned his head once again to look at James and his hands jumped to his face.
"No. Do you think I'm better then...Crouch?" he asked, his red face poking out from behind his tanned skin. James had to stiffle a laugh. He should have known...
"Padfoot! What kind of rubbish is that? I don't compare guys, remember? It was a Marauder promise, for our own romantic sake."
"Just...if you were...uh, Drusella, would I seem...I don't know...more attractive then Crouch?" James couldn't help bursting into fits of laughter.
"Yes, Padfoot. I think-as Drusella, of course, that you are much more attractive then Barty Crouch Jr. I mean, who wouldn't immiedietly fall for a charming eighteen year old boy who pranked people, was pure blood, technically rich and looked like a Christmas orniment when drunk?"
Sirius, sober enough to understand James's words, threw a pillow at him. However, with years of Quidditch to thank, James easily caught the flying pillow before it became a threat.
"No, I'm being serious-oh, whipe that smirk off your face! That joke is getting old! As I was saying, James Potter, I really want to know!" James stopped laughing and looked Sirius straight in the eye.
"What happened, mate?" he asked seriously. Sirius sighed and ran his hands over his face.
"Well...I came inside before the storm and when I went into the Great Hall, I saw Barty with Drusella." James sucked in a breath.
"They...they weren't doing anything, were they?" he asked slowly. Sirius shrugged and looked away from James. He wasn't sure of exactly what he saw. He did see them talk and saw Barty stroke her cheek. His fists clenched at the thought. He felt like beating the bloody bastard up so bad, right then. And then he saw...her look away with an expression fo familiar to him-the one where someone is trying to fight back their emotions-and then he saw...the kiss.
"She kissed him, man" Sirius said, hurt oozing from his voice. James's eyes widened.
"She what!" he cried, disbelievingly. Sirius sighed and rubbed his forehead. This whole day had gone downhill. One bad event after another. And it was all his fault.
"It was a kiss on the cheek, but still...it seemed too close. I don't know what's wrong with me, Prongs-I've never felt this way about another girl before. She's all I think about and seeing her with-seeing her even around other guys, being friendly too-it just...for some reason drives me insane. I can't help but think that they're going to sweep her off her feet. Who am I kidding, Prongs? I'm not good enough for her. I just...I guess, hope that Crouch treats her right-"
"Padfoot, shut up. Don't bring yourself down like this. You're in love with her mate, its no big deal. Falling in love is a great and beautiful thing. It's nature to feel jealous. How do you think I've felt for the past five years? Every time another guy came near her-and seeing her laughing all snuggled up close to some boy-I was raving with jealousy. I wanted to kill the other kid, but look who has her now. Trust me mate, talk to Drusella...work things out for yourself."
Sirius looked at James. How better could anyone be? James was funny and mischivious, just like himself, and yet-when things got serious, he knew how to act. He always knew what to say and Sirius was so thankful he was his friend.
Sirius enveloped James in a brotherly hug, finally allowing the tears to fall.
James patted his back and hugged him back.
"Shh, man, it'll be alright. Everything is gonna be good."
"I-I better go. I'll go find her right now." And James let Sirius go.
There you go. Next chapter updated!