A/N: Lately, having been on break from school, I've had a lot of time to write. Well, it took me a week and a half to get it done, but it's here! ^-^

As always, I'd like to thank my reviewers, HaveAHeart0301, NinjaSheik, TheFreelancerSeal, and DrWeirdo69 for taking the time to leave me their thoughts and comments.

Chapter Seven

To Live My Life Without You

Three days had passed since the defeat of Crimea and the seize of its castle, but three day's time was not enough for everyone to settle in. Lucia had spent the first night awake, the anxiety and worry slowly eating away at her. She had never thought she would lose sleep worrying over the safety of her brother, Bastian, or even Elincia at that; she should have learned to put faith in their abilities long, long ago. But then, if she trusted them, why would she doubt whether they were alive or not?

She had spent those three days locked in her room, secluded, only coming out for meals. In those many hours alone, she had kneeled before an open window, praying to the goddess Ashera – something else she thought she'd never do. But there was a first for everything, the past couple of days had just happened to be full of them.

Lucia slowly walked down the palace halls. Most of the walls and floors were tinted a red color from all the blood that was spilled. But there was no longer a need for her to hold her breath; that wave of nausea was no longer waiting to greet her as she turned each corner.

She made her way to the newly refurbished throne room at the king's orders. On any other day – and with any other ruler – she would have taken the trip willingly, with full eagerness, but this was different. Any meeting with Ashnard was a meeting with torture, she knew that very well, but she also knew the consequences of going against his wishes: death.

The doors opened with a tentative creak, but the Crimean vassal stepped inside with full purpose.

"Your Majesty," she began, kneeled before him, head bowed, "you called for me?"

"You may raise your head, Delbray." He flicked his calloused finger in an upward motion, gesturing just as he had ordered.

"Yes Your Majesty."

"I want you to do something for me." He pulled out a vial and swung it back and forth as would a pendulum, the liquid inside splashing from side to side. "I want you to give this to our prisoner. It is an experiment that I have been needing to test."

She gave him a nod, her show of respect only a mask of her distaste for the man. "But if I many humbly speak up, which prisoner would this be for?"

"Renning of course!" he stated as-a-matter-of-factly, his lack of proper addressing a sign of disregard.

"I see. Please pardon my ignorance."

Ignoring her last statement, he continued giving his list of directions. "There are still some adjustments I would like to be made before doing the final test. It will deliver it to you when it is completed."

"Very well. As you wish Your Highness. Will that be all?"

He nodded, returning the flask to his pocket. "Yes, you are dismissed."

She bowed her head once again before rising to her feel and heading toward the door. However, he stopped her before she could leave.

"Delbray," he curtly addressed, getting her attention, "I almost forgot, I have some news that you are sure to enjoy."

"News, Your Majesty?" she wonder, raising her eyebrow in speculation. There was little chance that she would enjoy this news that he was to present to her; nothing good ever left his mouth.

"Yes indeed. One of the soldiers has reported to me that your former queen was killed, an arrow shot right through her chest. I have also have heard that your precious princess has died too."

A smirk played onto the King's features as Lucia's blue eyes widened in terror. "Queen Diana... Elincia.." she whispered.

"But not only that," he continued. "I have received word that a blue-haired knight died in a fight against six of our own soldiers; and apparently, this knight seems to look quite a bit like...you."

She could feel her breath squeezed from her lungs. Suddenly, that feeling of sickness washed over her, just as it had days earlier.

"...Thank you for the report Your Majesty," she forced herself to say. "..I will be taking my leave now..."

• • • • •

Sleep evaded her, just as it had only days earlier. She was helpless to do anything but just lay there and stare up at the ceiling of the candlelit room as her mind was flooded with unceasing thoughts. That laugh, that deep, dark chuckle rang loud in her ears; those words, the words spoken by that low, raspy voice echoed in her head. "They're dead," it jeered at her, "they're all dead."

"Geoffrey..." she mumbled, "you are a fool. How could you fail your duty as a knight...? How could you let Elincia die...?" Her reprimanding words toward her brother were simply for her own use, only to cover up the solemn feeling hidden deep within them. "If what Ashnard said was true... If you died, and left Elincia unprotected...and she died because of your weakness...then I will never forgive you."

She sat up, her azure locks shrouding her face as she stared straight ahead, out the window, to the outside. Down below was the castle courtyard and its garden. There was no need for her to look out to see it; she had the entire view in her head, the picture of her brother, Elincia, and herself sparing together, still fresh in her mind.

"...But I suppose I can't pin the entire blame on you..." she continued, her voice still a soft, morose whisper. "It is because I'm not strong enough, isn't it... It was because I wasn't strong enough to protect Elincia...or you...or anyone else... I'm not strong enough to protect...but I am strong enough to kill..."

She lifted her hands from her lap and watched them as they shook, at the same time imagining the blood that was on them. The imaginary crimson painted a vivid picture for her. The blood of her former comrades, the blood of her fellow knights, the blood of her king; she hadn't done it out of self-defense, nor had she done it for her country. She had killed them all, all for the selfish desires of that one man, the man who tainted the Crimean throne with his filth.

She closed her hands into tight fists and shut her eyes, mumbling, "I was strong enough to kill an unarmed man who willingly gave his life to me... But I wouldn't call that strength...not in the slightest."

As she got out of bed and grabbed the knife that lay on her table, she caught a quick glance at the mirror, the sight before her leaving her staring. A pale-faced woman stared back at her. She couldn't help but scowl at the reflection. That pale skin, those dark rings under her eyes, the anxiety glazed over those two blue orbs, that empty expression on her face; she felt nothing, not the least hint of sympathy. But she couldn't feel anything, because she was staring at herself in that mirror.

"King Ramon...Queen Diana...Bastian...Geoffrey...Elincia..." she whispered, tearing her view from her pathetic reflection. "...Is my life even worth living anymore...?"

She closed her eyes and lowered her head, and placed the knife to her throat.

"...No. My life would be meaningless without you..."

She bit her lip as her trembling hands inched the weapon closer and closer to her neck. Suddenly, her body froze as she felt the cold blade faze her skin. Those two blue orbs shot open, and within moments the knife was angrily flung across the room.

'Why must I be so weak..' she mentally scorned to herself, sinking down and holding her knees to her chest. She bowed her head and cried, her sobs coming out as nothing more than hushed whimpers.

"...I am nothing but a coward..."

• • • • •

Lucia awoke the next morning to the sound of chirping birds and the sight of sunlight seeping through her window. Having awaken in her huddled position, she had quickly come to realize that she had cried herself to sleep, her mind cluttered with the thought of losing the people she – over the years – had come to know as her family. She shook those thoughts away and stood up to stretch, hoping to start the day anew with nothing clouding her mind.

"Miss Lucia!"

She nearly jumped at hearing the knock at her door. Franticly trying to clean herself up, she haphazardly brushed her hair into place and straightened out her clothing before answering the door.

"Yes, what is it?" she greeted.

"Oh, Miss Lucia, I am not bothering you, am I?" the young maid timidly asked.

The older woman shook her head.

"Very well then," she proceeded. "Lord Ashnard was going to give this to you earlier, however, because you were absent for breakfast, he left me to deliver it instead."

She watched as the maid drew out a flask – the very vial she had seen the day before – from the pocket in her apron and held it out in front of her.

"His Majesty told me you would know what this was," she continued, extending her arms, allowing Lucia to take the bottle from her.

The blue-haired woman started at the concoction in her hands, fully rapt in it. She had remained like that for a moment, and would have continued for a moment longer if the maid's voice hadn't awakened her from her trance and brought her back to reality.

"That is all, my lady."

She stood in the doorway, waiting to be dismissed, however, Lucia did not immediately call her away. "What is your name?"

"Huh?" she initially responded, not quite comprehending. "Oh. Aria, my lady; my name is Aria."

Lucia let the straight expression on her face soften into a smile. "Aria, thank you."

"It is only my duty Miss Lucia. Now, if you will excuse me," she replied, bowing her head in respect before continuing on her way down the hall.

Her attention returned once again to the vial before her, thoughts of suspicious curiosity running through her head. "...What is he intending to do...?"

• • • • •

The clicking sound of her black heeled boots echoed throughout the chamber. Never before in her time serving the Royal House of Crimea had she ever ventured into the prison encampment down below the shining walls and floors of the lavished palace; but she wasn't excited in the least. It was quite dreary, dark, and extremely musty. Cobwebs covered the cold stone walls, dust lined its floors, and a pungent stench filled the air that reminded her of blood and rotting flesh. Of course the smell was of no surprise to her – it was much expected actually; it made her stomach turn, but what truly made her sick were the bloodied bodies, stacked on high, behind those iron bars. King Ramon never would have done that. He never would have starved his bleeding prisoners; if fate had them to die, then they would, but never through such slow, torturous, painful methods.

She focused her glance at her feet, restraining herself from looking toward the tower of corpses that lay to either side of her.

'So this is where all the bodies ended up...' she thought, catching – and instantly regretting – a quick glance. She recalled the great number of maids and servants, and Crimea soldiers whose lifeless bodies littered the castle halls during the attack. Even the faintest recollection of the grimacing picture sent chills down her spine. She quickly returned her gaze to the cemented floors beneath her, remembering her given task as an attempt to forget her previous thoughts.

"Lord Renning..." she anxiously said to herself. "Are you alright...? Have they...If...If Ashnard sent me down here...to see you die before my eyes..."

She closed her eyes and bit her lip, anticipating the worst as she made her way to the end of the barred corridor. As she reached the final cell, she let out a distressed sigh and opened her eyes, and took a look at the man before her.

"Lord Renning..."she addressed, masking her fear and anxiety with a cold and emotionless voice.

"Lucia..." he replied, mimicking her tone through his hoarse voice.

She did not respond, but continued to burn her piercing gaze into him. His skin was pale, his wounds had been messily bandaged, and his hands shook as he reached out to grasp the cold iron bars before him – the only thing separating the two. In front of him sat a tray, the glass of water half empty, his bread nearly untouched. Was he starving himself? Lucia could only wonder.

"Lord Renning..." she repeated in the same manner as before, breaking the silence; this time, however, with intent on continuing.

"I know why you are here," he cut in before she could proceed. "Give me the elixir and then you can go on your way."

"But you will need to drink it."

"I know," he curtly replied.

She continued to uphold her stoic façade, all the while being completely dumbfounded inside as she searched for some retaliation. "Why...why do you sound so willing?"

The man let out a sigh as he brought his hands into his lap. "Lucia..." he began, "I heard everything from Ashnard."

She rose a curious and speculative eyebrow but remained quiet, waiting for him to elaborate.

"I know why you are working for Ashnard; I know why you betrayed Crimea."

Her turquoise eyes widened as his words reached her ears. "Wh-why would that matter?" she nervously stuttered. "Whether or not you know the motives behind my actions should not change your will."

"Lucia..." he said, briefly shutting his eyes before looking back at her. "If I were to go against his wishes, Ashnard would kill you. I am sure of it."

"T-that threat should be of no concern to you. We are in opposing armies."

He let out another exasperated sigh. "You cannot die; the fate of Crimea is resting on your shoulders. If you were to die, what would become of the country?"

She was silenced, but he knew that her mask had fallen to the ground and cracked in half.

"You must live," he asserted as he slowly stood up. He reached his arms out and took the glass bottle from her hands, opening the container once it had crossed the wall between them. "Now go. I do not know what will happen to me after this, but I do not want you dying because of it."

She simply nodded – having given up – obliging to his wishes, knowing full well that she could not break his resolve.

The blue-haired woman reluctantly turned around, holding his gaze for as long as she could, and slowly walked back to from where she came. Her azure hair cast a shadow over her eyes as a lone tear ran down her expressionless face. She walked in silence, the clacking sound her footsteps the only thing accompanying her nearly inaudible whispers.

"...I am sorry..."

A/N: Well, I hope your read (and if you did, you should leave me a review *hint hint*). Well, it was a bit Lucia-centric, but there's a reason for that...maybe...

Hmm...after reading the previous chapter...this seems...kind of...actually, really disconnected... I suppose I should have read that chapter before writing this one...Hmm...I should find a way to fix that... =/

Anyways, I hope to get the next chapter done soon. I started writing it last night at like...between one and two in the morning (because that is they best time of the day to write fanfics) and got quite a bit done. I hope to do the same tonight as I wait for the clock to strike midnight xD Well, with that said, I wish all of you a happy new year, and I hope we all have a great 2010~!! :3