My gosh, this has been a busy week-end. Yesterday I went to see a criminal biologist together with a good friend of mine. That was huge fun. We talked serial killers and sex. And today, I finally got myself a ticket for a German football game on the 4th of December (my own personal B'day gift. There must be something good about turning 26, when Happy and Birthday already go seperate way on the 25th... ), where I'm gonna see my favourite football player (football as in soccer, of course). Anyways, you're prolly all thinking, why is she telling us all this? Just because I am happy :D On with the story.

Disclaimer: See Chapter One.

Chapter 5

Ryan watched from far away as Nicole and Jesse had Mame in the interrogation room an hour later. She looked amused rather than frightened.

When Nicole got out after the interview, she immediately came looking for him. "So, she says the same that you said, that she was with you the whole night. And that I am an idiot to think she could have sneaked out."

Ryan nodded, "I see. Did you ask her for a DNA sample?"

"Jesse did, but she refused. Said I should come with a proof, she wouldn't give up her genetic code just because I feel like harassing her for calling me snobby at Ron's party. I think it entertained Jesse quite a lot."

"What did Jesse say about me being involved with her, then?"

"I don't know. I told him he should shut his trap before he even opened it, and told him if he goes around gossiping, I'd might follow him on his night activities." She grinned, "But I don't think Jesse's the kind of guy that would actually do a thing like that, and I don't think he thinks any less of you. After all, you couldn't foresee what would happen." She then paused, "What are you going to do now?"

Ryan scratched his head and then sighed, "I'm going to talk to her. I'm going to tell her that for as long as we haven't solved the case, I won't see her again. This job means too much to me, and I don't wanna risk it again."

Nicole didn't say anything at first, but then muttered, "I'm really sorry, Ryan. I'm sure everything will be fine soon. I'll even work some overtime for this case."

She was rewarded with a smile, "You're the best, Nic. Did anything special happen when a chump said no to Mame?"

"No. Just prevent her from dancing the Hichy-koo. That's the thing that slew McGrew." (1)

Ryan went to see Mame later that day. She was happy to see him, "Ryan. I didn't think you'd come back already today. Can I offer you something?"

Ryan shook his head, "No, thanks, I'm fine. Listen… there's something I need to talk to you about."

Mame knew what he meant, "Is this because of the murder? Ferguson and Cardoza asked me about that already. I really didn't leave your side tonight! You must have noticed that."

Ryan nodded, "Yeah, I know. Still… as far as this case is concerned, you're a witness. Or a suspect, depending on how we see it. And the fact that you didn't give your DNA… Anyways. I think it's better if we don't meet until my case is over. It would mean trouble for me, and frankly, I cannot risk any more trouble."

Mame looked at him, "Are you serious?"

"I am."

She was puzzled, "Just because I didn't give my DNA? Well, sorry, but unless your friends bring me a warrant, I don't see why I should give up my DNA just like this!"

"To prove you're innocent?"

"I am innocent. I was with you the whole night!"

Ryan sighed, "Yes, but I cannot confirm that. I was asleep, I'm not 100% sure that you didn't leave at some point. If I was, I would have no problem to testify that, but since I'm not…"

"You seriously think I could have killed the guy? Just because he was hitting on me?" She was now angry. "I cannot believe it. I can imagine why your friend thinks it's me, but you? Get out!"

"What? Mame, listen…"

"I'm not gonna listen. Get out my flat, right now!"

Ryan was about to make another move to explain himself, but then he turned away and left the flat. His hand went for his telephone and called a number, "Nicole. It's Ryan. Care for a little lunch? I need a break."

They met at the little diner opposite the lab. Nicole had already ordered lunch for both. Grilled cheese sandwich. She even knows what I eat. "Thanks. I'm really hungry."

She took a bite of her burger. "Sure. It's already way past lunch break. So, I guess that conversation with Mame didn't go all that well?"

"Not really. She was furious and threw me out." Ryan took a sip of his coffee. "Damn, she was really angry."

"I'm sorry to hear. Shall I order some ice cream? It always helps me."

He had to smile, "Thanks a lot, but I doubt it will make anything better." He sighed, "And just when I was finally a bit happy. Sometimes I think I should leave Miami and start somewhere new."

Nicole motioned to the waiter for some ice cream. "Really? But you love the job."

"Yeah. But there's only so much one man can handle. And I… I don't wanna sound whiny, but after the Russian… I mean, it's not like they're being openly hostile. And, since Walter and Jesse got on the team, I even feel a tad more appreciated than before. But… I don't know…"

Nicole nodded, "I understand what you mean. I actually think, and thought from the beginning on, that the team didn't treat you right. They warmed up to you pretty late. In contrast to Cardoza now, at least. And, what I find particularly disgusting is that they seem to have trust issues towards you, while everybody else in this lab can fuck up and still is trusted. They're being awfully unfair to you."

"So, you have noticed it too? I mean, even Natalia… Don't get me wrong, but after this whole mole thing, you'd have thought they had bigger problems than that. Not to mention Delko. I worked as an expert for the defence too, can you remember how much shit they gave me? But no, with Delko, it's alright." He stared gloomily into his coffee. "Sometimes I'm just so fed up with everything…"

"Focus on the good things. Like your friendship with Natalia, with Walter, with Jesse. There's so much that's really worth staying. And Ron, of course."

Ryan sighed, "I wish I could see it like this. I mean… Do you know how it feels like when, after all you do, after all the sacrifices you make, still people don't appreciate you? I've been through that my whole life, I cannot handle much more."

"Your whole life?"

He nodded, "Yeah. I told you my father threw me out, right? Because I wasn't all he wanted me to be?"

"Yah, you told me. But there are people who appreciate what you do. Think of all the people you brought justice to. There's no way you can forget those."

He chuckled, "You know how people focus on the bad things more? If you knew…"

"Tell me. If I don't know, I can't help. If I know, I understand, and I can maybe…"

He shook his head, "I don't want to talk about it. My shrink's been trying to get it out of me for a year now, but I didn't tell her. I just…. I can't." His voice was almost a whisper when he said, "Russell Keener. The guy who kidnapped that girl from the Reality Show… When I had him at gun point, he went on and on about how he recognized her by the scar he gave her. That she could change anything about herself, but that the scar is forever. I really almost shot him."

"Well, that was like what, two weeks after the Russian did what he did to you. I would have probably shot him…"

But Ryan interrupted her, "Not because of the Russian…" He didn't know what had come into his mind. Only a minute ago, he had told her that he didn't even talk to his psychiatrist about what he father had done to him, and now he had thrown a bone at Nicole which she was sure to pick up. She wasn't a CSI, but a cop nevertheless, and she knew when she dealt with a victim of… yeah, of abuse. No need to sugar-coat hell…

And Nicole got the drift, "I see…" Ryan could see that she was hacking her brains to find the right words. There seems to be a difference whether you talk to a victim or a friend…. Come on, Nicole, normally you just ask your questions without any care in the world. Ever wondered why you never get the abuse or rape cases? Because you upset the victims. Come on. Don't pussyfoot around it. I don't need the pity. She finally opened her mouth and said, "I sort of played truant the last times they had this How to get information from victims while being all understanding seminars."

Ryan grinned, "I know; I kept you a seat." He then added, "There's really no point in telling you everything. You couldn't change a thing. I mean, you only have to check out my file…"

"Which I won't do…."

"And there's no need to listen to the whiny recollection of things that happened to the Black Sheep of the Wolfe family."

"I'm sure there's nothing whiny about it. I only have to look into your eyes to see that a lot has happened to you, and that it wasn't easy at all. But if you don't want to tell me, it's okay."

"It's not that I don't want. I just can't." He stirred the remaining coffee. "If I could, my shrink would know."

"The team knows."

"Because I had to spill the beans in order to save my uncle… Wait, how do you know? You weren't here back then? How do you know the team knows?"

Nicole sighed, "You know the gossip around the lab. Somebody told me that you've been through quite a hard time. I wondered and asked Valera. She wouldn't tell me anything specific and just said I should forget about it. I did, until we started to grow closer and you told me about your dad throwing you out. I'm not the brightest bulb in the box, but I am a cop, and I can put pieces together. And right now, with all this scars talking…" She looked him in the eyes, "Throwing you out wasn't the only thing he did to you, right?"

Ryan for a moment froze. He could still go back; he could tell her she was seeing things. Instead, he heard himself saying, "No."

Nicole nodded slowly. Then she looked around. Ryan followed her gaze. Nobody was there. Then he noticed she was taking out her cell phone. She waited for the person on the other line to answer and said, "Natalia. It's Nic… ole. Not any other Nick you might have known at some point in your life." She blushed. "Listen, errr… I'm gonna drive Ryan home. He's puking his guts out. Something must have been wrong with the cheese sandwich. Yeah, I know, we shouldn't have eaten here. Anyways, can you tell Horatio that Ryan's sick, and that I will stay with him. We really don't need any more DBs on our hands, and I'm sure Tom's gonna be pissed off if the DB has choked on his own… yeah, yeah, I know you don't need details, my girl. Thanks. I will." She hung up, "Get well soon."

"I'm not…"

"I know, just pretend you are."

"What are you planning again?"

She got up, "You and I will go to my place. This place has ears and eyes, and I don't want to discuss anything here. Besides, I have a huge stash of ice cream at my place." She added, "And if by then you don't want to talk anymore, we can watch something on TV. After all, we do deserve a day off both."

"Fair enough."

Verse 4 of Put the blame on Mame

So, he's gonna tell her what happened...in the next chapter. :o)