Physician and Physicist by AndromedaMarine
To: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
From: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
Subject: The Only Thing I Could Think of was "Hi"
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 1746 ZULU
Dear Rodney,
I don't know how the other women on Atlantis can stand going out with the likes of John. Not him in particular, I mean, I just mean the military types. At dinner two of the Marines I stitched up for bantos wounds asked me "what I was in the mood for." Honestly I don't think I've been so disgusted (other than in college – that was a nightmare). At least I didn't give them the one-fingered salute or anything; I just made it absolutely clear that they were pigs. Actually I don't know why I'm telling you all this – it just seems like you'd understand.
I just realized how appropriate my email address is! I guess gentlemen prefer blondes, but blondes really prefer gentlemen. Or, at least, I'm a blonde who does. Whoops, that was a tangent I didn't mean to go off on. Sorry.
You know what I mean about Carson – whenever he treats you for those minor wounds you get off-world: a bump or scrape, stepping on a nail, falling down an abandoned mine – you just make his work more difficult by griping and calling his profession "voodoo." You don't do that with me. You may not think so, but I notice a lot of things.
I hope you're not going to emasculate Dr. Fox, Rodney; I'll give him the chance to be honest when he gets his bandages changed, but I'll need the full story from you first – if you promise to be at least semi-objective. No colorful words (and that includes Radek's favorite Czech curses); just plain and simple what he did. I think it's a bit much to say he deserved getting those burns – you should know that burned hands are extremely painful. Dr. Fox was lucky, considering.
Don't forget to eat dinner; Radek came and told me all you've eaten today was a small breakfast and a late lunch with entirely too much coffee in between. You don't want your glucose level to fall too low.
See you soon,
Jennifer
----
To: Jennifer(blondesprefergentlemen)
From: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
Subject: "Hi" is Entirely Too Boring to Put in a Subject Line
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 1811 ZULU
Jennifer,
I've been telling Sheppard to regulate the asses under his command. Who are these Jarheads? I can give them cold showers and blocked toilets for a month if you want. I can also shut off heat, lighting, give them sticky doors – basically you name it, I can do it. Actually I do understand, since I know that guys can be complete ass-heads when it comes to women. I try not to be an ass, but it's just something that I've lived with all my life – I was always smarter than everyone and the ladies didn't seem to like that I reminded them of that. A lot.
I wouldn't know about gentlemen preferring blondes. But I think there was a Marilyn Monroe movie with that title. It was one of Jeannie's favorites growing up. She watched it so often that all I remember from the film is Monroe singing "Diamonds are a Girl's Best Friend." Go ahead, call me a girl – I've seen Gentlemen Prefer Blondes and know a girly song. It's all Jeannie's fault.
If I remember correctly, and I do, you fell down that abandoned mine with me. And I wouldn't call those hand wounds we both got "minor." My palms hurt for three months. It was painful to pick up a coffee mug in the morning. Okay, I admit it's not voodoo when you're treating me. It's just second nature for me to torment Carson. It's a mutual thing we've done ever since we met. He knows I don't mean it. Usually.
I'm letting Radek do the emasculation. If I even see Dr. Fumbles McStupid (and this time I'm not talking about Radek) in the next month, he'll be in your infirmary for a much more than hand burns. You want to know what he did to Janus's lab? Why don't you come down and see for yourself? He basically destroyed the console that controls the Janus Database. You're right he was lucky – lucky I can fix his mess.
Jennifer, I promise I'll eat something before I collapse from exhaustion. Zelenka lied; I had a big breakfast and an energy bar before lunch.
Regards,
Rodney
----
To: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
From: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
Subject: "(No Subject)" is More Boring than "Hi" in a Subject Line
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 1820 ZULU
Dear Rodney,
I very much appreciate the fact that you can (and probably will) make the Marines' lives miserable for as long as you can get away with it, but you don't have to. I made it clear exactly what I thought and I'm going to have a conversation with John about his subordinates.
Rodney, you're not an ass. Anything but an ass. You're just a little grumpier than most. Okay, a lot grumpier. But you make up for it in how much you care for the ones...well...the ones you care about. Most girls can't stand it when a guy tells them he's smarter. There's a reason: most girls are smarter than guys. You just happen to be in the small percentage of men whose intelligence exceeds the collective intelligence of MIT's last graduating class.
Oh, I remember very well that we were both in that abandoned mine. I also remember that Sam Carter broke her leg, and you saved all three of us.
I would visit you down in the lab but you'll be coming here anyway. Besides, I have a backlog of John's injuries to document, and Mr. Woolsey wants staff evaluations by the end of next week. I have a lot to do.
I don't want to distract you, but there's something I wanted to ask when you stop by.
See you soon,
Jennifer
----
To: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
From: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
Subject: "(No Subject)" is as Unassuming as a Complaint Can Get in a Subject Line
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 1838 ZULU
Jennifer,
I should go with you to Sheppard about those Marines. Come to think of it, some of the female lab techs have been talking about how some of the new military types tried to feel them up a few weeks ago. I only remember because Sheppard walked in a second later and they all shut up really quickly.
It's nice that someone thinks I'm not an ass. I mean, I'm not exactly the epitome of gentlemanliness. Well, thank you for the compliment about MIT. Speaking of their last graduating class, I think that idiot Fox was among them. So much for measuring up.
When we were in that mine I did what I had to do to get everyone out alive. It just happened to work out that both you and Sam were there too.
Too late for not wanting to distract me. You've already done so, but I absolutely do not mind in the least. Is this question something I should be worried about? Is that blood anomaly a serious one? Am I on a timeline here?
I'll be by your quarters in twenty minutes.
Rodney
----
To: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
From: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
Subject: Subject Lines are Overrated
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 1849 ZULU
Dear Rodney,
What's your opinion of the Babel Fish?
Yours,
Jennifer