Physician and Physicist by AndromedaMarine

To: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
From: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
Subject: Subject Lines May be Overrated but the Babel Fish Isn't
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 2000 ZULU

Dear Jennifer,

First of all I am quite confident that I am speaking with a woman who is familiar with Douglas Adams' The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy books (all five of them). Second of all, despite the fact that Adams' intention was to be terribly clever with his wacky creations (notably the Triple-Breasted Whore of Eroticon Six, as well as other "minor" characters whose purposes are not quite fully understood), he inadvertently came up with some truly astounding creatures.

To paraphrase Adams, the Babel Fish is a small, yellow and leechlike creature that can convert brain waves into sound waves and ultimately let the "owner" comprehend every language in the galaxy. It's also said that because there is no way in hell the Babel Fish could have come about by means of evolution, it's proof that God exists. But since God relies on faith and says that without faith He is nothing, He disappears in a "puff of logic."

Scientifically it would be impossible for anything to live off of brain waves and excrete gibberish into English, but it's one hell of an idea. Fortunately in our experience we've lucked out that most of the races we come into contact with speak English (and what is up with that?) or Old English (and that's exactly what Jackson gets excited about).

So all in all Adams created a pretty darn cool little creature. Unfortunately this little beauty doesn't exist. I could really use one to understand the language of women.

Yours,

Rodney

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To: Rodney (smartguysfinishlast)
From: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
Subject: All You Need to Do is Listen
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 2006 ZULU

Dear Rodney,

Well, put simply, that's not what I expected you to say about the Babel Fish. True, for some guys that are hopeless when it comes to women, the B.F. would be pretty helpful. But all you need to do is listen. You're quite good at it when you're not panicking about imminent destruction.

Douglas Adams is one of my favorite authors. Although the science is entirely unscientific, I do wish some of it existed. I wonder if the Somebody Else's Problem Field would work on the Wraith...

Yours,

Jennifer

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2008 ZULU

PegasusNet IM Service

RM: I figured you would be online.

RM: You're online, right?

JK: Oh! You startled me. It's not my fault that the sound on my laptop was at 96/100. I nearly threw it off the bed.

RM: Woolsey would be really unhappy if he had to requisition a new laptop for the CMO. Plus it would take probably over three weeks for the Daedalus to deliver it. And a lot can happen in three weeks. Somebody could decide to attack us and you'd need a computer – and you wouldn't have one. Bad idea to throw it off the bed.

JK: I would just steal one of yours. You have too many anyway.

RM: I beg your pardon! Those computers are required for the smooth sailing of this city. Just like me.

JK: (laughs) You have quite the Messiah Complex. I don't have anything against that, of course. I just think it's funny.

RM: By the way, we do have a Somebody Else's Problem Field. It's called the cloak. And it worked on the Wraith a few times. I still need a Babel Fish. It would help with knowing what Radek really says when he thinks I'm not listening. So far the only Czech I've managed to pick up are the curses. How did that happen?

JK: Rhetorical question or not, it happened because you curse just as much as Radek does. Possibly more than.

RM: I resent that.

JK: (shrugs) It's the truth. Although I've noticed you tone it down when around me. I appreciate it.

RM: I do? Huh. Weird.

JK: Weird like your ATA gene activated weird or weird like this isn't something that should have happened weird?

RM: The first one. More like "weird I never noticed that before." For some reason I can't be angry around you.

JK: (smiles) That's part of why I like spending time with you. It's too bad you're almost always doing something for the survival of the city.

RM: (pretends to think) I could give Radek more responsibilities that I usually keep for myself. I am the smartest you know, and the resident genius who can fluently read Ancient.

JK: You'll also be under less stress, and have better moods. So both as your doctor and friend, I definitely agree.

RM: You're supposed to say that.

JK: So what if I am? I happen to think it's a good idea. Occasionally doctors agree with what their "supposed" to say. It's not like I'm "supposed" to say I like spending time with you. I just do. Actually, I like it more than working with Carson. And better than going off-world. What do you say to that?

RM: Well, that came as a surprise.

JK: Why?

RM: Usually beautiful women prefer guys like Sheppard.

JK: Haven't you paid attention to my email address? I prefer gentlemen. Watching John try to offer comfort to a woman is like watching someone get killed. It's painful. You'd think since he's so smooth with the aliens he'd be smooth all the time. Nope. So, I reiterate. John's not a gentleman when it counts.

JK: Wait, you think I'm beautiful?

RM: Very much so. I've thought so ever since we met. So am I right in thinking that you think I'm a gentleman? I remember saying I'm not the epitome of gentlemanliness...

JK: (blushes) Why, thanks. And of course I think you're a gentleman. At least when around me. :)

RM: Well...um...you're welcome. So let me get this straight: we've known each other for almost five years...have we ever had breakfast together?

JK: Nope.

RM: That's too bad. I guess we better start, then, huh?

JK: Sounds like a good idea.

RM: Want to have breakfast with me tomorrow morning at 0730?

JK: It's a date (smile).

RM: I had a splendid talking with you this evening. Wow – would you look at that: it's already 2100 hours. Well...

JK: Good night, Rodney. See you in the morning.

RM: Right. Good night. Sleep well.

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To: Carson (scottishdoc)
From: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
Subject: Finally!
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 2115 ZULU

Carson!

He finally asked me out! Five years...five years, and NOW we're having breakfast. Am I freaking out?

Love Jennifer

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To: Jennifer (blondesprefergentlemen)
From: Carson (scottishdoc)
Subject: RE: Finally!
Timestamp: 5 April 2010 2135 ZULU

Jennifer,

You're freaking out only slightly. But I'm happy for you! It sure took Rodney long enough.

I hope you have a wonderful breakfast.

Good luck, love.

Carson