Nothing but Blame

I couldn't just let it go I had to go over the limits. I just couldn't leave him be, and now I'm regretting what I have done. I just wanted to… Wait what exactly was I trying to prove?

"So are you going to tell me what is wrong or are you just going to sit there"?

Hiro say's me as he looks out the window in to the night rain. I dried myself off with the towel Hiro gave me. He looks at me waiting for an answer as; I just looked towards the floor.

My eyes where still hurting from the tears I cried that night. I wanted to tell Hiro I wanted to tell him Yuki had left me, but I couldn't…no it's not that I couldn't it's just that I was trying to forget. Forget the fact that he was gone and it was my fault. To for get everything that had happened that night.

I could still hear Yuki's voice in my mind he's voice went over and over like a broken radio. I was lost in my mind as the darkness slowly started to become apart of me.

My clothes were all still wet and I was worried for Yuki. I didn't know what to do I couldn't think of a life with out him. No I couldn't even imagine it with out him.

I had to tell Hiro maybe Hiro could help me. I finally spoke but I was still shaking from when I was riding my bike looking for Yuki. I had using all my energy trying to find Yuki to just find nothing.

"Hiro…..Yuki…Yuki left me…"

There was nothing just silence and nothing else.

I still continued to look down hoping I wouldn't cry hoping that this was all a bad dream, hoping that Yuki would come back. I just sat there as Hero came and sat down besides me.

"Shuichi…"

Suddenly I broke apart right there like shedder glass that would become me. Hiro looks at me with sadness and pity as he comforts me.

"Shuichi"

"It… It was all my fault if I didn't keep on asking him what was wrong he would still be here….He would had never left…"

I knew I was right I knew that but I just could help but blame myself for everything…

"I always have to know and ask stupid questions."

There always has to be an answer for me! Why could I just continued to pretend that everything was fine, but no I just couldn't I…just….Yuki I'm sorry…. Why? Why?

The car had crashed in my mind when I realized that I was the problem. I was the pathetic mess in Yuki's life I was the one who was holding him back from everything.

Why is it so wrong to love the one you love? Why I can't be happy?!

I wiped away my tears that fell one by one, but they just would stop the tears continued to fall just like the rain outside. Hiro looked at me with sadness in his eyes to see his best friend that was always cheerful to suddenly be in despair.

"Shuichi… You didn't do anything wrong... Shuichi"

I wanted to believe what he had said, but I couldn't stop felting so guilty. I loved Yuki so much I wouldn't want to hurt him or anything. All I wanted to do was help Yuki if I could do just that then every think will be alright. I would be fine if Yuki was happy with me.

I wiped away my tears and got up…I didn't want to bug Hiro anymore then I already did. I was such a burden to him no not just him but to everyone, especially Yuki.

"Sorry Hiro but you must be so tired I will go back home ok"…

I looked at him with a smile like everything was alright. I didn't want to be a burden anymore… Hiro had his own life he didn't need someone like me in it.

"Wait Shuichi… Are you sure you don't want me to walk you"?

He asks with worry on his face about to reach out to me but I quickly turned and gave him a smile. The one of a hundred of fake smiles I give to people hoping they would take it and don't ask any questions.

"Yeah Hiro I'm fine… I just needed to talk to someone. You know to just let it out… I'm alright now…"

I'm Sorry Hiro sorry I was ever a burden to you…

That was what I had thought deep down inside knowing that no one would ever know. To me I was a burden that people would pretend to like me, but really it was a lie.

I know that Hiro was there for me, and he would listen, but it's just not his voice that I wanted to hear.

Not that Hiro was a bad friend or any think I just wanted to be alone. No that would be a lie. I didn't want to be alone but with Yuki. I wanted Yuki to tell it was alright and that he was there for me. That's all.

I turned to look at Hiro with a smile and showing that I was alright when every thing I was doing was a lie.

"Everything is alright Hiro I just need some sleep ok"…

Hiro backed off and I continued to walk towards the door, but before I could even get to the door my vision began to blur making every thing so fussy.

My mind was still in the darkness of my own heart as I slowly become apart of it. All I ever want to say to Yuki was that I'm sorry….

"Yuki… I'm sorry"

Thump

"SHUICHI"!!

That was the last thing I heard, and the last thing I said before I fell to the floor. My eyes started to close as Hiro grabbed me calling me, but it was too late I was already gone…

To Be Continued……