Tainted sacrifices

Why was it that I was the one always waiting for you? Even if I cried you didn't care at all. Why was it like that? Weren't we happy before? Before I really started to care, and think that I was going to lose you…

It had been over four days since you had left me to die in this cold lonely house. The house where we would love each other, and where we would be... together. Time it's self still continued on even if I felt like I was about to die. About to go in to the deep depths of my dark heart that you have shattered, and it seemed that you didn't care at all about my sadness.

Where did I go wrong I was just worried? I didn't mean for this to happen! I never expected this to happen. It's entirely my fault!!

Those where the type of thoughts that went through my head, and my heart for the pasts days. Through theses days I did nothing, but just cry in my lover's bed. I remembered that I would wake up in the morning, as the sun shined through the window, and I would see him there sleeping. I would just sneak by his bed then sit on the floor. Afterwards I would be looking at him, and smile, then say in a whisper..."I love you Yuki..."

But it seemed theses days were long gone, and more like a deceased dream that I wished to happened. A dream that couldn't ever happen again. No longer did I see the world as a harmless place, but as a place were people would suffer like I did. On that day I cried like, as if this was a normal routine for me. I didn't know what time or what day it was, but I did remember what I had said over and over again. Hoping that Yuki; my dear lover would come through that door, and hold me in his arms apologizing to me. Expressing his regret of leaving me. I continued to say over and over again...

"I'm sorry Yuki...I love you...

I'm sorry Yuki...I love you...

I'm sorry Yuki...I love you..."

Over and over again I would say that, as the tears came running down my face, and the blood dripped and dripped over my wrists on to the floor. My tears seemed to never stop; my mind was blank, and I continued to say "I'm sorry Yuki...I love you..." as if I was in a toddler lockdown. My eyes slowly closed, and my mouth slowly went in to an undisturbed state. Was my body dying or was I going in to deep consciousness?

Ding Dong...Ding dong...

The door bell rang as the person at the door continued to wait for the person inside to answer. But the one at the door didn't know that the person inside could be at deaths bed, because of the amount of blood he had lost. With worry on his mind he entered without waiting for someone to come, and welcoming him in.

"Hello Shuichi are you here..."

He says in confusion wondering where Shuichi Shindou was. As he walked in uninvited and looked around hoping to see he's dear friend smiling face. But what had seemed to be hoping for a face he soon founded as he walks in further. Was not a face but bits of blood on the floor which leaded to a room? Frightened he raced to the room hoping that he wasn't too late, and regretting that he had never let Shindou go that night.

BANG!!

The door swung opened as Hiro stood there with a freighting look on his face. Suddenly shock went across his face as he had seen Shuichi Shindou; his dear friend lay on the bed. The trail of blood had led to him as Hiro soon found out where the blood had come from. Hoping that Shuichi wasn't dead he ran to him yelling out his name.

"SHUICHI!!!"

Tears began to flow down his face fearing that he might be dead he shouted out his name again. Desperately hoping that he was just an unconscious. Shuichi didn't move or say anything, but just laved there. The contemplation of Shuichi's eyes was swollen from the many tears he has cried.

Hiro gazed over at Shuichi as he cried thinking that he was dead.

"Oh Shuichi I knew that I shouldn't have let you go that night...but I was careless and now. Now..."

Poor Hiro couldn't finish what he started to say for if he did he might of vomit. He continued to cry as he's head was down in regret...

What darkness was there in the world of the unloved, and the ones that regretted?

Who is calling to me...I know this voice. I know it. But yet I can't see there face. What's this did something warm fall on my face? Something warm did fall on my face it's watery too. What is going on I don't understand?

"Shuichi..."

I know who that is! It's Hiro but why does it sound like he's...crying?

Shuichi Shindou slowly opened his eyes but there seemed to be a little light coming for somewhere. What was this light he didn't know because he's eyes were still hurting from all the crying he had done. As his eyes opened he founded Hiro beside him in tears with his head down on the bed. Shuichi was shocked and confused to find his best friend here beside him, but he was confused to why he was crying.

"Hiro...w-why are you c-crying"

As Shuichi says in a low tone with worry. Hiro couldn't believe it, but he was happy that he didn't die. As he heard that voice he looks up to see Shuichi's eyes a bit opened with a sad face on.

"S-Shuichi? Your alive?"

HUH?! Hiro did you think I was dead?

Shuichi then remember what he had done to himself and looked at his left wrist were the blood was slowly drying. Suddenly Hiro leaps up and give Shuichi a hug.

"SHUICHI YOU IDIOT! WHY THE HELL...WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS!! DID YOU NOT THINK YOU MIGHT NOT BE MISSED?!...YOU FUCKIN' SCARED ME!"

Hiro's words pierced Shuichi's heart as he remembers why he had done so to his self...

"It was because of Yuki...Hiro...That's why I did it that's why I deceived everyone. But I never thought that anyone would come looking for me..."

I looked at Hiro as my eyes started to water with a warmth that seemed to be so familiar. I didn't even understand why I was crying in the first place. Was it what Hiro said or was it what I said?

"Hiro...I'm sorry… I-I didn't even really know what I was doing at the time...I was just so frustrated and in so much ...I don't know what to do if Yuki isn't here with me...Hiro what I'm I going to do?!"

It was true I didn't know what to think or do because of Yuki. I love Yuki so much I just don't know what to do. I was in a big mess that I needed to figure out before I really did lose it.

There Hiro was worried sick over me, and just not to long ago he thought that I was dead. I knew if I continued to go down this road of depression I would soon disappear. That's not an option for me because I still wanted to become a famous singer or at least that's what I still thought I wanted. Hiro wiped away his tears as I patted him on the head apologizing to him, and smiled. This wasn't one of my smiles that were fake but then again it wasn't my real smile at all. It's just when I looked at him I didn't know what kind of face to give him, and of course I was still really up set that Yuki was gone.

The day was pasting by as Hiro stayed around I guess he was scared I might try to commit suicide again. Even so I never knew of the day to come when I would see Yuki again but this time it might be for the last.

It had been over two days that Hiro founded me in me pathetic stage of depression. Hiro fixed up my cuts and bandaged it up. I didn't do much just sleep most of the time as Hiro continued to stay around, and kept me company. I didn't really know what time it was I was guessing that it was around ten.

I was still sleeping at the time and my eyes were still hurting from my crying. Even if Hiro was here I couldn't stop crying no matter what I just couldn't. My eyes slowly began to hurt as the sun shined through Yuki's window in to Yuki's old room. I don't know what it was but I felt like I had to wake up. I don't know if it was my dream or the fact that it might be the sun that shined through Yuki's window. I did remember waking up earlier that morning but this time it was different.

My eyes opened a little cause of the fact that they were hurting but, suddenly I seen a black figure. Standing at the front of my door. The way it stood it looked familiar; even in my mind was still thinking of Yuki. Thinking and hoping...to see him...to hug him.

The figure moved a little and walked towards me, but I was still in a sleepy state, I opened my eyes a little bit more to try and make out the figure, Suddenly I realized who and what it was and leaped up.

It was...YUKI!!

But before I had realized who it was that seemed to stare at me with such sad eyes, but to get close enough to touch his hand. He had disappeared as if I was imaging it, but still I yelled out his name...

"YUKI...WAIT!!"

This can't be a dream I really did see him there. I know I did. I had seen Yuki. Yuki was here I know. Yuki...YUKI!!

My mind was shocked as my heart raced harder and harder. I know what I had seen, and hoping that I would see it again. I didn't know what to think but just that I got to see him again. I waited and waited for him to come back and look at me or at least say...good-bye to my face. Even if those aren't the words I was looking for, but I would get to hear that voice I love so much. Suddenly my waiting subsided and there he was in a blink of an eye he was there looking at me as if he was about to cry. My dreams have been answered even if he might still be mad at me, but I didn't care as long as I got to see him once more.

"Yuki..."

To Be Continued...