The feelings you feel for me.

The deep pain was nothing more then the darkness to you. I hurt you more then you probably could have ever hurt me. I wish I knew what to do, or that I could just turn back time so that this wouldn't have ever happened. I wish a wish so you wouldn't hurt anymore then I do now. What is there left, but to say "I'm sorry"…

"Shut up I'm not speaking with you. So why don't you just stay out of this?"

The angry in his voice towards Hiro meant that he didn't want him to be a part of this argument. I watch them, as I stood there hoping that I could find the courage to run from this Yuki. I want to and ignore what he ever said, but I can't help but feel that I'm the one at fault here. And that I'm not the only one hurting. I stare at Yuki waiting for those eyes to gaze upon me once more. Yuki turns to look at me, and suddenly in that moment our eyes met.

"Now Shuichi Come to me, and lets forget this crusade. I'm tried and I don't need to be bothered by your meaningless antics."

He smiled, and reached out his hand to me. I started to quiver and shake like I was scared, but was I really. If it was Yuki I thought I could love him no matter what or how he acts. But I never thought that I could ever be afraid of him, was it even possible to fear the person you loved. I gazed upon the stranger that I loved not know what he might do or say, and hoped to see the person I fell in love with.

"Shuichi you don't have to go with him. It's alright to come with me… Shuichi…?"

I glanced at Hiro my best friend, and then back at the person who I loved the most in this world, Yuki. Yuki pulls towards his hand to his chest making a fist in the process. I gulped, and looked at Yuki who was turning around towards Hiro. I could see how angry he was, as he raised his fist ready to hit Hiro once again. I jumped in front if Hiro embracing myself for the impact. My actions were to fast for Yuki to stop him self, and he hit me instead of the Hiro. I fall to the ground a little stunned to suddenly feel the pain in my stomach.

"Wow Yuki, I never really know you could hit so hard."

I started to laugh at the situation I was in, like I was trying to make this moment better. I looked up at Yuki, as I tried to stand up.

"Shuichi…I'm-"

I place my hand on Yuki's shoulder stopping him from saying anything.

"It's alright… I was being stupi-"

Suddenly I could feel gravity pulling on me. Bring me to the ground. I could hear Yuki calling out my name, as well as my best friend. But only for a moment until the world fade away leaving me in complete darkness.

Why can't everything just remain as a happy dream…? I hope that my dream could come true… so me, and Yuki could be happy, together. That's be nice wouldn't it, Yuki?

I was surrounded in darkness, and I could feel warmth that reminded me of a feeling I felt before. Then I could hear a voice whisper my name, so gently and smooth that it left me feeling a little bit nostalgic.

"Shuichi I'm sorry…"

I slowly opened my eyes to realize that I was in a room with a white ceiling. I glanced over towards the warmth that held on to my hand tightly. It was Yuki, and he looked so sad that it bought me to tears. I wanted to call out his name, but could bring myself to, as Yuki held my hand with his head down. A warm liquid streams down my face, as I gazed upon Yuki.

"Shuichi… I love you I really do, and sometimes I get scared that one day… I'll lose you. I don't want to lose someone important… I-"

Yuki…

I reached over to touch him, but in that moment he lifts his head. I could feel how torn up Yuki was once I seen the expression on his face. I was speechless as I looked upon Yuki's sad face, while the tears continued to flow down my face for his sadness. Yuki suddenly breaks the silences with a question.

"Shuichi what's wrong, are you alright, are you still hurting? I'll go get you some pain killers-"

He gets up thinking I was hurt about to leave me alone, until I grabbed on to his white shirt. I whispered his name clinging to him hoping he would stay. I looked up at him, telling him not to leave. He sits back down on the chair he was once sitting in again.

"Are you sure you don't want-"

"No I'm fine, I wasn't crying because I was in pain."

He looks at me confused a little, as I tried to sit up.

"I was crying, because I seen how sad I made you feel..."

I looked away not wanting to make eye contact, because I was a little embarrassed for what I said. I glanced down at my wrist to notice, that the bandages were gone! I tried not to look too surprised, and placed my wrist under the covers. I then wiped away my tears with my other hand, trying to make it look like I wasn't bother by the bandages being gone. But for some reason I felt that Yuki knew, and I hoped that he wouldn't say anything, and maybe hoped he didn't see.

"So, um anyway where'd Hiro go…? Um what happened again…?"

I changed the subject by talking about earlier which didn't help much, because earlier wasn't good either. But it was he only first thing that came to mind. I got up the courage to look at Yuki who seem to have seen through my distraction, by asking a question.

"Shuichi why did you hurt yourself"?

I looked down tried not to be upset, by the realization that I tried to kill myself. Not only that, but now Yuki knows that I tried too. I didn't ever want Yuki to know or find out. I thought I could keep it secret and maybe they would just disappear, like the ugly feelings I had.

"Um so where'd Hiro go…? I was wonder if you two made up or something."

I tried to avoid the question I didn't want to answer, and asked him simple questions, and hoped that he would answer them. I glanced back up seeing Yuki with an expression of anger, and that's when I knew that Yuki was mad at me.

"Don't try to avoid the question… I want an answer! Shuichi why did you do something so stupid"?

I couldn't make eye contact now that I felt ashamed for what I did to myself. I couldn't even say anything, but maybe deny what he was saying. That's when I decided to play dumb, and act that I didn't know what he was say. I looked up at him as I sat down, and smiled.

"What do you mean? I didn't hurt myself, I'm fine, and I'm perfectly fine… Yuki"

I laughed trying to make the tension in the room fade away. Suddenly and very unexpectedly the wrist I was hiding was grabbed, and lifts me in to the air, causing me to stand. Soon I was facing Yuki as he stared straight at me making eye contact. I became speechless as he held my arm in the air.

"Don't play dumb with me Shuichi! Can't you see how badly you hurt yourself? Don't you Shuichi?"

I looked away not wanting to accept what I did. Not wanting him to care for once, because it made me regret so much. I could feel his fingers on my healing cuts, and that made me want to forcedly tare away from his grip.

"Yuki please not now, could you let me go… I don't want to talk about this ok…"

I wanted to run away from the subject, because I didn't want to place the blame on him. I didn't want him to feel regretful or maybe if I said it was him. Maybe he would leave me once again. So in fear I didn't answer hims, and tried to hold myself together. Suddenly I could feel the pressure of his hand getting tighter, forcing me to feel pain.

"Shuichi don't you dare… make excuses."

As I looked away I closed my eyes hoping that this wasn't happening, and hope a little that Yuki would leave.

"Ow, you're hurting me…"

"Well maybe if- if"

He swings my arm down, and turned away from me to only show his back. I could feel how choked up I felt in my throat, and watched him pick up the bandages were on the bed. He sighs as if letting out the anger he felt.

"Shuichi… You don't have to say anything, because it's like you to keep something like this to yourself. You're probably just trying to protect the idiot that drove you to the edge… right?

I lifted my hand that was once holding on to my wrist. I was about to reach out to him, but suddenly became straddled that I was bleeding. I could feel as dreadful feelings that made me want to panic. Yuki turns around to look at me, but I was to slow to hide my arm.

"I'm sorry… Yuki, you're right. I was trying to protect you, but only because I-."

I could feel pain and regret over flow inside me. I watched Yuki's face turn pale as he seen my wrist. He glances at his hand, and then starts to walk towards me in a panic.

"I'm-"

I could hear Yuki wanting to apologize, but he couldn't make the word come out. He looked at me arm, and then turns away to search for a first-aid kit. I could hear he talk to himself about the possible where a bout's for the first-aid. I could see him panicking, as he looked.

"Damn it! Where is it? I know hotels keep things like that somewhere…"

"Yuki… it's alright, I have extra bandages… Yuki…?"

That didn't cause him to slow, or calm down. He still continued in his panic for something he couldn't find. I walked over towards him as he looked under the bed.

"Yuki…"

I grab on to his shoulder to have him quickly turn around to face me. I could see the desperation on his face, and it made me feel nothing, but regret. I placed my hand on his face to calm him down from the panic I made him go through.

"I'm Sorry Yuki…"

I stared in to him eyes as I felt guilty for trying to kill myself. I knew that it was the biggest mistake I could have done to hurt the one I loved. I embraced him hoping he wouldn't start hating himself for my stupid, selfish actions. I could feel little bits of liquid falling down on to my shirt, and that's when I knew that Yuki was crying for me. I continued to hold on to him, as I heard him whisper the words I wanted to hear for the longest time.

"I love you… Shuichi…"

To Be Continued…