A/N:

Thanks for reading and please leave me a review if you are enjoying the story. I am really enjoying writing it and imagining the Twilight world from the perspective of my weird plot twist.

Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns…

"Yes, Edward. I am a vampire," Bella whispered, pain transforming her beautiful face. My heart lurched in my chest. I reached out instinctively to comfort her, running my trembling fingertips down her arm and enfolding her cold hand in mine. Her eyes searched mine, and I hoped she could see my acceptance…my love for her radiating from them.

"I think I knew. But Bella, I can hear your thoughts…I know you aren't the monster you think you are."

"Everything about me is designed to make you believe that. I am a killing machine, everything about me draws you to me, entices you so that I can feed from you and then kill you. When I first went through the change, that is the first thing I learned…the first thing he taught me."

A series of memories quickly fluttered across her mind, briefly wrenching me inside myself. I saw her crouching in a corner, while the thin blond man who I recognized as her attacker walked slowly toward her with his arms outstretched as though trying to trying to calm a wild tiger. And then I could clearly see a crazed looking red headed woman walk confidently forward out of the shadows, roughly pushing the blond man aside. Her twisted smile as she looked down on my frightened Bella sent a warning pulse of shivers down my spine. Bella's distress was my distress.

My physical reaction to her memory seemed to pull her back to the moment. She began to speak with more passion, hatred lacing her words.

"For some sadistic reason James pulled away before he had completely drained me of my blood. Three excruciating days later I woke up in an abandoned ballet studio in Phoenix and I was like I am today. James was there with two other vampires, Victoria and Laurent. They tried to make me like them. But as it turns out…I'm kind of a failure as a vampire."

She lightly squeezed my hand. She paused and I wasn't sure if she was going to continue. Sensing her hesitancy, I squeezed back. Are you sure you want to hear more?

"Tell me everything, Bella."

Her voice as was just barely louder than a whisper. I found myself leaning in toward her until I was so close I could feel the cool pillow of her breath against the warm skin of my neck.

"James made Victoria take me out for my first kill. It was…horrible. We waited outside of a bar and I watched from across the street as she approached a man who had come outside by himself to smoke a cigarette. She walked up to him at a human speed, and his attraction to her beauty was immediately obvious. She only flirted with him for a couple of minutes and he…he…was so eager to go with her. She led him into the alleyway and even though I was hiding in the darkness way down the street, I could clearly see her signal for me to follow."

"I was disgusted both with her easy conquest and with myself for the overwhelming need that welled up inside of me. I couldn't stop myself from moving in closer…my body moved without me even thinking of it. I could smell the blood flowing in his veins; his heartbeat was irresistible, drawing me forward. I was aching, desperate, and hungry. I wouldn't have been able to restrain myself if Victoria had allowed me to move in but she kept her body between me and her victim."

I wanted to kill her…to claim the blood for myself. I am a horrifying, repulsive monster. These thoughts were fleeting and she shoved them to the back of her mind before they consumed her. I longed to convince Bella that her view of herself was entirely wrong, but she put up her hand to prevent the interruption, returning to her story unperturbed.

"Victoria didn't waste time. Before I gave into my instincts, she had already broken the man's neck and had her mouth clamped down on his vein. I will never forget how the smell of life began to leave his body. He was drained of all his blood within minutes. I growled at her in anguish – for not sharing with me and also for showing me just what kind of horrible monster I'd become."

I moved my hand to caress Bella's face, to comfort her, to show her that I trusted her. She mimicked my gesture, moving her hand to my face and caressing lightly but pulled quickly away as though afraid she might harm me.

Her brow furrowed as she asked incredulously, "Don't you fear me, Edward?" She dropped her hand to her lap and I reached out and held it between my hands, rubbing circles on the top with my thumbs.

I audibly moaned at the overwhelming sensation of touching Bella. The flow of energy between our hands was so intense my entire body was affected by the erotic feeling.

"You won't hurt me, Bella. I know you won't," I said with as much certainty as I could.

"I could crush all the bones in your hand if I wasn't paying attention."

"But you won't Bella. I trust you," I whispered.

We stared into each other eyes, neither one of us able to break the other's gaze. I had to force myself not to give in to the very powerful need to kiss her, to press my body against hers.

I was struggling to reign in all my feelings and emotions when Bella leaned in toward me and placed her cool, full lips on mine. I expected them to be firm and rigid, but they were surprisingly soft and were instantly warmed by mine as I returned the kiss. I grasped her shoulders and drove my lips harder into hers, lightly sucking her bottom lip. I could feel her hands sneak around my back and run along my neck into my hair. She tugged gently on the short strands at the nape of my neck causing heat to surge down my limbs and desire to coil in my stomach. My heart was beating wildly against my ribs when she pulled back, pushing me away with her strong, tiny hand.

"Edward, please…I don't deserve this. You are my own personal torment. I want you so badly but you need to know…I might lose control and…and…I can never lose control." She dropped her eyes turning away from me. I grasped her chin in my hand and she allowed me to turn her face back toward mine. When she lifted her gaze, looking up at me from under her long dark eyelashes, her fear was palpable.

"You need to know, Edward…a part of me wants to kill you even now."

"Bella…," she held up her hand, cutting off my words, her need to reveal more to me written on her face.

"No Edward, I want you to know everything. I really want you to see how hard I've tried. I don't want to be a monster. Even from the beginning, I hated what James made me. I've hated myself for a long time now…ever since Victoria showed me."

"That night I ran off into the wildness, utterly horrified at what I had seen, what I had become. I ran and ran and I tried not to think, to give into the burning in my throat…in my entire body. When I finally slowed down and looked around I was surprised to find that I was very far away, in a place I'd never been. And thankfully, there didn't seem to be any humans around."

"By the time daylight came, I realized that I was in a desert. The sun was intense and hot but it didn't seem to touch me. I was alone and so so thirsty. But I just kept moving, ignoring the burning needs of my body. After several days of this I realized that nothing was going to change. I couldn't run forever. I was in agony and I had to accept what I had become."

"I finally succumbed to my instinct and hunted. First, I drained several jackrabbits of their blood. And then there were more, prairie dogs, coyotes, I was so desperate at one point I even tried a turkey vulture…yuck, that was a low point." She scowled and almost looked embarrassed. I imagined that she would blush if she could.

"As I travelled the barren expanse I left a trail of animal carcasses behind me. But still I thirsted for more. I could never get enough. It wasn't until I had been wandering in the desert for days that I smelled something larger, something much more enticing. I ran toward the scent as fast and as my legs would move and before long, I found myself wrestling on the desert hillside with an angry mountain lion. I feasted on the cat's blood, and instantly felt stronger, more alive, and remarkably, more human."

You must be frightened of me now…or repulsed. You should be. I shook my head vehemently.

"No," I answered her thoughts.

"Edward, I've never killed a person…ever. I have only taken the blood of animals. But that doesn't mean that I don't perpetually thirst for human blood. It is my torture…my curse. But…I don't want to be a monster." I nodded so that she could see that I understood and that I believed in her.

"I eventually found my way back to Forks. I was lonely and I had no where else to go. I went to the only person that I thought might help me – Jacob. He had been my best friend when I was still human and I thought that maybe he could see that even though I was changed, I was still me." She said this last statement in such a small, wounded voice that my heart reached out to her and instead of fighting it, I enfolded my arms around her petite frame.

She froze for a moment but then relented, allowing her body to go limp and mold itself into mine. She sighed heavily and then she continued.

"But nothing could have prepared me for his reaction to me. I was at the edge of the reservation when I smelled something unusual, a bit like the coyotes I came across in the desert, but different. I wasn't worried, I had hunted deer and wrestled mountain lions; I had gotten confident in my new abilities and thought that I could handle just about anything. But as I walked silently into a large meadow I was tackled by a large russet colored wolf."

"He was surprisingly strong and fast and I almost felt relief when I thought that he would probably end my existence. But just as I closed my eyes, waiting for his fangs to tear into my body, he yelped and stumbled backwards off of me. If I hadn't already been initiated into a world where nightmares were real, I probably would have more terrified by what I saw next. The massive wolf that stood in front of me morphed into the form of my best friend right before my eyes. I scrambled backward like an animal in shock and smashed loudly against a tree, never breaking my glazed stare. Jacob held his hands out in front of him in surrender, a look of both fear and pity warring on his face."

"While I clung to the tree, Jacob went through a series of emotions all very quickly. He obviously knew that I was a vampire, but the fact that he was now a werewolf seemed to make the situation both easier to handle and more complicated for him. I could see in his face that he was relieved I was back and at the same time, he was saddened by my new condition."

"Though I hadn't spent any time looking in a mirror, I knew that my physical characteristics had transformed. My clothes were torn, and dirty and stale animal blood encrusted the fabric of my shirt and jeans. I wondered how I looked to him. Like a crazed animal, a monster. A few minutes of our mutual stare-down had passed when I saw a decision form in Jacob's features and he reached down to touch my face."

"I tried not to flinch at his touch but he also seemed changed. He wasn't human anymore either. He smelled different and no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, I felt the urge to attack him."

"But then he murmured my name and when he caressed my cheek I felt a rush of memories flood over me, reminding me how important he'd been to me and how much I'd loved him. He kept repeating my name again and again but he couldn't seem to form a complete sentence. He fell to his knees before me with his head in his hands and released a strangled sob, his body heaving with the effort."

"My hands fell from their iron grip on the tree and I collapsed on the ground next to him, begging him to forgive me. When his tears were all dried up we talked and I told him everything. He updated me on what had been going on since I had disappeared. Everyone thought that I had been kidnapped. My father, who was the police chief in town, had the entire force on constant alert, and he had been looking for me as far as Seattle."

I couldn't listen to Bella's story any further. I imagined how Jacob had taken care of her and how important he had become in her life. But I hated him – his strength, his physical superiority. I hated that he was there to take care of Bella when she needed help, instead of me. I knew my thoughts were irrational; I should have been thankful that Bella wasn't alone. But I couldn't deny that the idea of Jacob comforting my Bella roused dark thoughts within me that I didn't know I was capable of feeling.

"And you've been with Jacob all this time?" I asked, seething, wary of her answer, and afraid of how much power she wielded over my heart.

"No, Edward. You didn't let me finish. Jacob helped me, yes. But all the while he was physically repulsed by me."

I growled at the thought that anyone could feel repulsed by my exquisite Bella and felt overcome with unbridled fury. Bella shifted in my arms and gently caressed my knee, amazingly mollifying my burst of emotion. "Edward, you must listen. I will explain."

"Jacob, against all the wishes of the tribe, helped me. The Quileute tribe has a very long history with vampires. In the past, vampires hunted this area of the coast and brutally ravaged the tribe. Hundreds of years ago, an ancient magic was awakened and younger Quileutes began to transform, taking the shape of huge wolves. The wolves were more evenly matched with the vampires and the Quileutes were finally able to protect themselves."

"It had been over a century since a Quileute transformed but when James and his coven kept returning to the area, several young Quileutes began to go through the transformation. Jacob is one of them – actually, he is the leader of the pack. Don't you see, Edward? He went against everything - his family, his tribe, his very nature to help me. I am supposed to be his sworn enemy, but he protected me. He convinced the others in his pack that I'm different from the other vampires and that I am not their enemy. Most of them don't like it, but they cannot go against his wishes because he is the Alpha."

"It was extremely difficult for us to be around each other at first. We both had to constantly fight the instinct to attack one another. Just his smell sometimes could send me into a frenzy and I was forced to run far away to reign in my control. And even now, years later, the impulse to attack Jacob is still very much there under the surface."

"But he was an incredible friend to me. He built this cabin for me, we hunted together, he protected me, was my sole companion and helped me to find a way to re-enter society. But, no, Edward, it would be impossible to ever find comfort in his arms. He has never been able to ease my loneliness. But he has been the best friend that it is possible to be and I will always love him and be thankful for his friendship."