Collection: The Yaoi Sex Rules

Author: flannelninja

Purpose: Once upon a time, there was a ninja of flannel that liked slash. Especially uber yummy smexy slash. However, the flannel ninja grew sad on discovering not many people knew the Yaoi Sex Rules. She was determined to make sure everyone became aware… by making creating a series of one-shots based on said Yaoi Sex Rules.

Pairings: Style, Kyman, Creek, Poly, Dip

A/N: This is where it starts getting good. XD

The One with the Costumes

Rule #2: One must be prepared in some way! There should always be lube! Spit, even a quick finger up his hole works! He would pass out in real life if there wasn't some sort of prepping!

Kyle sat in the bathroom, getting more and more nervous by the minute. The boy was clad in a maid's uniform… The last time he had worn one of these was when he had accidentally broken his boyfriend's game controller. Cartman had been so scary… acting as though Kyle had done it out of spite or something. He had ordered Kyle out of his house. When Kyle came back within the hour to apologize (as Cartman knew he would) he was wearing a large beige trench coat… and the skimpy outfit he was wearing now underneath. He had opened it up slowly to Cartman's widening eyes. Kyle was sure they were going to pop right out of their sockets. Cartman had picked him up bridal style, and ran him up the stairs to his bedroom. The Fatass sure could run when he wanted to. Kyle smiled at the memory.

Kyle's expression then turned sour. After that first glorious, passionate excursion, Cartman had started to expect him to wear the costume every single time they had sex. Kyle was starting to believe that his long-term beau liked his maid persona, "Madame Sex Kitten", better than he liked just plain old Kyle. When Kyle had told Kenny of his problem… Kenny had simply smiled knowingly, and told him that things like this had a funny way of resolving themselves. Stan had told him to break up with the bastard. Kyle didn't like that answer very much, and they were currently on a friendship time-out. But Stan did have a point. Could he stay in a relationship where the other party wanted him to be someone else all the time? What would happen with Cartman when he eventually wanted to go on dates with Kyle's maid persona? Or started buying her presents?

Kyle shuddered. He wouldn't be in some weird poly-amorous relationship with someone who didn't even exist. He regretted playing Madame Sex Kitten up in the beginning. He really built up her character. And truth be told, he had liked the freedom of being someone else for a while. The look suited him. He was able to put his hair down, and take control of the sex. He had even topped Cartman once or twice. But the fun had been replaced with this fear. Why did Cartman like him dressing up so much?

There was a knock on the bathroom door. "Oh Madame Sex Kitteh," came Cartman's growl. "Come out and play," he sang. Kyle could hear the lust in the larger boy's voice. He wished that he could hear Cartman say his name with all that manly enthusiasm. Kyle sighed, and lifted himself off the toilet. He quickly brushed his red curly hair out of his face. He wondered if he should put on some make-up, before deciding that was a little much.

He opened the door and was completely surprised at the figure he saw standing in the doorway.

"My name," Eric smirked, "Is Officer Cartman. And I don't appreciate your kind on my turf…" Kyle's doubts were blown away by this gesture. Cartman didn't love Madame Sex Kitten more than he loved Kyle… he just liked playing pretend! Kyle smiled. He should have known after the whole Coon phase. And he had to admit, Officer Cartman looked pretty nice in uniform.

"Oh? And vat are ju going to do about eet?" Madame asked.

"I guess I'm going to have to take you down to the station." He shrugged, looking around on his belt. Kyle cocked an eyebrow when Cartman brought out a pair of hand cuffs. Cartman picked Kyle up, and placed him on the bed gently, before attaching one cuff to his wrist and the other to the bed post.

"No! Ju can't do theez!" Madame cried, thrashing around on the bed (but doing so in a very, very, sexy manner which allowed Cartman to see almost up her skirt.)

"Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to respect mah authoritah." He winked, and crawled unto the bed. He pecked her lightly on the cheek, causing her to blush violently.

"Oh, monsieur…" She said quietly… Cartman pressed his lips against the nape of her neck, causing her to moan in pleasure. At this point, Cartman straddled the maid, and was directly over top of her. He was fully in control and that was just the way he liked it.

He slowly but surely massaged the inside of Kyle's thighs, a trick Kenny had told him about when they were in Elementary school. At the time, he hadn't understood why anyone would like it… but now, seeing his boyfriend squirm beneath him, it made a little more sense. Cartman moved his hand up the maid's skirt and was pleasantly surprised to find she wasn't wearing any underwear.

"Kinky Jew…" he muttered, and moved his mouth down to lick his length. He moved his tongue up and down the boy's penis, paying special attention to the head, before he took the entire member into his mouth, stopping just before the boy screamed out that he was ready to cum. "Bad Kitteh." He swatted at the boy's thigh, before grabbing the tube of lube from his pocket. "You're not coming without meh." Kyle turned over, and got unto his hands and knees. He knew the drill.

Cartman squeezed the lube out into the boy's exposed asshole. He prodded his index finger into his pink hole, twirling it around before sticking in another finger. He was quick to find the boy's sweet spot, although he could remember a time when it had taken him nearly long enough to give up. Kyle cried out in pleasure, looking back expectantly at the boy.

"Beg," Officer Cartman commanded, and the boy groaned. He wanted Eric inside him… but even more than that he wanted to cum.

"Please, monsieur," Kyle asked, exasperated.

Officer Cartman smiled, quickly taking preventative measures (he didn't want to get Jew germs after all) then taking out his fingers and shoving himself inside the boy. Cartman thrusted and pushed; he went faster and faster whilst his hand moved up and down Kyle's length. They breathed and moved as one entity. Kyle finally came, right before Cartman.

"I love you, Kahl."

"I respect your authority, Cartman."