A/N:

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I own my little twist on the story.

Ever since the night with the wolves, Bella and I seemed to grow even closer to each other. She seemed to cling to me with more fervor, more urgency than ever before. I, in turn, dreaded being away from her for even a small amount of time. I didn't just yearn for her company and the touch of her cool hands, but I was beginning to feel the need for her thoughts as well. Her voice in my mind was becoming as familiar as my own. The tendrils of her memories entangled with mine, and I was finding it harder and harder to separate them.

She had started coming to me each night, spending the evening with me in my bed. I wrapped myself around her while I slept, trying to draw comfort from her presence despite the coldness of her hard body. Her thoughts and memories often slipped unwittingly into my dreams. I found myself more than once suffering through the pain of Bella's transformation and waking to my own screams in sheer terror. These nights when she wound her strong arms around me, her infinitely sad eyes were filled with remorse.

More than once Bella pulled away from me and tried to leave, not wanting her errant thoughts to hurt me, but I wouldn't let her go. I would rather suffer through her pain than have her bear her pain alone. And I began to need her at night; her light caresses relaxed me, her sweet humming like a lullaby that I'd become dependant upon.

I tried to continue the normal routine of life, but so much of what had previously been important to me, was now meaningless. School seemed the worst waste of time and I found myself just going through the motions until I could be with Bella again. As we both learned the extent of our mental link and how to control it, and to stretch it, we found we could stay connected to one another throughout most of the day. When we were in class together, we tested our ability to communicate without words – Bella sending me images, thoughts, and emotions, to occupy my mind while the world continued to spin around us, oblivious to our silent conversation.

We began to shut everyone else out, eating lunch alone, walking through the corridors silently holding hands. I drove Bella home everyday as an excuse to spend more time with her. I called her when she had to be away – when she was hunting or when I was spending the minimum obligatory time with my family. As soon as I turned the light out each night, Bella appeared through my bedroom window, spending the night in my arms, until the break of dawn when she leapt through the second story sill to the ground below and ran home to get ready for school.

Alice began to demand my attention, pestering me for time that I wasn't willing to give her. Though she truly liked Bella, she began to caution me that our relationship wasn't healthy. She lectured me about balance in relationships and told me not to lose myself. I told myself that she didn't understand the depth of the bond between Bella and me. I ignored her warnings.

It had been rainy and stormy for the last few weekends and Alice hadn't been able to organize our picnic outing which made her even more frustrated with the situation. Though Bella had many reservations about going, I had promised her that it would work out okay. I told her that I wanted to try to do normal things with her and that we shouldn't hide away from the world. She agreed to go only if the weather was just right and that we were extremely careful not to do anything that might expose her. I was convinced that nothing bad would happen, my fantasy of us walking along the river and kissing on the rocks replaying in mind, encouraging and sustaining my resolve.

Life continued in this way for several weeks before reality began to seep through the cracks of our Eden. I turned off the light in my room, sitting down on the edge of my bed, waiting in the blackness for Bella to arrive like she did each night. I grabbed the neck of my shirt and pulled it over my head and lay down in only my jeans, my arms behind my head. As always, even when she wasn't calling out to me, I could sense Bella before she silently appeared. A subtle vibration thrummed behind my eyes when she was near, as if my mind was reaching out to her mind, grasping at her thoughts.

When her dark silhouette poured through the window, my breath caught in my lungs and my heart surged. She eased into my bed next to me, her body gravitating toward mine like a magnet, and I finally released my breath. Every inch of my body came alive for her. I tried to contain my body's natural reaction when we were alone like this, but each night that we were together it was getting exceedingly more difficult to be surrounded by the temptation of her incredible beauty.

I knew that she was aware of the effect she had on me, because I had read it in her thoughts. She was fascinated by my accelerated heart rate, and the heat radiating from my skin. Intoxicated by my scent, venom filled her mouth while she visualized licking the pooling beads of sweat along my collarbone and on my upper lip.

My hands trembled as they ran along the smooth, unyielding surface of her arms, my excitement tangible in the air surrounding us. Her mind was open to me, and though she physically couldn't show the same signs of arousal as I did, I could hear and sense her reaction to me in her thoughts. She imagined herself human and warm and breathing and soft, so that for a brief moment I almost believed that she was. It was an acutely intimate experience being in her mind when our bodies were so entangled. And yet, I still felt like we couldn't get close enough. I yearned for a deeper physical connection to her. I wanted to taste her, to be inside of her, to claim her as mine in every way possible.

I pushed. I couldn't help it. I slipped my fingers under the hem of her shirt, slowly dragging them along the perfectly curved planes of her stomach and further up toward her firm, round breasts. My fingers wove a trail of fire across her cool, stone-like body, my knuckles grazing the swell of her breasts. I swallowed deeply, resisting my aching need to simply turn the angle my hand and fondle her flesh.

Her thoughts were conflicted while my longing for her only intensified, driving me nearly mad with desire. I caved to my body's insistence that I proceed, rotating my hand and lowering it purposefully toward her taut nipple. But, before my palm could make contact with her breast, Bella's hand was on mine, gently swiping it away.

In the heat of the moment, I ignored her placid resistance and shamelessly rubbed myself against her hip. My brash action cracked her mind's defenses, allowing me a glimpse into her brain. Her feelings couldn't be clearer as she marveled at the size and hardness of my cock. A feral growl escaped her mouth as she wondered how that part of my anatomy appeared nearly as rigid and severe as her impenetrable skin. I couldn't stifle a chuckle before her thoughts shifted again to her realization that the rest of my body was soft, vulnerable, and inevitably breakable.

"Bella," I moaned. "I need you so much," I begged.

"Edward, please, I need you too. But I'm so frightened," she said, turning so that we were face to face, our eyes locked.

I could lose control. I could kill you. I…I love you.

"I love you, Bella. You won't hurt me," I said with conviction.

"You don't know that. I need more time," she said, her eyes dropping.

Please Edward. I want you just as bad as you want me. You know I do.

"That's not possible. I've never wanted anything more in my entire life," I whispered, running my nose along her jaw, breathing in her delectable, indescribable scent.

I was damned before I met you. And now…I don't know. You deserve more than I can give you.

"I don't want anything, but you!" I said emphatically, pushing myself up on my elbows.

"Edward, please slow down and relax. You should just go to sleep. You need to sleep."

"I don't want to sleep. I just want to hold you, okay?"

"Okay," she agreed, her hand coming up to rest on my cheek.

Please sleep.

I nodded and closed my eyes to appease her, my hand cupping her hip, my fingers spreading out, grasping at her inflexible flesh. Against my will, my body grew heavy with exhaustion. My mind was beginning to quiet, slipping into a state of blissful unconsciousness when a vivid image burst into my thoughts and wrenched me awake.

"Bella, what was that?" I asked, knowing that she was more than aware what had so disturbed my sleep.

"I'm so sorry, Edward. I don't know why you want me here. It makes sleeping so much harder for you."

I should go.

"No, Bella. Don't go…I need you. Please," I pleaded. "And don't try to change the subject. Who was that – who you were thinking of?"

"Her name is Charlotte," she answered woodenly, not offering anything more.

"She's a vampire?" I asked, already knowing the answer, but wanting Bella to confirm it.

"Yes, she is."

"You were thinking of going to see her…to visit her...you were thinking of leaving!" I said with astonishment and horror, sitting up. She mirrored my position, and in the faint glow of moonlight, I saw her bite down on her lower lip nervously. It was a surprisingly human movement, a remnant from the time before her transformation.

"No, Edward. I was just thinking…and I thought you were close enough to sleep that you wouldn't listen to my thoughts. I didn't realize that you were still listening. Sometimes, it's difficult having you always inside of my mind. I'm just thinking, not planning. I'm just remembering others that I've met…others like me."

"Have you met many others?" I asked drowsily, but my interest piqued.

"A few. After I ran…after I escaped from James and Victoria, I stayed away for the better part of a year before I returned to Forks. I was searching for other vampires…and answers. I needed to know if there were others who were different…like me."

I was so alone. And even though I was stronger and faster and all my senses were enhanced, I was scared…terribly scared.

"I wandered for months alone…all the while learning about how things were different for me – all my new abilities. When I realized what a good runner I was and that I never got tired, I ran and ran. I stuck to wild areas where I wouldn't easily be discovered. I got better at hunting, better at hiding, better at everything. I guess I began to adapt."

"How long before you found other vampires?" I couldn't resist asking.

A few months.

"I was in Northwest Montana when it happened. I had been hunting elk in the forest. It was winter and they were scarce. The elk began to descend from the higher elevations looking for vegetation and I found myself venturing closer to populated areas."

I was listening so closely to her voice, absorbing her words so intently that at first I didn't realize that I had started quivering with thirst. The scent of musk and earth filled my nostrils. The muscles in my arms and legs constricted as an irresistible urge to pounce rippled through my limbs. It wasn't until Bella's voice broke my trance that I realized that Bella was wrestling with her own thirst and had moved farther away from me to the very edge of the bed.

Not him…not him...not him.

"I found that it worked best for me to attack from above. It was near dusk one day when I pounced from a pine onto a huge bull elk. I quickly broke his neck, and pierced his flesh with my teeth, when I smelled the others. I dropped the dead animal and scanned the trees. I couldn't see or hear them, but I knew they were watching me. It had been nearly a week since I'd had any blood and I was so thirsty that I picked the elk up and began to drink from it."

Am I disgusting? Am I a disgusting animal?

"No, no you're not!" I answered her thoughts and slid back down so that my head rested on the pillow. She again mirrored my actions until we were lying face to face. I could tell from the quiet of her mind that she'd regained control of her primal need for my blood and I rested my forehead against hers.

"Did they approach you?" I asked in a whisper, too close to see her reaction.

"Yes. They waited for me to finish and then when I looked up they were standing there as if they had been there the whole time."

"How many were there? Did they attack you? Hurt you?" I asked, moving so I could peer into her eyes. It was too dark to see the amber color, but I knew she was staring back at me.

"There were two of them – Peter and Charlotte - and no, they didn't attack me. They were travelling through the area and smelled me. They tracked me and watched me."

"What did they want?"

"They were curious. They'd never seen a vampire hunt animals before and wanted to know why I resisted my natural instincts. They were ultimately patronizing, treating me like I was defective…like they could repair my flaws. They scoffed at my refusal to drink from humans, laughing at me when I hunted."

"They told me that they had been journeying through Montana and Wyoming, finding victims at the small towns they passed through. One night, they dragged me along with them to a lumber encampment in a remote area of the woods. I think they were hoping that once I'd seen them in action, I'd come to my senses or something. But, it was horrible…so horrible. I will never forget it," she said, her eyes begging mine for forgiveness.

"What happened?" I asked, knowing that it was hard for her to tell me. But I needed to know.

"We waited at the tree line where a cluster of houses sat on the edge of a small, frozen lake. There was no wind that night, no sounds of wildlife or birds. It was so silent that I could hear every tiny creak and groan and infinitesimal shift of the ice on the lake. Even though I didn't feel the cold, I still felt uncomfortable as though my body remembered the feeling."

"It seemed like we were waiting forever when I noticed that the sky was beginning to brighten just slightly and a large man, dressed in jeans, a padded flannel jacket, and tan work boots shuffled out his front door toward his truck. It was still dark, but I could easily see the scruff of hair on his chin, and the swollen skin beneath his eyes. His body stiffened as it adjusted to the temperature, walking with stilted movements through the icy air. I was mesmerized by the sound of his hollow breath, the muffled beating of his heart through the layers of body fat. His face flushed with the cold and I could smell his warmth, his blood calling out to me. Venom pooled in my mouth."

I would have killed him. I would have. I came so close.

"I was about to pounce on him, but Peter was much faster, much more furtive than me. I was still thinking about how I was going to attack when Peter flew by me, the large man tucked under his arm, already unconscious. He disappeared deeper into the forest, dragging the man through the trees and underbrush. Charlotte reacted instantly, running after him. I hesitated, knowing that if I followed I wouldn't be able to stop myself. But I couldn't help inhaling the scent of the man's blood and without thought, I found myself in the clearing where they'd taken the man."

Bella paused as if she was exhausted from telling me her story. She had told me before that she'd never had human blood but the anguished look on her face almost made me doubt her. I was afraid to ask her. I closed my eyes and waited.

I inhaled deeply and when I exhaled I saw the forest in my mind. It was dark and fragrant and sinister feeling. I could hear crunching and slurping and even though I was sure that this was only Bella's memory of that night, I recoiled from the sensation. I felt the electricity thrumming through my body, under my skin as though it was on the verge of exploding from my pores. Bella's bloodlust was so strong that I felt my body struggle to retain consciousness.

"Bell-a…Bella…stop," I begged, the physical attack on my body so overpowering that I blackness started to cloud my mind like shutters being drawn to shut out the sun. I lifted my arms to reach out to her, to touch her, but they were heavy and languid and dropped hard onto the cold, empty sheet.

I couldn't open my eyes, the painful throbbing in my skull was excruciating; it was too much to bear. "Bella," I moaned wretchedly.

With my last strength, my last bit of consciousness, my hand wiped futilely across the bed. But my body already knew what my mind would not accept…she was gone. Gone.

Of course I hardly slept. My arms kept reaching out for her, and grasped onto nothing. I heedlessly rolled back and forth on my mattress as though my body searched for her even when my mind could not.

When my alarm went off and I finally opened my eyes, I searched my room, thinking irrationally that I might find some trace of her, some evidence that she'd actually been there in my arms. But again, there was nothing for me to hold onto. I was hollow feeling, empty, bereft, only half a person.

When Bella visited me at night, she usually left before I awoke. As always, I sat still for several minutes wondering if I'd imagined her in my arms or if it had truly been real. But then I'd remembered snippets of our conversation, her words and frightening visions from the night before. It was highly implausible that my mind was so creative, but still I wouldn't be comforted until I was with her again. And it wasn't until I caught my first glimpse of her at school, or inadvertently listened in on her first errant thought that I would believe the amazing truth. She was mine. I was hers.

Once my sleepy mind realized that as soon as I got to school I would see her again, I jumped out of bed, hustling through my morning routine as quickly as possible. I was in the kitchen when I eventually noticed that the light in the room wasn't artificial, but was streaming in unhindered through the windows. As I peered out into the sunny morning, small, billowy clouds dotting the clear blue sky, never before had I felt such animosity toward the sun.

For I knew, that without a doubt, Bella would not be at school today. I would have to wait to see her again. And I was anxious. I had a nagging feeling that something was wrong.

She had shared a painful memory with me last night and she had come close to reliving a moment of weakness. I needed her to know that even when she lost control last night that I still trusted her. I needed to tell her. Because I didn't want her to overreact, or to think that it was more than it was. I didn't really know what she was going to do about it, but I was worried. And I wasn't sure when I would get to see her again.

End Notes:

So, any predictions??? I'm getting a little hot and bothered by all this sexual tension. How about you?

I don't have much to say this week. I'd appreciate a review so that I know you're out there. Thanks for going on this journey with me.