Collection: The Yaoi Sex Rules

Author: flannelninja

Purpose: Once upon a time, there was a ninja of flannel that liked slash. Especially uber yummy smexy slash. However, the flannel ninja grew sad on discovering not many people knew the Yaoi Sex Rules. She was determined to make sure everyone became aware… by making creating a series of one-shots based on said Yaoi Sex Rules.

Pairings: Style, Kyman, Creek, Poly (To be announced/Tell me your favorite!), Dip

A/N: Heh Heh… I'm glad you all liked the last one! I got more reviews that I thought I would! Thanks to all you dirty birdies who're reading this. I can say one thing about this endeavor… it's really taught me something about myself XD Mostly, that I suck at writing long one-shots.

Dedicated to: My buddy, Rumanya 3

The One with Whipped Cream on Top

Rule #3- A uke cannot actually come just with the ass-pleasing alone. That is a myth and a lie. If you've ever been told that, burn the manga/person. They need some penis-pleasing. Usually a hand-job/jerking off while their partner is inside them is common.

Craig had never been more confused in his life. This BDSM stuff was harder than it looked. First he had to wear this silly costume that made him look like The Friggin' Leather Ass Pirate. Then, he had to learn a bunch of safe words that his boyfriend had apparently learned on the internet, which made him wonder… how much porn had he been watching? Had their vanilla sex really been so unsatisfying? He couldn't imagine hitting his sweet, paranoid little blonde; much less him actually liking it. He considered himself plain and ordinary and lazy… not some master of torture or super sadist. Wasn't that like… Eric Cartman's job? He suddenly pictured Tweek being sexually pleasured by the Fatass. That wouldn't do at all.

Until Tweek and Craig had the "I like the sex but…" talk, Craig had thought everything was going swimmingly. He thought Tweek was happy living with him. There were no "buts" in happiness, or at least Craig didn't think so. But Tweek would be in for the surprise of his life; because the dull and monotone Craig would do anything for him… to make him happy… and to keep them together; even change.

O-o-O-o-O

Craig smiled wordlessly at his boyfriend. The evening had been perfect. Tweek had made spaghetti and meat balls, Craig's favorite. They talked for hours about their old friends and childhood home. It was dreadfully romantic. It was something Craig hated to see in movies, but when it was him and Tweek instead of a cheesy rom-com couple, it just felt right; like there was nothing wrong with the world. Of course, there was something wrong with Craig's world at the moment. He had the costume on under his clothes, and it was uncomfortable as hell.

Finally, the meal was finished. Craig watched as Tweek retreated to the bedroom, giving him a sexy come-hither look from the crack in the doorway. His finger curled towards him. Craig sighed. He was beginning to second guess himself. He walked slowly into the room. Tweek was already in bed, twitching slightly as always. Craig took a deep breath, and began to remove his clothes slowly. Tweek watched, eyes wide, as Craig revealed a leather vest and red crotch-less panties. His heart began to pound… and he avoided his boyfriend's gaze determinedly. "Oh… Craigy…" Tweek whispered.

Craig turned his back and began to rummage through the dresser. "I know you're probably expecting whips and stuff… but… for now… this is all I'm ready for." Craig pulled out a bottle of whipped cream. Tweek licked his lips. "Take off your clothes." Craig's confidence grew as he noticed Tweek's obvious arousal. "Now."

Tweek did as he was told, quickly stripping for his "Master." Craig slowly but surely stepped closer to the naked blonde. Craig turned his gaze at the ceiling doing the most embarrassing thing he had done in his entire life: Spraying whipped cream on his genitals. "Suck…" he commanded vaguely. Tweek eagerly scooted to the end of the bed, and began to lap up the whipped cream excitedly and expertly. Craig couldn't help feeling irrational jealousy. There must be some reason he was so good at this.

His thoughts were interrupted by pure unadulterated pleasure as Tweek began to gag himself on his penis. His head bobbed backwards and forwards… and Craig suddenly felt very guilty. It couldn't be very comfortable choking on his member. It just felt so damn good. And Tweek was already completely aroused by the looks of it. Suddenly he pushed Tweek off him and laid him down on the bed. "This might… feel a little weird…" he said quietly. But it was all according to his plan. He spread open the blonde's cheeks, and sprayed the whipped cream around his hole. He took a deep breath, and began to lick up all of the cream. Tweek moaned and groaned with pleasure. He licked his hand and began to reach for his own member, rubbing it vigorously up and down. Craig, finished with the whipped cream and feeling slightly pleased with himself, saw this as his cue. He began to press his fingers inside the blonde, making him hiss with a mixture of pleasure and pain. Craig, feeling Tweek was well enough prepared, quickly dashed over to the dresser to find a condom, put it on, and inserted himself inside the blonde.

Craig began slowly. He thrusted and pounded into the boy, going faster and faster and harder and harder at Tweek's command. Finally, Tweek shouted out that he was ready to cum. He squirted unto the boy's chest. Craig came shortly after, falling down upon his lover.

"Okay, I don't blame you," Craig panted. "That was kind of hot."