Who knew that they had wireless at the roller rink? I'm having a surreal experience! I'm finishing up this chapter while my girls roller skate, my computer screen is illuminated by black light and disco ball mirrors while Michael Jackson's Thriller is blaring from a speaker behind me.
I've been so busy this month – with my birthday, my husband's birthday, and my daughter's birthday all within two weeks of each other and visits from family – it's been a whirlwind of non-stop activity.
I've literally been lusting for my fanfiction fix – both reading and writing! Thank you for sticking with me through this. I so wish that I was one of those writers who could put out a chapter each week, or even two a week.
Thanks to ms. ambrosia, who helped remind me this week of what does and what does not fall within the confines of canon. Sometimes I just go crazy and make all kinds of shit up that doesn't belong in this story.
Disclaimer: SM owns everything Twilight. I only own my crazy twist on the story.
I was no longer in control of my body. I willed my eyes to open, my heart to continue beating, but the connection between my mind and my body was severed. The only way that I knew that I was still alive was my still-thriving link to Bella. I could sense her presence deep down in my bones.
I couldn't distinguish where my mind stopped and hers began. Her thoughts, her visions encased me in a protective bubble where I felt more like an observer than a participant in reality. I had no choice but to succumb to the numb haze of unconsciousness while in some small corner of my brain I continued to experience the last few moments of my life through her eyes.
As my body became an unanimated shell, my brain continued to spin. While I stopped feeling sensations on the outside, I felt an almost continuous physical pull on my mind, as if Bella's thoughts were weaving themselves into mine, keeping me alive. Her constant fixation on my heartbeat, my every labored breath, made me acutely aware of the seriousness of my condition.
Her devastating concern for me was more painful than anything I'd yet experienced. I desperately wanted to comfort her, to reach out to her, to find some way to let her know that I trusted her and to reassure her. But I was trapped inside my broken body.
I sifted through the waves of her emotion to sense that we were in rapid motion. Though I couldn't feel the movement, I knew Bella was pushing herself to run faster than she'd ever run before. I was only aware that she had me clutched tightly to her chest because her eyes kept flickering down to me and I could see my limp form as she did. I was barely recognizable, my lifeless body covered by my own blood, my impassive face already taking on the mask of death.
If I could have recoiled, I would have somehow resisted seeing this view of myself. The amount of blood on my body and staining the pale, alabaster skin on Bella's arms was staggering. Even with my limited mental capacity, I wondered how Bella could face such a temptation, yet I sensed no bloodlust from her, only a steadily increasing, intense fear.
As she shot through the trees, I began to draw other straggling, niggling thoughts from her mind. She seemed to be exerting some effort concentrating on a particular deep and rhythmic sound that kept escalating in volume and then all at once receded. The rumbling noise was causing her anxiety and again I struggled with my inability to offer her any comfort.
I focused my mind, enhancing our connection as much as I could, holding on to my link to her, my only link to life. A thought pierced my mind: wolves. The wolves were following. Bella was wondering why they were pursuing her, and if they were trying to stop her, trying to come between us. She was wondering if Jacob Black was still the friend he had always been or if he was driven by his instinctual need to kill vampires without remorse. She threw the unanswered questions to the side, steadfast in her mission, her swift stride unfaltering.
Had it been hours…minutes…seconds since she'd started running? I had no concept of time. Surely I would have been dead in any other circumstance. Instead, I stubbornly held onto what was left of my life, unable to disentangle myself from my lifeline, from the incredible vampire who clung to my humanity with every ounce of superhuman strength in her undead body.
Bella didn't stop to open the door of my parent's house, making a split second decision to simply kick in the front door, ripping it from its hinges as she tore across the threshold into the living room. She finally came to an abrupt, skidding stop directly in front of my parents, whose faces must have reflected the abject terror of their thoughts.
My mother flung her arms out toward me, but her legs collapsed beneath her and she dropped to her knees, her high-pitched wail penetrating my comatose slumber. My father was so pale, so paralyzed by shock he almost ceased to seem human. Bella's eyes fell to his lips that had slightly parted in a stunned expression, his face slowly morphing, twisting into a grimace of pain.
"Carlisle!" Bella said sternly, but desperately. "Carlisle…save him!" she whispered demandingly. I wondered if they heard her, her words were so faint. "Save him!" she said louder, pleading.
Alice had appeared from somewhere, grasping my mother's arm and pulling her to her side for support. I ached to open my eyes, to respond in some way to them, to tell them how much I loved them, that I would always love them.
The thump thump thump of my heart was slowly fading. I could feel Bella's panic. I could hear her begging me to fight for my life, to fight for her. And I tried. I tried with every last bit of me to hold onto her, to will my heart to keep beating for her. But I was getting so tired and it was getting more and more difficult to breathe. My lungs felt like they were drowning in fluid. There was so little air.
Emmett shifted into Bella's focus. He slapped his big hand onto my father's arm, jolting him from his trance. His head snapped to Emmett's.
"Dad, you gotta fix him!" he bellowed.
"Please…Carlisle," Bella begged. My mother reached out to me again, running her fingers through my blood-soaked hair while violent sobs wracked through her body.
My father leapt forward, his face transformed into one of professional distance. His fingers darted out, running carefully along my neck, across my chest.
"Will you place him gently on the floor?" he asked Bella, but she scowled at him, shaking her head.
"I will not let him go," she said, almost snarling at my father.
"Okay," he replied tentatively. "Can you hold him steady like this for a while so that I can assess his injuries?"
"I can hold him like this forever," she said with certainty.
My father nodded, his fingers continuing to move over me, on my arms, my wrist.
"Emmett!" he called, gesturing him closer. "Tear his shirt off," he ordered.
Emmett reached down, his expression tortured, his eyes brimming with unshed tears. He wadded the sodden scraps of my shirt, ripping them from my torso.
The huddled pair of my mother and Alice whimpered at the enhanced view of my injuries, wincing at the sight of my shredded flesh. Their trembling bodies seemed twisted around each other, as if pooling their strength.
My father's hands seemed everywhere at once, his brow furrowed in concentration. He finally looked up, directly into Bella's eyes and then toward my mother. His shoulders dropped and he seemed hesitant to speak what he'd surmised with his examination.
Thump…Thump…Thump. Bella was counting the seconds between my heartbeats now. I could vaguely hear her desperate, anguished plea to me.
Please…please…Edward…please…Edward…please…
"He doesn't have long," Carlisle stated plainly, breaking the silence. "His injuries are too severe," he added, avoiding Esme's gaze.
She reached out for him, tugging on his arm. "What are you saying, Carlisle? What are you saying?" she asked, her voice raw and frantic. "You've got to save him! You've got to save him!" she pleaded.
"I can't Esme! I can't!" he moaned desperately, tugging at his hair, smearing my blood across his face. "He's broken his spinal cord, he's lost too much blood, he's…he's dying," he spat hopelessly, tears slipping down his cheeks.
My father's words washed over me and I felt my hold on my vital force give way a little, slipping me deeper into the calm haze of the innermost recesses of my mind. I began to accept that I was dying, that it was okay to let go. I allowed my virtual eyes to close, blackness dropping over me like a heavy curtain blocking out the sun.
I opened my eyes and I was sitting at my piano. My hands were already moving over the keys, playing Bella's song. The notes were crystal and true and were so utterly perfect that I could feel the music in every part of me. It felt like air, like the sweetest perfume, like the essence of life. I was absolutely content and peaceful.
I kept playing and playing, my fingers never tiring, the music never losing its ability to soothe me, to lull me into a state of complete happiness. After a while I realized that I didn't need the piano to create the music. I was the instrument. As long as I thought of the notes, they awakened in the air around me.
This realization filled me with joy. I was the music. The music was me. It was everything that I'd always wanted.
It was all so effortless. I felt invincible. I could do anything. I could be anyone. I could be anywhere I wanted. But what did I want? Where did I want to be? I didn't know. I looked around me. Is this where I wanted to be? I tried to think, to remember, but my mind was empty.
It was all at once silent. The song that I'd been creating, that had embraced me like a lover's arms, was instantly gone as if virtually erased from my memory.
I looked around me, but there was absolutely nothing to see - no boundaries, no edges, no surfaces, no textures. The world around me was as blank as my thoughts. "I'm alone," I whispered, my voice halting, flat. "This is wrong," I declared into the vast emptiness.
I closed my eyes, but I was faced with the same expanse of nothingness whether my eyes were open or closed. "Help me!" I yelled, my words falling at my feet. "I don't want to be here. I don't want to be alone. It's so quiet," I said, marveling at how small my voice sounded.
Rather than stretching out into the space around me, I craved something real, something tangible, something solid. I wanted nothing more than to curl inward, to hold onto myself. As soon as I had the thought, I was holding my knees to my chest, my chin tucked tightly.
I squeezed with all my strength, trying to feel. I looked into my mind. There had to be something there, some clue to my existence. I concentrated on remembering, on seeing something…anything. My anxiety was building and building and I feared that I might be stuck in this non-place forever when I saw a dark shape in the distance.
I uncoiled my arms and legs, and stood. I eagerly stretched in the direction of the blip in my vision until I stood before her – a girl…a woman…a pale woman…Bella. Bella. I knew her. Bella. She didn't appear solid, but flickered and faded as I puzzled over her presence. Her expressions rapidly changed as I looked at her, as if experiencing every emotion conceivable within a single moment.
Her mouth opened and I leaned in expectantly, hoping her words would offer me some kind of guidance. "Edward!" she screamed, and in that instant, the empty expanse around me snapped like a rubber band, slapping against my skin, sinking into my body until every cell was painfully awakened. My eyes flew open and I gasped for breath.
"Bella!" I tried to speak, my lips vibrating with the effort, but not able to make any coherent sound. "Bella," I tried again and she smiled weakly at me.
"You're awake!" my father blurted, surprised. His expression morphed from shock to resignation as he realized that my consciousness did nothing to change the severity of my condition.
"Shh, don't speak, Edward. Save your strength," Bella murmured lovingly, but her face did not hide her level of desperation.
"Carlisle, this means something doesn't it?" my mother implored hopefully.
"No, I'm afraid not," he replied dejectedly, his apologetic eyes begging me to forgive him.
"Change him, Bella," Emmett said plainly from his position behind my father, voicing the solution that had been looming in the atmosphere, in the back of everyone's minds. "Make him into a vampire. Make him like you."
His suggestion was met with silent, wide, worried faces, except for one. Jacob stepped into my vision next to Emmett, shoving him to the side with his broad shoulder. He looked at all of us wildly, growling under his breath, as if he couldn't believe that we were considering Emmett's suggestion. His nostrils flared as he turned his furious, red face to Bella.
He leaned in closely, almost tortured by the effort of calming himself. "You need to think carefully about this Bella. Do you want to curse him to this kind of life?" he seethed.
"What choice do I have?" she asked him, her glance turning to my mother as if asking her permission.
"Edward!" my mother moaned, Alice sniffling next to her.
"I won't let you do this!" Jacob snarled.
"Cool it," Emmett demanded as he moved to put his hand on Jacob's back. Jacob flinched violently, glaring back at him.
"Emmett, back off!" Jacob ordered.
"Jacob, please! Don't stop this!" Bella begged.
Is this what you want, Edward? Is this what you want?
Bella's words in my mind were so loud, so clear that it was like she was shouting. Unable to do anything more, I gurgled a garbled response, "Yes," hoping she would understand.
She nodded perceptively, her worried eyes searching me for any sign of doubt. I wanted to tell her that I trusted her implicitly, that I would put up with anything to be with her forever, that she was all that mattered. But I couldn't.
I knew that we didn't have much time. My father reached forward and put his hands on my neck. "His heart beat is slowing. He doesn't have much time," he said.
"NO!" Jacob yelled, stomping his foot as if his word was final.
"Please Jacob," Bella begged. "He and I…we're meant to be together. He is everything to me. He is my life. I can't exist without him." She looked down at me as if even bloodied and broken, I was the most precious thing in the entire world.
I love you. I love you. Thump…Thump…Thump…I love you.
She continued to count my heartbeats, constantly monitoring my condition.
Jacob eyes softened slightly as he looked first at Bella and then at me. "Bella?" he questioned uncertainly. "The others won't understand. They might come after him. I can't…protect you both," he lamented.
"Let Bella save my son," my mother said through her tears. "We can deal with everything else later."
Jacob simply stepped back, nodding.
Bella finally relented, placing me on the ground before her. She hovered over my body, unsure of herself.
"Is there anything I can do to help you?" my father asked Bella. She shook her head, her hair shielding my neck as she positioned herself at my side.
"You could hold his hand," she suggested as an afterthought.
"Okay," my father said, smiling weakly, clearly feeling helpless but glad to be of some use.
"I've never done this before," Bella explained nervously to my family. They had all taken a few steps closer, sinking to the floor, encircling my prone form. Even though I couldn't turn my head to look at them, I sensed each and every one of them, their love shrouding my body in warmth, calming me.
"I love you, Edward," Bella said as she crouched lower. She put one hand on my chest and the other on my forehead. I didn't feel her through my skin, but I felt her touch through my mind, her fingers electrifying me as if sparking my body back to life.
I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…I love you…
She continued her litany, her declaration of love, as she placed her lips on my neck. As her tongue darted out to lick the dried blood from my pulsing vein, I felt her hesitation, her trepidation, as if it was my own.
Thump…thump…thump…
"Are you sure?" I heard Bella ask dreadfully.
"Do what you must to save him," my father answered faintly but with conviction.
"I think you need to leave us then," I heard Bella say through clenched teeth. "I can't promise anything, Carlisle. I can't promise that I won't lose control. Go now!" Bella whispered urgently, her usually steady voice breaking on the last few words.
"Come on," my father urged as he released my hand. I heard bodies scuffling, the door slamming abruptly, footfalls retreating.
My heartbeat was slowing, and I sensed Bella's panic. My chest constricted painfully under her hand as she finally lurched at me, her teeth ripping into the flesh at my neck. She tugged viciously at my blood, sucking at my torn vein. My eyes fluttered closed, reveling at the sensuality of the experience.
Bella was as lost in the sensation as I was. Her desire, her need was overpowering her. I was willing to give her every bit of myself, my body, my blood, my soul. We were both seduced by the intensity of the physical connection, completely entranced by one another.
Then all at once, Bella's mind instantly cleared and she sprang to action, tearing her body away from mine. The lost of the connection was devastating. I reached out for her with my mind, desperate to re-establish some kind of link to her.
I felt the tremor of electricity that shot through Bella's body as she pulled herself away from me, flying backward across the room. She collided loudly and forcefully against the wall near the fireplace so that several bricks crumbled into piles of rubble at her feet. Her thirst was nearly overwhelming, and I suffered with her. If I could have spoken, I would have begged her to put an end to her torturous restraint, to take everything I had to give – my heart, my soul, my blood, my life. It was hers – all of it – it was all hers.
I'd been so preoccupied at sharing Bella's pain, at seeing things through her eyes, that I'd been oblivious to my own struggle. I'd been so entirely distracted that I hadn't been paying any attention to how Bella's venom was beginning to affect me. Yet, as soon as I allowed myself to slip back into the darkness of my own mind, I felt the effects with surprising clarity.
As the venom traveled down my veins, bit by bit my paralyzed limbs came startlingly back to life, but in the most excruciatingly painful way. I could acutely feel my bones fusing themselves back together, as if the venom itself was weaving and molding new, more perfect bone with the damaged ones. Heat circulated around my broken spinal cord, lashes of fiery pain mending the damaged tissue.
When I tugged at my mind through the pain, I caught a glimpse of myself through Bella's sight, writhing on the floor and howling in pain. Some time must have passed, because I sensed that we were not alone in the room, but my family had returned.
Bella was glaring at Jacob who had pinned himself between her and my body, Emmett close behind. My father's hand was again clenched around mine, his sweat-covered brow furrowed in concern. Alice had moved so that she was holding my other hand, a gesture that filled me with love and gratitude. I was astounded by my family's acceptance, the depth of their compassion.
Even as I suffered through the agonizing transformation that was taking place in my body, I concentrated all my energy on my hand until I could feel my fingers tingling. I thought about how much I loved Alice and how much I longed to reassure her that everything was going to be alright. Though a fire was beginning to blaze inside my chest, I imagined Alice's hand in mine, the tips of my fingers just slightly curling inward.
Alice gasped and rather than hearing it through Bella, I heard it with my own ears.
"It's Edward, he squeezed my hand," she said incredulously, bursting into tears. "He's going to be okay!" she cried. "He's going to be okay!"
Her words echoed around the room just as the venom coiled itself tightly around my heart, strangling it with its acid touch. My chest heaved, arching toward the ceiling. Every part of my body thrashed and trembled, the unquenchable flames burning me from the inside out.
It was more than I could bear, the venom torturing my cells in the cruelest of ways. I had only two choices, to either resist the terrible and relentless attack on my body, fighting like a disheartened soldier to shun the changes that were happening or I could accept my fate and surrender to the process. Once I'd decided to succumb to the pain, I felt my mind separate from my body, my soul drifting through the ether while my body shuddered below.
Except for my constant moaning, it was eerily silent. Seeing my family holding vigil around me, I couldn't help feeling like I was at my own funeral, as if my father was about to recite a eulogy in my honor. I imagined what he might say about me, if he was proud of the life I had led, and how he would come to terms with my future.
I couldn't spare a thought for how this was going to be resolved for all of them. I had to look forward, to hope that my body's torture would soon be over, that I would make it out of the other side of this process. I filled my mind with thoughts of Bella: her sheet of gorgeous chocolate hair, her cat-like amber eyes, her lithe body that moved like a wild panther, her irresistible scent that intoxicated me. I imagined her scent wafting around me, seeping into my pores, calming me, easing my anxiety and making me whole.
It seemed like hours, maybe days later when I realized that I was alone in the room with Bella. My body had stilled. It was not paralyzed as it was before, but it was as if in stasis, waiting. Bella had lain down next to me, her arms and legs curled around my rigid form as if she could shield me from the world.
As soon as I wondered about her thoughts, they filled my mind. She was remembering the first time she realized that I could read her mind and how earth shattering it had seemed. She couldn't understand how a monster like her could be linked so intimately to a human boy. Once she'd given into the enticing pull of our connection, she found herself irrevocably tied to me, so much so that she found she couldn't stay away.
I wanted to tell her that I'd felt the same, that with just one glimpse into her mind, I was completely addicted to her. Once I'd seen the world through her eyes, I never wanted to turn back to the loneliness of my own thoughts. Even before I saw her, I was hers. We'd both been forever changed by meeting one another. The fact that Bella was a vampire and I was a human couldn't keep us from loving one another.
Bella's eyes made a constant sweep of my body, assessing my condition, noting the physical changes in my appearance. I didn't recognize myself. At some point when I was delirious, driven to madness by the poisonous venom slithering along my veins, someone had obviously cleaned the blood from my body and changed my clothes.
Just like when we first encountered one another, Bella was fixated on the vein at my neck, except now there was a small, knitted, crescent-shaped scar there that mirrored the one on her lovely neck. As she listened to the weak and slow thump of my heartbeat, she couldn't stifle her overwhelming guilt for causing me so much pain and for how much she lusted after the luscious taste of my hot, thick blood.
And yet she was excited. She ran her fingers along my jaw, marveling at how our skin was the same color, the temperature of our bodies the same. And I felt her love. She was overflowing with love. I couldn't wait to return the sentiment…to hold her, to kiss her, to make love to her.
I was so lost in my feelings for her that I hadn't even noticed that the flames licking at my insides had smoldered, the pain receding. Bella flinched, untangling herself from me, sitting up.
"Carlisle!" I heard her yell. "It's time. You all need to leave now!"
I felt the floor rumble underneath me as my family prepared to leave the house. I could smell them. I could hear their hearts beating and each individual foot step as the door creaked closed behind them.
Edward, it's time. It's time. Can you hear me? Your heart…it's almost done.
Thump…Thump…
Thump…
…
Edward! Wake up!
I listened to my heart's last resounding beat, awed by the utter motionlessness of my body. Was I really alive or had I perished? I almost feared trying to move. What if I couldn't?
I was pondering the strangeness of my body, the unfamiliar level of control over each and every muscle. I hadn't taken a breath in several minutes. I counted the minutes, and the seconds, and then the milliseconds between the seconds. After exactly seven minutes, seven seconds, and seven milliseconds, I allowed my lungs to expand, inhaling until my lungs were full and I opened my eyes to my new reality.
Thank you so much for reading. I hope that this scene was satisfying to read. It was eerily fun to write. Please leave me a review! I need to hear what you think! Please! Motivate me!
Or tell me about the last time you roller skated…