A/N: So here's Chapter Four. It's not a dream just to make that clarification. Thank you all so much for adding it to your favorites and the reviews. It makes me so happy that you're all enjoying it! Reviews are like the icing on a cake, nice but not necessary.

Disclaimer: I don't own this, just Cooper.

Chapter 4

She stared absently for what felt like hours. First at the wall, then at the television that occupied the other side of the hotel room they'd gotten for her so that she could get away from the school. Lissa was gone, as was Dimitri. Two of the most important things in her life were now dead and it'd all been her fault. She couldn't save them. Sure she'd saved so many others, but she hadn't been able to save them. She'd died trying to save them. Their screams haunted her waking nightmares. One guardian she didn't know was standing outside her door doing surveillance. The Queen wanted to see her as soon as possible but they hadn't been able to procure proper transportation yet, so she waited. Her arms were wrapped protectively around her upper body as she just sat there barely breathing. This couldn't be real.

The male guardian, who had been watching the door, finally entered and told her it was time to leave. He'd walked into the room, turned off the television, and walked over to her offering his hand as support. She looked at his out stretched hand, then up to his face. The ghosts whirled around him as she took it and started walking. Rose couldn't even make it to the door before she collapsed to her knees, weak and distraught she began pleading with him. "Don't make me go; I want them to take me. Can't you see them? They're waiting on me, calling my name." She pointed out into the hallway where a family had just walked by but it wasn't them that she had seen. "They're there with them now. Both of them, oh God…" her words were empty yet echoed off the walls as she practically screamed them at him.

"Guardian Hathaway, get a hold of yourself," he urged her. "All you have to do is make it to the car. Once you get there you can cry and shout all you want to. But right now the humans are starting to get anxious and you have somewhere to be."

His words had little if any affect at all; following the tears was a wave hysteria that overcame her as she tried to get up. "What if they're not dead and they've turned? You saw them right? Both of them, they were dead weren't they?"

"Yes Guardian Hathaway, they were both dead. We're bringing their bodies back with us, both of them. Princess Dragomir wished for him to be buried among her family, she knew that you two were close and that if you were going to be buried with her, he might as well be buried with you."

The room was spinning again but this time he caught her, "Someone must have told her. I didn't think she knew."

He picked her up and carried her in his arms, she didn't protest as she glanced longingly at Dimitri's ghost that haunted the hall as they entered the elevator. "It was Mr. Ivashkov I believe ma'am."

Rose took in a deep breath. "You can set me down now; I think I've regained my composure for the moment."Gripping the arm rest that ran the perimeter of the elevator was comforting enough as she stood there focusing on her breathing. She'd died again, of this she was certain. Yet she was here. "Do you know where Mr. Ivashkov is?"

He nodded, "He's waiting for the same flight as us ma'am. He'll be joining you; I think he's going to be the one to carry on the Dragomir name, because they say he was one of her closest living relative."

The rest of their car trip was silent, except for every now and then when Rose would lose her self-composure. The trip to the airport wasn't long but it felt like ages much like everything else did without them. She longed to feel Dimitri's hands wrapped around her shoulders, the comfort that being in Lissa's presence allowed her, or anything than the complete sadness that she was feeling now. When the car stopped and her door opened she stepped out of the car on autopilot. The air strip would be secure. It had to be secure. She couldn't fight, not now, not for a long time. She'd gotten them killed if only she'd been faster, she could have saved them, both of them.

"I'm going to be escorting you back to the Queen Ms. Hathaway. You'll be safe there," replied the guardian who had been with her all this time.

"What's your name?"

"Cooper, Bailey Cooper ma'am," he replied shyly.

"Thank you Cooper, your kindness was more than I expected" and with that she boarded the plane. He wasn't there yet. She needed to see him. If he was still alive he was the only other one besides Rose and Christian to make it. The very ones no one wanted to. The expendable ones, "I should have died. I needed to die; I could have died instead of her or him or both of them for that matter. They could both be alive now while it would be me they were getting ready to put in the ground."

The ghosts were there again, pressing down on her. Lissa sat in the empty seat beside her, trying to press her hand down into Rose's. They rarely touched her, but Lissa was and she could feel it. Thousands of unshed tears came out in droves, silent tears that shook her down to the core. I want to die, she thought to herself pleading with Lissa to take her. She shook her head in disagreement and began mouthing something inaudible. I wish I knew what you were saying, I miss you so much.

Lissa looked away and Rose's attention shifted from her ghastly friend to the frame filling the door way. It was an extremely hollowed looking Adrian Ivashkov. Much of the boyish youth that had once plagued his presence was gone; the circles under his eyes mirrored the ones she knew must have been on her face as well. She wiped away a few stray tears that had escaped since his entrance and as he waited for the flight attendant to fix his drink, Rose stole one last look at Lissa. She mouthed something that Rose was barely able to make out or at least she thought she had. I love you, and as she felt one more tiny squeeze on her hand the ghosts were gone.

Adrian drank it in one big gulp and asked her to fix him another when she got a chance. Turning to walk down the aisle he nodded in her direction as he took a seat a few rows in front of her. The sting of his actions surprised her as she sat there. Rose wanted him to walk over and sit beside her, to tell her everything was going to be okay like he'd done so many times before, but then she guessed things weren't going to be okay. Her headache raged on but the ghosts didn't return. Come to find out Christian had already taken an earlier flight back to Pennsylvania to meet with the Queen on the events that had unfolded. He'd been an amazing asset during the fights and seemed like he wanted to continue fighting with magic as a way to make amends for Lissa's death since he hadn't been there. Rose was surprised that he was willing to do so much for Lissa, but she would have done the same if their roles were reversed. The flight was long and boring. Adrian still hadn't come back to see her and she felt as though she had no tears left to cry, at least not then anyways. So she stood and walked up to where he was sitting.

"Hey." She said, standing there like an idiot instead of just sitting down beside him with or without an invitation.

"Hey," he replied back stirring the amber liquid that occupied his cup.

"Can I sit down?"

He motioned with his hand, "it's a free country isn't it?"

She sat down beside him, wringing her hands in her lap as she waited for him to say something. He never did. They landed within hours and stepped out onto the tarmac. The one good thing about being at the palace meant that the ghosts couldn't haunt her. The wards were too strong even for the strigoi to break. Adrian had practically jumped the seat in front of him to get out of the plane before her, and as Cooper escorted her to her room she felt overwhelmed with a feeling of sheer abandonment. She never realized how much she'd needed Adrian until now, and now that he wasn't there…now that no one was there, what else was left but to just let go?

Cooper opened the door and examined the room. "I'll be working as your guardian for a while."

"Do they really think I need one?"

He nodded, "You've gained the attention of every Strigoi in the world, whether you wanted to or not. You've practically placed yourself in the same league as the Queen herself although I'd never admit it to anyone but you."

"Oh, so will I always have Guardians from now on?"

He didn't know, but he did seem to be under the impression that it wasn't going to change anytime soon since he'd been officially assigned to her after the death of his charge. Rose was okay with that, she'd always enjoyed the company of other Guardians and it seemed like a nice way to have someone around.

"Queen Tatiana will see you after dinner; she's been taking care of a few arrangements at the castle this afternoon and has prior arrangements for dinner. I'm sure you understand?"

Rose nodded, "of course."

"You should rest; you look like you should get some sleep. I'll be right outside if you'd like, or I can stay here?"

She laughed, "Thanks for not saying I look like shit. You can stay in here and watch the television, I doubt I'll sleep much anyways and the noise soothes me."

"Oh before I forget, Mr. Ivashkov asked me to relay a message to you when we got to your room."

Rose who had been in the middle of taking off her shoes stopped and looked at him intently, "what did he have to say?"

"Not much other than that he was sorry, he just couldn't today."

She looked confused, "What's that supposed to mean?"

"I thought you might know, but those were his exactly words. He didn't talk to you once you went to sit beside him, maybe that has something to do with it?"

Rose sighed, "You noticed that?"

"It's my job to notice those things Guardian Hathaway."

"That's my mom, I'm just Rose."

He laughed a single happy sound, "I think you've surpassed your mom in rank now." His laugh had filled the room, but hadn't been enough to bring a smile to her face.

"Maybe, but I don't think I'm ready to be Guardian Hathaway yet, I just need a break."

"Anyone would if they were in your shoes Rose," he took the bed beside hers and grabbed the remote control. He seemed young, but looked deadly. Cooper was cute, but that didn't matter. He'd probably find some Moroi girl to get pregnant and have little Dhampir babies with, something that would make Rose happy in the end. All she wanted was Lissa and Dimitri back, and Adrian here with her. To hold her, to cry with her, she wondered if he cried. He looked like he'd been crying, and a part of her knew she'd seen him crying before.

Rose waited until Cooper had fallen asleep, it'd been a long day and once he'd settled in she knew it would be too hard for him to resist the fingers of sleep. She went into the bathroom and looked at her reflection in the mirror. The florescent lighting made her look even paler and gaunt than she already was. Opening the drawers she found an array of toiletries, zooming in on the razor she pulled it out carefully. Attached to the end was a disposable head. Pulling it off she carefully took it apart with a pair of scissors she'd found in a sewing kit.

As she brought the razor to the inside of her leg she dug down deep to make the pain stop. Scarlet red blood spilled onto the floor. She could feel the blood oozing out of her body as it dripped down her leg. Her eyes grew weaker and she set the razor down on the counter. So this is what it feels like? She thought to herself as the world slowly faded away from her reality. There was a banging on the door and she heard Cooper get up to answer it, yells were coming in from the hallway but she couldn't quite make them out. Part of her wanted them to be from Dimitri but she knew that wasn't the case. "Where is she?" He demanded opening the door to the bathroom.

"Damn it!" He yelled as he pushed Cooper back against the wall. "I should have you reassigned!" He screamed, why was he screaming it wasn't like anything serious was going on. She opened her eyes and looked down at the floor. There was so much blood…maybe she'd cut too deep?

Adrian came back over to her, "Rose? Rose!" He grabbed my shoulders and shook her till she looked at him.

"Ugh, what?"

"What have you done?" His grasp became tighter and just as it had felt when the blood left her leg, the same oozing feeling happened when the blood went back into her leg. The wound healed and the strong hands that had been clasped around her arms soon let go as he collapsed into her lap. "Please don't do that again."

Rose moved to sit in the floor with him, pressing her back against the bathtub as she cradled him in her arms, "I can't promise you that Adrian."

"Lie to me then," he replied.

"I can't lie to you, I haven't the heart." She squeezed him tightly against her, as if holding onto him was the only thing keeping her on the ground. "What am I going to do?"

"Keep living, they would want you too."

She looked down at him, "why are you so sad? I can understand being upset over Lissa, but you're uncharacteristically sad."

He looked up at her, "because you're upset. I'm not sure how it's worked out that way but it has, I feel everything you're feeling and then some."

"Adrian?" She spoke softly. She was reluctant to find out but it was necessary. She needed to know if he'd done it or not.

"What?"

"During the fight…I died didn't I?"

He fought to push off of her and look her straight in the eyes as he sat there in front her, "yes."

She placed her face in her hands and began to cry again, "why didn't you just let me go?"

"Why do you even have to ask that?"

Rose went to stand but couldn't. Cooper who had been standing right outside the door came in to give her a hand. Adrian blocked him however and stood up in order to help her off of the floor himself, "I think I've got it now thanks." He smiled half-heartedly at Cooper who excused himself to watch the door.

Adrian walked her over to the bed where she laid down, sobbing against the pillow that should have been Lissa's. "I won't leave you Rose," he mused into her hair as he went to lie down on the opposite side of the bed from her.

"Who said I wanted you here in the first place?"