9

What Morgan Thinks.

Well we know for sure that Flanders didn't kill them, so what the hell is Spencer looking like a wet weekend for? I thought he'd be relieved but he's there on my couch looking like it's the end of the world. He's free from that son of a bitch so what's his problem now? I'm pacing back and forth across my lounge and I stop and open my mouth to say something and the right words just don't exist. I don't know what to say to him. The monster beat up on him. He is insane. They've locked him away someplace while they wait for damned test results which we all know will come back with nothing because there's nothing physically wrong with him. He's just a monster and you can see that on the outside, but I cant say these things to Reid. I want to sit with him and have a joke about something but what? What's to joke about? He's said again that he's going to resign and has asked me for something to write on and with, but I've not been that helpful. I don't want to be part of him ending his career. I don't want to go into the office in the mornings and not see him there bent over the paperwork. I don't want to not have him by my side when we go on a case. I want…

I want to comfort him. I want to put a manly arm around his shoulder, but I cant do that either. I cant let down the façade I've been hiding behind for so long just because Reid is having an off day. Another off day. He's had many and I've resisted in the past and I'll resist now.

So I'm sitting next to him and muttering something about it all being all right now.

'How can it be?' Reid is saying.

I don't have an answer to that because it's not going to be all right… 'What's bothering you?' My god that was a stupid question and the look he's giving me lets me know that he thinks so too.

'They think Sam killed four people in one night and didn't get any blood on him. As Hotch kept saying, Sam doesn't fit the profile and we both know it wasn't Floyd.'

I nod. I know this. We've talked about this. There's something else though and I think it's that other body which was found. The one which really fits the profile and isn't just a handy corpse to add to Floyd's list – that's the one which is bothering me and very much bothering Spencer. 'If you know something Reid…'

He gives me his scowl and I raise an eyebrow… 'Like what exactly?' His hands are twisting on his lap.

'You know what. Do you know something you're not telling us?' I put a comforting hand over one of Reid's. 'If Flanders told you something or did something…'

'Derek!' He pulls his hand away from mine. 'I know you don't like him and with good reason but don't try to pin crimes on him which he couldn't have committed. You know where he was when all that was happening. You know he didn't do it and I don't see how Sam could have done it either.'

I raise my hands in defeat but I don't feel defeated. I'm annoyed. I know he's holding back on something. 'Reid… if he did something and you know about it you have to tell someone.'

'You saw him! You saw the mess he's in. Derek I came to you for help.' Reid seemed to be pulling further away from me which really isn't what I wanted. I place a hand this time on his knee.

'Reid… Kiddo… The man hurts you. He uses you. You've been all this time coping without that monkey on your back you don't need it again now. Get rid of it.'

Spencer wiped away an itch on his nose and stared at me almost with hatred. 'I thought you'd understand. I thought I could trust you. I thought you would…'

I wait for what he thought I would do and he says nothing more but I can see the pain and horror in his eyes. It's all back like it used to be. All that effort to get rid of the pain that man caused in the past is back and it makes me hate him all the more. He's not happy to come back and go on a killing spree… he has to torture Reid's mind too. I move in closer and slip an arm around his shoulder. 'You know I'm here for you Spencer.' What the hell am I saying? What the hell am I doing? 'I need to go to bed.' I try to get up but Reid is pulling me back down again. 'Reid…'

'He came home with blood on him. I didn't know where it came from and didn't want to know, but I helped him clean up. I got him clean clothes to wear. I destroyed the evidence because I couldn't face that he was back and was going to be gone again so soon. I've messed up. I know I've messed up. I know what he is Derek. I know what he's capable of, but there's something… just something… but I helped him destroy evidence and that's my crime. Mine alone. I don't want you involved. It's something I'm going to have to deal with myself.'

Rossi Has A Few Words With Sam.

'You made some interesting statements.' Rossi is saying to Sam. They are standing in a small secure courtyard at the back of the police station. Sam having refused to talk further until he was permitted to smoke.

Sam gave Rossi a sly look. 'Well it got what I wanted didn't it?' He puffed on the cigarette like it was the answer to eternal youth.

'Are you saying that you lied to us?' Though Rossi was sure that some of what Sam had said was fabrication there was also the matter that he seemed to know things which he shouldn't have.

'I'm saying that I don't think straight when I need something and I need lots of stuff you know?' Sam paced and fidgeted and kicked at imaginary stones.

'You have a drug of choice?' Rossi was watching the twitching restless young man as he paced and lit up another cigarette. Sam spun on him and frowned.

'Of choice? Well obviously. Doesn't everyone? I cant get what I want. It's not available. No one fucking well has it and I've offered vast amounts of cash…' Sam clicked his fingers together and spat on the ground. '…no one can get it. And morphine is too much. Not too much, you know? But people are hanging on to supplies and I think the big boys wont deal with me.'

Rossi stood still and just observed. His hands pushed into the pocket of his jeans. The air was damp and Sam was shivering in his wet jacket which he refused to remove even so they could try to dry it for him. 'So you cant get morphine… you cant get what you really want… what exactly is that?'

Sam shook his head and took a deep drag on his smoke. 'Well you cant get it for me so what's the point in saying? Floyd could. He could get it but he didn't bloody well turn up. He's as fucked up as everyone else. It does my head in. Everyone does my fucking head in but Father Green. He's a good bloke.'

Dave wiggled his toes inside his Italian leather boots and nodded. 'I agree, he is a good person. Not many men would risk their reputation helping out someone like you.'

Sam spat the end of his cigarette onto the ground. 'And what's that meant to mean? I'm no worse than the other people he helps out. Can you get me morphine? If not this conversation is likely over.'

'I cant.' Rossi shook his head. 'I'm not a supplier I'm a Federal Agent. Can you tell me what the other thing is which you like? The drug Floyd can get for you?'

'And get him into shit? Why?'

'He's in hospital Sam. Would you like to go and visit him at some point? I might be able to arrange that but I need answers from you first. I want to know what drugs Flanders supplies you with and I want to know more about those young men who died.'

A sharp sly look crossed Sam's face. 'Hospital? He is? And you'll let me see him? Is he medicated?'

'Answer questions first…'

'Poppy oil. It tastes bitter, but it's so addictive… the taste, not the actual stuff. What about those dead blokes? What could I know about them? I just saw them a couple of times and never even saw one of them ever.' Sam paused and looked at Rossi in the eyes. 'I didn't do anything. I know what you think. I know you reckon I had something to do with it, but I didn't. I'm just an easy target and I'm not all that well, but I'm not a murderer.'

'Tell me why you made a comment about necks being broken.'

Sam walked towards the door but turned to look at Rossi. 'Cos I assumed Floyd had killed them. He always breaks necks. I dunno how he does it so easily but that's what he does… he breaks necks and then tears you apart. Sometimes when he's not well – and I mean really unwell he'll maybe eat bits, but he's sick. You know that don't you? I had more of an interest in that one who I didn't know. I just had a feeling about him. He didn't seem to fit with the others… though I'd only seen two of the others at that point… it just felt out of place some how. There was something different. The picture was grainy.' Sam battled through every excuse he could think of. 'And it's just… you know… I'm fucking freezing. Can we go in now? Can I leave? Am I under arrest for anything? Can I see Father Green? Can I go see Floyd? Is Spencer around?'

'We would like to ask you about what you said you saw in the park.' Rossi opened the door and let Sam back into the corridor. 'But I would like you to remove your jacket first.'

Sam kicked at the skirting board and hissed out some curse words. 'What is it about my fucking jacket you're so interested in?

'Indeed. Why wont you remove it. You're soaked.' Rossi had slid his hands back into his jeans pockets.

'For the love of fuck!' Sam shouted at him. 'You want to know why? It's because my hands are shaking too much!' He held two shaking pale hands out for Rossi to see. 'I have trouble with buttons.'

There was a nod from Rossi. 'Well let me help you then. Your co-ordination didn't seem a problem when you were smoking. I'm surprised that a few buttons cause you so much difficulty.'

Sam took a few steps so he was almost nose to nose with Rossi. 'Why are you such an arse hole? Is it a Federal pre-requisite?'

Dave stood his ground. He wasn't about to be intimidated by a mouthy teenager. 'Take the jacket off.'

There followed a lot of shouting and pacing, kicking of walls, more shouting… claims that no one ever has and ever will understand him… demands to see Father Green, demands to see Reid, more demands to leave and a quiet request for something to drink. 'Fucking dry old place isn't it?' He snarled as he finally pulled off the jacket and threw it to the floor. 'Satisfied? Like what you see do you?' He held his arms out with his palms face up. 'Well? Happy… going to fuck me now are you? Want me to take my jeans off too? Fucking sick bastards! All of you! Every mother fucker ever born…' He paused as his fingers fumbled at his waistband button. 'I hate fucking shit arse buttons! Why does everyone always ask me to take my damned clothes off? Or they scream at me to put them back on again. What the hell is wrong with everyone?'

Rossi moved to Sam quickly and grabbed his wrists. 'I just wanted you to remove your jacket.'

'Why?'

Dave picked the jacket up and looked over at the faces of police officers staring at the scene. 'Because it's wet. Someone get this dry please?' He held it up for someone to take from him. 'Sometimes people remove clothing for other reasons than wanting to see someone naked.' He passed over the jacket with a nod and then grabbed Sam's wrists again. 'You know Sam that you are safe here.'

'Fuck you! I'm not safe anywhere! The only place I ever feel safe is when I'm with Father Green. You wouldn't understand! You've not had… you're not… you don't…' He finished with sobbing and tears which was always a good way to give pause to something when he had no idea what to say. 'I'm tired of being abused!' He managed to wail.

Sam had on a Tshirt under the jacket he'd removed. It was old and baggy and wet on the shoulders where the jacket hadn't kept out the water. There was a wet blob between his shoulder blades too, but it was the mess Sam's arms were in which interested Dave more. They were covered in what was obviously cut marks, needle marks, burn scars and bruises. What Dave had wanted to see was some evidence that Sam had killed at least four and maybe all five of the victims on their list. What he did see was someone who didn't look like he had the strength to stand up let alone chase down, follow, murder, break into houses… Rossi just didn't see how this bony sick teenager could have done it. Not in the short span of time Sam would have had. He led Sam into a small room and asked someone to get a sandwich and a drink for Sam. It was getting late… Rossi was wondering how Sam was managing to stay awake. There were dark marks appearing under the bruises he already had on his face.

'Father Green is still here. He's been asked to find you somewhere to stay for the night. One of the shelters. You'll have a bed to sleep in and warm food. Sound good?'

Sam looked down at his lap and started to pick at a scab on his arm. 'I wanted to see Reid, or my… or, erm… Floyd.'

'When you've talked to me about what you saw in the park. Now what I need you to know is that I'm going to record what you say. You're not in trouble, you're not under arrest, it's just so people who aren't here can listen to it.'

'Don't talk to me like I'm an idiot Agent Rossi. You're recording it so you can try to trip me up on my own words later. I know your sort.'

Rossi smiled. 'It cant be used in evidence Sam. That's what I'm saying, but you will have to be careful that you tell the same story and no fabrications.'

'As said Rossi… I'm no idiot.' The sandwiches and coffee arrived. Sam sat and pulled apart the cheese sandwich and poked around inside the filling. When he looked up again he could see Rossi looking quizzical. 'Checking it's not drugged. People put crushed dope in food sometimes. I always check if I don't know where it came from. I advise that you do too. It might save your life one day. I've found rat poison in stuff before, more than once. It's always in sandwiches. Burgers are safe… I don't know why people want to put rat poison in sandwiches do you?' Sam shrugged and pushed the sandwich away. 'Coffee… I don't have to check. There's this stuff, it's a liquid and one tiny drop in coffee – or tea, but the drink needs to be hot, one drop and it will kill. It's always fatal. No cure, but you see it has a real strong smell and if you know what to look out for it's fine. I can always tell if my coffee has been spiked. Though never put honey in your tea…' Sam leaned over the table. '… it smells like honey you see so you'd not know. Never have honey in your drinks Agent Rossi cos it might kill you.'

Dave said nothing. He did though wonder how someone can live always thinking that they're going to be jumped on and abused or poisoned. He supposed that this may be why Sam doped himself up… there had to be a reason people sought escape of that type. Or was this paranoia and the delusions because of the drug use?

'I went to the park… it was raining and I was going to go hold up in the bogs, but someone was using them… which's not too surprising. I then walked down to that stupid fucking thing… the bandstand. I thought I could shelter in there but there was some hooker and her john shagging away down there so I decided to go to the bridge. Not the ideal place but it's shelter and it was cold and I was getting wet. So I walked down the path towards the bridge and then over the grass cos you have to get off the path to reach the under part of the bridge. The river was real high and running fast. I could hear it. Anyway I started to walk down the grass bank and I slipped onto my arse and when I looked up and into the shadows under the bridge someone was looking at me. He was crouched I think cos he seemed too low down and there looked to be something in front of him but it really is dark under that bridge. Anyway, the lights on the bridge were sort of flickering the way things do when it's raining but I could see that light in his eyes and I got to my feet and raised my hands like this…' Sam raised hands palm forward at shoulder level. '…you know to let him know that I didn't have a gun or shit or anything and was sorry to disturb him… and I started to turn and it was like this power – electricity had shot up my back and I let out a small yelp of pain but I think it was just plain fear you know? When adrenaline really shoots so fast through you that you nearly shit yourself… do you know that sort of fear Rossi? It can kill. It really can stop your heart, and anyway I started to run and I could hear someone running after me but he didn't call out but I could hear his feet squeaking on the grass and then crunching on the pathway and so I shot off to the side when I reached bench five and there's a big tree behind it so I slipped down there and tried to hold my breath and the person who I think looked like a guy pounded by me and I don't know how he couldn't hear my heart trying to smack its way out of my chest and I just stayed there like forever and then slowly moved away. I didn't go back to the same path and I sure as hell didn't go back to the bridge… and that's it.'

'What do you mean by squeaking on the grass?' Rossi asked.

'Well like he had sneakers on or something.'

'You said you knew it wasn't Floyd. How can you be so sure if you didn't see him or hear him?'

'He would have found me for starters. He would have been able to smell my fear and he wouldn't have bothered chasing me either. Why would he… he could have just called out my name and I'd have known. It wasn't him. I know for sure it wasn't him. I'd swear on a bible.'

Night Time Happenings.

Spencer had the couch. Morgan gave him a pillow and a blanket and asked if he needed anything else. Reid just slowly shook his head and kicked off his shoes.

'I'll be in my room.' Morgan said… he felt horribly awkward. 'If you need anything.'

Reid pulled the blanket over himself and lay his head down. 'I'm good thanks.' He muttered and lay there trying to look as though he was relaxed and happy, but his head was screaming at him. Morgan wasn't fooled. This was why Derek lay awake listening out for any sound which Reid might make. Spencer tossed and turned. The blanket twisted around his legs… he couldn't sleep. He had so much going on in his head that it was perfectly impossible to consider sleeping. It was therefore a shock when from somewhere in the dark where he could hear crying – someone was shaking him.

'Reid… you're having a nightmare.' Morgan's voice. Morgan's hands touching his arm and soothing his brow. Morgan's tooth paste smelling breath wafting over him. Spencer opened his eyes and looked at the man kneeling on the floor next to the couch.

'Derek?' He sounded confused. He was confused. What was he doing here? Spencer looked around the room with a faint glint of panic on his face 'I have to go.' He unwrapped the blanket from around his legs and pushed Derek away. 'I have to be at home… what am doing here?'

Morgan assisted in the blanket untwisting but didn't move back out of the way. 'Reid. You cant go home. Stay here the night. Tomorrow we'll get someone in to clear your place…'

But Reid was pushing Derek back away from himself again and shaking his head. 'No! I have to go. I have to be there.'

'Everyone knows you're here. It's OK. You had a nightmare Reid. I'll get you a warm drink.'

On his feet now Spencer was searching around for his shoes. 'You don't understand. I have to be there in case he turns up.'

Now Morgan was annoyed. Spencer was being irrational and stupid. He wasn't being the cautious sensible young man he usually was. 'Flanders is locked away in hospital. He's not going to show up and if he does I should be with you.'

'Not Floyd! I don't mean Floyd and being with you is the last place I need to be. Derek this is a mistake.' He pulled on his shoes and dragged his cell phone from his pocket. 'I need a cab. I have to be at home.'

'Then allow me to come with you.'

'You don't listen! No! I have to be alone. I really have to be alone.' He almost said he was sorry but something niggling in the back of his head told him not to. He grabbed a coat and walked to Derek's door. 'Call me.' He made a phone gesture to his ear. 'Tell Hotch I'll contact him. I cant be around either of you. I just cant do it Derek. Tell Emily… no… no don't…' He shook his head as though trying to get thoughts in order. 'Call me.' He repeated not knowing what else to say and was gone. Morgan stood in his lounge listening to the echo of the front door slamming.

He rubbed his hands over his smooth head. Oh he would call. He would be calling personally. That's for sure.

In the meantime Father Green was being subjected to Sam. He had said that he'd get Sam in a hostel for the night. All had been going well until the cab pulled up outside the chosen destination and then Sam refused to get out of the car.

'I don't want to go in there! They'll beat me! I want to stay with you! Please, please let me stay with you! I feel safe when I'm around you.' His pale hands were all over Green who was attempting to push him back and hopefully out onto the sidewalk.

'You cant stay with me Sam. You cant. I'll get you a room here and you'll be safe and I'll come and see you tomorrow. Here…' He handed Sam a small pocket New Testament. '…if you feel afraid or alone you read that.'

'I don't want to fucking read that!' He threw it at Green then snatched it up again and stuffed it in his pocket. 'I'll keep it but I'll not damned well read it. I want to come home with you!'

His protest was interrupted by the cab driver who wanted to know if they were going to pay up and get out. Green handed over some cash and told Sam to get out of the cab. He did. He got out but he pulled Green out with him. 'Please don't leave me here!' He wailed as the cab drove off to find passengers of a less weird disposition. Sam used every card he could play. 'They'll abuse me! They hate me. They'll poison me! They don't understand me. They wont have me in there. I'm banned from that place because I threatened to report them.' Hands again touching Green over his chest and on his neck and if they had been in Greens tidy comfortable home he might have grabbed Sam and held him tight and told him that he would keep him safe and tell him that he would…

'Sam let go of me. Please don't do this. I am a priest. I have promised my life to God.'

Sam's hands dropped from Green and the pleading look on his face turned to one of spite. 'Well you're going to have to find someone to confess your sins to then Father Green, cos I've had your rather willing dick in more than one of my orifices and next time you have a boy to stay over you might regret sending me away like a bit of trash. I thought you liked me. I thought you wanted me. I did something special for you and you just throw me out anyway. Everyone does this to me. Everyone I've ever known does this. Why am I so hated?' Tears snot and more tears and a good bit of sobbing now arrive to make the accusations hurt more.

'Sam…' He was going to say more but Sam's hand made contact with the side of his face before he could. Sam's fingernails dug in and though he didn't have enough strength to physically hurt with the slap the sharp nails left bloody grooves down the side of Green's face.

'Fucking hate you! You perverted child molesting bastard!' Sam howled. 'I trusted you and you used me!'

Green placed his hand over the stinging mess on the side of his face and backed away quickly. 'This isn't necessary.'

'Yes it bloody well is! You tried to get me to back with you for a fucking bible study! You were going to…'

'What? No! Sam no.' Green backed further away. 'Don't talk like that.'

Sam stepped back now too… the distance between them getting greater not only physically but certainly emotionally. 'You raped me!' Sam screamed… and before Green could react Sam turned and ran.

Spencer sat in the dark of his apartment with his back against the door. He was waiting. He would wait forever if it was necessary. There was a horrible smell drifting up from where Floyd had been bleeding on the floor. There was a sound of flies and other insects moving around and probably dying after having a drink of Floyd's blood. Spencer didn't want to go down there and look but he also was burning up with the need to clean up. He sat with his legs folded up tight against himself and his arms wrapped around them with his head resting on his knees. He didn't know how long he'd been like that but again he was sure that he'd not fallen asleep but he was instantly alert and getting to his feet (which were strangely numb) when the scratching started on the other side of the door he was leaning against. His hands felt sweaty and shaky as he fumbled with the locks on the door. He knew Floyd would come back. He knew if he just waited then he'd return. Explaining that to Morgan just would have created more misery as he'd have insisted on coming home with him and…

As the door opened something soggy and limp fell into Spencer's arms. It wasn't Floyd…

'Sam?'

'Oh my god Spencer… help me.'

Arms wrapped tightly around Reid as he stumbled back. 'Sam?' Reid repeated not knowing what else to say. He'd had all the words he was going to say to Floyd ready in his head but this wasn't Floyd. Sam kicked the door closed and kept a tight grip around Reid's neck. 'Sam what happened?' He could feel the icy cold thing pressing against him and pushing him further back into the apartment.

'The priest! Don't let him get me.' Sam wailed as he pressed his face against Reid's chest. 'He tried to lure me back saying about bible study but he's a pervert Reid… he's disgusting. Please don't make me go back with him. I don't want to go through the horror of being placed in that man's control again.'

'The priest? Father Green?' Spencer tried to push Sam back to get a better look at him. 'What happened?' Reid really couldn't imagine that any man (other than Floyd maybe) could have any sort of control over Sam. 'What did he do?' AH… stupid… so stupid. 'Go and sit down… go and sit. I'll make you a drink. Let go of me… just… let go.' Reid attempted again to pull Sam off him. He knocked against the small hall table which had once had a pretty vile vase sitting on it. Reid's feet crunched on the broken pottery and finally Sam loosened his grip. 'Please… go and sit down. Take your wet jacket off.' Sam seemed to be permanently wet. 'I'll go and get coffee.'

Sam just stood with his face pressed against Reid's chest. 'You will help me wont you Spencer? You wont let them come for me will you? You know I'm just a victim of circumstance don't you? You know none of this is my fault don't you?'

'Please get that wet jacket off. I'll get you a warm drink and on the back of the couch is a blanket – wrap it around yourself and try to warm up.'

Reid stepped away from Sam now and gently pushed him in the direction of the blood and flies and insects and the smell of blood. It maybe wasn't the best place to ask Sam to go alone, but he certainly wasn't going to tell him to go to the bedroom. When he returned with two hot mugs of coffee Sam was sitting in the dark with his jacket thrown on the floor. He was perched on the edge of the coffee table with his arms wrapped tightly around him looking down at his feet. Spencer placed the mugs down behind Sam.

'Sit on the couch. It's more comfortable and the blanket…'

Sam looked up at Spencer. 'Will you help me?'

'I will do what I can. Please sit on the couch Sam and then we can talk about what's been going on.' Reid sat down in his own chair and watched Sam carefully. What he saw was not what he expected. Sam stood and took his hands out from under his armpits where Spencer assumed Sam had been trying to keep them warm. He had something in his hand though which made Spencer's jaw drop. 'Is that my sidearm?' He whispered. 'Sam put it down.'

'It was in the drawer in the hallway. Stupid place to keep a gun. You're going to help me or I'll kill myself. I'll shoot my brains out over your floor and you'll have nightmares forever about it. And you'll have to explain it to Floyd.' Sam lifted the gun and placed the barrel against the side of his head. 'Now you going to help or are you just going to drug me with whatever you've put in that coffee?'

Reid blinked and licked his lips. 'I said I will do what I can Sam. Please just put that down.'

Sam moved it to under his jaw. 'They will come and get me and lock me away. They'll say I'm crazy but I'm not. I'm not crazy Spencer. You know I'm not don't you?'

The first thought to go through Reid's mind was that yes Sam was crazy, but he slowly shook his head. 'Sometimes things feel hopeless Sam, but doing this isn't going to help.'

'They'll think you killed me. It's your gun.' Sam began to pace but the revolver stayed firmly under his jaw. 'Everywhere I go I try to be nice. I try to make people like me. I do what they ask even if that means stripping off and doing things I shouldn't do. It's always the same and I thought Green would be different, but he's not. Everyone is the same. Even Rossi was trying to get me out of my clothes. Even him! Can you believe that?'

Spencer couldn't believe that. 'Sam… there's no safety on that. If you trip in the dark you could take your head off. Please just put it down and we will talk and I will try to sort things out for you.'

'Can I stay here?' Again Sam moved the gun and now pressed it against his chest. 'Can I? Will you help me?'

'I cant do anything all the time you're holding that gun. Put it down and try to be calm. If people have been abusing you don't you want them to be punished? Don't you want to do something about it?'

'Of course!' and now the gun was being waved around the room. 'Of course I do!'

'And you cant if you're dead.'

Sam stopped his pacing and looked over at Reid. 'Will you help me?'

'No. Not if you don't put that down now.' Spencer could feel beads of sweat popping out on his brow. Sam walked to Reid's desk and placed the gun down. He poked at it with is finger and then turned to Spencer.

'OK, but if you don't help me then I will top myself and you'll be to blame. Do you have any painkillers I've got a blinding pain.' Sam walked over to Spencer and sat back down on the coffee table. 'I hurt all over. I think I have a fever or something. I cant think straight.'

'Bathroom cabinet.' Spencer said and stood. 'Come with me and I'll show you.'

'Can I live here Spencer?' Sam asked as he was being guided to the bathroom.

Spencer dropped his hand from Sam's skinny shoulder. 'I only have one bedroom Sam. It's not possible. You can stay over until we can sort things out though. Here…' He opened the bathroom cabinet and took out a tub of pills. 'Take two.'

Sam took the tub of pills from Reid and turned to look at him. 'You are going to chuck me out onto the streets like everyone else does. I know you are. I can feel it tingling inside, you know like an alarm going off.' He pulled the lid off the container and tipped a fistful of pills into his hand. 'Did Floyd give you that ring?' Sam looked at Spencer's hand. 'Did he give you my little box too? What a bastard. I cant believe he'd do that. He gave me this ring.' He flashed a small ring with a tiny diamond in it at Spencer. 'At least I got a fucking diamond I suppose which is more than you got.' He popped two pills into his mouth and crunched down. 'You know he loves me more than he'll ever love you don't you? I know he was here when he should have been with me – I know that, but that doesn't really count.' He popped two more pills in his mouth.

'Only two.' Reid said with a vague distant tone to his voice.

'Oh like you give a shit if I overdose or not, and I wont so don't bloody worry about me. And he's not been well and I know he's not been well because I can feel it in my soul and he can feel when I'm unwell in his soul too. Can you? Do you feel him when he's not with you? Of course not and your ring on that finger might make you think you're special but you're not.' Sam put two more pills in his mouth and threw the rest behind him into the basin.

Reid had a lot he wanted to say to Sam but firstly he had to remove the gun and put it somewhere Sam couldn't get to it. 'Do you want a shower or a soak in the tub?' As soon as he said it he knew he shouldn't have. 'Or you can just leave it. Do you want to make your own coffee so you know I've added nothing to it?' This seemed maybe a better course to take.

Sam nodded. 'I'll make coffee.' He then proceeded to pull off his Tshirt. Spencer winced but said nothing as he left the bathroom.

Reid waited to hear the sounds of Sam in the kitchen before he picked up the gun, emptied it and then locked it away in a metal box he kept hidden behind some books. The bullets he placed in a separate locked box in the desk drawer. He thought he heard Sam's footsteps and turned but all he could hear now was that low hum of things crawling in the blood in the area where the lounge met the small hallway. He crossed it quickly trying not to look too closely at what he was treading in. He had to get it cleaned up. He would do that whilst Sam talked to him. There were also bloody finger prints on the door of the bedroom and on the wall. He had to get rid of those too. Spencer wasn't completely sure just whose blood it was. He walked into the kitchen thinking about bleach and disinfectant but stopped in the doorway. Sam was standing with a small knife in his hand and pressing the tip of is against his chest.

'You cant stop me. If I really want to do it you cant.' A small bead of blood appeared and trickled down Sam's front.

'I cant. You're right. But why? I said I would listen. I said I would try to sort something out. You've got coffee you've made yourself. The box is out there on the desk… take it. I know it's yours. I know you have a connection with Floyd. I'm not trying to take that from you Sam…' and before he could stop himself he was spilling his own guts telling Sam how he'd told Floyd to leave, how he'd tried to refuse the gift. Sam put the knife down and walked out of the kitchen pushing past Reid.

'I don't want to hear your excuses.'

Reid grabbed his arm. 'They're not excuses Sam. I'm just telling you what happened. Now I need you to tell me what happened with you and Father Green. If he's been molesting boys he's in serious trouble. Even if they are of an age that they can consent, he's still in serious trouble. So if you want to do something about that you have to talk to someone.'

'In my jacket pocket is the bible he gave me. He wanted me to go back to his place, but I know what happens at his bible studies. I've been to them before and I can tell you that not a lot of reading goes on. I don't know how he can stand there in front of all of those people on a Sunday and preach about love and good will and peace and all that shit and then an hour or so later force me to my knees and make me take him in his mouth. Does he get off on it? I mean doing that thinking that his god is watching? I try to go there when the woman is working in the kitchen. I'm safer that way. I go there and I let him fuck me and he gives me money. That's where that money came from. He gave me fifty bucks last time and chucked me out onto the streets on Christmas night. What sort of a man does that Spencer? You know? If you're going to love someone why cant you just go ahead and love them? Why all the mind games and fucking about?' Sam rubbed at the small bloody dig in his chest. 'It makes me feel so worthless. It makes me feel like I'm not worth anything unless I've got someone else's body part stuffed in me.'

Spencer moved a hand to Sam's shoulder and pulled him in close. He had a very good idea that nothing of the sort happened between him and the priest. He was very sure that the man never touched Sam. What bothered him though was that Sam seemed convinced that he had. He was equally sure that Sam would easily pass a lie detector because his paranoia and delusional mind would easily fool a machine as much as it seemed to be fooling himself. 'You know I'd never hurt you. You know that don't you?' Oh how many times had Floyd said those same words to him just before laying in with fists and feet? Sam must have heard the self same words over and over again. Spencer wrapped arm around Sam's back. 'I mean it. I'm not just saying it. I'd not ever hurt you. But you have to learn that just because someone abuses you, because when they're in… when they… at the time they might well say that they love you, but it's… they're… it takes more than that. People say things when they're in the throws of passion or lust. Things they don't mean. Things to try to make the other person excited or happy… you cant believe them. Not when they're said in that situation.'

'But Floyd tells me I'm a slag and a whore when he's doing me. Does that mean that I'm not?' Sam muttered as he once again seemed to curl himself around Spencer. 'Do you like it that Floyd bangs me? Does that turn you on? Do you like it that I let him have me and then he gives me his mouth? Does that excite you Spencer? Do you like that we slide our hot bodies against each other?' Sam's hands slid up the back of Spencer's shirt. 'I know it does. I can feel you sweating. I can tell by the way you're breathing. It's ok… I'm not a kid… you can have me if you want…'

'I don't…' Reid attempted to push Sam off him, but in the same way that Green had a problem disentangling from Sam – now Spencer seemed to be having the same problem. 'Stop…'

'Oh we all know that stop cant be used as a safe word. It has to be something we don't howl out in pleasure… something like… Ah… I cant think. Can you Spencer? But stop isn't a good safe word… I'm like a dirty bitch in heat sometimes, I know that. I cant stop myself. You smell nice Spencer. I can smell Floyd on you. You let him fuck you… will you do me? Will you have me Spencer? I'll let you be the dominant one if you want… or you can pretend I'm a young pretty Floyd. I'm older than I look but I'm aging better than Floyd is and he's not here, so I can substitute and I'll ram myself up you… or you can do me… either way…'

How Reid found the back of his legs hitting the foot of his bed he didn't know. He had no idea how he had moved from the kitchen doorway to the bedroom… he had no memory of moving.

'You can hit me. Hit me Spencer. Go on… fight me… slap me… do what you want. I'm saying you can hurt me if you want. I know you like it when Floyd hurts you… you can dominate… go on – be the man for once! I want to see the marks on my body in the morning… or later… need to be able to see them so I know it really happened. I want to see your raw knuckles. I need you to bite.'