Naruto: An Alternative Canon
A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew J. Talon
Disclaimer: Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump. I am not writing this for profit.
Author's Note: One of the biggest changes that would be in the Alt-Canon universe would be Haku. One, Haku doesn't die. And two, Haku is a girl. Damn straight. She has a bloodline limit that could easily keep up with the Sharingan, she's powerful, and she can fight without being a healer. In other words, as a girl Haku wouldn't be like almost every other female portrayal in Naruto. Clearly it speaks to Kishimoto, and his issues with women and feminine boys... Upon which I will not delve into. Anyway, this is a possible scene of a Post-Wave Country mission.
- - - - - - -
"One couple, please," Haku asked the clerk at the front desk. Said man looked the slim Haku in a flattering blue dress, long black hair done up in an elegant bun, and glanced over at the somewhat uncomfortable looking Naruto. He smiled and winked.
"Of course... 1200 ryo for two hours. Enjoy," he said, passing Haku the key.
"Thanks, we will," Haku purred, pulling Naruto closer to her, their hips bumping against eachother. Naruto managed to restrain a gulp, and allowed himself to be led down the hallway. A few moments later, Sakura walked in, goggles down as she scanned for chakra signatures. Sasuke followed her, looking more stoic than usual.
"Yep, she's taking him to... That room," Sakura murmured. She pulled her goggles up and smiled at the clerk. "Hi! One room, 12G please."
"Oh?" The clerk asked with a smile. "Are you with the first two?"
"Well ye-" Sakura began, before Sasuke moved forward and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Not 'with', exactly. We are friends, vacationing together," Sasuke quickly stated. The clerk smiled good-naturedly.
"1200 ryo."
Sasuke quickly handed the clerk the needed money and took the key, leading the confused-looking Sakura down the hallway.
"Sasuke...?" She asked. "Just what kind of hotel is this...?"
Sasuke made a small choking sound as they reached their room. Sakura glared.
"Just... Keep an eye on them," Sasuke said quietly. Sakura shrugged and tugged down her goggles, switching them to chakra scan mode as she entered the room behind Sasuke. Sasuke was very happy that the scan mode didn't allow Sakura to read signs, or see that the ceiling above them was mirrored.
- - - - - - - -
"So, let me get this straight," Naruto began, sitting with Haku on a nice, large bed with silken red sheets. "You've been tracking this band of missing ninja for two weeks... Why?"
Haku smiled cutely at him, and Naruto restrained a blush.
"Well... Since we were given jobs with the Hi no Kuni Intelligence Service, Zabuza and I have been doing a lot of work. My current assignment has been to investigate sightings of a significant number of Konoha missing nin around Otogakure."
"Otogakure? That new ninja village Konoha helped set up with Ta no Kuni a few years back?" Naruto asked, frowning in thought. Haku nodded.
"Yes. As you know, missing ninja from other nations can seek asylum in allied nations, but missing ninja from Konoha are, understandably, exempt from this rule."
"So, these ninja after us and Sachiko are all missing Konoha ninja?" Naruto asked. He frowned. "Given Sachiko's position, it can't be a coincidence."
"Those were my thoughts as well," Haku confirmed, scooting a bit closer to Naruto. "My best guess is that one of her political rivals is seeking to do away with her."
"Yeah, but why like this?" Naruto wondered aloud. "I mean, if she's killed then she's a martyr to her party's cause, right?"
"True, though in the long run, without her leadership the Onamuji's party's chances of retaining power are hurt," Haku replied. She scooted just a tad closer, her hip touching his. Naruto blinked and blushed at that.
"So, though it appears she is the target, the methods employed are heavy handed and obvious," Haku continued. "They did derail a train..."
"Which could look like an accident," Naruto mused, "but this close to the elections..." He sighed and shook his head. "We're missing something..."
"Yes, we are," Haku spoke. She leaned her head onto his shoulder, and he looked at her. She smiled demurely.
"Have I mentioned how happy I am to see you, Naruto?" She murmured. Naruto smiled back nervously, feeling himself begin to sweat a bit.
"Uh, well, once or twice... Though, you know... Last time we met, I did kind of... Cut your back," he said. Haku hummed and nuzzled his shoulder.
"I remember more occurring afterwards... You saving Zabuza, you arguing on our behalf to the HKR troops that arrived... You've made it possible for Zabuza and I to stay together and work for a noble cause." She smiled.
"You've left quite the impression on me and Zabuza..." She leaned her face close to his, blushing herself. Naruto's eyes widened, but his hormones overrode his instinct to bolt.
"And I never got to thank you... Properly," she purred, just before she kissed him.
"Mmmph?!" Naruto exclaimed, even as he wrapped his arms around her. Haku deepened the kiss with an appreciative moan, and shoved him down to the bed. Naruto looked up in awe and excitement as the sexy kunoichi undid her hair bun, shaking her hair out, and giving him a smile that made his pants feel three sizes too small.
"So, shall we?" She asked, rubbing herself against him. Naruto groaned and grinned up at her.
"Just so you know... First time."
"Mine too," the kunoichi spoke, before pouncing.
- - - - - - -
Sakura sat perfectly still, face so red it was beginning to match her top, as the bed she and Sasuke were sitting on shook, once again rocking in time to the shaking wall behind them. Sasuke sat next to her, keeping a very definite space between them as he sat serenely, his face it's usual pallor. He appeared to be meditating, his eyes closed.
"OH! OH GOD, YES NARUTO! YES YES YESSSS!" Haku screamed through the wall, muffled enough for it not to be deafening. All the same it made Sakura blush harder, and she began doing calculations on how much blood was in her cheeks, and... Other places.
"Uh... H-How long has it been?" She timidly asked Sasuke. The Uchiha opened his eyes.
"Two hours, forty seven minutes," he reported. Sakura nodded.
"Oh..."
At first, she'd been pissed off that Naruto had snuck off to a love hotel with Haku of all people. She still bore a bit of a grudge for how Haku had not only kicked the crap out of Sasuke and Naruto, but also how she'd frozen about half her weapons and shattered them with only a snap of her fingers. Sure, they'd eventually won, and she'd contributed to the victory, but she hated seeing her inventions destroyed.
"AUUNNGHHH! AUUUUNNNGHHH! H-HARDERRRR! HARDEEEEEYYYAAAAGGHHHH!" Haku shrieked. Sasuke hummed.
"Tenth orgasm tonight... Naruto's on a roll," he observed in his usual deadpan tone. Sakura scowled.
"How can you be so collected when they're-they're-!"
"Having sex?" Sasuke asked flatly. He shrugged. "We've all been through a lot, Haku feels she owes Naruto her life, and Naruto is a guy. It's a pretty simple equation, Sakura."
Sakura fumed, before forming a handseal. "Kai!"
A genjutsu dropped, revealing a bright red Sasuke with his hand down his pants. Sakura grinned in triumph.
"HA! I got you! You're just as affected as-UWAH?!"
Sasuke pinned her to the bed, and smirked down at her. Her heart began to pound as her not-so-secret crush pressed his body against hers.
"Yes. I am," he stated flatly. He quirked an eyebrow. "Care to let me show you how much?"
Sakura opened her mouth to protest, before he shut it with a deep kiss. Granted, a sloppy kiss but Sakura really had no previous experiences to compare it to and ohhh... Her brain felt fuzzy... What was she thinking about before?
"Ahh," she gasped as he pulled away. "Haa... S-Sasuke... We're on a mission..."
"Yes," Sasuke confirmed, "and we're in a love hotel. And Kakashi-sensei is looking after Sachiko. And you have been a lot more spastic than normal."
Sakura flushed angrily and snarled. "I am not spastic! I am just stressed at being cut off from reinforcements, in the middle of nowhere, Hi no Kuni, with a team of sex obsessed freaks and-MMPH?!"
Sasuke smirked as he pulled away from another kiss. Maybe he should have begun kissing her earlier. "You also talk too much. Seriously, why can't you ever shut up?"
"Y-You bastard!" Sakura snarled, grabbing his high collar and yanking him in for another kiss. They parted again, panting for breath. Sasuke licked his lips.
"You're also hot when you're angry-"
"Take your own advice, bastard, and shut the hell up!"
- - - - - - - -
"Ah, youth," Kakashi observed, sitting in the window of the hotel room Team 7 had staked out. His Sharingan eye was open and locked on the windows of an even-less savory hotel across the street. He giggled.
"Doing a bit of late night peeping, are we?" He glanced back at an amused-looking Sachiko Haruno. He smiled with his normal eye.
"No, merely keeping an eye on my charges..."
"They grow up so fast," Sachiko sighed. "So... Foursome?"
Kakashi sighed. "And people say I'm perverted. No, just couples."
"What you call perverted, I call knowing what I like," Sachiko chuckled. "You will relate the details to Master Jiraiya, correct?"
Kakashi grinned under his mask. Yes, this was just one of many reasons he was glad he had taken this team.
"But of course... Though I'm sure some... Scenes between the dashing jounin sensei and the sultry representative he guards would not go amiss."
Sachiko leaned close to him, nose nearly touching his as though she were about to kiss him... Before her lips moved up and across to his cheek. She pecked him affectionately, and pulled back with a smile.
"Goodnight, Kakashi," she spoke kindly, before turning to head to her bed. Kakashi shrugged philosophically, before returning his vigil to the hotel.
Can't win 'em all...
- - - - - - -
No, these would not be the final pairings for the story. These are just horny teenagers in a life or death situations, who have been taught that sex is an effective weapon, tool, and stress reliever. So expect there to be many pairings, though serious romance may occur as time goes on.