Part VII
EPOV (Edward)
As I looked at the paper I saw that it was tear stained. My poor mother. "What does it say?" Charlotte asked impatiently. I gave her the letter and took a minute to remember the day Robert and I were first told my father was ill. That day was also the day Robert took his position.
"Did you hear?" The maid asked another as I walked by the living room where the maids were at work.
"What is it?" The other replied anxious to hear what she was going to say.
"Sir Robert will be named Duke next week, his father told him this morning. I think he is ill and has to give up his position." I stopped and listened some more. "He and his wife are moving to their house in London and Charlotte and Robert will stay here with Sir Edward."
"He is giving Robert the position, does his brother know. Sir Edward?" She asked. I'd bet this woman was more concerned with me than my father, it would make sense she quite literally raised me along with my mother.
"I don't think he knows, I was sweeping in the hall and the study was open. I heard them and it was only the Duke and his eldest son." I walked over to them. They were shocked that I heard them.
I stalked over to them. "How sure of this are you?" I asked.
She was shocked and she turned a rosy pink. "I am sorry I heard nothing it was a mistake. I will go back to work. Please I will get into a heap of trouble."
"Tell me what you heard." I hissed as I stared her down.
She looked down at my feet. "The Duke has told Sir Robert that he will surrender his position to him. Sir Robert and his wife will take over the house and your parents will move to the London house, you will stay here."
Great, the employees are better informed than me. I shouldn't have been so surprised. Of course he'd offer up his position to Robert and not even tell me.
I walked away angry and only wanting to hit something or rather someone.
"I'm so sorry." The maid called after me, she was the least of my concern.
I walked upstairs to my father's study. "Good I want to speak to you."He merely glanced up from the paperwork.
"Robert is now Duke of Havenport, strange how fast good news travels or rather how loud the maids gossip." I was infuriated and part of it had nothing to do with the title I would never have.
"You know why I had to give it to him."
I scoffed. "You only have one son, I can see why."
"I am ill, Edward, I can no longer serve the people of Havenport, Robert can. He's the eldest and he's married –" He began.
I cut him off. "He's responsible and he's presentable." I mocked. "I know that speech by heart."
"You'll live here with your brother and his wife."
I laughed. "There is no way you will force me to live with him. I'd rather live with you."
"This is not a punishment."
"It is not a reward either, if I had my way I'd live away from you both. I'd live with my mother"
"Of course you'd run to her, she's never stopped treating you like a child."
"Don't you dare blame her. If anyone did anything wrong it was you. She knows she has two sons, you only have one."
My hostility shocked him. "I am your father Edward, you and Robert are my sons, I've you everything you've the necessities of life."
"Listen to me, Edward. I am ill." He repeated with more weight than before. Now I realized that this was not only a cold but a serious illness. "My heart is weak and I wish to spend the remainder of life in peace, whether it is months or years."I would be a terrible person if I was not troubled by the news. I was upset but I was sort of relieved, here was a man that made me unhappy for years and now I won't have to please him
"You'll have your peace." Was all I said.
I made good on my word, for the last couple of years I have distanced myself from him. I rarely speak to him, only on the dinner table and that's for my mother's sake. He never wanted to talk to me so he and I drifted apart, neither of us wanted any different.
"Edward!" Charlotte yelled.
"Abraham where is my horse?" I asked ignoring Charlotte.
"In the stable, saddled, and ready to go." He replied.
"Where is my brother, Charlotte?"
She gave me back the letter. "He should be back by now, he said he had a meeting but it wouldn't take long."
I rushed down stairs and she followed behind me. When I reached the main room Robert was asking Abraham why he was in such a rush. "Go, prepare the horse." I ordered. Abraham complied hesitantly.
"You undermine me –"
I gave him the letter and proceeded outside. "You're not going to say anything?" He questioned.
"Are you?" I replied.
He managed to put himself in front of me and stop me mid-step. "You don't care, do you?" He accused.
"He's my father. Where do you think I'm going?"
I walked around him and went to the stables. I took reign of my horse and mounted it. He followed and mounted his own horse. "Will we make it by sundown?" He asked unsure.
"We must."
We rode for hours and it horrible. I was exhausted, we left a few hours past midday and we had to make it before sundown. We stopped once in a desolate town to give food and water to the horses but it was not long.
We were both fearing the worst. We didn't speak much but I knew what he was thinking. He didn't want to arrive to London and find our father dead. After hours we finally arrived. I passed on the reigns of our horses to the servants and hurried inside to meet our mother.
She met us with a warm hug. "I'm so glad you are here."
"Mother everything will be okay." I was not certain of that but our hope was all we had.
"Where is your brother?"
I gestured to the back door. "He was right behind me." I assured her.
"Your father wants to see you."
That was highly improbable. "Robert will be here in a minute."
"No he wants to see you. Edward I'm your mother and I know you will say things you will regret, let him speak. Let him make his amends if not for him then for me." Her eyes were desperate and I couldn't deny her that.
I gave her an assuring nod. "I will."
She led me to his room. "Listen." She whispered before she went to meet Robert.
I stood for a second too long with my hand on the knob unable to turn it. I suppose despite my father's delirious state her felt my presence and asked me to come in.
He looked like death was upon him, only minutes to spare. His eyes were red-rimmed though I could not tell if it was from his illness or of his tears. I looked at him and I sensed his fear. I knew what he was thinking from one look. He was sacred of dying, scared of leaving my mother alone, perhaps also scared that I might never forgive him for what he did. In the mist of this I also saw guilt in his eyes. "Son, come." He asked hoarsely. He rarely, if ever, called me son, he reserved that for Robert alone.
"Yes, father." I took a seat at his bedside. He held out his warm hand and I took it.
"Edward you once said you wanted to know why…I prefer him." He was struggling to make words of his thoughts.
"Father, don't make a fuss it is fine."
"No it is not. You were always right, you are so perceptive. I did prefer him, I preferred Robert. You deserve to know why but promise me that this will not change things with your mother."
"Why would it?"
"Promise me." He pressed.
I didn't fully understand what he was saying but I agreed. "Yes, I promise."
"Nearly eighteen years ago I was very much like you. I had no real identity but my father had no choice but to name me Duke of Havenport despite my actions because I was his eldest son. By that time I was married and Robert was a child but it never stopped me from making the best out of my nights."
"You cheated on my mother." I asked in disbelief, after so many reproaches. He always criticized my way of life but never once mentioned he was the same.
"Unfortunately I made that mistake and I have never regretted something so much, except for one thing. On one of my escapades I met a young girl years younger than I. She was very beautiful and I couldn't resist the temptation. Months later she came to me bearing a child. She threatened to tell the entire town if I didn't keep the child after she gave birth. I immediately turned her down but Elizabeth overheard and agreed without hesitation.
She said that she'd keep the baby. I was reluctant to because I knew what that baby meant, that baby was a living breathing symbol of what I had become. I committed an unforgivable sin. That baby symbolized the downfall of my marriage and ridicule of my people. I didn't…I didn't want it in my life. I had no choice, I was in no position to deny her anything and so she went into hiding, no one saw her for months. There was one elderly maid that knew the truth of it all, the conspiracy and she was sworn to silence. When the young girl gave birth both of them nearly lost their lives. But the baby lived and as soon as she held him her heart melted and she fled the same day she gave birth. She had no medical attention and she was found not far down the road with the baby in her arms. She died later that night. Elizabeth and I kept the child. She loved him as if he'd grown in her own womb. A few days later he was presented to the town as our son and no one said otherwise." I let his hand drop from mine.
"Edward, if I ever treated you like an unworthy son then I apologize from the pits of my heart. I accept that I did you wrong and this is what I regret most in life, not that night, I regret negating you as a son. I wish I could make up for that but I can't, Edward and I will have to take that to my grave that guilt and that regret. Edward I beg of you to forgive me."
I sat in the chair with his hand still in mine. I looked at the opposing side of the room and I realized I was crying. It was an awful feeling knowing that I was forced upon him. There so many things that had changed in that instant. I felt anger and bitterness but also blessed because a woman who had married an unfaithful husband was able to take in his bastard. She took me in as her own, something not even my own father was not willing to do.
"Edward I want to die in peace."
"You'll have your peace. I forgive what you've done." I couldn't not forgive him. The man was on his death bed. "I'll bring in Robert." I stood a turned my back on him.
"Edward, my son, I hope you live an amazing life." Tear ran down his face, there was so much sorrow in him, it was overflowing. "You were an asset to my life, a person who changed me for the better…and Edward?"
"Yes."
"She is your mother."
I nodded but I didn't turn. "I know."
My mother waited with Robert just outside the door. "He's waiting for you." I mumbled. He shot me a concerned look but went inside.
"He told you." She stated. She lifted her hands to put on either sides of my face. I turned away from her gaze and shook her embrace off. "Edward, you are my son. I promise you that you are my son and whatever happened eighteen years has nothing to do with this. I am your mother, nothing less. I brought you up as my own and cared for you just as I did with Robert."
I turned to her. "I never questioned your motherhood, I cannot. You who has not a drop of my blood took me in out of the goodness of your heart. I can never repay you for what you did but I will try."
"My son you owe me nothing." She took me in her arms and like a child I grieved the imminent death of my father. I wept on her should and she held like she did years ago.