Why Me? That is the Question!
AN: I do not own the character in this story only the story line. Some of the facts are based off of true life events. The characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. Please note that this story contains adult themed ideas. Not for anyone under 18.
Bella's English story is in bold italic.
Looks like I was able to post this early. I am working Chapter 3 now.
Chapter 2 Second Day of School
I was scared awake from the nightmare of what happened back then. This is one reason why I hate remembering what I have lived through in my short life time. Charlie knew from Renee that I frequently awake up from nightmares so I know he won't come in to check up on me. I still have a few hours before I have to leave for school so I figured I would read to help clear my mind. I have to be able to function at school so I don't stand out more then I already do.
I have a few books with me from Arizona. One of my favorite authors is Jane Austen. Renee got me a new copy of seven of her works in one because the one I owned was pretty beat up. I enjoy being able to read and place myself within the other stories to escape my real life. I really do hope that one day I will be able to find true love but I am not ready to open up to any male any time soon.
I love all of them but I figured I would start with Pride and Prejudice. I guess if I tell you the truth this one is my favorite because of Mr. Darcy. I dream of finding some one like him. Since he is not a real person I live through the story.
After reading for over an hour I figured I should get up and get ready to face the outside world. Plus I know I have to fix Charlie his breakfast before he leaves.
After putting out an oversized sweatshirt and bang pants I made my way down stairs to see Charlie sitting in the kitchen waiting for me.
"Hey Dad, what would you like for breakfast?"
He looked up and me and forced a smile on his face.
"Morning Bells, eggs will work. So how did you sleep last night?"
Why was he asking me this he knows ever well I woke up screaming?
"The usual I guess. I just wished the nightmares would stop."
"You know it doesn't hurt to talk to someone about what you are going through. They say for some people it helps them move past every thing. I know you aren't ready yet but when you are I am here for you or we can find some one that you trust." Charlie was speaking to me carefully as if he was afraid I would snap at him for suggesting me talking to someone about what I have gone through.
"Dad again thank you and I promise as soon as I am ready to talk about every thing you will be the first person to know. I just need some more time to work every thing out in my head. Right now I just need you to love me and not judge me for what has happened."
Charlie looked like he was getting ready to cry.
"Bella I love you no matter what happened. I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this and I was not able to protect you from the ugliness of the outside world. I see it every day and you should have never had to know it was out there. Maybe if I was there more I could have seen what had happened. I just hope some day you will forgive me for not being able to stop it." He was now in tears.
"Dad I never blamed you or hated you for what I have lived through. It is me that I am fighting with not blaming for every thing. I love you for all that you have done for me please remember this was not your fault just like it was not mine either. Please eat before it gets cold. I love you."
I hated seeing my father blame himself for what has happened to me. No one could have stopped it. We ate in silence which was nice because I was done talking about it for now.
As you can see Charlie thinks what happened to me seven years ago was his fault. I knew he felt that way but I thought he had gotten over it. This is why I think Charlie and Renee ended up splitting up. Renee blamed Charlie and of course he blamed himself. I could never have blamed him. He was my protector but for some reason that day God saw fit for him not to be there to stop every thing from happening.
No, in reality I still blame my self. I know it was not my fault but the guys that did this to me. It just seemed like I had to have done something for them to pick me. Again the why me question. Every day it is the same thing and the same question. I really don't think I will ever know the final answer to that question.
After Charlie finished eating he had to go in to work. He is Chief of Police here in the great town of Forks. He really has put himself into his job trying to stop this from happening to anyone else. I know that is why he goes into work every day. He will always be my great protector.
After I cleaned the kitchen I made my way to my truck to drive into school. I want to get there early so I can blend in once every one starts to arrive.
The drive is short but it allows me to clear my head again. I really wish I could just forget every thing and live like nothing has happened but that will never be my life.
I was able to get there before any one else so I sat down on one of the benches and pulled out my note book. I figured I could get some of my story down while I waited for the bell.
After they left I was able to find clothes that hid all of the bruises that are now starting to form. I was just so glad that they were gone while every thing that had happened to me still had sunk in yet. I knew my parents would be home soon so I had to pull my self together. They couldn't know because I didn't want to have to go through that again.
I was able to make it through dinner with out them finding any thing. Mom wanted me to get to bed early because she said I looked tired. I was both mentally and physically. So I didn't fight her on it. I just wanted to go to sleep and wake up like this never happened.
The next day at school every one wanted to know why I was in jeans and a long sleeve shirt. It was over 100 degrees. I was not ready for that question so I didn't answer. I didn't even think about looking out of place with what I was wearing. I just had to hide what happened. I know the bruise will go away but it was going to be a few days.
I was scared to go home after school knowing I was going to be by myself but some how I made it. This was the first day that I thought about ending my life. I didn't know how anyone would want me if they knew what they did to me. I went to the kitchen and got a knife. I went back into my room to end all of the pain I was going through.
Right as I was getting ready to take the knife to my wrist my mom came home. I hid the knife under my bed. I didn't want to have to explain way I was bringing it back to the kitchen.
She seemed to notice I was pulling away from her and my dad, but didn't ask. I think she thought it was something to do with school you know the normal drama of a young girl.
The next few days were just like the first. I went to school then home. I would think about the knife and when I could do it. I only had to make it a few more days and then I would have time because Renee went to night school on Mondays and Wednesdays.
I think everyone was starting to figure some thing was wrong because I would freak out if anyone touched me including my parents. That was why I had to end it because I didn't want to hurt them.
At Sunday dinner dad was talking about some of the cases he was working at the crime lab. He was talking with Renee so I was trying to finish so I could go to my room. That was when he told Renee about this string of rapes that had been happening. They had figured out it was gang initiations for the Bloods. They had to prove they took the virginity of some girl with a picture of blood on the male part of the one whom was trying to get into the gang.
I now know why it happened but still why me.
I stopped write because I felt people where starting to stare. I got up and walked to my first class not paying attention to where I was going when I walked right into some one.
With out looking up, "I am sorry I wasn't paying attention to where I was going are you ok?"
When they didn't answer I looked to see who I had walked into. Only to be met with a pair of green eyes looking totally shocked.
I didn't say anything else but I kept on walking. I really didn't want to talk to anyone and he was obviously fine even though he didn't say one word to me.
I was blushing bright red by the time I made it to my first class. I don't know why I was acting this way. He probably thought I was some freak anyways. I doubt he would have talked to me. Which is a good thing because the last thing I need in my life is the male race besides Charlie?
I was able to make it through the first part of the day without to many people coming up to me to talk. I really don't mind to talk with other girls, but at this age everyone is paired up so that means their boyfriends are always around.
Lunch I sat in the library just to unwind from the morning. I know I have to have my head clear for the rest of the afternoon. I missed my class after lunch yesterday because I started crying. I went to the nurse complaining of female problems so she let my teacher know where I was. I hated lying but I really didn't want to explain the reason behind the tears.
I love Biology so I was looking forward to my class after lunch. I wonder how they work the classes here. I know I will be forced with a lab partner that I may not want but that what happens when you come into a class after part of the way through a school year. I just hope for a female partner, but if not I will just deal and only speak when I have too.
The warning bell rang at that moment; so I gathered my stuff and walked towards my biology class.
I was one of the first in class so I went up toward the teacher to let him know who I was. I knew he was excepting me since I missed his class yesterday. He seemed nice enough to the point of me not being uncomfortable in his class. I really am glad that I can deal with male teachers that don't freak me out. Because you can imagine how hard it is to explain why I have to have female teachers without going in to my past. I love school so I will work with most teachers.
He told me where to sit and I would have a partner who will be able to help me catch up on anything I was behind on. I thanked him and sat down at the lab table waiting for the bell.
Right as the bell was ringing the chair next to me moved. What I saw made me blush. Those green eyes where looking right into my soul.
He sat down but still had not said a word to me which seemed odd but I was not complaining.
Once class started we were told to work with our partner to identify the objects on the slides.
I swallowed hard with that being said. This means I am going to have to talk with him and work in close proximity to him. Can I do this? He has not made any type of advancement on me so I should try and trust that he will not hurt me. This is a big step for me but I have to make it some time right?
I turned to look at him to only fine that he is staring at me again. So I took a deep breath to calm me so I can try once again to talk to him.
"Hello, my name is Bella. I am sorry for earlier when I walked into you I have a tendency to get lost in my mind. So do you want to go first?"
He blinked a few times before he smiled the most perfect smile I have seen in a long time taking my breath away.
"I am sorry my name is Edward. You just caught me of guard earlier that is why I didn't say any thing. Go ahead ladies first."
We were able to work well with each other which was nice for once. I have not felt this comfortable with a male my age since right before I moved here. He never asked personal questions just enough to work through the lab. He also didn't treat me like a new student.
It was also nice to be able to put a name with the eyes. Wait what am I saying? I have sworn of the male race they just make my life hell. I just need to remember that and only see him as my lab partner only and nothing more. I can do that I think but damn those eyes pierced right into my soul. It is like he has seen what I have been through and he knows how to react around me with out triggering the fight or flight response. I wonder if he knows what I have been through and if so how does he. That will be on my mind until I figure it out.
Once the bell rang we said our goodbyes and see you tomorrow in class. I was glad he was not trying to push himself on me like most of the male race here at this school. I like the change but it still worries me why he would know the right way to act. I have learned to listen to my inner voice when things don't seem to add up. There have been too many times that I have not paid attention to it and it has hurt me in the end. So for now we will only be lab partners and nothing more then that and if things start head the other way I will stop it before it can happen. I don't need to put my self out there like that ever again.
By this time I had made it to my English class. This is one subject I can never get too much of. I was sitting in the back of the classroom that way I can not be watched by every one in the class. Just before class started a very small pixie like girl sat next to me with a nice smile. I think I remembered her the first day but I am not for sure.
The teachers told us today we were allowed to work on our stories and if you need any help fill free to use this time to ask her or one of our classmates for help. If we were caught talk about anything outside of our stories we would end up in detentions for the rest of the week.
I pulled out my note book that I was working on this morning to continue. I tuned everyone else out and went back to my past.
I went to my room make plans for Monday afternoon. I had to stop all of this. You know how hard it is to hide all of the bruises in late spring early summer in Arizona. I had to protect everyone that I loved. I still blamed myself for the attack I don't care why it was done it still happened.
I know now that it was not my fault but when you are ten years old you just don't see that ways.
I got up and when to school with a smile on my face Monday morning. My parents thought that what ever had been bothering me was no longer. I had to let them see me happy one last time and tell them I love them because I really needed them to not stop me from doing this. It has to stop with me.
When I got home no one was there like I knew it would be. I walked to my bedroom and grabbed the knife. I figured the bath tub would be the best place since it would be the easiest to clean up. So I walked into the bath tub and dragged the knife across my left arm letting the blood runs down into the tub.
All of the sudden I heard the garage door opening. My mom shouldn't be home yet so why was she. She can know I was trying to kill myself. I got out of the shower and turned it on to wash the blood away. Then I ran out of the bathroom with the knife and into the kitchen. I had to make it look like I cut myself by accident in the kitchen. That would be the only way to keep every thing hidden.
Right then Renee walked through the door seeing me bleeding. She ran to me to stop the bleeding. She ran my arm under water seeing how deep the cut was. She took me in to the ER where I was stitched up with 15 stitches. I made up a story to cover up what I was really doing. I think Renee was seeing through the lie but didn't call me on it.
The ride home was quite which gave me time to think things through. I decided that killing my self would hurt them more then just keeping everything hidden. So I would now try and forget what they did to me.
At this point I pulled my sweater on my left arm up rubbing were the scar still remains. It reminds me that I have control over my life and how I need to live it.
I didn't realize I had tears running down my checks. Right as I went to wipe them away I notice the girl next to me watching me. I blushed and hid my face from everyone. I could not stop the tears. I guess the girl next must have realized so she asked the teacher if we could go to the bathroom. The teacher must have seen the tear too so she let us go.
The girl grabbed my hand and led me to the closest restroom. I just could not stop them from running down my face. When the tears finally stopped I noticed the girl had held me the entire time. I smiled at her with the weakest smile.
"Hi, my name is Bella. Don't take this wrong but why did you help me? You don't even know me."
"It was no problem. My name is Alice. I noticed you need to get out of the classroom. So I just stepped up. I know we don't know each other but if you ever need any thing please don't hesitate to ask."
"Thank you Alice. Right now I am trying to work through every thing in my head, but I may just take you up on that offer. I owe you so much for getting me out of the class what can I do to help pay you back?"
"Bella, when you are ready I want to be your friend if not your best friend. I know what it like starting off at a new school. My family and I moved here two years ago. So do you think you are ready to go back to class or do you want to hang out for a little while longer?"
"You know what? I just want to go sit outside to help clear my head, but I would love for you to come along Alice. It is nice to have some one to talk with."
So Alice and I went out to the front of the school sitting at the same bench I was this morning just talking about anything. Alice never asked me why I was crying and for once I think I have found a best friend who won't judge me. I finally found some one who doesn't care if I have flaws, if I am not popular, or not pretty. She was fine with me keeping my secrets to myself. The only thing she asked was about my choice of clothes but didn't push when I would not explain my fashion style.
Alice could so easily have any friends she wanted. She is pretty, small, hyper, and fashion forward. She was able to keep me smiling during our time outside but all too soon the bell was ring say we had to go to our last class for the day.
"Alice is it ok if I get your phone number on the off chance that I need rescued again? I will understand if you don't want to." I was really stepping out with this.
"Bella I would love to give you my phone number but can I have yours too? I promise not to call you all the time and bug you."
"Thank you Alice I am glad to be able to call you me friend. You have made this move to Forks worth it. Here is my cell phone you can put your info in it."
After exchanging information I went to Gym and Alice went on her way. For the first time I was really liking Forks. I was afraid I would be alone here but for some reason Alice fell right into my life when I needed her the most. I just hope I can repay her for her kindness and getting out of class before any one else realized I was crying. Note to self don't work on your story in class no matter what.
Gym passed with little damaged done to myself. I was never one able to walk with out tripping over my own two feet.
The drive home was good because I was able to look forward to going back to school the next day. I just wished we had more classes together. Then there is biology with Edward. I need to figure him out. He some how knows but is not saying any thing. I need ask Alice if she knows any thing about Edward.
Charlie was glad to see I was walking around with my head up. Plus the smile helped also. He wanted to know why I was in a good mood. I told him that I think I have a new friend and how she helped me today.
He was so glad that I had not run away like I would have in the past. I really want to live a normal life; it is just so hard to get over every thing.
After dinner was cleaned up I figured I should type up what I wrote today and call it any early evening. I want to try and not break down again tomorrow and spend time with Alice.
I wonder what tomorrow will bring. For once I was not afraid to face school; I was looking forward to it.
AN: So there we go. Edward and Alice have come into the story. Please let me know what you think and again if you find any error please let me know and I will fix them. If you have any question don't be afraid to ask.