Part XIX

EPOV (Edward)

On Sunday morning the better part of the household was off to the church. I took the liberty of leaving early so that no one would inquire as to where I was going.

"You look suspicious." I tried not to act surprised but the truth was that I didn't realize anyone had made it downstairs. "You look like a scared animal."

"William, I have neither the patience nor the time to explain."

"Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

I sighed. "Actually what I truly meant is that I don't want to explain."

"Suit yourself, I only wanted to have an explanation ready for when your mother asked your whereabouts."

"I'm handling some business. That's all." I called Sam and asked him to saddle my horse.

I had not thought over the consequences of what I was doing. This was no longer a situation in which I chose to rebel. She was married and I never thought I would be that kind of person. I would never take another man's wife. Before the law and God she is his wife and I have no stake to her. He treated with disgrace. Rumor says that he has found comfort in harlots around town. I'm no one to judge but I wouldn't doubt it for a minute. He would do anything to make her feel what she made him feel.

I arrived to Santillana's home, it was desolate, just as promised. I went around the back and tied my horse to a tree. Before I approached the kitchen door, the maid emerged. "Just on time, come, we must hurry. You've only an hour until my master returns." I followed her into the unfamiliar home. She led me upstairs to a room at the far end of the hall. She knocked lightly and then entered. I lingered in the doorway, awaiting some sort of direction.

"Mrs., there is someone here to see you."

I was taken aback by the sight before me. The maid had understated her condition. She was pale and looked sickly. Her eyes remained closed when she replied. "Tell my mother that I do not wish to see her." Her voice was full of resentment.

"But –"

"I don't want to see her. I don't want to see anybody."

"Not even me?" I asked. Her eyes fluttered open.

She sat up breathless. "What are you doing here? He'll have you killed."

I smiled. "He is not here, it's Sunday."

"Who…"

"She did." I replied gesturing to her maid. "She went to find me a couple of days ago and told me of your condition." The maid excused herself and said she would be on guard outside the door. "What are you doing to yourself?"

She unsuccessfully held back her tears. "He hates me and I cannot blame him, I'm a wretched creature. I can no longer live this way, my entire marriage is full of regret. I should never have accepted his proposal and know there is nothing I can do. I have forsaken us both."

"This is not your fault. He could have easily come to the same conclusion, he knew we were in love and he swept you from my arms the moment he had an opportunity. The man is out with other women while you whither away. Do not give him that satisfaction, do not let him win."

"He's already won Edward, we are separated forever." I wrapped my arms around her and I held her close to me. She could not resist my embrace, even if she wanted to, she was far too weak. "I'm the cause of this turmoil. He is bitter because of me, I'm the only one to blame for this."

"I played along, I was stupid to think that you would be content with him. There has to be a way to end this."

"There isn't. Every moment I spend with you is torture, I know that I shall never be your wife, I shall never mother your children, I shall never be happy. I'm condemned to living with him, the bitter vengeful, hateful man I created. I destroyed him and perhaps that is why I deserve such misery."

I held her and I let her cry. There was nothing to ease her pain, if anything it made me realize the gravity of her words. The truth was that if I ever wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to be in her presence, I would have to do it in secrecy. I would be the other man in her life, no one of notice.

I held her till she fell asleep and then her maid reentered. "You must go, the church bell has rung."

I shook my head.

"Mr. Masen, think of what he would do to her if he finds you here. Listen to my words of caution. You must leave immediately."

I released her gently on her bed. "I'll leave under the condition that you care for her. She must eat and regain her strength. If she continues this way, she will fall sick and I cannot bear to lose her."

She nodded. "I promise Sir, but please –"

I took coins from my pocket and put into her hands. "I want an update on her condition as often as you are able." I rushed out of the bedroom and down to my horse.

BPOV (Bella)

When I awoke all that I had thought happened seemed like a dream. He was gone as soon as he had arrived. In the midst of my confusion the doors burst open and Jacob entered. Behinds him was Hannah with a tray of food.

"Put it down over there and close the door behind on your way out." He approached me and sat down at the edge of the bed. "You have to eat."

"I want to be alone."

"It won't work," He said through his teeth. "I won't ever let you have him."

I wrapped my arms around my knees, trying to keep myself from falling apart. My heart was heavy with grief and yet I was so empty.

"You grieve for him as if he's died."

"He might as well have."

"He is your curse, Bella."

"Leave! Leave me."

"Not until you eat, you are killing yourself."

"At least I will find peace."

"You are a capricious woman."

"You are bitter with hate."

"Correct you are, I'll have him killed before he enters this house. Do hear me, you'll be the cause of his death and no person would dare to convict me, for my wife is whore, and the man proved, once more to be the black sheep in the Duke's family."

"All you do is torture me."

He grabbed my arms and pulled me close to him, I had no strength to resist. "I should have heard my sister's pleas and the cautions of my father. A maid does not make a good wife, she's only good for one thing but you're not even good for that." He toppled over me, forcing himself upon me. I attempted to free myself from his grasp but it was useless, he was far too strong.

His kisses were rough and angry.

I pleaded for him to stop but he did not halt. I reached behind me and tried to make some noise, I knocked over the tray of breakfast. The tragedy was that no one would come.

"You can't me love you, you can force me to be yours but you can't force me to love you. You don't want this, don't you think I know you've found warmth in another woman's bed, I know! You want me to love you and that will never happen." He halted abruptly. I struggled underneath him and I was able to escape from his grasp. He stood up and left me without a word.