Author's Note: According to the modus ponens form of a logical argument, if p therefore q. If q, then p. If I write stories about Alanna of Trebond and Olau, therefore I own her. If I own her, then I write stories about her. Unfortunately, while this argument is valid, it is not true. Tamora Pierce owns.

Chapter 19: Again

Late October 444 H.E.

Despite her children's begging, Alanna did not take them to visit Grandda again for the rest of that month, or the next. For two reasons. One, she wasn't sure she wanted the chance to run into George again. Two, she was being punished. It was like being a page all over again. Only instead of just punishments being doled out, the Councilors had limited her time with her children. They told her that they needed to start their schooling, Thom as a knight and future king, and Kally as the future wife of a king.

Alanna was howling angry, at the Council, at herself, and at her husband. Where was he when she needed him to step in and say something? Their children were four, for the Goddess' sake! Where were Jon's pretty speeches about how they would shake up the conservatives? Sure, Jon had made changes. There were now established schools for common children. Girls were permitted to try for their shield (not that any had come yet). Under Raoul, the King's Own had become a true fighting force, and was gaining members—they'd started a Second Company; it was not just a place for second sons to lounge about anymore. Negotiations with neighbors were often successful—Maren, Sarain, Tyra, Tusaine, even the Copper Isles. Even slavery was abolished officially.

But could her own daughter be allowed the option of becoming a knight? No.

Alanna had had to lie to fulfill her dream of a shield, and now as queen, she felt that girls everywhere should have the choice. She knew that lots of girls had no interest in wielding swords, but there were some that did. Shouldn't they be allowed the option the same way men did? Yes, oldest sons were expected to win their shield, but look at her father! Lord Alan hadn't touched a sword after he wasn't required to, preferring his scrolls. Why couldn't girls chose between being the female warrior and nobleman's wife? They could do both!

Hiding her anger and impatience from her children was hard, harder even than hiding it from Jon and the courtiers…Not that she made any real effort to hide it from Jon. Jon, by now, had learned how not to notice. They had had a falling out when she had returned late from the twins' visit to Myles and Eleni. Jon had discovered that she had snuck out, though he wasn't aware who she had encountered. They had barely managed to remain civil during the twins' birthday feast and hadn't spoken for a week. They had managed to return to a friendly manner towards each other, but nothing had been discussed and nothing had been solved. Alanna knew she needed to patch things up with her husband, but couldn't force herself to do it. Rumors were whirling that the king and queen no longer shared a bed. This wasn't completely untrue, because they were given separate chambers as most royal couples were. It wasn't completely true either, because just the other night, both Jon and Alanna had gotten rather drunk, rather undignified of both of them, and one thing had led to another…

It disturbed Alanna that she had drank so much, but she had been forced to sit through a lecture on how the queen-other should behave—and how she wasn't doing so well. Jon had sat through more negotiations with the Copper Isles, with the Princess Josiane shooting him murderous looks. Jon was half-convinced that she had put a love potion in his wine and that's why he got drunk and amorous so quickly. Alanna was getting desperate to patch things up with Jon, because she knew that if he wasn't on her side, she could lose a lot of ground that she had gained. And her encounter of George had left her feeling alone and unloved.

Alanna had no one to talk to, for Jon had sent everyone on errands—Numair, Gary, Raoul, even Alex. Faithful had disappeared for a rendez-vous with his fellow stars.

To keep herself distracted, she took the twins riding in the courtyard and the surrounding pastures. Both enjoyed watching the pages and squires train, asking questions about what it was like when Mother did it.

Alanna hated being called "Mother," but it was unheard of for a prince or princess of the blood to call their mother something as common as "ma"! In private, however, the twins still called her "mama" and it warmed Alanna's heart.

Thom took seriously the idea of knighthood, and knew that he would follow in his parents' footsteps in a few years, and relished the idea. He loved to play knight, but was always disappointed when his sister refused to play the damsel in distress. Kally would argue that Alanna had never been rescued like that, and Thom should be the damsel. Refusing to pretend to be anything so sissy, Thom would pick up his wooden sword and run at Kally, only to be blocked by her sword.

There was something to be said for being the heirs to parents, both renowned for their tempers.

Thom loved the ponies, but like his namesake, was interested in the magic aspect of it. He tried talking to his beloved Carlos, but Carlos never answered back. Kally loved leaping onto her pony, Sparkle (for all her knightly interest, she was still very much a four-year-old girl) and charging anything, from chickens to Roger. However, that incident got pony privileges taken from the little girl. Despite the large amount of distrust of the duke, King Roald had reinstated him as nobility, and for the crown princess to almost run him over was unacceptable. Alanna believed that it was because Kally had called herself Lady Knight Kalasin. The Council did not want Kalasin to follow in her mother's footsteps, and such an early sign was feared.

Exhausted from arguing to get the pony back, Alanna stomped off and found herself climbing the north tower. She wasn't sure when she decided she'd visit Thom, but now seemed the best time. Thom had taken residence in the tower, high above the rest of the court.

Alanna hadn't visited Thom in a rather long time. It was hard for her to be with him for long periods. Her brother was more tired than before. His skin was whiter than a ghost and his formerly bright copper hair looked sandy and his purple eyes are bloodshot. The lines on his face had deepened so that that he looked old enough to be Alanna's father. Indeed, he was starting to resemble the old Lord Alan.

"The queen has graced us with her presence, Master," sneered Roger as Alanna pushed open the door. Mithros! Alanna had hoped not to find him here. She should have figured that this was where he was, because of his attachment to her brother. As always, Alanna felt a twinge of irritation that her brother had been so easily goaded into bringing Roger back from the dead.

"The queen banns your presence, Duke Roger."

"Tsk, tsk. Such a tongue. Usually a queen has much lovelier manners."

"Usually people stay dead. Now leave."

Roger bowed low to her, but his sneer told her he did not believe she deserved it.

"Sister dear, you mustn't lose your temper with him. It only goads him on," Thom sighed. "Reminding him that you killed him doesn't help either."

"I can't seem to help it. Whenever he appears, all those little lessons on how to keep my mouth shut are nothing."

"Probably should have gone to the City of Gods then."

"Oh, and you'd have preferred hitting people with sticks?" she teased back.

"No. I suppose not. So why have you decided to humble yourself and visit my lowly self?"

"Oh stop it, Thom. I miss you, and I wanted to talk."

"I don't want to talk."

"You don't even know what I wanted to talk about."

"Yes, I do. You want to talk about figuring out what's made me like this, and you're considering going to the City for that old Si-cham. I'm not stupid, you know." Alanna bit her lip. It was one of the things she'd wanted to talk about. "But I shan't oblige you, even if you are queen. I don't want to talk about it."

"Thom…"

"No. Grant a dying man his wish. Let's talk about my nephew and niece. Have they started training in their Gift?"

Alanna sighed. "Not yet. I wanted to have someone like Maude teach them, the way we were taught, but Jon won't hear a word of it. He wants to bring in all sorts of instructors and I think that it's all just a bother. Let them discover it themselves before they really have to learn about it."

"Is there doubt they are Gifted? I told you, I know they are. I just have to touch their hands to know—"

"No, there isn't. But we were Gifted, and we didn't know it when we were babies."

"I realized my Gift when I was three, thank you very much."

"Yes, O precocious one, but I didn't until I was eight."

"That's because Father didn't want us to know about it. He hated it."

"Even so."

"The twins are very powerful, because of you and Jon."

"I know."

"You don't really care about this, do you?"

"I do, but it's so hard to watch them learn about magic. It's hurt me so often; I just don't want them to go through it, too."

"Oh, mothers. What a sentimental lot you are. Thank goodness I haven't sired any children."

"No, they'd all be prigs like you."

Thom laughed and patted her hand. However, he quickly pressed his palm to the top of Alanna's hand and gasped.

"Thom? What is it? Are you in pain?" Alanna grabbed his hand in both of hers, concerned.

"No, no, I'm fine. It's just—"

"It's just what? Shall I fetch a healer? I think Baird's—"

"Alanna, you're pregnant."

"What?" Alanna, half-risen from her seat, sat back down with a thud.

"You're pregnant."

"How—how do you know?"

"Do you doubt me?" Thom demanded.

Alanna began to breathe heavily, panic searing up her body. She couldn't be having another baby. She'd already had two, and that had been painful enough. And not after what had happened not long ago… She shook that thought away. She'd provided the kingdom with an heir and a princess. And now, this new baby. How soon before the Council would begin to wean it away from her? Would they take it and give it to a mid-wife immediately?

"Alanna, what's wrong?" Thom now wiped her brow, his red-and-purple eyes worried.

"I can't—I can't! I don't know how—"

"Well, sister, I didn't think you still needed the birds and the bees talk."

"No, no, no! I just…Thom, how can I bear it if they try to turn this child against me too?"

"They haven't turned Thom and Kally against you, have they?"

"No, but they're trying. Kally cannot be in my presence without the supervision of a nurse!"

"It's a pity you can't just chop all their heads off."

"Be serious, Thom," she snapped.

"I'm sorry." Gently, he wrapped his too-hot arms around his sister. She let her cheek rest on his shoulder, alarmed at how thin it was.

"Riddle me this, then. Why are you still sleeping with Jon if you've done your duty by producing two healthy children? That's the only way you've gotten into this situation. Was it a one-night thing? You both felt the urge and 'Oops! Look where you are now!' sort of thing?"

"Don't be crude, Thom. We're married."

Thom raised an eyebrow.

She blushed. "It's the only physical activity I get and…and, well, Jon needs it."

"You chase the twins around half the day. And don't think I'm fooled. You and Buri spar every morning at dawn. I've seen you."

The corner of her mouth turned up. "You keep that hushed up. If I get caught, there goes any chance of Kally having a choice."

"So why the sex?"

"I…don't know. A habit?"

"You should cross your legs and just say no."

"If only it were that simple."

"Well, it just got a lot more complicated. Here comes the third spawn of Jonathan."

Alanna sighed and leaned her head back. The thought of having another child scared her. She had survived once, and it had been rewarding. Kally and Thom were the light of her life. But another?

"Thom, I just can't do it again."

"Why not?"

Alanna shook her head fiercely. "I can't do it again."

Credit goes to Super-Nerd # 7 for the line about crossing your legs and saying no.