Chapter 10 - Waking

(AN: Dedicated to my fantabulous reviewer Katarina Wolffe! Thanks for everything! Here is the next instalment, I put myself in Kaida's position, I hope it makes it more personal, I want her to be more human, and I hope it will explain some things. Enjoy and Review, they are my addiction!)

Kaida's POV

I wonder what will happen now…? Will I advance to be a Chunin? Will I remain a Genin? Who knows?

And what about Iruka? I think I'm in love… I hope it's love. I am, I'm sure of it. I haven't said that to his face yet, but I think he knows it. Maybe he loves me too! But I can't get ahead of myself, it might not work out, I have to be careful with this, like every part of my life. I have to control myself. Do I want to? No, of course not! I want to do things to him that I've never imagined before! I get this warm fuzzy feeling inside whenever I think of him, and when I see him, my tummy seems to swell and flutter, my heart, I can hear it beating! Oh it must be love! I've never felt like this before.

Well sure, I've had crushes before, but this feels different, though I'm not sure what makes it so new and fun.

I love it when he blushes… it crosses his nose, following the line of his scar, then it spreads down his neck. I can't get enough of it. I try my best to embarrass him as much as possible, just so I can see him blush!

Is that weird?

He keeps making fun of my hair… I'm not sure why, he says he can't help it, that he's become obsessed with it. And my eyes. He says they're like emeralds, and that he's going to steal them! I just laugh at him when he says that though.

Kissing is amazing! We haven't kissed much, that first time was the farthest we've got. So far it's just been a little peck on the lips here and a gentle brush of lips on my cheek or forehead. But even that is electric. I feel this strange fire burning within me at his touch. This excitement and anticipation! Oh! I almost can't stand it.

No one really knows, except Naruto, but who's he going to tell, poor kid hasn't got any friends… It's rather sad, I didn't have many friends when I was his age, only Iruka, Hana and Kakashi a little bit. He always seemed quite distant, mysterious. And kinda sad… I think he's only happy as a front. I wish I knew what had happened to him to make him like that. I just want to help.

When he became Jounin, me and Iruka were still at the Academy. He's been through so much, I wish I knew what to do. Everything's so messed up. I don't even know how I got to be the me today.

I'm not okay.

I think I'm weird. No one has any idea, not even Iruka, about my past. Sheer dumb luck, that's all that kept me alive through those times of fear and hatred.

Even this exam, I'm still not sure why I did this to begin with. Is it even the right thing to do? I hope so.

If I become Chunin, I'll have to go out on harder missions, be away from the village for longer. I've never been that far from the village. I could be sent to other countries. I could be killed on one of those missions, or captured and tortured for the secrets of my home. I would never tell anyone anything of course. I will never betray my beloved Konoha.

Holy crap, I'm being so depressing!

I should go now, I guess. People are waiting for me. I can see Kakashi waving me over, I wonder what he wants now. I wonder where Iruka is. I'm longing to see him already, he's only been gone five minutes! Goodness, what's got into me all of a sudden?

Why can't I not think about Iruka for more than a minute? Perhaps I really am in love…

(AN: Okay, not very long, but I hope that you can better understand Kaida now. She's confused by her feelings for Iruka, for her village. She's worried she's going to die young, and alone. And obviously, completely infatuated with Iruka, ah young love… but will it last? Review please! You guys are my drug! Lol)